Chapter 17

Libby's birth presented one troublesome dilemma for Theresa: should she let Vince know? He had made it perfectly clear that he had written them all out of his life, but should she be bound by that? It was his grandchild, and she did not want to be seen as the same vengeful person he was.

At Christmas, she had decided to send him a gift. It was an honest way of saying that she did not hate him. The birth of his first grandchild, even if he chose to ignore it, was something he should be informed of. Her solution was to get a nice birth announcement card and fill in the information about Libby. She did not write anything extra, and in fact did not even sign the card. Without really thinking about it, she put Roland's house, now their house, as the return address.

When Vince opened the card and read it, he had to sit down. For some reason, that bit of news broke through the armor of martyrdom and forced indifference that protected his emotions.

Normally, he was very fastidious about his apartment, never leaving anything lying about, but always putting things away or disposing of them. For all of her organizational skills, Lee was not nearly as tidy, and it was a subject of good-natured teasing between the two. The birth announcement did not get put away, probably because of his mental turmoil. It lay on the kitchen counter, envelope and all.

Lee came over that very night, noticing immediately that all was not right with Vince. She knew better than to ask what the trouble was, his answer always being that everything was fine. They had been together long enough for her to under-react and just wait him out. Because it was unusual, she saw the birth announcement almost immediately. After reading it, she idly picked up the envelope, and was shocked to see the return address, which she recognized as Roland's.

She could think of no reason why the announcement was mailed from Roland's house. He was not connected to Theresa's daughter at all - unless... No! That was too far-fetched to consider. Roland and Theresa? But how? Could Theresa have gone after him for revenge? But she was older than Roland, and pregnant, for God's sake!

At that thought, an icy chill grabbed at Lee's heart. She did not have to feign illness to beg off for the evening and leave. One of the biggest holes in her marriage to Roland had been their disagreement over children. He had gone along with her refusal to have any, but she had always known how badly he wanted a family.

Despite the minimal evidence, Lee's well-honed intuition told her that Vince's ex and her ex might now be a couple. She knew without a doubt that if true, it would be for the long haul. It was a minor miracle that she successfully made the short trip home.

Even driven, highly-motivated people can still have emotional dreams and fantasies. As unrealistic as it was, Lee harbored a fantasy of reuniting with Roland. An accidental reading of a return address threatened to demolish that dream, and the prospect terrified her more than she could imagine. Part of the fantasy had been that she still held some level of control - she could get him back. Irrevocable loss of control affected her just as much as it had Vince, and even her lingering illusion of control was threatened.

Unbeknownst to each other, both Lee and Vince were simultaneously wiping out their meager supplies of hard liquor that night. They should have been able to comfort each other, but that was not the nature of their relationship.

Lee had no illusions about what kind of person Vince was. As much as she could admire him physically, professionally, and sexually, she knew she could never live with him. The constant, intense battles that Theresa had described to her would have been her lot, and that was not her view of marriage.

Ever since her divorce, Lee had been less and less able to contain her emotions with the same rigid control that managed her professional life. Before, her professional life WAS her life, or at least that was her belief. Since breaking up with Roland, loneliness, regret, and sexual frustration had made it impossible to continue the fiction of the steely, impervious superwoman. At the top of her profession, with a career envied by every woman who knew her, she was feeling more and more empty and unfulfilled.

Later, she would blame it on much more alcohol than she usually imbibed. Whatever the excuse, Lee cried that night, hard and long. Even right after the divorce, there had been no tears, perhaps because she held onto the illusion of control, of getting Roland back again. Suspecting that Roland now had another woman, a woman she knew to be a formidable adversary, left Lee no more room for illusion. There was just a big hole, and it hurt deeply.

At the same time that Lee and Vince were both reeling from the dissolution of their worlds, Glen and Julie were celebrating their new life as parents.

Theresa had mailed the birth announcement to Vince on the day after Libby was born, and he got it the next day. In the modern fashion, Julie had spent just one night in the hospital. Glen had arranged to miss all of his classes and had swapped some nights of work so he could spend three full days with her and the baby when they came home.

Julie was more than happy for his presence. As thrilled as she way over her new daughter, and as well as everything had gone, it was still hard to recover from what her body had gone through. Between Glen, Betty, and Ellie, she felt completely pampered. Most of the time that Roland was at work, Theresa spent at the Voss home, also.

On the night that Vince was thrown onto the edge of depression by the birth announcement and Lee was left nearly in despair over her suspicions about Theresa and Roland, Julie and Glen were enjoying another high point in their marriage.

Her first night at home, Julie was barely able to get to the bathroom by herself, and only exerted herself to feed and change Libby. The second night, she started to feel the need to freshen up. She happened to mention her intentions to Glen, and he sprang into action.

Absolutely insisting that she stay sitting, he ran a bath for her, then came back and started helping her undress. She gave him a concerned look and was about to say something when he put a finger on her lips.

"Now, I know you would never say anything to me, your loving husband, about how you look too awful for me to see you naked. You would never say that, would you?"

"But..." she started again, but he cut her off the same way.

"I mean, you know your body just came through the biggest trauma it can have, so you wouldn't be afraid to have me see it, would you?"

"Oh, Honey... !" Once more he stopped her gently.

"Good! I'm glad I don't have to deal with any nonsense like that." He finally got the reaction he was hoping for when she gave a little giggle and held up her arms so he could pull off her sweater.

He had turned up the heat, and the bedroom was small enough so the heat from the tub filling in the adjacent bathroom warmed it noticeably. While he knelt in front of her and unfastened her skirt, she braced herself on his shoulders. As he reached up to pull down her panties, she had to issue one more protest. "Oooh, I'm awfully ripe!" He ignored her and made a show of helping her to the tub.

For over half an hour, he sat on the floor by the tub and they just talked while she soaked. When the water cooled, he ran more; he brought her a drink and a treat; he helped her to the toilet part way through.

His careful drying with one of the luxurious gift towels from her mother made her feel pampered. When he just wrapped it around her when she was dry and led her toward the bed, she was puzzled until she saw another towel laid out as it had been for all of the pre-natal rubdowns.

"But I don't have to worry about stretch marks anymore," she told him.

"Okay, so now I'll do it just for the fun of it," he answered. Carried away by the welling emotion, she turned to give him a vigorous hug, ending up wincing from over-extending herself. She was groaning softly when he helped her lie down on her stomach.

Her backside was very well lotioned and massaged, and he had been lightly caressing her bottom for a few minutes when she spoke. "You done?"

"Only with one side."

"But..."

"Let's see," he said in mock thoughtfulness, "we already took care of the nonsense about mushy tummy, swollen boobs, and such. I guess there's no problem with me doing the front side, is there?"

Before she delivered, Julie seemed to have no concerns about Glen seeing or touching her body. Now, however, she was strangely shy. Not too shy to want the attention, though, and she rolled over so he could put lotion on her front.

"Hey, I done good! No stretch marks!" he exclaimed as he scrutinized her tummy from inches away. He finished his examination by blowing on her, causing her to flinch and giggle.

While he rubbed the lotion on, he kissed her, and before long she was returning the kisses with fervor. When he finally capped the lotion, she pulled him towards herself and unfastened his jeans.

"Honey, you don't have to..." he protested.

"Can't I have some fun? You had yours." He didn't protest any more.

Perhaps because of the strength of her personality, post-partum depression would not have been a threat to Julie. Whether it was or not, reestablishing the intimacy they had achieved before Libby's birth was an excellent preventative. Letting her know that she was not just a new mother, but a treasured wife and a desirable lover had a great effect on Julie's moods.

The day after discovering the stray birth announcement, Lee was completely useless at work. After her crying jag, she had laid awake most of the night, arguing with herself over whether her suspicions were silly.

By mid-morning, she cancelled a meeting and drove to Roland's office, having no idea whether he would even be there. His long-time secretary had little love for Lee, knowing how broken up he had been after the divorce.

"Would you just tell him I'm here?" Lee asked, trying to keep her voice neutral and steady. Weighing her personal allegiance versus her secretarial responsibility, the woman reluctantly went into his office, throwing Lee her most disapproving look.

"Lee? Here?" Rolaand exclaimed. They had seen each other only briefly and seldom. All of their interactions had been over the phone or by email. He stood to greet his ex as she entered and took a seat.

"Roland, I got a birth announcement about Theresa's granddaughter from your address, and not in your handwriting."

Pausing to search her face, Roland answered "Yes, we are living together, now."

Even though she expected the answer, it still hit Lee like a physical blow. Her face flushed and it took her a moment to regain the power of speech. "Living with you... as in permanently?" she asked, her voice at only half normal volume.

"Very permanently. We are going to marry as soon as her divorce is final."

Retaining composure took second place to simply breathing for Lee, and it was impossible for Roland to miss her reaction. She was unable to prevent tears from pooling in her eyes.

Still feeling genuine tenderness for her, he tried to speak gently as he told her "Lee, there was never any chance of us reuniting. I think I have always made that clear, haven't I? I never led you on, did I?"

"N... no. You never did," she was finally able to breathe out. There was total silence for half a minute before she stood. "Congratulations, Roland. You will get the family you always wanted." Uncharacteristically unable to face him, she faced the door and said. "I guess I've apologized enough, now. You will always be the biggest mistake of my life."

"Lee, we would never have made it for the long haul, anyway," he told her, not really planning to open that line of discussion. She spun around and stared at him open-mouthed. "Our marriage commitment just meant different things to each of us. I believe you loved me as much as you could. It's just that your career and your, uh, needs are ahead of everything else for you."

Her jaw dropped open at the boldness and the sting of his words. The Roland she thought she knew would never have said anything like that. "Is... is that really what you think of me?" she asked with an unavoidable quaver.

"Lee, I should not have said that. Let's not start any accusations now. I'm happier that I have been since... well, since. The anger is disappearing. I will always be have love for you, just as Theresa will have for Vince. But we are separate people now, with separate lives."

She looked so absolutely miserable that he tried to find some way to change the subject. "Do you think you and Vince will end up marrying?" It was a terrible strategy, as she turned and hurried from his office.

Lee could not understand why the news about Roland and Theresa had hit her so hard. She had pled illness and missed the remainder of the day at work. At home, she alternated between sitting morosely in a chair and pacing the floor in frustration. Late in the afternoon, the phone rang. Her inclination was to let it ring over, but she saw the name 'Comstock' on the Caller ID and answered it.

It was Theresa, and after the greetings, Theresa said "Lee, please don't think I went out after Roland. Honestly, we met accidentally at the mall, and, well, things just picked up from there. Besides, revenge would be a poor reason to pick a partner."

"Oh, I never thought that you did."

"Roland said the news, um, seemed to hit you rather hard," Theresa said gently.

"Oh, I don't think..." Lee started her usual tough rebuttal, but stopped short. "I guess there's no point trying to put up a front for you, is there, Theresa? Yeah, I was not doing well."

"I'm guessing you always regretted the divorce, huh?" Theresa said, more as a statement than a question. "You know, Roland feels terrible about the way you left his office earlier. He didn't mean to say anything hurtful."

"He never would," Lee said almost wistfully. "I think he was trying to say something that would be positive for me. He had just laid some heavy stuff on me. He doesn't really understand about Vince."

"So you have no intention of marrying Vince?"

"You of all people should know better than that," Lee said with a snort. "In fact, thank you for warning me about him. I can believe everything you said about what happened with your family. Roland must be about as opposite from Vince as can be."

"Oh, yes!" Theresa enthused, "and it's just what I needed. Are, uh, you going to be OK?"

"Oh, sure... I... Oh, what the Hell?" Lee verbally threw her hands up in resignation. "Theresa, in a strange way, you know things about me that no one else knows. I trust you to keep a secret. I am going to take a job across country. No one else knows this, even the company that offered me the job."

"But I thought you were the rising star at the company!"

"Well, them not giving me a promotion I obviously deserve right away has me concerned. Plus, with the business with Roland, you, and Vince, I feel like I need a fresh start. Uh, you won't say anything, will you?"

"Of course not. Why did you tell me and no one else?" Theresa asked.

"Hmmm!" Lee mused aloud. "I know we're different and we could easily be enemies. But in some strange way, I think you understand me better than anyone. You have remade yourself - remade your whole life. For the first time, I am feeling like I may need to do that."

There was a long silence from both women before Lee spoke again. "You probably realize what a prize you're getting in Roland."

"You bet I do," Theresa enthused. "In fact, I don't understand how..." Her embarrassment could be heard as she stopped short.

"You mean how I could screw around on him? I'm afraid what he said this morning was painfully true," Lee explained. "I've been thinking about that all afternoon, and that's why I've decided to take that new job. Right now, I don't like what I am very much."

"Well, I've been there, as you know," Theresa said. "Things are turning out far better for me than I could have dreamed. I hope they do for you, too."

"It looks like you're getting your kids back little by little, and I know that's the thing you want the most. You've also got the thing I want the most..."

"I'm sorry," Theresa interjected.

"No, no! You don't need to be sorry. It's my fault," Lee assured her. "I'm only now really understanding how much I hurt him. It makes me feel good that he found you. You're just what he needs to get over the pain I caused him."

The phone call from Theresa had been emotional, but uplifting in a way. The unbelievable things was that Lee had blurted out her intention to take the out-of-town job without having 'formally' decided beforehand. In the middle of the conversation, it just became clear that it was the right move.

With serious misgivings about her standing in the company, the threat of encountering Roland and Theresa ever present, and a general feeling that she needed a fresh start, the city that had seemed like her kingdom not so long before was feeling very uncomfortable. The feeling that she wanted to be somewhere else became very strong.

The only certain positive factor had been Vince, and he was two-timing her. Even though she was the one who cautioned against monogamy, she could not avoid a feeling of betrayal. When she realized that it was just a shadow of what she had brought on Roland, she had another bout of tears.

The company that was recruiting her had set a deadline for a decision, and it was approaching rapidly. Gender was obviously not a problem for them. The offer meant a move of a thousand miles, but was that such a bad thing? If all that was holding her in town was Vince, was it worth the risk of dead-ending her career? Was it worth the constant reminder of what she had thrown away in Roland? Worse yet, Vince himself was becoming a reminder because of his marriage to Theresa. There had been a noticeable drop-off in her desire to be with him.

Part of Lee could not believe that she had used such 'soft' criteria to make such a critical career decision. But having made the decision, and the implied commitment to changing her life that went with it, she was energized. Telling Vince would not be easy, but she knew it had to be done right away: right after she called and accepted the offer.

To her own surprise, Lee felt some perverse satisfaction about telling Vince that she was moving away. She had figured out that Claire was a move in the control competition between them. She also understood that she herself had triggered that move. Although she regretted that things had devolved into such a competition, she understood that it was probably inevitable. If there had to be a battle, at least she had won.

Vince's reactions could probably have been anticipated if she had thought about it. When told about Theresa and Roland, he gave her the same blank look that had greeted Theresa at every mention of the children, before the divorce. It was as if she was talking about some strangers.

The offer of the new job was one thing she had never told him about. Since they worked for the same company, she did not think it was fair to burden him with that potential conflict of interest. It was one of many things about their relationship that she had worked very hard to keep within the spirit of non-fraternization.

He did a marvelous job of appearing pleased for her when she told him. Quite probably, he was still suffering some shock about Theresa, and that may have dulled his reaction. Lee had never once been exposed to his anger, and this was no exception. They talked quite naturally about all of the details for a long time.

The reaction set in when they went to bed. Lee was energized and horny, and was very much looking forward to a vigorous session. Vince, however, was totally unable to get it up. She had rejected him: he was once again the aggrieved party. Because of her rejection, he could not generate any desire for her.

To say she was surprised would be a gross understatement. Never could she have expected such a reaction from him, although analyzing it later and talking to Theresa again made it seem completely understandable. It created about the most awkward situation imaginable between two people who were together only because of their high-powered libidos.

Lee chose the high road - the gentle reaction. She actually stayed the night, just sleeping with him to provide comfort. A flash of insight showed what he must be feeling about the news. His self-centered mind would assume that she was deserting him. In the very early morning, when she had to get home to prepare for her day, she did not even try to arouse him. She knew for a certainty that they would never be together again except at work.

A decision on the new EVP had dragged on for far longer than necessary, in Lee's opinion. She feared that meant she would not get it. There was no rational reason that she should not be chosen, based on capabilities and performance. That meant, in her mind, that gender bias was getting in the way. Of course, there was no way to verify that, but she trusted her instincts.

"Damn!" was all her boss could say when she handed him her resignation letter. He picked up the phone and got immediate access to the president's office.

"Lee," the president said, "how can you leave now? You must know you are being considered for the EVP position."

"Yes, but I did not get it," she replied.

"Well, it hasn't been decided yet," the president objected.

"The only reason I have not already been appointed," Lee explained, "must be gender bias. At least some in authority are objecting because I am female. By every other criterion, I was a shoo-in."

"Give us two days and we'll settle it," the president told her.

"No, I'm sorry," she answered. "If there was that much disagreement, it means that I would have very divided support if I got the job. My new company has no such problem with female executives."

"Believe me, I had no desire to leave here. I have given my jobs here all I have, and I can move on knowing the company has gotten full value out of me. I just don't happen to think my career has peaked yet, but your indecision tells me I have reached my limit here. One thing I haven't heard you say is that my gender was not an issue. You can't say that, can you?"