Chapter 20

For the first few blocks, Bill and Nancy rode in silence. "We have to talk about it," said Nancy.

"I know. It happened so strangely. Nothing planned. Just a string of coincidences that conspired to lead us astray. My actions with Jan were harmless, but you couldn't have known that."

"Harmless, hell! Sucking on her tits wasn't harmless! But when you said 'conspired, ' it makes me think it might have been."

"I don't see how."

"Do you believe their new surveillance systems were installed this week by chance?"

"Sure. They do almost everything together, and those are expensive gadgets. Thousands of dollars."

"They can afford it."

"Yeah, but how could they know when we would be doing what, and when?"

"Beats me, but it has a smell to it."

"You could be right, but I don't think so. What are your feelings now?"

"I'm ashamed to admit that it was exciting, but also I can't get past the feeling that it was wrong. What if I had gotten pregnant?"

"My god, that slipped my mind. Could you be?"

"My period is due anytime now, so it's not likely, but what if I'd been ovulating?"

"I don't know. Let's just pray that you're not pregnant."

"How do you feel about me having had sex with Stan and Bob?"

"At first, I was hurt and dumfounded, but when I realized how I'd screwed up, I sort of accepted it."

Nancy said, "It was my fault too, but they socked us with so much sexual stimulation that Mother Teresa might have dropped her britches. Probably not though. Was Jan better at love making than I am?"

"Absolutely not! Different, but not better."

"How much different?"

"It's hard to describe. A lot of different stuff was running through my mind. The pot altered my thinking some and Jan told me some hot stories, so I was wired. But after seeing you in the middle of a daisy chain, I had thoughts of getting even. Then came the guilt feelings of my complicity, and a weird combination of emotions. The love making with Jan was violent and demanding, not tender. Different."

"Wow, I never thought we'd ever be discussing something like this. Where do we go from here? Bob told me flat out that if we didn't play some more, it would destroy our relationship with them."

"That wouldn't be the end of the world."

"No, but they have done wonderful things for us financially, as well as in the spirit of friendship. They truly admire your expertise, so the business relationship might continue."

"It might, but I think our decision must be based on what we're comfortable with emotionally, rather than how it will affect us financially."

"I believe you want to do it again."

"Not unless you do."

"So the onus is on me? Why don't you beg me one way or the other and get me off the hook?"

"Okay, which way?"

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"I probably shouldn't ask, but it will bug me if I don't. How did Stan and Bob rate as lovers compared to me?"

"I'm not really sure. Like you, my emotions were all over the block and I was more than a little tipsy. Drunk actually. Trashed. I remember Bob coming on to me and I resisted at first, but Stan and Sandy were going at it hot and heavy right beside us, and that movie with its explicit sex scenes turned me on. My resistance melted away. I did come as hard or harder than I can ever remember. But I'm pretty hazy about what happened after my bout with Bob and Stan.

"To answer your question, love didn't enter the equation. It was raw lust. As you said, it was different. But not something I would want as a steady diet. When we make love, love is in bed with us. It wasn't that way last night. It was exciting, and I suppose doing something naughty adds a certain spice to life, but afterward, guilt creeps in. Never having done something like this creates all sorts of emotions, and I can't trust my judgment yet."

"I can't either. We do have something that many people don't. We truly love each other, and nothing must threaten or destroy that. I have the gut feeling that we can handle any choice we make, but don't let the financial aspect cloud your decision. We have to be on the same page."

"To me, it seems you're leaning toward playing some more."

"I can swing either way." Bill grinned at Nancy.

"I suppose I can too, but it's going to take me some time to sort it all out."

Bill wheeled into the parking lot of their complex and eased the Toyota into their parking slot. "Well, we're home now. Let's let it rest for a day or three and hope the waters become less murky."

"I'm going to take a nap. My system is still out of whack."

Thankfully, Nancy's period started on Sunday evening. She wondered if the assault on her genitals had precipitated an early arrival, but she didn't dwell on it. It had begun! During the first part of the week, she tossed about and patched together all manner of worrisome scenarios, but failed to arrive at any answer. She had been drawn into a web of conflicting passions. Black pleasures had surfaced to challenge her innocent, reclusive past. She hadn't exactly told Bill the whole truth. Her body had never hummed and purred with such uninhibited exultation as it did on Saturday night. She had spread her legs along with her horizons and taken a hard look into the rich garden of depravity. It did have its seductive allure.

The badness of it all beckoned with a tantalizing promise of sordid, satiating fulfillment. The handsome features of Bob and Stan invaded her thoughts to cloud her mind over with an enticing desire to surrender to the siren call of the forbidden. But then she would snap back to the stark reality of nicety and decorum. The Ten Commandments weren't suggestions, but defining laws that were meant to be adhered to. The wrestling match between titillating indulgence and righteousness was still in the first round, and her mind became the referee.