Chapter 2

"Don't try to speak darling"

I looked dumbly at my mother and in spite of her words, I tried to open my mouth.

Nothing would work though, my mouth just refused to obey my brain, mum obviously saw the distress in my eyes and reached over to take my hand,

"Stay still Johnny" she said, her voice threatening to break, "You've got a broken jaw, it's been wired up"

Even turning slightly to look at her hurt me, my neck muscles protested, even my shoulders hurt, I made a writing gesture and she passed me a pencil and pad, obviously put there for this very reason.

I wrote, "Are you all right mum?"

She knew what I meant and showed me her arms, there were no new entry signs so I added, "Sorry"

"Don't be sorry darling" she whispered, "I knew you'd ask that"

I was in a hospital, in a private ward and needed no reminding of the beating I'd taken from tom, mum told me he'd been arrested and was still kept in custody, the judge having refused bail because of my injuries.

"What day is it mum?" I wrote and she smiled,

"Don't worry, you were unconscious when they brought you in and as soon as you awoke, they operated, your jaw was in a real state, but all it needs is time, you're going to be fine"

She laughed as I wrote on the pad, "I don't feel very bloody fine"

I noticed that my knuckles were skinned and pointed to them,

"You hit him" she laughed, "I was so proud of you Johnny, he was trying to beat you to death, but you didn't give in"

"I want my bloody head looking at" I wrote and she laughed again, then looked serious for a moment.

"Johnny, you know when they bought you in last night, Tom's wife took this off him and asked me to dispose of it before the police came"

She showed me a bag of white powder which I presumed was coke or heroin,

My pen moved again, "Why have you still got it mum?"

She bent down and picked up a rubbish bin from beside the bed, tearing open the bag, she tipped the powder into the bin,

"I just wanted to let you see me doing it Johnny, it was important"

A tear appeared in her eyes as she read what I'd scribbled,

"So are you mum"

I went home a week later, but to be honest I felt like shit, as well as the broken jaw, I'd got a broken collar bone and a few broken ribs, every little movement I made sent needles of pain shooting through my shoulder and I was absolutely fucking starving.

Somebody once said that man cannot survive on bread alone, well believe me, he can't survive on soup either!

My shoulder healed as did my ribs, but the jaw took a lot longer, five bloody weeks to be exact and even then when mum took me down to the hospital to be unwired, I was like a scared little kid.

"Right Johnny" said the pretty young doctor and ignored the fact that I was looking down her blouse as she'd worked on me, "Open your mouth, but do it slowly"

"What if I can't open it?" I said and the three of us burst out laughing when we realised I'd spoke.

The doctor was the nearest one so I kissed her, but she grimaced and said, "Believe me Johnny, I'm as pleased as you are, but your breath's rotten"

"Oh God, I'd forgotten about that"

Mum and I walked out hand in hand and got a taxi home,

"Johnny, you know when you kept me on that bed?"

"Aw mum, you know I do"

"We all forgot your birthday"

"Yeah well it wasn't important mum, I had other things that I needed to do"

I think she still found it hard to talk about her life on drugs, all she said was,

"I'll never be able to thank you enough for what you did Johnny, but I bought you a little present, I hope you like it"

She opened the garage doors and I feasted my eyes on the brand new BMW standing there,

"Mum, I -- "

"Tell me you like it Johnny please darling" I could hardly believe it, she wasn't sure!

I suppose it was everything that had happened over the past year or so, dad's death, mum's near fatal addiction, the beating I took off someone I thought was a friend, all those things burst out of me in a flood of tears, mum must have been emotional anyway because she stood and cried with me, the tears ran down our cheeks as we clung together, neither of us spoke, we just cried, I think we needed it.

"You've still not said whether you like it or not" she said eventually and then the laughter came as we staggered into the house.

"Hey, I've just realised, I'm eighteen now aren't I?"

"You sure are, why?"

"Well I can legally drink now"

"Yep"

"Let's go to the pub for lunch, I really fancy a pint"

"They might not be too pleased to see me there Johnny"

"Why not?"

She looked embarrassed and uncomfortable,

"I was told to leave a while ago darling"

"What for mum?"

"I tried to sell myself there for drugs money"

"Yeah well that was then, your different now, come on let's go"

"Johnny while we're on the subject, I've got to apologise to you, I seem to remember asking you to --, well you know"

"You were ill mum" I said and squeezed her hand, "Forget it"

"Thank you darling" she smiled and then burst out laughing as I added, "I'd be tempted now though mum"

"I can't believe you just said that Johnny"

"Sorry mum, I didn't mean to embarrass you"

The expression on her face was priceless and she'd gone a very deep shade of red,

"Mum I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me"

I really thought she'd go mad at me, but she looked at me and smiled,

"Careful Johnny" she said softly, "I might just take you up on that, come on we'll go in your car"