Episode 48

Chapter 200

White House Spokesman

1:27 pm, November 4th, 2006

7:27 am November 5th, 2006 (local time)

"Can you do this, Mr. Speaks?"

I thought about it for a moment. The question is not whether I could do this. The question running through my mind is whether I should do this. The President just asked me to schedule a press conference and make an announcement. That's nothing new. That's why I'm his press spokesman.

What was new was the fact that he wants to me say that he was going to apologize and resign.

I've worked with this guy since he was a Senator. Such a speech was about as far out of character as he could get. Then I saw a glint in his eye. Of course. I should have known. "Yes, Mr. President. I will start making calls immediately."

Chapter 201

Heather

1:27 pm, November 4th, 2006

7:27 am November 5th, 2006 (local time)

I knocked on the door.

The door opened slightly and a pair of eyes looked out. Then the door opened fully. "Heather! Glad you could make it." Coach Koke greeted me. "Come on in. Have a seat."

I took a seat and looked around. There was sports stuff all over his house. Big surprise, that. One wall of his living room was even covered in press coverage from all his sports victories.

How dare that geek and his slut challenge the man who did all this? They are not worthy to breathe the air Koke sneezed in.

"I had to. They practically threw me out of the house."

"Thrown out? By who?"

"My parents, of course." Heather grimaced. "I'll bet Fred will be angry he missed seeing that."

"Don't mention that traitor's name in front of me. What he did last week was an embarrassment to all real men."

"I agree. I'd disown him if I could."

"So why did your parents threaten to throw you out?"

"Remember the events of last week?"

"Sure. It was the week the school went mad. Treating nerds like equals. Ha! That has to be the stupidest idea I have ever heard of. If I remember, you were one of the smart ones."

"Right. It turns out that the principal called my parents and let them know what I had done."

"So? You'd think your parents would have been glad. I'm surprised they were not thrilled enough to buy you a car."

"My parents were thrilled alright. For Tiffany. They went on and on about how wonderful she was for not treating me as I deserved for what I did wrong last week. They just kept going on about how good Tiffany was and what a great kid Jacob was for not going after me."

"I take it you were not too happy about that."

"Of course not. What intelligent person would be? I started shouting about how wrong they had got it, that I was being punished for thinking the right thing and doing the right thing, just like they taught me."

"What did they say to that?"

"They claimed that the way they raised me was against everything I did. When I denied that, they told me that if I truly thought that what happened last week to Tiffany was right, that I could pack up and leave. Then they told me that my allowance for the year was going to be given to Tiffany as a small sign of atonement. I screamed then that I had nothing to atone for."

"Priceless. They deserved that. What happened next?"

"I don't know. I stormed out after shouting that. I had taken all I could stand of their ignorant stupidity."

"I'm betting they did not offer help for the hearing?"

"Of course not. They told me they were not going to contest it at all. They said that I'm being sent to a school for disturbed students."

"Disturbed? You? You are one of the clearest thinkers in the high school. There is no way we can let that happen. Would you like me to see if my lawyer can help you?"

"I'd love that. I swear there is no way, no matter what, that I will let it look like any nerds or friends of nerds won last week. If I have to go in and shoot them down where they stand, I will."

Koke nodded at that. "What are your plans for Ms. Q?"

"I do not know yet, but I want whatever I do to hurt her bad."

Chapter 202

CNN anchor

1:50 pm, November 4th, 2006

7:50 am November 5th, 2006 (local time)

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we interrupt our normally scheduled program to bring you what may well be a unique historical event. Tonight the President of the United States, Ned Twiggery, will be resigning from his office. What separates this night's speech from Nixon's resignation broadcast is the fact that there will be an apology this time. We go now to our political speech correspondent in Washington D.C., Abe Chesters. Abe?"

"Thank you, Bill. Tonight's speech came as a complete surprise to the Washington establishment. His administration was in difficulty because of several events before now. However, each time he basically ignored anything that deviated from his views for the future of the country. Further information on that will be given by our in-house political analyst, Rick Hume. Rick, let me ask you simply and directly, what caused the President to reach this point?"

"Well, Abe, the question is not as simple as it seems. To be that simple, it would have taken one event to trigger the current crisis."

"There was more than one event I take it?"

"Indeed. It started with several fundamentalist actions he had taken. But it all came to a head recently when he made a speech throwing out several laws and promising to betray our international obligations. He might have survived that, but word has recently leaked out about his supporting the Association's handling of Jacob Stone."

"Bill, isn't that what caused the Density Force to mobilize and rescue Jacob?"

"You are correct. Colt was captured by Jacob Stone after an attempt by Colt to steal Stone's craft. Colt was tried and convicted of piracy as well as several crimes connected to national security. The President promptly pardoned Colt and placed him in command of the base where he had been arrested. Colt lost no time in seizing control of the base and sentencing his opponents there to national security crimes and imprisoning them. He then managed to steal Jacob's personal craft. Jacob, his family and a high school girl that traveled over to Palestine with him were imprisoned and tortured under Colt's direct orders and, as we have since learned, with the President's blessing."

"What happened next?" Abe asked.

Bill was silent.

"Bill?"

Bill shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry. I'm having trouble with this. Is Mike here?"

"I am." Mike said.

"Excellent. Mike is a military consultant for CNN. Mike? Can you take us through what happened next?"

"Certainly. Let me first say that I retired a General out of the Air Force base commonly called Dreamland. I mention this only because Dreamland was and still is the base where new projects and systems were tested. Upon reading the reports of the Density Force's attack upon Camp Carter, I was not reminded of the projects of Dreamland too much. I was reminded of a book I read for high school. In the words of the book, 'It was bows and arrows against lightning anyhow'. They assaulted the base with the sort of ease that we never thought possible. In fact, given what we can now infer of their capabilities, it is obvious that they were being restrained about it. If they really wanted too, they could have 'wasted' the place down to the bedrock. And I use the term 'wasted' in its most military sense, as in trashing the place to the point that nothing remained remotely salvageable. There are those that say the fact they attacked a United States Marine base puts the Density Force at war with the United States. To those people I ask if the Density Force really has anything beyond their own concerns that holds them back?"

"Thank you Mike. The situation concerning the possible war with the Density Force will be addressed in a special news report. I will say this much. The Density Force is made up of teenagers. American teenagers."

"Exactly," Abe commented. "That fact along with the fact that they had to mobilize at all to rescue their friend is one of the other things that finished off the President. When the Density Force was able to take out bin Laden, the President tried to seize credit. That the President has to try to take credit from teenagers to save himself shows how desperate the situation really is for the President. Mike, what do you think it would mean for the Density Force if they were actually the ones to have killed bin Laden."

Chapter 203

President Twiggery

2 pm, November 4th, 2006

2 am November 5th, 2006 (local time)

I walked up to the podium of the White House press room. The room could not get anymore crowded unless people started sitting on top of other people's shoulders.

Perfect.

Most of them were nervous at being at such an historic occasion.

Even better. Little did they know it was not to be the historic occasion they thought it was. This could be the single greatest speech I ever make.

The press secretary looked inquiringly at me.

I nodded.

He took the rostrum.

The press room quieted.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the God Given President of the United States."

The members of the press corps stood. A few people clapped. I took note of those people. They would get front row seats starting Saturday. Everybody else's press credentials were going to be stripped from them. They are probably all a bunch of blasphemers who think I've been in the wrong all this time. God's work will be done, even if I have to declare everybody who challenges me an enemy combatant. I mounted the rostrum and stared straight at the cameras. God talks to me, and now I'm talking to the nation. Like Moses, my words had better be heeded if they did not want divine wrath to strike them. "Please be seated."

Everybody sat down.

"Ladies and gentleman, good Conservative Citizens of God's Most Blessed United States. I have many things to tell you all today. No doubt the news agencies have seen to lead off with statements forecasting my resignation and apologies for things I have recently done. First of all, let me state that I am not resigning. I will never resign. God put me here. God wants me here. Nothing will remove me. Who can stand against God?"

The press corps appeared to go into shock.

I kindly waited for them to come out of shock, and then continued with the meat of my message. "Not only am I never going to resign, but I am not going to apologize for my deeds, ever. I'm proud of my actions. Every Right Thinking American agrees with me. Now that I've got that out of the way, let me first say that the day Americans have waited for has at last arrived. Osama bin Laden is dead. A patriotic organization called the Association was responsible. With God's Assistance, they killed this enemy. They did it by confiscating the ship belonging to Jacob Stone. Jacob Stone is an enemy combatant for resisting the Association and God. He has been convicted of treason and sentenced to death for his Crimes against God and America. The previously mentioned Association is given formal status by executive order and granted full police powers. The Association is an organization that every American should be proud of. I know I am. Everything they've done so far has only helped America. Not all organizations are so patriotic. There are a few that struggle against us as we are making this the country God intended it to be. Chief among them is the Density Force. The Density Force is made up of a bunch of teenagers who have forsaken what it means to be an American. They had the nerve to claim the killing of bin Laden, as if God would let such seditious and treasonous kids do such a thing. They attacked a base we had in occupied Israel and freed their criminal leader. I want to make my position quite clear about the Density Force. The Density Force is an organization whose members fired upon the military of the United States. They resisted orders of their Government and God as related by Me. They currently are based out of Occupied Israel. I'm ordering the nation's forces to DEFCON 1. I'm also using my lawful power as the God Given President of the United States to declare war against the Density Force. They are currently supporting forces standing in the way of God's People in Israel. Let me further clarify the position of the United States in the Middle East. The so called Liberated State of Palestine was and is a mistake. The former President of the United States intervened where he had no business at all. I seriously believe that act caused God to go against him when I first ran. God moved me, dare I say that God choose me for this job and placed me here so that I can correct the mistakes my liberal predecessor made. First of all, we are breaking all diplomatic ties with Palestine. The so called Liberated State of Palestine is not a valid state. It has no rights internationally. The liberal actions that forced us to treat them equally with Israel are being rejected by most people of this country. To that end, I am declaring that all Americans in Occupied Israel are being withdrawn effective immediately. Any American military still in Occupied Israel after next Tuesday will be given a dishonorable discharge and prevented from contaminating America with their beings, beings God surely will damn for their misdeeds. All gays of any type are to be stripped of all legal rights. I will send bills to Congress on this and other matters that require correction from the misdeeds of the activist courts. I look forward to presenting more suggestions and statements as given to me by God for His Most Blessed Country. That is all for this speech."

For probably the first time in the history of the White House press corps, the room was too silent to ask any questions.

I walked out.

Chapter 204

Tiffany

2:16 pm, November 4th, 2006

8:16 am November 5th, 2006 (local time)

I stormed into Jacob's kitchen. I needed a drink after what I just heard. I mean, I knew politicians were not expected to have a good grip on reality, but this was ridiculous. Did he seriously think he was going to get away with it?

Somebody was calling for someone.

Not my concern.

I yanked open the refrigerator. It was nearly empty. There was some bottled water. I needed something stronger. Much stronger. I looked around. There was a gallon jug with a little milk left in it. According to the markings, it was a week past its sell date. I looked at it briefly before deciding against it. It might shock my system, but it was not the type of shock I was looking for.

"Tiffany? Are you out there?"

"Yes Karen."

"What are you looking for?"