Chapter 5

We were laying together in Amanda's bed, my sister snuggling against me in the warm afterglow of another weekend's lovemaking. Her breasts were pressed against my ribs, her body molded against my side, her now matted pubic hair tickling against my leg. She rested her head on my right arm, her own right arm across my chest.

I was softly stroking her sweat-dampened hair when my sister asked me THE QUESTION. "Ken?" she said, a note of inquiry in her voice.

I turned my head to make eye contact with her. "Yes?"

"What would you do if I became pregnant?"

Oh shit! I sure hoped that this was just a rhetorical question. "You're not, are you?" I asked with just a hint of panic breaking through into my voice. "You did say that you're on the pill."

"Don't worry," she reassured me, "I'm not pregnant. I was just wondering how you would react. Would you want me to have your baby?"

"I'd be honored for you to have my baby," I responded, kissing her lightly on the nose. I could see the light in her eyes at my answer. I knew then that I had better get real with her. "But I don't think it would be a good idea."

"I know" she replied, resignation in her voice. "Still, why don't YOU think so?"

"Well, Mom and Dad would have a shit-fit if you ever told them you were pregnant without being married. And they'd have a double shit-fit if they ever found out how you got that way."

"You mean who had gotten me that way." my sister said, giggling.

"You know what I mean. I wouldn't want either of us to have to go through that. And it wouldn't be easy being a single mother. It's not like we could marry each other, you know."

"I know."

"And then there's the fact that we'd have biology working against us. There's a good chance that any kids we might have would be defective in some way. That wouldn't be fair for either them or us. I don't know if we could live with that."

"You're right. I've thought about it and I couldn't have put it better. I know that babies are never going to be part of what we have." She sighed, "Still, you're not the only one who has fantasies."

I could feel her tremble a little. I was ready for this. Things had changed so much since when we had first made love. The barriers were down between us. We weren't just lying together naked. We were freely opened up to each other. We both knew that we could each trust the other to listen, to take what was revealed seriously, to not laugh; in short, to care.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think so." She pulled away a bit and propped herself up on one elbow. She looked at me, displaying that slight hesitation in her manner that I had learned to recognize as indicating that she was approaching a difficult subject.

I teased her a little, attempting to ease her nervousness. "So tell Little Brother what's so important."

She smiled at my attempt to relax her, and then she forged ahead. "What do you want to do with your life, Kenneth? What would you like to have happen?"

Jesus, talk about deep. This was right up there with her pregnancy question.

"I don't really know yet," I answered truthfully. Then I turned the question back on her, knowing that this was what she wanted to talk about. "What about you? What are you looking for, Amanda?"

She responded right away to my direct questioning. "I want to be happy. I want to graduate and get a job as a commercial artist. I want to make a living doing something I enjoy."

"Not a bad list so far," was my reply. I knew there was more. I felt I had a duty to ask. "Anything else?"

"I want someone to love - someone to love me back. Someone besides you." I could see tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Ken. You know how much I love you. And I know how much you love me back. Look at us! You're my brother and I'm your sister and we're laying here naked in my bed after fucking each other's brains out." She looked downwards, unable to maintain eye contact for her next words. "But I want more. I want a husband and a family. No matter how much we love each other - no matter how much you love me - you're never going to be able to give me that."

I knew she was right, and pondered what to say in response to her statement. I had always known that this day was going to come. Indeed, I had already resolved that when the time came I wouldn't stand in the way of her happiness. She was the absolute best lover I had ever known. But she was also the one woman in the world I loved more than any other. Her needs came first.

I had to say what I felt to her. "I just want you to be satisfied. I mean that. The sex with you has been great; the best I've ever had. But I can always get another lover - not as good as you, but adequate. I can't get another sister. I want to see you happy, Amanda. I need that for my own happiness."

"Thank you, Ken" she said, hugging me - her sigh of approval. "I knew you would understand. I just wasn't sure how to talk to you about it."

"So you brought up the pregnancy thing?"

"It seemed the best way. I wanted a situation that we couldn't change. I needed to make you understand."

I caught a sly look from my sister - a twinkle in her eye. She was letting me know that she hadn't told me everything. There was more.

And I could guess what it was.

"So, did you have someone in mind?" I inquired innocently.

She blushed. I loved watching her do that. She was still the only girl I had ever watched blush while naked. It was a wonder to behold, the pink glow spreading across her entire upper body.

"There is this one guy I've been dating for a while... " she confirmed.

"So you've been holding out on me," I said teasingly. "Anyone I know?"

"I don't think so. He's not local."

"So tell me about this mystery man."

Amanda jumped at the chance now that she was comfortable that I wouldn't take this new male as a rejection of myself. "Well, he's from Montana. You'd like him. He loves the outdoors, just like I do. In fact, I met him on a rock climb. He's here on a full scholarship in computer sciences."