Chapter 3

Kevin hugged his son and then watched as he disappeared into his classroom at the day care. The vacation had turned out to be a real good thing. Kevin made it home from the dealership the day before in time to go to the zoo with his mom and son. It gave him a real good chance to reconnect with his son after losing touch with him with all the work he had been doing. It was hard leaving him at school for the day, but he had other plans that were also important.

Kevin got in his Lexus and ran a few errands. The first stop was a florist where he picked up a colorful bouquet of mixed fall flowers. His second stop was at KFC where he picked up a bucket of chicken and all the sides. He figured chicken was a pretty universal thing and that Stacia wouldn't balk at eating it. When he pulled up in front of Stacia's apartment building, it was eleven fifteen in the morning according to his watch. His plan was to catch Stacia before she had a chance to get lunch. He knew from several calls to the dealership that this was her day off. The fact that there was a car on the street with dealer plates on it, and that it was a Toyota, helped ease his fears that she might have gone off on an errand or out with friends.

Kevin's heart was beating hard as he walked up the stairs in the apartment building to the second floor, lunch in one hand, the flowers in the other. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he approached Stacia's door. Kevin knocked on the door and nervously listened for activity on the other side of the door. He was relieved to hear some rustling. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest, however, when the door opened.

"Oh, Jesus," said Stacia with exasperation. Stacia was standing in front of him with a pair of athletic shorts and a white, cut off baby-doll shirt on. It was clearly obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra as her nipples protruded underneath the shirt.

"I thought you could use some lunch," said Kevin, forcing a smile, even though his stomach was doing cartwheels.

"Kevin, please don't do this."

"Please, Stacia. Have lunch with me. Talk with me. That's all I ask. I'm not here for anything but lunch and a chat."

Stacia sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, Kevin, but I have to say no."

"Why?"

Stacia couldn't respond. She wanted to tell Kevin that she was madly in love with him and that she didn't want to fall deeper and end up hurt in the end.

"Stacia, please," pleaded Kevin. He then dropped to one knee. "I'm begging you."

Stacia smiled; even let out a small giggle. "Get up, you look pathetic."

Stacia disappeared back into the apartment but left the door open as an invitation to come in. Kevin walked into the apartment. It was just as messy as it was the day he first saw it. Stacia was in the dining room portion of the great room clearing room on the dining room table.

"How did you know I love the Colonel?" asked Stacia as Kevin put the bags from KFC on the table.

"Lucky guess?" said Kevin. "I honestly didn't know."

"Are those for me, too?" asked Stacia, indicating the flowers that were still in Kevin's hand.

"Yes," said Kevin softly. He handed her the flowers. Stacia sniffed at them and smiled.

"They're beautiful," gushed Stacia.

"Not as beautiful as you are," said Kevin.

Stacia blushed and then walked into the kitchen with the flowers. She grabbed a vase out of a cupboard and started running water into the sink.

"I apologize for the appearance of my apartment," said Stacia.

"It's no biggie," said Kevin. "Not like you were expecting me."

"It's also why I'm dressed like I am. I threw on the first thing I could find when you knocked. I normally don't wear clothes around the house."

"I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable in your own house," said Kevin with a toothy grin. "If you want to go back to the state of undress you were in before I got here, I won't object."

"I'm sure you wouldn't," said Stacia with a giggle.

Stacia ran some water into the vase and then placed the flowers inside it. She primped the flowers until they were arranged just perfectly. Stacia then went and grabbed some plates, silverware, and paper napkins for their meal. Kevin helped her get everything to the table and the two of the helped themselves to some of the food that was in the bags.

"This was really nice of you, Kevin," said Stacia.

"I just wanted the chance to get to talk to you, Stacia."

"Listen, Kevin," said Stacia, putting down the drumstick that she was eating. "I don't want to give you any false hope. I don't date. I'm sorry."

"Then tell me why," said Kevin. "Someone in your past must have hurt you deeply."

"I really don't want to talk about it," said Stacia. She turned away from Kevin.

Kevin sighed. He wasn't getting anywhere. "I know you have feelings for me, Stacia. Tell me you don't."

Stacia didn't say anything at first. It seemed like she was working to steel up her courage. Then she turned and flatly said, "I have no feelings for you." Kevin noticed that her lower lip was quivering.

"You're lying to me," said Kevin.

Tears were now streaming down Stacia's face. "You're right!" screamed Stacia as she stood up. "I have feelings for you. In fact, I can't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop thinking about you while I was fucking some other guy last night!"

The words were like a slap to Kevin's face. He knew she told him about the other guy to hurt him and it did, but Kevin wasn't going to be dissuaded. The fact was that Stacia had no commitment to him. He also knew what most of her dates meant to her.

"Then why deny it?" asked Kevin. "You have feelings for me. Act on them and let me into your life."

"I can't," said Stacia. She slumped back into her chair with a look of defeat.

"Why? I think I deserve to know why."

"I just don't want to talk about it," said Stacia. "It's ancient history."

"It's not ancient history if it's gonna keep you from finding love again," said Kevin.

"Kevin, please don't..."

Kevin comfortingly placed his hand on hers and smiled at her. "Please."

Stacia sighed deeply. She took a moment to collect her thoughts and then started.

"I met Bobby during my junior year of high school. He was on the football team and I was a cheerleader. We were the perfect couple. We ended up Homecoming king and queen during our senior year. We kept dating all through our senior year and both chose to go to the same college so that we could remain together."

"We continued dating through all four years of college. I knew I was going to marry him after we graduated. It was just a foregone conclusion. Well, that was until my second semester of my senior year I started noticing that some of the things he had been telling me weren't exactly true."

" The first time it was him telling me that he had a fraternity meeting and that he'd be gone all night. When I ran into a bunch of his fraternity brothers in the Union, I knew something was up. I started looking into where he went that night and found out that he was also dating a sophomore living in the dorms. I was furious. I then started to realize that he had been lying to me throughout our relationship. I found out that he'd been sleeping with other girls for almost the entire time we'd been dating. When I confronted him, at first he just denied it. Eventually, he fessed up to everything and then told me that he never really loved me. He said that I just looked good next to him."

"Oh, Jesus," said Kevin. Tears were running down his cheeks.

"So you can see why I never want to love again," sobbed Stacia. "It still hurts to this day. I never want to hurt like that again."

"I'd never hurt you like that," said Kevin softly.

"How do I know?" spat Stacia. "How long would it take you to get sick of me? How long did it take you to get sick of your ex-wife? I can see you're already sick of your son. Hell, you get visitation with him and you've got him with other people so you can go off to bars and chase after women."

Kevin was seething now. He hated the common stereotype that men always ran out on their families and abused their visitation rights.

"You don't know anything," spat Kevin.

"I know that you walked out on your family," said Stacia with contempt.

Kevin tried his best to control the rage building within him.

"Maybe you should get your facts straight before spouting off," said Kevin. "I happen to have full custody of my son."

Kevin watched with satisfaction as Stacia's jaw dropped.

"You talk about pain and finding out the one you love never loved you back? Try this one on for size. My wife and I met while I was still in law school. I married her soon after graduating. We conceived Ryan shortly after. That's when things changed. Taking care of Ryan wasn't what Melissa wanted out of our marriage, however. See, she married me for the money. She saw someone earning straight A's in law school with bright prospects of putting her on the gravy train. Her days of shopping with her girlfriends were over. She found out that taking care of Ryan was actually work. It took me a private detective to find her after she left. Since then, I've had to raise my son with only my Mom to help me. I wasn't the one that walked out. She was."

"Oh, God, I'm sorry," sobbed Stacia.

"I thought you're heart was kind, but I guess I was wrong," said Kevin somberly. "Enjoy the rest of your lunch."

Kevin stood up and then headed to the door.

"Wait!" cried Stacia. She got up and headed after him but it was too late. Kevin was already out the door and off to his car. When Kevin got to the car, he quickly started it on and peeled out onto the street and away from Stacia's apartment. The emotions that he had long neglected when Melissa left were now pouring out of him. He never had allowed himself to grieve. Taking care of Ryan and making sure he survived after his mother left was the most important thing. Tears, long unshed, were now streaming down his face. He had to pull to the side of the road or risk getting in an accident as his emotions completely overcame him.

Kevin laid on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. The tears had long since dried up. He couldn't possibly cry anymore. Years of anguish had poured out of him.

Kevin had arranged for his mom to pick up Ryan at day care and keep him overnight so that he could deal with things. His mom had told him that it was about time. The doorbell ringing startled Kevin out of his reflection.

"Who the hell could that be?" asked Kevin to himself. He hoped that it wasn't someone soliciting something.

Kevin walked to the door and opened it a sliver and looked outside. It was Stacia. She was still dressed the same to Kevin's amazement.

"What do you want?" asked Kevin.

"I wanted to apologize," said Stacia. Her voice was shaky. It was obvious she had been crying.

"Apology accepted," said Kevin. "Good bye."

"WAIT!" screamed Stacia as Kevin tried to close the door. Stacia was leaning against the door to keep it open. "I'm sorry that I associated the way I feel about men to you. Bobby's blackened my heart more than I care to admit. The thing is, you've awakened my heart. In one short evening, you showed me more love and compassion than Bobby did over all the years we were together."

Kevin backed up and let Stacia into his condo. Stacia looked around the place in awe.

"It's so big... and clean," said Stacia.

"I can't take credit for the cleanliness. I have a maid come in three times a week. A single parent practicing law only has so much time in his busy life."

"Kevin, I'm really sorry about earlier," said Stacia.

Kevin didn't know what to say. He was still angry at her for accusing him of walking out on his family. He was till hurt by those words. On the other hand, she had come to apologize. Maybe her heart wasn't as dark as he thought it was.

"You okay, Kevin?" said Stacia. She had a concerned look on her face. "Have you been crying?"

Kevin turned away from Stacia, too embarrassed to show his weakness in front of her.

"Did I hurt you that bad?" asked Stacia. She put her hand on Kevin's shoulder. Kevin relaxed at her touch.

"How long did you grieve after Bobby left you?" asked Kevin.

"I don't know," said Stacia. "In some ways I'm still grieving today. It definitely was a long time."

"I didn't get that chance," said Kevin. He turned and faced Stacia. "I had a son that was never going to see his Mommy again. I had to start raising him on my own. You know where I did my grieving?"

Stacia shook her head.

"In the office," said Kevin. "For the last couple years I've busted my butt at work to make partner. I didn't do it for the money. I didn't do it for the power or the prestige. I didn't even do it for a better future for Ryan. I did it because every day I'd come home to Ryan and he was a reminder of everything bad that had happened. When you say I've been slacking off with my son, you hit a nerve. In some ways you're right. He spends a lot of time with Grandma while I'm working long hours late into the night; time when I should be helping him learn is alphabet or how to count to a hundred; time when I should be playing with him and enjoying the wonderful gift that Melissa bestowed on me."

"Jesus, Kevin. I didn't know."

"Stacia, I've had hard experiences in my life just like you have. I've let those experiences rule my life for too long. When I first met you, I knew that you were the one that would change things. I knew that you were the one for me. I just wish you'd realize the same thing."

"I just did," said Stacia, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Stacia grabbed onto Kevin and hugged him tightly. Her tears were flowing freely now. Kevin returned the hug, wrapping one arm around her, and using the other hand to run through her strawberry curls.

"I'm still scared, Kevin," sobbed Stacia.

"I am, too," said Kevin. "The thing is, I know I've gotta take a chance. Deep down inside, I know you're the one. I can't let that get away."

"I know it, too," said Stacia. She snuggled deeply into Kevin's chest.

Kevin backed off slightly and lightly brushed Stacia's face with the tips of his fingers. His hand drifted down to her chin. He lifted her chin slightly and looked into her emerald eyes. Kevin felt his lips draw to hers. Their kiss started out as a light brush of the lips and then became a feverish mashing of the lips, trying to feed the hunger within both of them.