Chapter 4

Luke felt like a teenager in love when he woke up the next morning. Any doubts about his previous feelings seemed so insignificant now. He was in love with his wife. He almost felt jealous that she had loved those parts of himself he couldn't remember - as if he himself had been another man.

So what if she'd been involved with someone else for that matter? As long as they saw this as a fresh start for the people they were now, Luke was willing to forget his suspicions as long as she vowed to be faithful to him from this point on. That had been his last thought before falling asleep last night, and it still seemed like a good one, he decided.

Despite his feelings of euphoria, Luke had a strange feeling come over him at that thought, as if he didn't want to regain his memories anymore because they might make him feel differently toward Sarah. He shook himself of it and decided to focus on his feelings of happiness as he got out of bed. He grimaced, feeling a bit like he'd been hit by a bus - perhaps he'd overdone it yesterday after all. His arm was hurting like hell, and so was his back, but maybe that was to be expected. He could smell the breakfast Sarah was cooking from the kitchen and smiled, feeling his appetite stir.

Sliding on his jeans and a shirt, he walked barefooted down the hall and snuck up on his wife, who was in front of the stove in nothing more than her robe. With a smile, he slid his arms around her from behind and told her, "Something smells good, and I'm not just talking about the food."

Sarah laughed softly and turned her head to give him a sweet kiss. "Good morning."

"Mmm." He kissed her neck as she tried desperately to focus on getting the eggs onto a plate. Despite lots of kissing and touching, she finally had the table set and begged him to leave her alone long enough for them to eat. He would have really enjoyed bending her over the table for breakfast, but in all honesty, his body probably wasn't up to the task just yet.

After chit-chatting about nothing for a few minutes, Sarah reminded him, "We really need to talk about some things, Luke."

He almost told her it wasn't that important, that he knew everything he needed to know, but he was realistic enough to realize the doubts would creep in again if he didn't squash them now. "I know," he agreed with a sigh. "I have some questions I'd like to ask."

Sarah looked almost apprehensive, but she was a strong woman. He saw her body language change as if she were willing it not to cower. "I'm sure you'll have even more when I'm finished talking. Please," she pleaded when he went to interrupt, "let me go first."

Luke wondered where she'd begin. His money, and her lack of it. His license. Her late night phone calls?

If she had another man, she would have a choice to make. Tell Luke the truth so they could try to work things out, or just tell him she wanted to be with someone else. He didn't want her to stay with him out of pity. He wanted her to stay out of love, but he would not share her either way.

As if Sarah were reading his mind, her first words were, "Since you came home, I've been keeping something from you," she said, adding, "Or more appropriately, someone."

"Is his name Jack?" Luke questioned calmly, a little amazed she'd breached this subject so abruptly.

"How do you... ?" She looked at him as if he'd suddenly grown horns. He watched her swallow hard then take a deep breath and say, "I have to show you something. And if you can forgive me after that..."

Grasping his hand, she somberly led him down the hall toward their bedroom, only she stopped long enough to retrieve her keys along the way. Sarah went to the locked door he had wondered about the first day she'd brought him home, the one he felt certain was a storage closet of some sort.

She hesitated before unlocking it, but when she opened it and pushed the door wide, he couldn't believe what he saw. It was a room, a small one, but it was definitely a bedroom. A child's room judging by the small bed and scattering of toys all about. Without a word, Sarah walked over to pick up a framed photo sitting on a shelf over the bed.

"Luke, I want you to meet Jack," she said and handed him the photo. As he gazed at the photo of Sarah hugging a small little boy who looked so much like the pictures Luke had seen of himself at that age, she leaned against him and whispered, "Meet your son."

If she'd punched him, it probably wouldn't have winded Luke harder than this revelation. In shock, he stared at the photograph, pouring over every little detail of the small face, the blue-bright eyes full of laughter, the freckles on his nose, the sandy brown hair combed neatly to the side, the wide, mischievous grin.

"I have a son?" he said in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me? Where is he? I mean-how is this possible?"

"He's been on vacation with my parents since you came home," she explained quickly, calmly. "As for why I didn't tell you, Luke, it's because I didn't want him getting hurt. He's so fragile, and I didn't know if you would..." she stopped and swallowed, unable to meet his eyes as he completed the thought for her. She hadn't known if Luke would remember his own son, and if he hadn't, that would have probably hurt the child beyond words.

Luke didn't like it, but he understood. "How old is he?"

"Almost three," she answered. "I've almost told you a thousand times, but I was afraid to. After a while, it almost seemed easier to forget about him just for a little while, just long enough for us to fall in love again. I thought if you could accept me as your wife, it would make it easier for you to accept Jack as your son. Does that make sense, Luke, or do you hate me for this?"

"I don't hate you," he reassured her. He couldn't stop staring at the photo though, wondering what the child's personality was like, hoping some memory of him would come along to ease the shock of it all. It didn't. "Why didn't you at least tell me I had a son when I first woke up in the hospital?"

"You didn't remember me," she said, emotionally. "I wasn't thinking right. The doctors told me to be careful what I said, because they didn't want you upset. I wasn't thinking right... god, Luke, there were so many reasons."

He acknowledged that. "When will he be here?"

Sarah hugged him from the side and confessed, "He can't stay with my parents forever. Right now they're on a cruise in the Bahamas, but they're due back in two weeks. Besides, he wants so badly to come home and see you, he can hardly stand it."

He had a son. Luke couldn't believe it. "Are there any other children I should know about?" he asked almost cruelly. Thinking better of it, he said, "I'm sorry, this has just been sort of unexpected."

"I'm sorry," she told him, holding him tight. Pulling back, Sarah asked, "Would you like to see more pictures? I've got a ton."

With a watery smile, he nodded and followed her into the living room, putting at least part of the puzzle together in his mind. The late night calls. They had been to her parents in another state, checking on her son. Luke flipped through pages of photos detailing his son's life and had to fight back tears of pride. The little guy really was something else. But-

"Why aren't I in any of these pictures with the two of you?" He flipped back through some of the pages and said, "I'm not in any of them."

"There's the other thing I have to tell you. I had to tell you about Jack first because-"

Just then the doorbell rang, and Sarah clutched the front of her robe and wondered out loud, "I wonder who that could be."

"You go get dressed," he told her. "I'll get it."

It turned out to be yet another insurance investigator wanting to talk to Luke about the accident at the construction site. He'd told everyone he couldn't help them because he couldn't remember anything, but they still kept calling and stopping by. Sarah was usually with him and helped fend them off, citing his health as a concern and that they should come back later. Well, at least this guy was fairly easy to talk to. They chatted about the Braves for a few minutes before the man got down to business. He told Luke the construction company he'd worked for had been cited as negligent in the accident, and it was his job to either prove or disprove that theory before the case went to trial.

"The strange thing is," the man said, pulling out some documents, "I went over the site myself right after the accident, and I'm almost a hundred percent certain someone had tampered with the support beams."

"Really?"

"Is there anyone you can think of who might want to hurt you? Anyone you worked with who might have had a grudge against you personally?"

"Me?" Luke almost laughed. "Even if there were, I couldn't tell you because I can't remember a damn thing."

"Perhaps I could speak to your wife," the man said. "I understand from your co-workers that the two of you were separated at the time of the accident, but you might have told her something... ?"

Separated.

As if he'd had one too many blows delivered to him in one day, Luke felt his head sway and the room go dizzy. What did the man mean by separated? Surely Sarah would have told him. Then again, she hadn't told him he had a son until today. And she'd said there was more...

"Luke?" he heard Sarah's voice ask, and he looked up to see her approaching from the hall, fully dressed. "Who's our visitor?"

"He was just leaving," Luke said adamantly, shooting the investigator a hard look.

The man left his card and a promise to call again in a few days when Luke "was feeling better."

"What's wrong, Luke?" Sarah asked. "You're so pale all of a sudden. Do you need some medicine? Should I call the doctor?"

"No, I need some answers," he said, probably a bit too harshly. "What were you going to tell me before we were interrupted?"

She looked at him carefully for a few minutes before saying, "I'm not sure you're up to hearing what I have to say. Maybe we should wait until later..."

"We'll talk now," he told her, making her sit down beside him on the sofa where she couldn't get away. "Tell me."

"I... I just wanted to tell you how much I love you," Sarah said, and he could tell by the look in her eyes she was lying. She'd planned to tell him something else.

"Really?" He eyed her carefully as he asked, "So you weren't planning on telling me we'd been separated before I had the accident and why?"

She gasped and turned pale herself. "You've remembered."

"No," Luke admitted. "Apparently it was common knowledge. I'm feeling a little baffled at how you could have kept it a secret from me until now. It explains a lot though."

"Please, Luke," she begged, unable to stop the tears from falling. "Let me explain."

"I'm listening." He said calmly, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. He was so tempted to just say to hell with it and walk out.

Sarah closed her eyes, wiped away the tears and seemed to be conjuring up all of her courage to face him with this news. Luke felt a strange feeling of dread come over him as he waited, struggling between feelings of his hurt and love for this woman.

"Before I begin, can I ask one thing?" He nodded, and she asked, "Do you love me? I know you can't remember, but... Do you have any feelings for me at all, Luke?"

He could not lie. "I think I love you, Sarah. And I believe that you love me too. Am I wrong?"

"No," she said with a brave little smile. With a sigh, she began to explain.

She told him that three and a half years ago, he had walked out on her.

"Three years ago!?"

Moving to her feet and pacing, Sarah turned her mind back to a time she had spent these past few years trying to forget. Rubbing the back of her neck, she remembered, "We were so happy together for so long. You were making so much money. We had a lovely condo in Atlanta, lots of friends, lots of parties. I was teaching, and you were winning cases left and right. You'd just made full partner at the firm. The only thing we didn't have was the one thing we, or at least I, wanted the most. A baby. Our baby."

"Jack?" Luke wondered, questioning how their son could have led to their separation.

"No, not Jack," she said, and wiped away a tear. "We were going to name her Amelia, after your mother. We were so happy. You were so excited to have a daughter."

Sarah could still remember the day she'd learned she was carrying their first child. She'd raced to Luke's office, unable to wait to share the news. He'd been on the phone, looking stressed when she walked in. He'd motioned for her to have a seat, but she already had her own plans. She'd turned and locked the door, then tossed her overcoat in the chair that he'd suggested she sit in. Now Luke was finally taking an interest, especially when she circled his desk and perched in front of him instead, smiling so big she couldn't help herself. Staring at her, smiling wryly himself then, he ended his call and asked, "What's this all about?"

She'd reached for his hand and slid it under the hem of her blouse, placing it flat on her bare tummy. "Feel that?" she'd asked.

"Mmm-hmmm," he said, tracing her tummy muscles with fingers that made her tremble. "Feels good."

"Well, in a few months, with any luck, you might be able to feel him kick," she'd said, dead-pan. "I am sure I'll be as big as a whale by that point, but it'll be worth it."

"Kick?" he'd repeated, confused. Then he got it, and he was so happy about the idea he picked Sarah up and lifted her, whooping in delight. "So it's a boy? You already know?" Luke had asked when he'd calmed down.

"No, silly, I don't know for sure, not yet," she'd told him and laughed at his excitement, which was still nothing compared to her own.

They'd celebrated by making love, right there on his desk, tenderly and with so much love it still brought tears to Sarah's eyes to remember it. Luke had been so good, rescheduling his workload so he could attend all her doctor's appointments with her. Buying needless gifts once they'd found out they were having a daughter.

But then had come the day, that awful day Sarah had tried to block out of her mind ever since.

"What happened?" Luke asked now. "What happened to our baby girl?"

For days, Sarah had felt some pain in her lower abdomen, but it came and went, never so painful she couldn't stand it. She had made a doctor's appointment because of it. Ironically, that's where they'd been headed when it happened. By then, the pain was so much worse. She had been sitting in the car beside Luke when a sliver of agonizing pain had shot up her belly. The next thing she remembered was waking up in the hospital. Luke had been there, but his eyes had been red as if he'd been crying. She'd had acute appendicitis, which had required an operation to save her life, he'd explained. They'd tried to save the baby too, he'd told her, but their little girl hadn't survived the procedure. There had been a complication. Nothing could have been done.

"I almost lost both of you," he'd said, squeezing her hand and getting almost no response.

Wiping away a tear at the awful memory, Sarah told Luke now, "I think I hated you a little after that. I thought, if I had been allowed to make my own decisions, they would have never been allowed to operate in the first place. I would have gladly sacrificed myself if our daughter could have lived."

"Then you would have both probably died," Luke pointed out rationally, having picked up that much from the story she'd just told.

She nodded. "But at the time, I couldn't understand that. And things changed between us after that." She shrugged, remembering, "I sank into a deep depression, and you... you tried to help me through it, but I kept pushing you away. You turned to your work and spent so many hours there. I realized later that you were grieving too, only I was so self-absorbed in my own pain that I couldn't see that at the time."

"So that's why we separated?" Luke asked tenderly. "But I don't understand about Jack, and why we would stay apart so long when there's so much love between us."

"I'm not finished."

Closing her eyes, in shame this time, Sarah recalled how she had tried to climb out of her depression, but still, there had been a rift between her and Luke that had seemed unbridgeable. They made love, but it was rare. They stopped talking, at least to each other. They still socialized with friends, most of whom they knew through the law firm Luke worked at.

They'd considered Bree-Anne and Riley to be their closest friends.

What a joke, Sarah thought now. Bree-Anne, with her petite, cool blonde looks and British accent, and Riley, who might have been handsome enough on the outside but had the morals of a rat even though he did a good enough job of disguising the fact. With hindsight, she realized Riley had been the one to encourage Luke to take on more cases than he could handle. Then when Luke had grown too busy to spend time with Sarah, it had been both Bree-Anne and Riley who'd volunteered to accompany Luke's wife so she could get away from their suddenly lifeless and cramped condo.

"Who were Bree-Anne and Riley?" Luke asked now. Sarah couldn't look at him while she answered.

Bree-Anne had been one of Luke's classy assistants, more concerned with climbing up the social ladder than the corporate one. Sarah supposed it must have amused the other woman to play "best friends" with Luke's naïve little wife. It had never occurred to Sarah that Bree-Anne had always had her eye on Luke until afterward, but hindsight was a great thing wasn't it? When Riley, whom Luke had considered to be his best friend, had started subtly hitting on Sarah, telling her how beautiful she was, how fun to be with she was... when he kept reminding her that she was a young, sexy woman fully capable of having other children someday, Bree-Anne had encouraged the flirtation.

Sarah had even begun canceling her lunches with Luke that summer and meeting Riley for lunch instead. Riley had been so easy to talk to. So much easier than Luke in those days. Riley would often give her a much-needed hug whenever she broke down and just hold her while she grieved. He'd rub her back and murmur that it was OK to cry. Luke hadn't done that in ages.

And Bree-Anne.

Bree-Anne had been the one to point out what a terrible husband Luke was becoming, always working and not spending enough time with Sarah. She'd hinted that maybe he was having an affair, but Sarah hadn't believed it. At least, not until Riley had hinted at the same thing on a separate occasion.

Oh, how stupid Sarah felt now, to be able to look back and realize the two had been laying an obvious trap for Sarah and Luke. Luke had admitted later that Riley and Bree-Anne had planted the idea that Sarah wanted time away from him so she could heal privately. He hadn't wanted a separation, so he'd given her time to herself, which had been part of his motivation for working longer hours. Longer hours which Bree-Anne, of course, had often volunteered to assist with.

Sarah had found out after Luke had walked out on her that most of their "friends" had a bet going as to which one of them could be seduced first. Apparently the odds had been in favor that their marriage wouldn't last six more months.

It hadn't.

Sarah remembered the night she finally broke her marriage vows all too well. Luke had approached her that afternoon, wanting to talk about possibly having another child.

"We'll never forget Amelia, but we can have other children," he'd said gently.

"No! I don't want another child. It's too soon, Luke. Don't push me." She had gone back on the pill because she hadn't been able to bear the thought of losing another baby.

"What about counseling, Sarah? You promised me you'd think about going back."

Sarah had thought about it. She'd had enough of doctors. The lady she'd been seeing after Amelia's death hadn't done a thing to help Sarah with her grief. She'd made Sarah feel even worse, so Sarah had stopped going. She was better off on her own, she'd decided.

"I'm going out tonight with Bree-Anne," had been her only answer, a bit forcefully, as if she were challenging Luke to try and stop her. "We're going to that new club Riley was telling you about. If you can pull yourself away from work, maybe you can join us later?"

"Or we could both stay home," Luke had suggested. "We could rent a movie, relax, order takeout. We haven't done that in a while."

"You're working on a big case," she reminded him, not wanting to stay at home. She'd grown to need her nights out with Bree-Anne in order to survive. If she was out partying, drinking, she didn't have to remember her pain, the pain she always felt when she was here alone or with her husband. The pain she felt at work, surrounded by little children who left each afternoon with parents who often took them for granted.

"Just be careful," had been Luke's reply, sounding weary and defeated. "Call me or someone if you girls get drunk. I don't want you driving home in that condition."

"We will. Love you," she'd said automatically with a chaste peck on the cheek as she'd grabbed her keys and purse and left him standing there.

When she and Bree-Anne got to the club, Sarah was instantly on the lookout for Riley. He had been a good friend to her these past couple of months, listening patiently when she needed to vent, encouraging her, offering to help in whatever way she needed. She tried talking to Bree-Anne, but the other woman didn't even like kids and often tried to change the subject whenever Sarah brought up her lost child. To Bree-Anne, nothing seemed to matter that didn't include money, sex or a good time.

Bree-Anne certainly noticed Sarah's interest in Riley, and, smiling, pointed out his tall form dancing with another woman on the dance floor. Sarah had felt a pang of jealousy before she reminded herself she had no right to feel that way. Riley was Luke's best friend, for god's sake! Even so, she noticed the woman sliding her arms around his neck, running her hands through his silky brown hair, and pressing her hips forward invitingly.