Chapter 5

"Laura, wake up."

Laura opened her eyes. She appeared to David to have trouble focusing, and her whole body continued to tremble. "David? What? David?"

"You're either very sick, or having hell's own version of a nightmare. Do you need a doctor? I don't think you have a fever..." Laura woke up enough to realize David was sitting on the edge of her bed, lightly petting her head from her temple to her ear.

Laura was silent for a moment, collecting herself, feeling herself calmed by the gentle caress. "The latter. There is no need for a doctor. What was I doing? You are all dressed?! Is it morning?"

"No. A little after 2 AM. I looked at you from the door, and then got dressed before coming in here. I didn't want to do anything inappropriate..."

"What was I doing?"

"Crying... No, softer than that... Whimpering... And shaking... It looked kind of scary..."

"It was a very vivid dream. I've always been a very vivid dreamer, even as a young girl. Sights, sounds, smells, touch, emotions... Oh, the emotions! Almost as real as awake... This dream was a memory of something particularly horrible..."

"I've read your biography on the web. I know you're an orphan from the Bosnian war. There was no description though of the details. Nor should there be... Amy's plane got delayed a bit at the airport. I asked her what it was like to live with you during your high school years. Amy holds you in incredible esteem, and she is also discrete. We didn't speak about your past..."

"Yes, Amy is discrete. And I am discrete. And you are not. I mean that as a compliment. I am shy in many ways, and am discrete in support of my shyness. Amy tells me you are shy in some ways too, yet you manage not to be discrete. How is this possible, how do you do this?"

David continued to caress Laura's head as he pondered her question. "I am shy, but the rewards for reaching out to people are fabulous. It feels wonderful to pet you like this in friendship. I'm trusting that you know I'm trying to be affectionate and not sexy... For the last several years, I've been pushing myself to be more social... And somehow, I think I'm still missing the gist of your question..."

"Ah. I was thinking of your conversation with Amy at the airport. Amy has an extremely high opinion of you, and I think her judgment of character is excellent! But you gave Amy explicit permission to tell me everything she knew about you. Amy and I talked at length... I was very interested... Why were you so indiscrete?"

"Oh. In our phone conversation that morning, you made it quite clear that our collaboration would be not just on physics, but also on moral issues. To collaborate on morality, I thought it would help you to understand who I am."

"Of course! Thank you... Amy told me about how you were mocked as a child, how you were beaten, how you were saved by your sister..."

David continued to stroke Laura's head, allowing the caress to brush lightly over her ear and continue down the side of her neck. He gave her a warm smile. Laura smiled back, and the smile lit up her eyes. David bent down and kissed her temple. "The hardest part in some sense wasn't all the physical pain, but the fact that I just lay there on the floor while Maggie was fighting. I was so deeply ashamed that I didn't rise up and stand by her side. That I slipped away from a duty to be courageous..."

"Exactly! My grandfather intentionally started an argument with paramilitary murderers in order to give me an opportunity to slip away. He was shot to death minutes later. I felt the exact same guilt... The dream I just had was a sharp memory from that time, two days after he was murdered. I was alone, and frightened to death, and my mind was filled with despair and loss, and my heart was full of hate."

David was just silent for a moment, absorbing what Laura had said. "Laura, these must be extremely painful memories. I don't want to drag them out of you. Won't that increase the pain?"

"I don't know. But you are right, the rewards for indiscretion and reaching out to people can be fabulous. You are offering me both friendship and affection, and I want to accept the offers. I want to return some of the trust you're giving me..." Laura reached up and held the hand that was petting her head, moving it to her lips and kissing it. Releasing his hand, she sat up and began to tell her story...

"It was about three hours before dawn when my grandfather was murdered and I started to run from the paramilitary. I was fifteen at the time, trying to force myself to act and think like an adult, but feeling all the emotions of an abandoned child. I was a farm girl. I knew if I could reach the deep forest, I'd have a decent chance of survival. But I was in flat farm country. In American slang, I was a sitting duck. My plan was to go to ground during the day, and head for the forest at night. That first night I got lucky. I entered a partially burned building just before dawn, and found a good hiding place inside. The floor felt sticky under my bare feet."

"Dawn came, and I realized that the building was full of corpses. I think the paramilitary had herded a group of people into it, and then had thrown in grenades through the windows. Most of the bodies showed obvious blast damage... Some where shredded..."

Laura just stopped for a while, and then her lip began to tremble. David reached down and took off his shoes, and then slid across the bed to sit by Laura's side. He reached up and put an arm around her shoulder. After a moment, Laura sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. David bent his head and rested it against Laura's. She continued her story.

"The corpses were actually protecting me. The smell and the bloody floor were keeping the paramilitary from searching the house. But I was too inexperienced in being hunted to recognize this. I left the house after dusk, ungrateful for the service the corpses had given me. I think I made about 10 kilometers that night. I still had another 30 to go before I could reach the deep forest..."

"I chose a clean, empty building for sleep shortly before dawn. It was a terrible mistake. I woke up less than an hour later from the sounds of brakes squealing on a jeep. The house was surrounded by my enemy. I looked around the room in panic, there appeared to be no place to hide. But the walls were of very rough stone. I climbed them with my bare hands and feet. I got up to the truss roof, and stretched myself flat on one of the main cross beams..."

"A few minutes later the men entered the room. They talked calmly about their designated locate-eliminate grid areas for the day. I realized they were turning the building into a command center. I remained motionless on the beam. It was a bit thinner than my shoulder width, anyone looking up intently would see the slight curve of my body. But the ceiling area was dark, and there was no reason to look up and stare..."