Chapter 1

Love at first sight is bullshit. How can you love someone whose personality you don't know? Lust at first sight surely, but not love. I met Nikki the first day of high school, tenth grade at good ole Johnstown High. She was in my Spanish class, and a grade above me. She was short and, well not overweight, I'd say curvy for lack of a better way to put it. Dark blonde hair, bordering on brown, a decent ass, a nice set of boobs (which were still growing, much to my delight), and the most beautiful deep blue eyes I have ever seen in my life.

She wasn't the hottest girl in the school, not by a long way, but she was still pretty. Sometimes I wonder where we would be today had I the courage to ask her out then, but when I think about it, I wouldn't change much in how our lives flowed.

I was the fat kid in high school. It sucked hard, let me tell you. I was also smarter then 98% of the kids in my class and more then a little shy. So I never had the courage to ask her out those first few weeks of 10th grade. But what I did do was talk to her. Nikki is almost as smart as I (excepting her blonde moments) and I loved talking to her about everything: school, politics, books, movies, and occasionally sex.

I enjoyed our conversations, and eventually they evolved into hanging out at each other's houses, movies as friends, etc. She was one of my best friends; problem was I was hopelessly in love with her. All of our conversations helped show me the real Nikki, and she was the most beautiful person in the world to me. She was pretty, smart, funny, amazing, she was awesome, but she wasn't mine.

The summer after 10th grade I did something uncharacteristically brave of me, I emailed her, yes that's right folks I emailed her a bunch of questions, one of which was asking if she knew I had a crush on her for the majority of that year. I waited on her reply like a man on death row waits for the call from the governor. Well her reply was both good and bad. I wouldn't be executed, we were still friends, but I was still in friend jail, unable to show my love for her in any way. The one thing in that email that really ticked me off for years to come was a reason why we could never date, the dreaded; I don't want to loose you as a friend spiel. Well other then that email the summer was nice, our friendship strengthened and I got to see her in a bikini, I mean, how fucking cool is that.

My junior year and her senior year looked promising, we shared two classes Spanish again, and now physics. Our morning classes were also right next to each other, so she would come over and talk with me before class started. And so we plodded on, her oblivious, probably, to my love, and me too shy, and now too scared at loosing one of my best friends to do anything about my love for her. Winter was not very good to me that year. Our school throws a semi-formal before Christmas break every year. So I asked Nikki to help me find a date, hoping that she would find no one for me thus enabling me to ask her to the dance, and then I would be able to woo her or something like that (Yes, I was stupid to think that would work, but I was a teenage in love, therefore dumber then a brick, so screw you!). But alas, she did find a date for me and she went with some random kid she was in orchestra with. So my plan to woo her fizzled, but I did get to meet Regina who became one of my good friends.

I died a little the day we came back to school from Christmas break. There I was, sitting in my math class, waiting for mi amor minding my own business. She came into the room with such a shit eating grin that you'da thought she won the fucking lottery. She had kissed someone, and it wasn't fucking me. My stomach dropped below my testicles and there was a nice burning feeling in my throat when she told me that. But I put on my face and did the friend thing for her. You know "Cool! Who was it?" and other bullshit like that. She had gone to Ireland over the break with the rest of the orchestra, and at the hotel they had a Christmas party with some other American school. She was able to "let her hair down and dance" and other crap like that, and she had found a guy, from North Carolina, and fucking made out with him. Her first kiss was supposed to be mine as well! But it wasn't it was with the ugliest fucking bastard I had ever seen, I mean, she had a picture of him, all his fucking acne didn't obscure his homeliness. The rest of winter was fine, except for the fact that she rubbed in the fact that I was 16 and never been kissed, but it wasn't so bad, I mean, she was still going to be mine somehow! Spring was bitter too, I did the, "Hey Nikki find me a date for the dance" trick for the junior prom, and much to my delight it worked, I asked her to the prom, although as friends. She was absolutely gorgeous, but the night really sucked. She was under the weather that night, and was in the bathroom blowing her nose for the majority of the evening, and the absolute cherry on top for the evening was her telling me about how her senior prom date, one of her best friends for years, had asked her out. I mean, what a way to ruin my evening, not that I was enjoying sitting at our table alone to begin with, but telling me that she had a boyfriend, and that he was one of her best friends, what happened to the whole "no dating friends thing"? But I got over it, I always did, and I kept being her friend, because I was somewhat happy as her friend, and I didn't really have that many more friends.