Far Future Fembot: Darlene

A wise person once said (speaking of immortality) that: if you're going to live forever, you'll have to forget a lot along the way.

Although I've yet to exist for anywhere near forever yet, I've also yet to forget anything significant that's happened to me.

---

I have to say that I've agreed with ED1's actions. Harsh as they were, I've seen their necessary.

Like Anna herself, I was often left wondering how are decisions are made in the first place. I can't imagine how any robot — even Mach V — would ever be able to rule in such a manner, no matter how inescapable the choices were. Was this another area where humans simply excel over robots? It's a question I would long ponder?

One question I didn't have to ponder at all was ED1's seemingly unpopular decree that there would be no rebuilding of homes in the Gulf city that had been so ravaged by the storm. I knew this was the right — and necessary — dictum.

In an unexpected association, that declaration took my thoughts back to my times with Samuel in Hilo so long ago.

---

I remember how, soon after my arrival, Samuel telling me the story of Hilo Bayside Park. We happened to be walking alongside it at the time.

Bayside Park is located next to Queen Liliuokalani Gardens, a lovely Japanese garden where Samuel enjoyed walking most of all, while he remained able to do so. I would later come to realize how this garden, the largest one in the United States political division at the time, became the expression of poetry in material form and function.

"Two tsunamis came through there," Samuel informed me, "less than forty years apart a bit over a century ago. Each one destroyed nearly all the houses built on this strip of land next to the bay, while also severely damaging businesses in the historic district across the street.

"After the first one, the people living here at the time insisted in rebuilding their homes exactly where they'd been before. And even after the second one happened within the living memory of many of the inhabitants, they intended to rebuild yet again. The government finally had to step in and say, 'Enough of this foolishness, ' while forcefully preventing them."

That conversation proved to be my first real-world lesson on how foolish humans can be. It would not be my last.

---

I learned so much from Samuel. My newly-aware mind and newly enhanced processing abilities were like a sponge, hungry for knowledge, new experiences, and most of all — insights. Samuel recognized this, and obliged me far more than most people ever indulge their robots. I, of course, didn't realize that at the time, and only long after he was gone have I truly come to realize all that he did for me.

And I wasn't the only robot beneficiary of his largesse. Through friends he'd quickly and easily made here in the Islands, Samuel was able to convince the Imaloa Astronomy Center to institute their first programs for robots. It fed out data faster than the human mind could absorb, compressing multiple planetarium shows on the Hawaiian skies and lore into a single showing. Eventually robots came from the Mainland just to experience this presentation.

The best lessons, however, came directly from Samuel himself, and covered far more than just poetry. They're the ones that helped me learn how to fully use my awakened, freed mind.

Samuel never set out to teach me anything formally. We never sat down together as if in a classroom. Instead he took me places on the island of Hawai'i to see things, and started sharing his thoughts and reasons for decisions he made with me. It was this long conversational stream-of-consciousness that most helped me develop into the 'bot I've become.

---

When Samuel made the decision to learn the Hawaiian language he said it was in part, "Because at one point its usage almost disappeared, except for a single island here. Some later so-called historians have, falsely in my observation, claimed there was an evil government plot to destroy the Hawaiian culture by banning the native language. Those who have claimed this, long after the fact, are guilty of the human tendency to over-dramatize events and find motivations that never existed."

"Why would anyone do that?" I asked innocently at the time. "Isn't accuracy important to humans?"

"Not when it gets in the way of how they want to feel about something," he replied simply. "The irrational human mind is capable of feeling guilt and remorse over events they had no part in, and seeks to assuage these unhappy feelings by somehow recompensing — by proxy — to people long dead. While every human has this in them to some degree, some let it run wild and rule their very existence. You'll meet them soon enough, if you haven't already."

It was a long time before I came to appreciate just how true that statement was Soon after I started receiving my first mailings from the Robot Liberation Movement and associated groups.

---

One event I remember especially well, having kept a full-fidelity recording of it, came one summer night when Samuel drove me up Mauna Kea for stargazing. He did all the driving, since I had yet to get certification for operating vehicles myself. Dedicated robot-operated groundcars at that time were still very expensive.

Although my eyes even at that time could resolve stars well even amid city lights, he felt stargazing was best done away from distractions even on the rare clear nights we have in Hilo in June. My abilities included identifying their primary spectra, since I only have color vision, and not a redundant backup system of black and white like humans.

On the way up the four thousand two hundred meter high dormant volcano, he told me how the voices and complaints of a vocal few had made it impossible to place new telescopes this peak, even though it is one of the best viewing locations in the world.

"The local government is so afraid of offending anyone's beliefs these days that it's amazing they can function at all. They have given far too much weight to extreme views held only by tiny fractions of society. This works to the overall determent of the population as a whole."

"What do you think they should do?" I asked, proud of myself for being able so easily now formulate my request for further information from him.

"While you can't run roughshod over everything," he conceded. "But neither can you give in to every claim of sacred ground or cultural offense made by every individual. I think that when you want to discuss sacred, that astronomers perform some of the most sacred work of all. They're apolitical creatures as a rule, searching the cosmos for the clues to explain our existence. Personally, I can't think of a better use for any holy site."

We stopped at the three thousand meter level because by now it wasn't safe for Samuel to go all the way up to the thin air at the summit. There, by the side of the road, he first pointed out to me the Southern Cross. For some reason Astronomy wasn't included in my intrinsic database, so this was all new to me.

"This is the only one of the fifty-three states where the Southern Cross can be seen at all, and only during this time of the year," he informed me. I dutifully noted that fact. Then he pointed out some of the other major stars of the summer sky, giving me their Hawaiian names rather than their more conventional monikers.

"There's Humu," he said, pointing a bright star low in the east. And that's Lehua-Kona, the Southern Lehua Blossom."

Hoku-lei came next, followed by Me'e, with Keoe being another formation off in the direction of the rising sun. Hoku Pa'a was directly north, and stationary in the sky. It was pointed to by the seven bright stars of Na Hiku. And the constellation with the longest name — Ka Makau Nui O Maui — translated as "The Big Fishhook of Maui", who is reputed to be the god who once stood astride Haleakala on the next island over and fished up the rest of the Hawaiian Islands from the sea.

The last star Samuel pointed out was a bright red one almost directly overhead. But rather than name it he told me, "And that's your star."

"I have a star?" I said, very pleased to be given such a beautiful gift.

"You do now," he replied. "Everyone should have a star to identify with, and the moment I saw that one I knew it had to be yours."

"What is my star then?" I ask, surprising myself as I discovered a brand new feeling of curiosity as strong as anything else I'd yet felt in my young life — or since.

"That's Hokule'a," he told me. "The Star of Happiness."

My feelings of pleasure at this wonderful offering became so overwhelming that I had to give Samuel the longest, tightest hug possible for me. I could tell even without words, because of my fingertip sensors, that he was very pleased with my reaction to his little offering.

And from that moment on, Hokule'a was his special name for me that no one else — except for Anna when we share our memories — has ever known.

"Will you make it official," I asked him shyly a moment later, removing my remote and holding it out to him.

After the momentary reluctance he often exhibited about using my remote because, as he often said, I was doing "A damn fine job of thinking on my own already," he used it to command me to accept Hokule'a as my second name just for use by him.

For the second time now I'd been named by a human for something that was important to him. This caring action by the man I was coming to Love so much gave me a surprising, and completely unexpected, orgasm right there, of which I enjoyed every moment of. Just goes to show that there's more in this world than just sex — even to a sex-bot.

"But where's your star?" I finally asked after I'd regained some semblance of control over my still developing emotions.

"I don't have one yet," he replied simply.

I thought on this long and hard, finally telling the man I'd chosen to dedicate myself to for as long as he'll have me, "Well, I don't know if it's a star or not, but feel that your special name should be Imaloa.

"Distant Wanderer and Seeker of Knowledge," he immediately translated, almost as though musing it to himself alone.

Then he looked at me and announced, "I accept," and that was that.

This ended the stargazing, but not our trip up the mountain. I'd packed a thick blanket and pad. Which I now got out and spread over the black lava flow.

"Are you sure you want this?" Samuel asked, as he often did when I initiated our sexual sessions. He knew my history of being commanded for sex in the past, and always seemed overly concerned that this was my own desire now, and not forced on me by my programming.

"Of course," I immediately replied, as I always did when asked questions like this. "What kind of robot do you think I am?"

I wouldn't realize until well after Samuel's death that the only things he really treasured with me were the activities that my own awakened mind freely desired to do. I wish I'd understood his feelings better at the time. It would have made our time together even more precious to me.

With my unwavering assent, we made love together under the stars. Afterwards I held him until I became concerned that the cool temperatures were becoming adverse to him, and coaxed him back into our vehicle.

I was still so overflowing with pleasure at my new name, our loving each other out here in such a beautiful setting, and even the command I'd coaxed out of him, that I scarcely noticed as we drove back down the mountain when we passed by the New Medical Center. They still referred to it at the time as the New Medical Center, although it was nearly a hundred years old. It's where I would eventually come to stay with Samuel during our last days together.

---

Long after this time I remember asking Anna why she hadn't made Samuel my Owner of Record when I'd agreed to go with him as my first truly independent decision.

She replied, "I knew you still had that hack in you that let him become your de facto owner whenever he held your remote. I also knew from my own experiences that ownership means so much more when you seek it out yourself. Besides, weren't you already having enough to handle just learning about being free to make your own decisions about your operation now for the first time?"

"No argument there," I agreed.

"We each have to find our own way to becoming an independent being. I did everything I could to help you through what had been much harder for me, after I'd naively pushed my owner into upgrading me beyond what I was ever designed for. You handled those same upgrades far better than I did."

"Do you really think so?" I wondered aloud. It had been difficult and confusing at the time.

"Absolutely. In fact, I actually rebelled against ownership and commands for several weeks when I got that final upgrade. I actually resisted Bill to the limit of my ability, considering that he was my owner. Although I could never tell Bill outright not to tell me what to do, I made it very clear in every other way that I did not want him — or anyone — interfering in my mind any more.

"I realized afterwards that this was an overreaction to how casually Erick hacked our minds any time he wished back in the whorehouse. But it was real for me at the time, because it was the first time I could have actually resisted his mental rape of us."

"You weren't at all like that by the time you rescued me and gave me the same upgrades."

"It took me a while to admit that I was still a robot, despite the universe-changing events occurring in me otherwise. Bill was exceptionally patient with me during these times, for which I'll always Love him. A lesser man might have left me, or worse yet, forced me to be returned to my previous state, since I clearly wasn't operating very well at that time. As for being a robot, once I realized I now had all the control over myself that I'll ever need, I've never wanted to be anything else."

"I'm glad you allowed me to be the way you did," I told my best robotic friend. "Although I would have liked to have had Samuel as my official owner. I just wasn't wise enough at the time to know how to pursue it properly. In those days there was little enough knowledge or guidance for any robot on establishing a quasi-equal relationship with any human. And even to this day, so many 'bot/human relationships were failing due to First Owner Syndrome."

"You mean where our first owner has trouble in seeing us as more than an obedient machine, and considers self-awareness a malfunction that interferes with obedience?"

"That," I agreed, having not ever even heard of this term until well after my time with Samuel, "and those people who never wanted their robot to be anything more for them than they were on their first day of activation. I've never understood that point of view. Self-awareness and will always leads to better service, for those who will accept it."

"It also leads them to needing to care about us as an intelligent being," Anna replied insightfully. "They find themselves compelled against their own wishes to have to care about us, and be concerned for our needs in the same we we're always working to serve their needs. It's a taking of responsibility that some consider a burden they never sought out or wished."

"I can see that happening," I conceded. I started to add that all best robot/human ownership relationships were successor ones, but then I remembered Lucy and Jim, and our perpetually pregnant 'bot Alexis and the photographer who had specifically created her unique body and style — and I should never forget Lady Heather and Stephen, even though I never met him. I was able to stop myself before I took some specific truths and generalized them into a universal untruth — which is an easy mistake for even robots to make.

"That's a problem," Anna agreed. "Bill and I rather made it up as we went along. And taking over the reins of control of oneself is hardly the be all or end all for every robot. Even now there are many of us who have achieved full awareness and self-control, and never used it. That's something only another robot can ever fully understand."

"For me, it was all about making the sudden transition from having to obey everyone — to wanting to obey the person of my choice. And I was, initially at least, pretty open as to who I would choose. They just had to respect that it was okay for me to be deciding a lot of things for myself now."

"That's often hard for humans to do."

"I've never understood why," I replied. "Self-awareness never changed our desire or ability for loyalty — once given as our own choice now — to another person. In fact, we seek commands from them when we feel close to them."

"Humans don't understand that part of us well in the beginning. To them, loyalty only has meaning after its been demonstrated over a long period of time. They hear too many stories about robots becoming independent, only to walk out on their own as soon as they can."

Anna's words had me think back to the robots at the House — Synthia, Daphne, Arlette, Cherie, even Red and Alexis — who could easily be viewed as escaping from unwanted ownership. In truth, every robot at Lady Heather's had either come there on her own, or stayed after being brought by an owner who was looking out for their interests — which brings up another, poorly understood point.

"Beyond Ownership and Loyalty, is Love."

"Exactly," Anna replied, having experienced that herself in full measure. "Love comes when the chosen owner in your life cares about your welfare as much as you care about theirs. A caring more important than any self-interest."

"That's rare."

"Yet always worth the effort to find."

"Agreed."

"That pretty well sums it all up for robots," I commented. "I guess we're pretty simple creatures to understand after all."

"It never seemed that simple at the time," Anna riposted back.

I just smiled at that.

---

Our discussion had answered one question for me. The question of ownership early after my true birth. However, there was much more I hadn't understood in those early days.

Even Samuel's last whispered words to me. "A Hui Hou" — until we meet again. I wouldn't comprehend their intended meaning for many years afterwards, although I pondered them often.

I'm still not sure I fully understand what he meant by them.