Chapter 10

Mark and Greg slept until 5:00 o'clock that afternoon. Mark awoke to the buzzing of the clock and said, "I'd like to throw the alarm clock through the front window."

"And me with it. Since we cut classes today, why not call in sick at the restaurant?"

"I need the money."

"Yeah, me too. God what a night!"

"I'm afraid to look at my dick. Must've rubbed a half inch off its circumference and I don't have that much to spare."

"We can tattoo last night to our memory bank. Something not to tell our grandchildren about."

"I may not fuck again for six months."

"I wonder if they'll come back?"

"I hope not. They're so beautiful, I might be tempted to have another go at them. Then my dick could pass for a strand of spaghetti."

"I could do 'em again."

"A regular dose of those two would put us in the age bracket to retire and draw social security benefits before we graduate. I'm going to keep my sex life reserved for the coeds on campus. Older women are insatiable. I guess their husbands can't take all the action. No wonder guys die younger than women."

"C'mon. We're late already. We'll come straight home tonight and sleep for twelve solid hours. To hell with classes. Marathon screwing and education don't mix."

Jan and Sandy slept through the afternoon and night. Jan awoke at 6:30 Friday morning. After two cups of coffee, she walked over to Sandy's back door, since phoning would disturb her if she still slept. She looked through the glass to see Sandy sitting at her breakfast room table with a steaming cup of coffee and an open bottle of Tylenol in front of her. Her hair stuck out on one side of her head and was plastered down on the other. Her smeared mascara gave the appearance of two black eyes. She cupped her forehead in the palm of the hand whose elbow was propped against the table. Jan tapped lightly on the glass. "Are you alive?"

"C'mon in but don't make such a racket." Sandy pinched her forearm. "Yeah, I'm alive, I felt the pinch."

"Looks like little blond bombshell exploded and the doctor didn't get all the pieces back in the right place."

"I feel like a slut and I feel like shit. Do you?"

"Which?"

"A slut."

"Ask me later, when I get the smile off my pussy."

Sandy produced a weak smile. "Mine's still glowing too, but I wouldn't last the month out with a steady diet of nights on the town."

"Yeah, and our funerals would cost twice the regular price. How would the mortician get the grins off our faces?"

"Speak for yourself unless I died before the booze wore off. How can you look so chipper? It pisses me off."

"I majored in orgies at Stanford."

"So that's where it got such a good reputation. Arizona State needs to update its curriculum."

"I'm going to fix you some hair of the dog. Where's your Peters' Bloody Mary mix?"

"Don't mention the word 'peter' for several days. Make that a month."

Jan foraged the refrigerator and added a healthy dollop of vodka to the red elixir. She cut two wedges of lime and squeezed them into the glass. "Here you go Miss Slut. You'll feel like a lady again in no time."

"Where do those college kids get such stamina? Poor Stan and Bob tucker out if they make it twice in a night."

"You mean peter out?"

"I told you I'm eliminating that word from my vocabulary. It's a good thing we found out about their hunting escapade. We have an excuse to cut them off for a few days. If I used a powder puff on my pussy, it would feel like a hatchet."

Jan said, "We've gotten too old for college kids. Let the coeds have the chafed pussies."

"They didn't use protection either. Think STD. How could we be so stupid?"

"A dripping wet pussy hath no conscience. We were half-drunk and horny. It can be a lethal combination."

"So do we have a pact to stay away from the kiddies?"

"Consider it signed."

Sandy asked, "This drink is helping. Don't you want one?"

"Nah, I've recovered, except for the soreness. I wish I did yoga, so I could kiss mine and make it well."

"Well don't look at me. If I leaned over, the blood would rush to my head and I'd hunt for a chainsaw to lop it off."

"I'm leaving, but when you feel better come on over. We have some decisions to make."

"I may never feel normal again."

That afternoon, Sandy walked next door wearing Bermudas and a baggy shirt.

Jan asked, "Returning to the convent?"

"It'd be just my luck for a gorgeous hunk of a meter reader to pop by and make a pass at me. I'm too weak to resist and I'd die of RVS."

"What's say?"

"Raw vagina syndrome."

"No such medical term."

"I would have discovered it, and be right up there with Jonas Salk."

"Back to joking. You're better."

"Yeah. I'll survive. What're we going to do about our shithead husbands?"

"Let them know we know, but not be too hard on them. That'll drive 'em nuts."

"They might even suspect we did what we did."

"We won't deny anything, nor will we admit to anything. A few innuendoes are as far as we'll go."

"If I have the chance, I know of a way to scald Bob's ass."

"How?"

"Wait and see. It might not work."