“Tess. You’re home a little early. How was the Christmas party?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“You don’t sound too sure. Did something happen?”

“No, Todd, not really. Maybe a little something.”

“Oh?”

“There was this candy dish.”

“And?”

“Yeah, it was like a snowman. Just the head of the snowman. Sitting on a little table in the hall just outside the upstairs bathroom. See, I had to go, and the downstairs one was occupied.”

“A snowman, huh?”

“Yeah, just the head. And his mouth was wide open and the candy was sitting inside his mouth.”

“Did you try any of it?”

“Not exactly.”

“What does that mean?”

“I didn’t try any of the candy per se. But the thing was, the snowman’s nose, it was a penis.”

“Really? Like those carrots people used to stick on snowmen, not just for the nose but for their...”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t a carrot. It was pretty realistic looking.”

“Was it ... erect?”

“It was. And I couldn’t help it. I had to touch it. Just to see.”

“And how did it feel?”

“It felt real. Like a real penis. Hard but softish at the same time. It felt nice.”

“Uh huh.”

“So naturally I touched it a little more. Sort of stroked it. And some fluid seeped up from the slit. Just a little. But naturally I had to taste it.”

“Naturally.”

“Uh huh. And it tasted ... good. Better than real cum. I mean not better than your cum, but better than most cum. Sweet but not too sweet. Spicy but not too spicy. Maybe a little like really good eggnog. Spiked eggnog. With nutmeg.”

“Interesting.”

“And then, I don’t know why, I picked it up and took it into the bathroom with me.”

“You did?”

“Uh huh. And I sucked it. I had to. I was like compelled. Oh Gosh, Todd, it was really just the perfect size for sucking. Not too big and not too small. Just right.”

“Did you make it cum?”

“Oh yeah. It was amazing. It took just the right amount of time to cum. And the cum was, well, delicious. I swallowed it all.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah, but then the snowman’s cock didn’t get soft. It stayed erect. So naturally I had to fuck it.”

“Really?”

“Oh God, Todd, it felt so good it my cunt. It made me cum, Todd. It made me cum like crazy. I almost dropped it. All that candy would have spilled out over the bathroom floor. But I didn’t drop it. I just held it tighter and it fucked me more and more and I came again and again.”

“Tess, that’s incredible.”

“I know. It was the best—it was almost the best fuck ever. So naturally I had to filch it. It’s in the backseat. Would you go out and bring it in for me? I think I’m ready for another fuck.”

“What about me?”

“After I’m done you can fuck it too.”

“This is all a joke, right?”

“Don’t be embarrassed, Todd. And your cock is better in at least one way.”

“What way is that?”

“When we fuck it’s making love, because I love you. I don’t love the snowman. Not yet.”