Copyright© 2004 - Shakes Peer2B

"Planetfall, Captain!" Bill's voice came over the intercom, "And they're hailing us!"

"Coming!"

I closed my terminal, bookmarking my place in the log and made my way to the command deck.

"Any sign of the CM?" I asked as I took my place in the command chair.

"There are hundreds of artificial objects orbiting the planet, Captain," Bill replied, "but none of them matches the mass or size of the CM very closely, and we're not getting a transponder blip."

"Have you answered their hail yet?" I knew what protocol said, but it was best to be sure.

"We waited for you, Ma'am!"

"Very well, get them on com."

"Planet, this is the Golden Hind, just out from Earth in search of CM 21000203-2, a colonial mission sent out from Earth almost two thousand years ago. Can you help?"

"Golden Hind, this is Space Traffic Control, we have no record of your registry or your configuration, please verify your identity and port of origin."

"Space traffic control, this is Golden Hind. We do not originate from any port on your planet. I say again, we are of Earth origin. Repeat: Earth origin."

"Ah, roger that Hind, advise you take up parking orbit at L5 until we figure out what to do with you. Do you need to land on planet?"

Well, the planet's single moon meant that L5 wouldn't be too hard to locate, once we had orbital data on the moon. Mary should have that for us shortly.

"Negative on the landing, Space Traffic Control, we have shuttles."

"Copy you have shuttles, Hind. What is the purpose of your visit?"

Bureaucracies are the same everywhere, I guess.

"I say again, Space Traffic Control, we are in search of colonial missions sent out from Earth some two thousand Earth years ago. Specifically, we expected to find descendents of colonists on this planet from the mission designated CM 21000203-2. Are you descendents of those colonists?"

"Hold one, Hind."

Apparently, some sort of discussion was going on in Space Traffic Control.

"Ah, that information is unavailable at this time, Hind. However, your senior officers are requested to attend a briefing with the Planetary Government."

"Roger, Space Traffic Control. Please blip landing coordinates and instructions on this frequency. What do you call this planet?"

"This is Sanctuary, Hind. The President and senior members of his staff will meet with your senior officers at... 1800 hours, at the decon exit from the spaceport."

"Roger, Space Traffic Control. We'll need local time and clock sync data."

"Roger Hind. Will include in data packet. Squirting NOW!"

"Packet received, Space Traffic Control, decoding..." Bill said, "Ah, Space Traffic Control, you could speed this process for us if you'd send the private key..."

"Negative, Hind." the voice on the other end replied, "Strictly against policy to send private keys in clear."

"Roger, Space Traffic Control, wait one."

Mary was already working on it. Dual key encryption was an outmoded form of data security and it took less than a minute to break. Still, that was an eternity in modern computing time.

"Got it, Bill." Mary said in a sultry voice. Either Bill had been playing with her response characteristics, or the AI was getting WAY too fond of my coms officer.

"That's a Roger on the data packet, Space Traffic Control. We are synchronizing clocks and entering nav coordinates!"

"What! Uh, Golden Hind please repeat your last. I copy that you have decrypted the data packet without the private keys!"

"That's a roger on your copy, Space Traffic Control. We have decrypted the packet." Bill was showing off, now, even though it was Mary who did the real work.

"Uh, roger, Hind! See you at 1800 hours... Space Traffic Control, out!"

Before the speaker released his mike button, he could be heard talking to someone in the background: "How the hell did they do that?!"

"Golden Hind out!" Bill cut off the channel and turned to me wearing a smug expression.

It only took a few minutes observation on Mary's part to decipher relative orbits accurately enough to locate L5. This stable point between the orbits of the moon and the planet already had a couple of occupants. One looked like an observatory, the other, some kind of scientific platform. Neither challenged us or even gave notice of our presence.

The shuttle ride down was almost like landing at an Earth spaceport. Bureaucrats though they may have been, the Sanctuarians were efficient at handling ground-to-orbit and orbit-to-ground traffic.

The decontamination procedures were pretty good too, but, just to be sure, Gail supplemented the recommended meds with some from her own kit.

There was a delegation waiting for us as we exited the decon station, all male, all nude except for pouches strung from belts or shoulder straps. Instead of the excited greeting we expected, however, what we got was:

"You've got WOMEN with you?!" the apparent leader of the delegation exploded, "Well I hope to hell you brought dildoes, at least!"

Trying to remain calm, I said, "I'm Cecilia Barnes, Captain of the Golden Hind. All we were told was that you wanted to meet with the senior officers, so here we are."

"What nincompoop told them to come down here and didn't warn them about the apes?" the grey-haired gentleman grumbled. "Are there any stores in the port that sell dildoes?"

The entire entourage mumbled among themselves for a while, eventually dissolving into a mass of head-shaking.

"Would someone please explain what the problem is?" I said politely, though I could tell my blood pressure was going up. "Perhaps if we know, we can help with the solution."

"Sorry, Captain Barnes." the spokesman for the group said, "I'm forgetting why we are here. I'm President Guzman. Welcome to Sanctuary! We've never had anyone visit from another planet before. This is indeed a great honor!"

"Thank you Mr. President." I shook his hand, "Now, would someone please explain about dildoes and apes?"

"Oh, yes!" Guzman replied, "Well, they're not really apes, of course. They are an indigenous species that the original colonists thought resembled apes on earth. I, personally, wouldn't know, but the name stuck."

"So what do these indigenes have to do with women and dildoes?" Even though I had more information, I was even more confused.

"Well, you see," Guzman explained, "unlike humans, the apes have three separate sexes. The smallest, and most common of their sexes is actually a neuter that acts as an incubator for the offspring of the males and females. First the females deposit their eggs inside the neuter, then a male deposits his sperm. The apes are not very smart, and to them, our females look like neuters."

"Why?" I really was curious, "What differentiates neuters from males and females?"

"The neuters have no phallic projection." Another voice spoke up, then stuck out his hand to be shaken,"Dr. Nigel Mencke! I'm head of the Planetary Science Institute. I specialize in native biology."

"How do you do, Doctor?" I replied politely, "But what does the lack of a phallus have to do with anything?"

"Well, you see," said the doctor, "the females locate a neuter by sight, but their brains are not very discriminating. Any biped without a phallus, to them, is an egg repository. Females, you see, are equipped with a phallic shaped ovipositor. Males, on the other hand, seek out 'ripe' neuters by smell. Once the eggs have been deposited, their smell clings to the carrier until a male fertilizes them. The young then gestate within the neuter's body until they give birth to live babies. It's all very fascinating!"

"Fascinating it may be," I said, "but I still don't see..." but then I did!

"Of course! 'Any biped without a phallus will do'!" I said, "So a woman can be raped by a female indigene, having the eggs deposited inside her, then raped again by a male, to fertilize the eggs!"

Gail caught on too, "So women wear strap-ons to simulate having a phallus and avoid being attacked by the females! Clever! But why don't you just keep the indigenes out of spaces where humans are?"

Guzman and the rest looked at us in horror.

"This is THEIR planet!" the president exclaimed, "We are only guests here! Our ancestors remembered too well how their ancestors destroyed Earth and many of its plants and animals, and they instilled in us the sacrosanct nature of the indigenes and the other native species. If we choose to live on their planet, then we need to fit in with them, not the other way around! That's why we do all our mining and manufacturing off-planet."

"So you go around with your dicks hanging out and what, keep the women locked up?" I asked, incredulously.

"Oh, no, Ms. Barnes!" the President said, "Women play an important role in our society, it's just that they, especially, have had to find ways to live with the apes. Now, to be honest, some don't even bother trying to fool them. Some enjoy the occasional extra-species ravishment, and others just think it's too inconvenient to strap on a dildo every time they go out. Still others think its immoral to fool the natives with dildoes and refuse to wear them on principle."

"I see." I did, but there were still other questions to be answered, "Tell, me, why aren't we surrounded by these apes right now?"

"Oh, well," Dr. Mencke answered, "For some reason, the natives have no problem entering a building via an archway or a doorway with no door, but they will not go through an opening that has a door, even if it is secured in the open position. Therefore, when we want a place where they can't go, we simply make sure it has doors on it."

"Can a woman expect to be attacked every time she goes out?" Gail asked.

"It happens frequently, and there are no guarantees." The scientist replied, "One can usually tell when a female is ready to deposit her eggs, because she has a permanent erection until she finds a suitable repository. Not to put too fine a point on it, but even wearing a dildo, a woman is safer not wearing clothing. The apes have begun to recognize clothing as an artificial covering that our women, or to them, our neuters, wear. They grow quite violent if they need to make a deposit and there is clothing in the way. Wearing a dildo over clothing confuses them. Some now see clothing as that frustrating covering some neuters have, and ignore the phallus. Others see only the phallus and think its another female."

"So a woman is safest going about nude, wearing a strap-on. Hmmm!" I tried to think.

Most of the women on board our ship had dildoes of some kind, since off-duty sex was one of the best ways to kill time, and some of those were strap-ons, but we usually didn't bring them with us when going to visit a new planet for the first time.

"Uh, Captain," Gail said, "May I have a word?"

She took me aside and whispered in my ear.

"I, uh, have a confession to make." she blushed as she spoke, "I, uh, was hoping to get together with Bill on liberty, and well, you know the kinds of kinky stuff he gets into. Anyway, I've got my strap-on in my bag."

"Well, you'd better get it out." I said, "At least YOU can be safe!"

"Um, well, actually, I was thinking that you should wear it, Captain." she said, "It wouldn't do for the leader of our crew to be accosted by a sex-crazed ape, now would it?"