Chapter 15: Compelling Desires

The successful launch of Ramon's collection was one of the happiest periods of my life. I was pleased to see Ramon get the deserved recognition for his talent and hard work. I was pleased that I had been able to offer him Lola for a memorable night à trois and I was looking forward to the promised rematch in Berlin.

I'll admit freely that part of my happiness came from basking in Ramon's reflected glory. More pictures of me appeared in the papers, particularly one taken when Ramon had offered his thanks to me and I had joined him on the runway, dressed only in lingerie designed by him. Casual acquaintances at the university and even some people I had never met before approached me when they recognized me. They expressed admiration because of my courage and good looks and wanted to know about my relationship with the now famous fashion designer. Even my roommate Arlette changed her 'I'm not talking to you' stance and started to become friendly again.

These demonstrations of sympathy and approval by friends and complete strangers helped me overcome the bitterness I felt about the expulsion from my parental home. My mother had phoned me secretly - disobeying my father's express prohibition to speak to me - to tell me how upset my father had been about seeing my picture in the media. He had declared that I was no longer his daughter and wasn't allowed to set foot in his house ever again. He was going to remove all traces of my existence and donate the things I had left in my room to a charitable organisation - provided they accepted a slut's possessions. My mother suggested that I come to Villiers while my father was at work and retrieve whatever I wanted to keep.

I refused to return to my former home like a thief in the night and decided to write off as lost whatever had been left there. Although I felt unhappy about this outcome, I also felt relieved that the conflict had come out into the open and I no longer needed to worry about hiding the real me from my father. Comments I received from Sylvie and Mirabelle indicated that not all of Villiers was condemning me. The local papers seemed to find it quite remarkable that a girl from Villiers-sur-Seine had made it onto the front pages of the national press.

In spite of my happiness, there was something gnawing inside me which I couldn't quite explain. It was a desire to raise my devotion to Ramon to a higher level. The feeling was not new, it had been with me almost from the day I met Ramon, but it came back more and more often and with greater urgency: I wanted Ramon to own me, to accept and use me as his possession.

During one of our visits to Le Chambre Séparée I had steered Ramon to the bondage corner. I told him how curious I was about the various contraptions and implements available and suggested he try out some of them on me. Reluctantly and with the help of a fierce-looking expert he had tied me into a frame where my body was practically doubled up with my legs spread wide and my hands near my ankles.

The position this left me in was similar to that of a person in an old-fashioned pillory. But in this modern version of the stocks - all shiny chrome and black leather - the victim was suspended in mid-air. My bottom was sticking out, inviting to be spanked or whipped. The frame was set inside a series of wheels which allowed the master to move his victim around, even flip her over, and make her bottom and pussy accessible at every possible angle.

I thought this was a wonderful toy and suggested that Ramon should have one installed in his apartment. The bondage expert pointed out that the victim could also be blindfolded and subjected to punishment and abuse without knowing who the aggressor was. All three orifices were freely available for use.

Even though Ramon did not share my enthusiasm for the gadget, the castigator handed him his card 'in case he needed some help with training his slave.'

Ramon did not show any interest in taking up the offer for help, but accepted the card and put it in his pocket. Later, I used his absence to retrieve the card and copy the address and phone number on a slip of paper. On the card it said: 'Marquis de Sade, Consultant in Education and Discipline'. This was obviously not the man's real name, but a blunt hint at the kind of service he offered. I waited a couple of weeks and when Ramon had not taken any initiative, I contacted the 'Marquis' myself and made an appointment.

The address was in a part of Paris I had never been to. I had to ask several times to find the house which had no number or name sign. When I rang the bell, two men let me into a small, dimly-lit room where they conducted a thorough body search to make sure I didn't have any hidden tape recorder, camera or microphone on me. Then they lead me into a larger room where the man I had seen at Le Chambre Séparée was sitting behind a massive desk. There wasn't any place for me to sit.

The 'Marquis' was not at all pleased when he found out that I had come on my own.

"When you phoned I assumed that you did so on your master's instructions, but now it seems you contacted me on your own whim," he growled.

I explained that my partner didn't actually consider himself my master and hadn't shown any interest in taking ownership of me. I, on the other hand, wanted to be disciplined and I was looking for advice on how to get him to use and punish me.

My desire to submit to a master pleased the man. His manner became slightly more amenable, but he explained to me that it wasn't possible to train a slave on her own. The master had to give permission and specify his exact requirements.

"We train slaves on the specific request of their masters. We also provide opportunities for masters to exchange ideas and experiences. A slave cannot be trained without a master, or without the master's active participation. The master decides how strict the training will be, how much pain the slave will experience, how much abuse and humiliation she will suffer."

This explanation terminated my visit as far as the man was concerned. He called his assistants to accompany me to the door.

I wasn't going to give up so soon. "Can't you at least tell me what's involved in the training? Can't you test me to see if I'm suitable?"

The man looked at me. His eyes seemed to pass straight through me. Was he going to insult me? Was he going to tell me to leave before he lost his temper about my insistence, about my wasting his time?

He sighed. "What your training will involve depends on your master's decision. There's no way I can tell you what he'll want us to do to you."

After a short pause, the man suddenly said, "Take off your clothes, quick!"

The tone of his voice didn't allow any hesitation. Luckily, I wasn't wearing anything under my dress. I just had to undo the zipper in the back and let the dress slide down to the floor. Then I removed my sandals and stood naked in front of him.

"Spread your legs, show me your cunt!"

I did as he had ordered, pulling my pussy lips open to let him have a clear look at my clit and vagina. Without warning he pushed a finger inside me. I couldn't help gasping at this unexpected touch.

"I didn't give you permission to react," he barked. "But at least you're wet. That's a good sign."

This remark pleased me. It felt like getting an A at school.

"Now your ass."

I turned around, leant forward and pulled my cheeks apart with both hands. I tried to relax my hole to show him that my ass was ready and willing. Again, he pushed a finger inside me. I almost lost my balance, but managed to suppress any sound.

"You seem to be a quick learner."

This pleased me even more than his first praise.

"Bend down, hold on to your ankles."

I saw a cane in his hand. There was a swishing noise as the cane moved rapidly through the air. I screamed as it bit into my bottom. He didn't give me any time to recover. A quick succession of blows rained down on my bottom and the back of my thighs. The whole punishment probably took less than a minute, but when he stopped hitting me I was sobbing uncontrollably, tears streaming down my face.

"You may stand upright." He handed me paper tissues to dry my tears.

"You have a lot to learn. But you show some promise. The punishment I gave you was only a small foretaste of what you will go through if you decide to persevere with your wish. Think about it carefully. Talk about it with your master. He is the only person to whom you may mention this conversation. If he wants you to be trained as his slave, and if you agree, then come back to me."

My bottom and the back of my thighs hurt when I put my dress back on and left. I was pleased with the man's comments about my suitability and frightened thinking about the pain which might be involved. But the main problem hadn't gone away: I still needed to find a way of convincing Ramon that he wanted to train me as his slave, that I needed the discipline of a firm hand.

Ramon had not reacted to my repeated declarations that I belonged to him. He treated me as an independent woman who had the right to decide what she wanted to do. I expected him to tell me, to order me, but he merely suggested. He never asked me what I got up to during the week. But what may seem to be lack of interest in me was merely the reflection of his deep respect for women, particularly beautiful women.

As far as Ramon was concerned, I was his when we were together, but a free individual when we were apart. He only took control when we made love. But even then I felt that he was constantly checking my reaction, concerned not to do anything that would hurt or otherwise displease me. When he fucked me hard and fast, it was because I begged for it, not because he had decided to use me that way.

I'm sure he would never have forced me against my will to take his cock in my rear - and in a way I was grateful to him for that. I had taken it upon myself to get my ass ready for his big cock. I would have loved it if he had ordered me to do so.

I had decided by myself to appear near-naked at the cocktail party and on other occasions, and only wearing underwear during the fashion show. Maybe he didn't want me to expose myself like this to the public at large? Had I been presumptuous, attracting so much attention to myself on his big event? I would have loved it if he had told me how much or how little he wanted me to wear on these occasions and would have followed his instructions to the letter. I wanted him to lay down the law and punish me mercilessly in case I didn't obey.

I felt that I couldn't handle the freedom he gave me. I was in danger of letting my 'insatiable horniness', as Charlotte had called it, take control, of pursuing my own sexual gratification. Even when my actions had the declared purpose of pleasing Ramon, I knew deep down inside that I was mainly satisfying my own lust.

The 'anal training' sessions with Roxy had given rise to some of the wildest sex I ever experienced. I enjoyed it so much that I accepted the ensuing punishment without much trepidation. And how much of my eagerness to be able to offer Ramon my ass had been driven by the desire to feel three cocks inside me at the same time?

I was in serious danger of getting out of control. I wanted Ramon to put me on a leash, keep me on a short rein. Otherwise my rampant sex drive might make me overstep the mark. I was worried that I might offend or hurt Ramon with my wayward behaviour - if I hadn't already done so. The big problem was to make him understand that I needed him to take control of me.

How could I get Ramon to the point where he'd want to punish me? Should I do something that would make him angry about me? But what? Refuse to have sex with him? Impossible! As soon as I came near him, I wanted nothing more than offer my body to his hands, his mouth, his cock; let him fuck me whichever way he pleased. I wouldn't be able to refuse him anything.

Roxy knew that she would be disciplined whenever she committed a punishable offence. Although it seemed that Michel made up the rules about what was punishable as he went along, punishment usually came after Roxy had sex with a guest or a maid.

Roxy didn't consider herself a slave. She simply accepted the role of the wife in an old-fashioned marriage and Michel exercised his right of sole ownership and sentenced her to whatever castigation he considered appropriate. If that resulted in his wife appearing naked in front of servants or visitors, so be it. And Roxy enjoyed exposing herself and loved the wild sex that usually followed a punishment.

Should I tell Ramon about my sexual adventures, my nights with Caroline, for example? If Michel punished Roxy - and me - whenever I had sex with her, wouldn't Ramon have reason to punish me - and possibly Caroline - for the passionate sex I enjoyed in her bed?

What if I confessed that I had been unfaithful to him, that I had had sex with another woman without his knowledge or approval? My guess was that he would probably forgive me. Or say that I was an independent person, that my desire to try out different things was only natural, and as he didn't have a pussy I could lick, it was logical that I would find a woman who was willing to oblige.

What if someone else denounced me and told him that I needed to be disciplined, otherwise I would get out of hand?

Who could this someone else be? Could I get Michel to have a word with Ramon, from man to man, from practicing disciplinarian to not yet practicing castigator? I was worried that Ramon would regard such advice as unwanted interference by Michel. Ramon might say that he prefers to cure me with love and understanding rather than by spanking my bare bottom.

What if the denunciation came from a woman? Would Caroline, my fellow offender, be willing to confess to Ramon? And possibly risk to be punished as well? I remembered that Caroline had told me about playing 'slave for a day' games with Billy. This was a lot less than what I wanted for myself, but she might be able to give me some advice.

Ramon had clearly enjoyed the threesome with Lola. Should I serve him by bringing him other women he could fuck? Caroline would be a possible candidate. I was sure that Ramon would enjoy making love to this beautiful woman with the never-ending legs. I was also convinced that Caroline would jump at the opportunity to experience for herself what it's like to be fucked by Ramon. Should I arrange another threesome? I was even willing to let Ramon fuck Caroline on his own if it should turn out that that was what he wanted.

But was Caroline keen enough on such an encounter to risk being punished for our escapades? My idea was to let her tell Ramon about our weekly get-togethers, maybe also denounce me for my other trespasses. And let her declare that I needed firm control for my own good. It seemed risky but possible. I decided to talk to Caroline as soon as I had a chance.