Chapter 15

Many nights, Theresa wished she had Vince's ability to just write someone off and forget them. She had known it would be hard facing everything alone, but it was worse than she expected. Things were much closer between her and Julie, but still not to the point of sharing in typical mother-daughter fashion.

There were only two people Theresa could rely on for any support and help: Julia and Betty. Betty no longer harbored her old anger at Theresa, but she had not intended to become her friend and confidante, either. With the tight relationship between their children, though, it would be hard to reject Theresa.

Now that she had a new direction in life, Theresa was turning out to be a surprisingly interesting friend. Betty saw in her a level of sophistication, a touch of class, that she herself did not possess. But Theresa in no way exhibited any sense of superiority over Betty. Quite to the contrary, she almost worshipped Betty as the kind of mother she wanted to be.

Just as she had reacted with Terry, Betty was unable to turn away a person sincerely seeking help. Thus, Theresa spent increasing amounts of time at the Vosses. She was always careful to make sure it was OK with Julie and Terry before she came over. Terry feared the wrath of Ellie and Betty if he objected. He would never admit it, but it was becoming easier with every visit to forget the Theresa that he remembered from his tortured home life. To himself, he had to admit that she was a very likable person.

About two weeks after the emotional trip to tell her family, Theresa decided to tackle another highly emotional issue. She needed to tell the children about the college trusts. Her first inclination was to talk to them one-by-one, but the lives of all of those in the Voss house had become highly intertwined. Because of the money for Glen, Betty and Alan were strongly impacted, and Ellie and Terry might as well have been married, as closely as their futures were connected.

Her biggest fear was that all three would flatly reject the money, and part of the reason for including Betty and Alan was to bring some less emotional thinking to bear. Unquestionably, relations between herself and Julie had changed dramatically. Whether they had changed enough to allow Glen to accept the money, she could not be sure.

When everyone was still at the dinner table, even Marty, she asked for their attention. "I need to tell you all something very important," she began.

"Don't tell me you have even more surprises," Alan joked. "Have you found another husband already?"

"Alan, Honey, that wasn't very funny," Betty chided him, unable to suppress her own giggle nevertheless.

"No, this affects all of you more directly," Theresa said, too intent to respond to Alan's gibe. "I know you kids don't want to accept any help from me, and I can understand the reasons. You view it as trying to buy back your love after all the bad things I did. I can't deny that I wish there was a way to do that, but that's really not what we're talking about here. This is a normal parental obligation and privilege that Vince and I would have fulfilled if... if only..."

At that point, Theresa's voice caught and she could not continue. She stared down at her lap for a while, trying to regain her composure. When her head came back up, her eyes were glistening but she was able to speak.

"As part of the divorce settlement, I set up college trust funds for Julie, Terry, and Glen." As she had expected, there was a buzz of mixed surprise and objections at the pronouncement. "Wait! Please! Just listen before you tell me you don't want anything to do with the money. I know that's your reaction."

Things quieted down quickly, and she went on to explain. "If the money is not used, it will be split between Vince and me after ten years. I don't need it, and I suspect you would hate to see him get it - I would."

"There is not enough money for Harvard or anything like that. I set the amount for Glen at four years worth of tuition and fees at State. I also set it up so you can get the money even if you have a scholarship. Terry, I'm sure you will get one. You can use the money to bring Ellie to see you every weekend, if that's what you decide."

After the initial reaction, no one else had spoken, and Theresa went on. "Glen, there is no question your fund is prompted by a guilty conscience - I will admit that. We were the major cause of you having to give up your scholarship, and that will haunt me the rest of my life." Glen did not respond, but his look was less angry than it might have been.

"The reason I am telling you now is so that you, Glen, can have the money for next semester. Maybe it will help you spend a little more time with Julie and the baby. Maybe it will mean Julie can stay on leave a little longer. I..." Once again, emotion made it hard for her to speak, and she had to pause.

"I appreciate all of you not refusing out of hand. Maybe you're just being polite, I don't know. Julie and Terry, the money is only a fraction of what we would have spent if things hadn't..." She had to take another pause for composure. "The funds were started when you were born, so it is really your money."

"You will hurt me deeply if you refuse the money. If you still feel the need to do that, I will understand. But you will be hurting yourselves, too. I've already done enough of that to last your lifetime."

"How did Dad ever agree to this?" Terry asked.

"Adultery is treated harshly in divorce court in this state. If he had not agreed, it would have gone to the judge. His lawyer and Lee convinced him he would have been much worse off. I didn't ask for nearly as much overall as I could have gotten."

"Why would Lee stand up for us?" Julie asked.

"Well, she wanted to help your Dad salvage as much as he could," Theresa answered. "Despite what happened, she is not a bad person. She honestly tried to get me to take him back."

Those questions were really just a diversion to keep the kids from having to think about their decision. There were lots of competing emotions involved.

"Um, I can explain more if anyone needs it, but maybe we should all just sleep on it for a few days."

Betty was frankly overwhelmed at Theresa's gesture toward Glen. She suspected that his fund was pulled from the larger college funds that had already built up for the other two. Her growing friendship with Theresa had so far not included any physical contact, but that changed as soon as everyone left the table.

Seeing that Theresa was on edge emotionally, Betty put an arm around her and led her up to the master bedroom. Before they reached the top of the stairs, Theresa's tears started in earnest, and by the time they were seated on the bed, she was sobbing full force. Betty kept a comforting arm around her and just waited her out, grabbing some tissues from the nightstand to dry her cheeks.

Theresa had fantasized about being pregnant along with her daughter. She was afraid to expect it to draw them closer, but it did. Julie had little chance for contact with her contemporaries, and almost none of them were in her situation, anyway. Though she did not realize it, she had a need for a pregnant friend. Her mother started to fill that role.

Things started slowly, at least for Julie, but by the time she neared delivery and Theresa was definitely showing, they were joking and swapping anecdotes about their discomforts. They were becoming far closer than Theresa, Julia, and particularly Julie ever thought they would.

No one was disturbed or upset at the growing closeness between pregnant daughter and pregnant mother. Glen and all of his family believed that a normalized relationship with her mother would be the best thing for Julie. They were all convinced of the reality of the change in Theresa, and there was constant evidence of her remorse.

'No-frills' was the key word for Glen and Julie when it came to finances. They were both determined not to drain any more of the Voss household's tight budget than they had to. Alan and Betty had flatly refused to take any money for food or utilities, although Theresa had slipped Betty two more secret cash donations which were gratefully accepted.

Alan had bought the materials for the basement apartment on the theory that it was part of their house. Terry had tried very hard to do the bulk of the work. There had been enough outside remodeling jobs that he was able to buy his own school clothes and supplies.

Glen and Julie had been able to purchase a car in September. It was still a juggling act with their differing schedules, but they managed not to use one of Alan's cars very often.

Betty was working more hours than she had before, starting when the kids went back to school. She was still adamant about being home most of the time when Ellie and Marty were there, and it was an article of faith for her to be at every swimming meet or basketball game. She and Alan were in perfect agreement that that was far more important than the extra money she might be giving up.

It wasn't quite 'living on love' for Glen and Julie, but it was not a big step beyond that. In some ways it was not really a bad thing that they had so little to spend. Glen had discovered that 'pampering' his pregnant wife was no chore at all. Unable to buy her most of the things he would have liked to, he tried to make up for it with his attention. Her response should no longer have surprised him, but it often did. He could honestly believe she valued the intimacy more than she would the presents he could not afford.

As her pregnancy advanced, the young marrieds recaptured more and more of the magic that had drawn them together in the first place. Both of them were partially driven by guilt, but the result was the same: going out of their way to accommodate their lover became a natural habit.

Natal classes were one expense that Glen insisted they take on. With their schedules, it was tricky working out times when they could attend together, but they found a way. He always took her for a meal or a movie after the classes, so it became a date night. With all the attention to her body and her naturally enhanced sex drive, class nights became a treasured event - another bonding experience.

There was no way Julie could forget how she got pregnant, nor could her conscience be subdued. However, the increasing closeness between her and Glen and the wholehearted eagerness with which he anticipated the baby made it much easier to live with what she had done. The result of her actions was something that Glen considered wonderful; that helped a lot.

One of the obvious things that had drawn Julie to Glen in the first place was the sharp contrast between him and her father. Vince had never been physical with his family, but Julie always had the sense that she was battling for every little scrap of self. Glen, on the other hand, put no pressure on her. In fact, he seemed dedicated to making her feel better about herself.

From the darker days of the summer, when Julie was often near tears over their situation, she approached Christmas happier than she had been in years. It had taken that long for her to accept that the relaxed, low-stress lifestyle of the Voss family was for real.

Home had always been a place that was her base, but not a comfortable place to be. So much of her life had been spent avoiding any significant time there. Now, she looked forward to coming home from work, not just because work was over, but because she could truly relax; of course, knowing that Glen was waiting to give her a rubdown made it just that much better.

On several occasions, Theresa would come over late in the evening and stay after Glen went to work. Everyone was concerned about her driving home in the wee hours, but she shrugged it off. Both neighborhoods were quite safe, and she had an automatic garage door for entry at her house. Julie even tried so get her to sleep over, but Theresa was not ready for that.

Those late nights turned out to be some of the best mother-daughter discussions. Julie was always in a great mood after Glen had rubbed lotion all over her, and usually, they made love. Theresa was eating up everything about her daughter's pregnancy. It had been almost eighteen years since her last childbirth, and her excitement was building every week.

Theresa had always liked Glen, and had never been able to ignore his great body. Her only misgivings had been his desire to be a teacher, and his reluctance to spend any time at the Menconi house.

Now, she understood his lack of visits. Her ideas about proper financial support for her daughter were moderating, as well. She still thought Glen could find a much better career, but seeing how content the Vosses were on their income made her realize that all of the Menconi money had not produced real satisfaction.

Julie could never stop talking about all of the things Glen was doing for her and with her. One night after birth class, dinner, and an especially tender session in bed, she could not restrain her exuberance in telling Theresa about it. Theresa broke down.

It was one of those times that brought the downside of her situation into sharp focus. She had thought through the problems of single motherhood, but some things just can't be pictured ahead of time. The loneliness of going through pregnancy and birth alone became more frightening in the face of Julie's contentment with Glen.

Displays of affection between Julie and her mother were becoming natural since the trip to tell the family, and Julie did her best to comfort Theresa as she cried.

"Are you sorry you divorced Dad?" Julie asked.

"Oh, I was sorry when I did it," Theresa answered through her sobs. "I didn't want to do it at all, and I tried everything I could to get him to change."

"I can't imagine him being anything like Glen when you were pregnant," Julie mused.

"I... I don't think he was as good as Glen," Theresa admitted, "but he was tender and considerate, and he took very good care of me."

"That's what's hard to imagine," Julie told her. They talked for a while longer about pregnancy issues and the problems Theresa would face alone.

Feeling so good about herself, and having had one of her best discussions with her mother, Julie decided to broach a more delicate subject. "Mom, I hope this doesn't offend you, but well... Glen and I have talked about this quite a bit, especially after he met your family... do you think that Dad kind of, uh, made you like you were? - I mean, like you were to us?"

The question was something Theresa had honestly never thought about, and it stunned her. She just stared at Julie for quite a while without answering. "Um... why would you think that?" she asked softly.

"Well, for one thing, we didn't see anything in Gram and Pops that could have made you that way," Julie explained. She had no problem referring to Theresa's former behavior, since Theresa herself was so open about it. "Also," Julie went on, "you changed so quickly and completely. We've sorta decided you couldn't change that much if the old you was the real one."

"Ooooh!" was all Theresa could get out before lapsing into silent thought again. "The problem with that theory," she said after a while, "is that it would make it seem like none of that was really my fault. I can't think that way! I did those things. If I let Vince make me that way, that's my fault, too. I should have been stronger than that."

"But do you see why we've wondered?" Julie asked. "Dad's a piece of work, you know. From talking with the others here, we've pretty much decided he has the biggest ego on the planet."

"Couldn't argue with that," Theresa mused aloud. "It's so big he cannot imagine that he could ever be in the wrong." They chewed on that thought silently for a while, comfortable with each other and their memories. Theresa broke the silence with a question: "Do you have any desire to see him or talk to him?"

"Do you?" Julie shot back with a question. "You said he has written you off just like he did us. That must hurt."

"I don't know how to answer that," Theresa admitted. "You can't spend that many years with someone, and believe you sincerely love him, without some regrets when he is gone."

"Well, I don't have the good memories to look back on," Julie stated, "so I can't say that I honestly miss him. I think forgetting he was ever my Dad will be just fine."

"You didn't have good memories of me, either, did you?" Theresa asked fearfully.

"Not very many, Mom," Julie said gently.

"How are you able to get past that?"

"I... I think we're building some good memories now - starting all over."

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate getting the chance to do that," Theresa said, unable to stop the flow of tears. "I honestly don't think I deserve it."

"If it hadn't been for Glen and Betty and Julia, I would never have given you a chance. They knew what was best for me."

"But they haven't told you that about your father, have they?" Theresa asked.

"No, because he has shown no sign of changing, or even caring what we think about him. That's the difference. You did everything you could to convince me you were different."

"Yeah, I guess I did." They looked at each other and started giggling, both remembering Theresa's exhibitionist efforts.

Thinking back to how the discussion started, Julie got serious again and told her mother "We'll do everything we can to help you through this, Mom, even Glen will."

"Does that mean he'll take me to birth classes?" Theresa asked, then giggled.

"Oh! Don't know about that. Suppose you want him in the delivery room, too, huh?" That made them both laugh.

Things were not as warm and light-hearted for Vince. The last eight months had been a sequence of things that he never thought could happen to him. This latest challenge, finding another woman or women for sex partners, looked as daunting as the ones that had gone before.

Actually, he had no real need to go looking. He had an ideal partner in Lee, one who matched his drive and his intensity. The arrangement they had could have lasted indefinitely, to the benefit of both of them, had Lee not made a serious tactical error.

She was very concerned about their relationship evolving into a de facto marriage, particularly as she found out more about Vince's personality and his role in the destruction of his family. To give her credit, she also wanted to protect him from a big letdown if he had started seeing her as his new wife.

Unfortunately, she still had not learned enough about Vince to understand the response he would have to her proclamation. She intended to just make sure he kept the relationship in perspective. What she did instead was to trigger a competitive response from him. To Vince, sex was a competition, marriage was a competition: anything that two or more people engaged in together was a competition.

The particular contest that Lee unwittingly initiated was about who would hurt the other, rather than being hurt themselves. Twisted? Of course, but that's how his mind worked. It was important to his ego to be the first to find an additional partner, just in case he might feel hurt or jealous if she was the first.

Although torture could not have made him admit it, Vince had suffered a series of hurts, and he was not about to expose himself to another. Theresa and the children had all hurt him by their abandonment.

Twenty plus years of dedicated monogamy are poor preparation for 'getting back in the game', as legions of divorced men have discovered. Vince did not even have the practice of finding a woman to cheat with. Lee had quite literally fallen into his lap.

Vince's high school and college dating were obviously aimed at finding sex partners, but were actually much more concerned with finding a life mate. This was a completely different scenario, and he had no idea how to proceed.

Analytical thinking and tactical planning skills were some of the things that had earned him career success, and he brought them to bear on the sex partner problem.

Since the divorce, he had been spending considerably more time at work. Lee consumed some of the remaining time, but they only spent their time together on sex. They did not 'date' in the sense of going places. Thus, it was surprising how much time was available when there was no house and family to attend to.

The biggest question in his mind was where to find the right kind of women, but before addressing that, he had to decide what the right kind of women were. The obvious answer was that they had to fuck like Lee, and look like either Lee or Theresa. That thought surprised him a little, as hard as he had tried to remove all thought of Theresa from his mind. He knew instinctively that brainless bimbos would never do it for him. He was too used to strong, intelligent partners.

The company, its customers, and its suppliers were filled with strong, intelligent women, many of them very attractive and available. Much as he enjoyed the relationship with Lee, though, he preferred to avoid the complications of another workplace affair.

Throughout his childhood, Vince's family's social life had been centered on the church. Indeed, that had held true during his married life, as well. Somehow, he did not envision the kind of woman he wanted hanging out at church functions.

Despite his many business trips, Vince had spent relatively little time in bars, usually only because it was necessary to be with a customer. Perhaps a bit snobbishly, he thought of the women to be found there as sluttish and desperate.