Chapter 5

After gallons of tears and as much love and encouragement as Betty and Alan could bestow, Julie had to face talking to her parents. Glen insisted they both would face them, but Julie told him, "Thank you, but I'm not even going to meet with them unless they agree to be naked."

"WHAAAT?"

"They did something that I am not even going to tell you about. This is the perfect payback, and I am going to get my revenge. If they agree, I am going to bend over backwards to embarrass them. I hope you will support me on this, Honey." Glen had rarely seen her as resolute, so he agreed. He was shocked at her plan and wondered how he could follow through, but it was obviously important to her. He tried to imagine what they could have done to trigger such retribution.

"One question, Julie. Did this terrible thing happen the night before you blew up at me?" When she nodded sheepishly, he gave her a loving hug. "So that was one more thing piled on you that caused you to go crazy at me, huh?" Julie started crying, as she did at every remembrance of that terrible Sunday.

When she was again composed, Julie insisted that his parents listen while she called hers. She first explained why she was doing it, again not telling what the offense was. When she finished explaining, she started crying once again. Betty asked her why. "Here I am using threats to get my parents naked as a punishment. I get the feeling if I asked you guys to undress, you'd just do it and probably not even ask why."

Betty chuckled. "You're probably right. We're not nudists or anything, but we don't consider being naked such a big deal."

"Well, Mom and Dad do think it's a big deal, and I honestly don't know if they'll do it. I also don't care a whole lot. It would be a nice clean break."

"Julie, Honey, I know you hold an awful lot against your folks right now. All I can tell you is don't shut them out completely. That kind of hate will eat you up later. They've hurt you. They've done things that seem inexcusable. But they do love you, and they're just human. You'll be hurting yourself as much as them if you cut them off."

"I know you're right, Betty. Some of this stuff is still so painful, I just... Well, let's get this call out of the way."

It was Theresa who answered, and Julie just spit it out. "Mother I'm pregnant." She had to hold the phone back from her ear for several seconds before she could say anything more. "If you would like us to come over and talk to you about it, we will, but the same condition as before applies."

"I don't know what you mean," Theresa stammered, obviously in shock.

"Of course you do. You both have to be naked or we won't come. If you decide not to, you've seen your daughter for the last time."

"Ohhh, Julie! Why are you doing this terrible thing to us? How did you get pregnant?" Theresa was openly wailing by now.

"You know exactly why I'm doing it. I won't talk about anything else until we're there."

"We... you mean Glen, too! Ohhh, how can you ask me to be naked in front of him? Ohhhh noooo!"

"Call me at Voss's if you want to talk. Otherwise, this is goodbye forever." The hard edge to Julie's voice was scary even to Glen.

Her daughter's last words hit Theresa so hard she dropped the phone and collapsed on the floor, sobbing. Vince had not heard the conversation and wandered into the room a few minutes later while his wife was still sobbing.

"Julie's pregnant!" Theresa wailed when Vince asked what was wrong. Contrary to her reaction, Vince was irate.

"Pregnant! How could she be? Can't that girl even take birth control the way she's supposed to? Get her over here and let's get this thing straightened out." Having a baby was certainly not something he had given his daughter permission to do. Talk about out of control!

"She... she will only come with Glen. She... she said they'll only come if we're naked. Otherwise, we... we'll never see her again." Theresa had cried so hard she could barely get out intelligible words.

Astonishment and anger fought for control of Vince's emotions as he stood and stared at his distraught wife. "Why in the Hell would she make us be naked?"

"She s... said we kn... knew. Must b... be that time in the k... kitchen."

"She wants her own mother to be naked in front of her boyfriend?!! I can't believe she would even have the nerve to ask that. If she has that kind of attitude, we're better off not seeing her again."

Theresa's reaction was sheer panic. She jumped to her feet and yelled "NOOO! I'm not going to lose my daughter, too!"

"She's rejecting us. There's nothing we can do about it!" Vince said, forcefully. "She knows we would never agree to meet them naked. She's just trying to make it look like we're the ones who broke it off. One little slip-up in the kitchen doesn't justify that kind of arrogance."

"Maybe it wasn't such a little thing to her! Maybe a lot of things were much more important to her than we thought! Maybe she was serious about college!" Theresa's voice was now steady, and her intensity was rising.

"So you're going to blame me, now?" Vince matched and exceeded his wife's volume, and the fight was on.

The fight raged on for several hours. There were pauses, but not long ones. Theresa seemed suddenly aware that they had made some serious mistakes in raising their daughter, but Vince would concede nothing and insisted on taking the hard line. As terrified as she was of being naked in front of Glen, Theresa was more terrified of her daughter being totally out of her life.

There was no sex at the end of the fight, the episode in the kitchen being the last time Theresa had allowed a fight to act as foreplay. In fact, the fight did not really end. The embattled couple went to bed in icy silence, staying as far apart as the bed allowed, something that had never happened before. Their fights were never protracted. They were short and heated, but always resolved rather quickly.

Hardly a word was spoken the next morning as Vince got ready for work. He had been more disturbed by the disaster in the kitchen than he would ever let on to his wife. If Julie had just caught them having sex that night, he could have handled it, maybe even been a little proud of it. He felt tremendous guilt over their role-playing using her. Since Julie's puberty, he had successfully fought the sexual feelings most father's have toward beautiful daughters. The general level of modesty observed in their family was a tremendous help, as was the fact that Julie spent so little time at home.

Just like Eve in the garden, his wife had lured him into it. He had been shocked when she started pretending she was Julie, but he went along. One time, and they had been caught. When Julie had exposed herself, he had seen more than her cunt. Even in his shock, he had seen something in her eyes that was never there before. It was a superiority, a confidence that was frightening to him. They had belittled themselves in her eyes in a way that would never allow them to control her again. That control had been slipping away since she started going with Glen. One insane, regrettable frolic, and it was destroyed completely.

When Julie broke up with Glen, Vince had thought things might get back to their proper order. Instead, they got much worse. They had not seen their daughter in person in over two months, and he had had to concede that she took all her threats and accusations seriously. It was evident she blamed them for the breakup and was far more disturbed about the college situation then he could ever have suspected. He was so used to her fighting tactics he had just assumed it was mere posturing and power games on her part.

Since Julie had moved out of the house, Vince had on several occasions been close to telling her she could go to whatever college she wanted. Unfortunately, she had put herself in the controlling position, and he could not tolerate that. What was loving, right, and best for the family could not override his need to dominate.

Now, it had all come crashing down. The realization that he no longer had a family was like a cold hand grabbing at his heart. There was a lot of old-world culture in his upbringing, and family was above almost everything else. Through all the years, he had honestly felt he was doing what was necessary and right for his family. When Terry had fallen into drugs, he cursed the genetic accident that had let him sire such a weakling. Julie was certainly no weakling, and now she was gone. Unless they could do something, all their years of planning for her future were trashed.

But what could they do? Vince knew without a doubt that Glen would take responsibility and marry Julie. That would kill all hope of her education and possible career. The problem was the baby. Generations of Catholicism in his family had put abortion beyond consideration. Yet, when faced with the tragedy that was upon them, doctrine offered no comfort at all. They had ignored the Church on birth control all those years ago, after all.

Relieved to have some kind of action to take, Vince set about investigating the most discreet options for abortion. The more he got into it, the less he worried about what the Church said. This was the solution! His world could be restored!

Knowing Julie was staying with Glen, he called and asked to speak with her. When she answered, he started right in. "Julie, we'll pay to have..."

"Dad, the only thing I will listen to from you is that the four us of can meet, and you two will be naked." Julie's voice was harsh and authoritative.

"But we can fix this..." Vince tried to say.

"No! No conversation! Ever! Except by my rules." Julie hung up before he could say another word.

Adversity was something Vince could handle, as he had proven many times. Before, though, he had handled it by controlling the situation. Suddenly, the worst challenges of his life faced him, and he had little or no control. His son was in an institution. His daughter was pregnant and would not talk to him. And sex, the one constant in their marriage, had nearly dried up.

The next fight after the kitchen fiasco, Vince had tried the moves that always triggered intense sex. Instead, Theresa turned away in disgust. The same scenario was repeated after several other fights. On a few occasions, he had been able to approach her romantically, and they had made love. The problem was, the situation with Julie gone weighed so heavily on Theresa that it was very hard to get her in a romantic mood. He admitted to himself that the sex had not been nearly as good as their usual post-fight bouts, either. Julie had made a nasty crack that night about their having to fight before they could have good sex. Had she been right?

The first night at Glen's house, they stayed in his room. He was kind and considerate to her, loving, even, but the deadness was there. They made love, but for the first time ever, he seemed detached and mechanical. It hurt her more than if he had beaten her.

Glen's family made Julie's heart ache for what she had missed her whole life. Betty acted toward Julie like she had always dreamed her mother would act. There were no accusations or recriminations, only genuine concern. The rest of the family took her in just as easily, Glen's younger sister Ellie treating Julie like a celebrity. All of the love and kindness only served to deepen Julie's guilt. She had hurt these people as well as Glen. Every act of warmth or kindness was like an indictment.

The day after, they all talked about Glen's scholarship. Both parents encouraged him just to talk to the coach. If he could still have it, they would find the money for the two of them to live off campus.

Alas, that was not to be. The coach was nearly as distraught as was Glen, but he could not go against the school's policy. Freshman scholarship athletes stayed in the dorm, and were under strict behavior and academic supervision - no exceptions.

Julie was beside Glen as he talked, and when she sensed he was about to renounce the scholarship, she ripped the phone from his hands and told the coach they needed to talk about it.

"Glen, just go! You can't give up the scholarship! It's the chance of a lifetime. I'll be just like a sailor's wife. We'll make it. I... I can stay here with your folks - they'll let me."

Despite the enticing thought of continuing to pursue his dream, that was not something Glen could even consider. He called the coach right back, and was told the renouncement papers would be there in two days.

Over the next two agonizing days, they all hashed over every possible way that Glen could still swim, but it all came down to money. Without that scholarship, it just couldn't be done.

Glen did not even want Julie with him when he signed the papers. Afterwards, he went off to the Post Office to send them overnight. As he walked out after mailing the fatal envelope, he was overcome with a feeling of unreality. He did not even return to the car, but walked down the street in a daze.

After some two miles of meandering, Glen found himself in a seedier section of town. Almost without willful action, he cornered a scruffy individual hanging around a liquor store, and offered him $10 to buy him a fifth of vodka. Another mile of walking brought him to a large wooded park where he sat against a big tree and took his first-ever taste of hard liquor.

When Glen did not return by supper time, the family became very concerned. Alan drove Julie to the Post Office, where they found the car. That only heightened the anxiety, and by dark, Julie was in an all-out panic. Alan finally called the police, only to find out that they were about to call him.

Glen had just been picked up from the park and transported to the ER. Having no acquired tolerance for liquor, and having eaten nothing that day, the fifth hit him very hard, to the point of being dangerous.

Julie was frantic to get to the hospital to make sure he was all right, and it was a sickening task for Betty to have to tell her that just Alan should go. Not only did Betty not want Julie to see him in that condition, she was not at all sure how Glen would react to Julie's presence.

Betty took Julie to the master bedroom and made the shattered girl get in bed with her. She held the sobbing Julie close, refusing to release her when the noise of Alan returning with Glen woke them well after midnight.

As Julie slept fitfully between sobbing fits, Betty wondered if some of it was driven by guilt. The question of whether Julie had gotten pregnant on purpose had bothered her since she first found out. She supposed she should hate the girl if she had done that to her son, but hate did not come easily for Betty.

If Julie had done it on purpose, she could see the reasons. With each discussion, she was more and more appalled at the hell Julie had lived through. Even such a drastic measure as ruining her lover's swimming career was understandable in her panic. Besides, if it was true, what would it benefit anyone to make it known. She had no desire to quench the young couple's love. She feared it might not survive, anyway, and she certainly did not want to do anything to endanger it further.

All the next day, they kept Julie away from Glen. When they were finally together in the evening, they were almost like strangers at first. They slept together that night, but did not make love. Julie found herself almost in a panic that he would never want sex with her again.

Julie, of course, knew nothing of Betty's suspicions. That knowledge would certainly have driven her right over the edge. As it was, two events brought thoughts of suicide to Julie's mind again. The second night after his binge, they were all watching TV, when a trailer advertising coverage of a major swimming event on the weekend was broadcast. Glen stiffened in his chair, burst into tears, and dashed out of the house. Julie at first sat in stunned disbelief, then she too disintegrated in tears. She went to his room and fell sobbing on the bed, the guilt so strong it seemed to steal the breath from her.

Because of personality and upbringing, Julie was manipulative and volatile, and had done a terribly evil thing. But she was not an evil person and she loved Glen deeply and sincerely. Lying there on Glen's bed, now their bed, she dismissed the thoughts of suicide. Through her sobs, she resolved to do everything in her power to make up for what she had done. She knew she could never make it right. Her only hope was to make sure he was never sorry he married her.

That night, Julie acquired a driving force for her life. The carefree schoolgirl was transformed into a committed wife and mother-to-be. What she now considered the horror of her upbringing, she was determined to free herself from. What she had done to her lover, she would spend the rest of her life atoning for.

A related incident the very next day brought another breakdown for both Glen and Julie. Glen's younger sister Ellie asked Glen to take her swimming, something he did regularly. His reaction was even stronger than the night before, and so was Julie's. This time, Betty came to the bedroom as Julie lay sobbing. She said nothing, just gently stroked the girl's head and back until at long last the sobs subsided.

After giving Glen a few days for the agony of the scholarship loss to dull a bit, they all started talking about the wedding. It was all Julie could do to stay in the conversation as she thought about the dream wedding she would never have. The first time they talked about it, she had to leave after twenty minutes. When Glen tried to go after her, Betty stopped him and explained what she thought was bothering Julie.

After she left the wedding discussion, Julie went for a walk, a very long walk. Over and over, she was haunted by visions of herself walking down the aisle of their beautiful church in her gorgeous white dress with the veil and the long train. The vision was like a knife to her heart when she realized it would never come true.

She had walked for over half an hour, slogging through self-pity that felt as real as thick mud under her feet. Suddenly, the vision sharpened and she stopped dead in her tracks as she saw herself walking down the aisle on her father's arm. Then, she saw her mother standing in the front row, dabbing at her eyes in joy.

There were only a couple of other people around in the residential neighborhood she had wandered into. Only one person noticed when she held her head in her hands and screamed out "NO!!".

With her parents in it, her dream of a storybook wedding was ruined. All her girlhood fantasies were never valid, anyway! She could not imagine her father giving her away. She did not want to see her mother shedding tears of joy. They did not deserve that privilege, that happiness!

She knew the dream was gone, but it still hurt. It was something that had always been there in her future, and the future was diminished without it. She resumed walking, and it was another ten minutes before it hit her - that's what had happened to Glen, too! His lifelong dream was gone! He was hurting worse than she was, and she had done it!

Julie was physically staggered by her realization, and she felt nauseous. As she struggled to keep from heaving on the nearest lawn, the horrifying image of Glen spewing at the curb in front of her house on that fateful Sunday hammered at her already tortured mind.

A kindly older woman tending flowers in her front yard had been watching Julie for a couple of minutes and felt compelled to help her out. Mercifully, she did not probe for the problem, just invited Julie to sit on her porch and gave her something to drink. After fifteen minutes or so, Julie felt able to walk again, and expressed her thanks for the kindness. The woman responded with a twinkle in her eye "You're perfectly welcome, Dear. I know just how you feel. My morning sickness didn't stick to mornings, either."