Chapter 28: The Waters

The mood in the Waters car on the ride home was like day and night. In the backseat, Kathy and her brother jabbered away about how much fun they had on the fishing trip, in the front, Sarah sat silently, her arms folded over her chest. Jack Waters just drove and seethed because of his wife's behavior in front of Harry and Ellen. When they arrived at their house, the family went in.

Brad and Kathy headed to their rooms and went to bed. Their dad had taken them aside and told them about going back to the boat in the morning. Both of the teens were excited and wanted to go fishing again.

Jack and his wife sat silently in the living room. The television was on, but neither of them was really watching it. After an hour, they got up and went to bed.

"I don't think I like our children hanging around with Jenny and Eddie, Jack. I think those two are a bad influence," Sarah said as she took her long nightgown out of her drawer and got ready to go to the bathroom to change.

"Whatever," Jack said.

Sarah went to the bathroom, like she did whenever she changed clothes, and Jack took off his slacks and shirt. He climbed into bed, set his alarm and stretched out on his side, his back to his wife's side of the bed.

Jack was still upset with the way his wife acted on the boat and for making a scene about the shorts outfit their daughter wore that afternoon.

When Sarah came back into the bedroom and climbed into bed, Jack turned off the light.

"I'm sorry if you don't agree with me, Jack," Sarah said. "I just don't want our daughter to turn into..."

That was all Jack could take. He had sat back and watched his wife suppress their children's growth for long enough. Sarah was forever telling the kids about how they should dress and act, never letting them be themselves. She would make Kathy wear clothing that was far more conservative than the other kids her age.

"What are you afraid she'll turn in to, Sarah, you? Are you afraid that Kathy will turn out the way you did, when you were a teen?"

"I'm not going to sit back and let her run wild, Jack."

"You didn't answer me."

"What are you talking about?"

Jack sat up, turned on the light and looked down at his wife. His face was red with anger and his breathing heavy.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about. Have you been lying to yourself for so long you've forgotten? Do you honestly want me to believe you don't remember when you were fifteen and doing the things you did."

"I've put that behind me, Jack."

"Maybe you think you have, but it's still part of you, Sarah; it's still eating you alive and now it's starting to affect our children."

"You know why it happened, you know that my parents were religious zealots and caused all my problems. If my father wouldn't have beaten me for being a kid, I wouldn't have done any of those things."

"That's a pile of shit and you know it. You did it because you wanted to rebel and get back at them. You knew that blowing half of the football team wasn't right. You did it to get even with your parents."

"You have no idea what it was like growing up in my house, Jack, you weren't there. You never saw my father hit me, call me a whore or tell me that I was destined to go to hell."

"No, I wasn't there, but I have heard the stories. You have told me countless times. That was your father, Sarah, not me. I think you did the things you did to prove your father right. I think you decided that if your father thought you were a slut, you were going to be.

"I think you went on a tear to get even with him. I can understand how you must have felt to have your father treat you the way he did while your mother stood by and let him. What I can't understand is why you are starting to do the same things to Brad and Kathy."

"I'm just protecting them."

"From what?"

Sarah began to cry and said, "I don't know, Jack."

"Do you remember that night, Sarah? Do you remember going under the bleachers, taking off your clothes and sucking on any guy's cock that was stuck in front of you? Do you remember those guys jacking off and spraying your head with cum? I do, I can remember it like it was yesterday."

Sarah was crying hard now. She did remember that night and several more like it.

"Yes, I remember," she sobbed. "I remember that you didn't join the group."

"No, I was the guy that cleaned you up and got you home. I cleaned you up and took you home a lot of times, Sarah."

"Why, Jack why did you do that for me? I was a slut and didn't deserve a boy like you, what made you do it?"

"God damn it, Sarah, don't you know?"

"No, not really. I thought you just wanted the same things the other guys wanted."

"If that's what I wanted, I'd have gotten in line with the rest of those guys. I would just have been another cock in your mouth. I cared about you, Sarah, that's why I was always there for you. I can't believe you didn't know."

"You know you were my first, you were the one that took my virginity, Jack. Didn't that mean anything?"

"It did to me, but I think you slept with me to get out of your house. I think you knew I loved you and would do anything for you and then you used me."

Sarah was quiet except for her crying. Jack waited for her to say something, anything, but when she didn't he started again.

"Do you know that we haven't had sex in over ten years? Do you know we have never made love? When we were dating and you were trying to get away from your parents, we would have sex anytime I wanted to. After we got married, the sex slowed down and then when the twins were born, it stopped."

"Why did you stay with me? Why didn't you leave?"

"Because I loved you, Sarah. I have always loved you and I kept going by thinking you'd eventually love me."

"Jack, I want to love you. I have always wanted to love you, but I don't feel worthy of your love. You're right, I did use you to get away. I stopped having sex with you because I felt dirty. My father has me convinced that sex is dirty and should only be done to have children."

"Sarah, you have to let go of the past. You have been carrying that baggage around for all these years and it's made you almost heartless."

"How can I, Jack? I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve to be with you. I was a slut and a whore when I was young."

"That was a long time ago, Sarah. That was then and this is now. You can't go back and change anything, but you can change what happens in the future.

"If you want to spend the rest of your life wallowing is self-pity, that's up to you; but rest assured, I will no longer sit back and let you keep our children from having fun. They are teenagers and want to do the things all teens do.

"Kathy wants to be able to wear the latest styles like her friends do and from now on, she's going to be able to. I will buy her what she wants and if you raise a fuss, I'll take the kids and leave."

"If you let her do those things she's going to have sex and end up pregnant. Kathy will be having kids at seventeen, like I did."

"Kathy isn't going to end up pregnant until she wants to, I took her to the doctor and now she's taking the pill."

"Kathy is taking birth control pills! How could you, Jack? How could you tell her that it's okay to have sex?"

"Listen, she's going to have sex when she wants to, pills or no pills. If she decides she wants to fuck some guy that's okay with me, I just don't want her to have an unwanted pregnancy."

Sarah started to cry again.

"Did you see our kids today, Sarah? Did you see how much fun they were having? When Kathy came out in that cute outfit, she was beaming, that is until you started to make her feel bad about it. That's over, Sarah, done."

"Are you telling me that you think it's okay for our daughter to show her breasts to her brother and anyone else that's around to see them?"

"They're just tits, Sarah. Besides, she wasn't showing them to anyone."

"When her outfit got wet, you could see right through it, Jack. You could see almost everything."

"Sarah, it isn't like she was pulling her top down and flashing her boobs. She got wet and you could almost see through her top, but she didn't do it on purpose. I just don't see what the big deal is."

"I noticed you were looking at her and Jenny today."

"Hell yes I was, they are both cute girls. It doesn't mean I want to have sex or anything like it with them."

"You think it's okay for her to expose her breasts then. Is that what you're saying?"

"What I'm saying is, I don't really care. If Kathy wants to show her tits, let her. I don't think that she really wants to go around topless, but if she does, it's up to her. She didn't pull her top down today, it just got wet. I'm not sure she even realized it until it was brought to her attention.

"If I hadn't stopped you, you would have made a scene and made her change her clothes. All that would have done is embarrass her and make her upset. Kathy is a smart girl, but if you don't change, she's going to rebel like you did. She may not go to the same extremes as you did, but she may do something she'll be sorry for.

"When our children decide to have sex, I want it to be because they want to, not because they are trying to make you mad, or get back at you for the way you treat them. I want Brad and Kathy to know what it is to make love. I want them to have what you and I never had."

Sarah sat up and leaned against the headboard next to her husband. She had stopped crying and was just starting straight ahead.

"I wish it wasn't too late for me," she said. "I wish it wasn't too late for us. I never wanted things to turn out this way, Jack. I wanted to have a normal life, a normal marriage, but the thoughts of my parents have haunted me. There is only one thing I can do now, Jack. I have to leave and let you and our children have an opportunity to enjoy a good life."

"Sarah, sometimes the way you think really pisses me off. You think the way to handle your problems is to run from them instead of confronting them. There is no middle ground with you; everything has to be to the extreme.

"You start out as a kid being a cock sucker and then you won't even talk about sex. Now you are going to run again, just like you ran from your parents. Don't you know that no matter where you go, you're there? It is about what's inside of you, not where you live."

"Do you want me to be a slut again? Is that what you want from me?"

"Fuck no! I want you to be a wife and a mother. I want you to start enjoying life, not just living. As far as sex goes, of course I want to make love with you. I want to feel the intimacy that a husband and wife should share."

Sarah started to cry again. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed, "I don't know how to be intimate, Jack. I don't know how to love, let alone make love. If you want me to, I can have sex with you though."

"I don't want to just have sex, Sarah. If I wanted sex, I could go down to Federal Highway and pick up a hooker, like I used to do. I want to share my love with you, I want to give myself to you completely and have you do the same for me."

"You used to pick up hookers?"

"Yes, I did. I would get so mad at you when you refused to let me touch you or be close, I'd go and get a ten-dollar blowjob. I did it a few times and then realized it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted you, not some stranger. I also realized I was doing it for the same reasons you did when we were young, to get even.

"One night I picked up a girl and was about to have her perform oral sex on me. She was bending over when it dawned on me there was no pleasure, not for me. I stopped her, gave her the money and threw her out of my truck. That was almost ten years ago and I've never done it again."

"I guess I can understand why you did it, Jack. What I can't understand is how you can still care for me after the hell I've put you through."

"Sarah, I loved you when we were married and thought there was a chance you'd learn to love, to love me. When the kids were born, I was the happiest man in the world and I stayed because I wanted a family. I thought having the twins would make you change too. I'm still here because I want to protect Kathy and Brad."

"What do you want to protect them from?"

"You! I want to protect them from growing into cold and unfeeling adults. I want our children to have the same opportunities other kids have. They're going to make their fair share of mistakes, but instead of chastising them, I want to be here to help them, to console them. I want them to have a complete home, a home with two parents."

"Am I really that bad, Jack? Do you really think I'm too strict with Kathy and Brad?"

"Yes I do. Let me ask you a question. Today, Kathy was wearing a pair of thong panties under her outfit. If she came to you and asked you to buy her some of that kind of underwear, what would you say?"

"I tell her no."

"Why?"

"Because they aren't the kind of thing a good girl should wear."

"So, what you're saying is if a girl wears any underwear that isn't like what you wear, she's bad."

"Well, yes, I guess so."

"Tell me, Sarah, how did your parents make you dress? Did they let you wear the same styles the other girls wore?"

"No, my parents made me wear long cotton dresses. My mother always bought me white cotton panties and bras. You knew that."

"Right, I did. Now tell me, did your clothing make you a good girl. If your parents would have let you wear stylish clothes would you have had oral sex with so many boys that you couldn't even remember all their names?"

"That's not fair! You know that isn't the reason I did what I did."

"Okay, so you're admitting that wearing a certain style of clothes doesn't have any affect on how a person acts."

"You're twisting things around. That's not what I'm saying at all."

"What are you saying then? Either a pair of panties makes a girl bad or they don't, which is it?"

"They don't, I guess."

"Of course they don't, Sarah. So what difference does it make if Kathy wants to wear them or not? What difference does it make if she wears short skirts or tight tops? If she's going to be bad, it doesn't really matter what she wears, does it?"

"If she wears that kind of clothing she'll look like a..."

"Kathy will look like the rest of the girls her age, Sarah. The way a girl dresses doesn't make her a slut, the way she acts does. If a girl wants to be promiscuous, she's going to be regardless of what she wears."

Jack chuckled and said, "You know what they say, 'all whores are women, but not all women are whores.' Kathy is just a teenage girl that wants to be like her friends."

"Maybe the only thing I can do for our children is leave, Jack. I've been the way I am so long I don't think I can change. I know deep down that you're right, but I just don't think I can start thinking the way you do."

"Sarah, I believe anyone can change. I feel that whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. You can be anything you want to be, all you have to do is let go of the past and start living for now and the future. I don't want you to leave, but I'm not going to sacrifice our children's future.

"I want Kathy to be a good wife that loves her husband and enjoys making love and having sex. I want Brad to be a good husband that treats his wife like an equal and not a servant.

"You know, Sarah, it isn't just me that has missed out on the joys of marriage for all these years, you have too. You have missed out on the feelings of intimacy, the feeling of being held and loved, the closeness of making love and the pleasures of sex, too. This is a relationship, or at least it should have been."

Jack took his wife's hand in his, kissed the back of it and said, "I love you, Sarah."

Sarah shook her head and started to cry again. Jack put his arm around her shoulders, pulled her close and held her as she wept.

"You have some things to think about, Sarah. Tomorrow morning, I'm taking the kids back to Harry's boat to go fishing again. If you want to come along, you're more than welcome. If you don't, that's okay too. I'm going to get some sleep now."

Jack kissed Sarah on the forehead, slid down and rolled onto his side. She was still sitting up thinking when Jack fell asleep, and when he woke up the next morning.

"Jack," Sarah said. "I want to go with you and the kids today. Would you mind?"

"No, Sarah, not at all. I'm going to take a shower and wake the kids up. We have to leave in about an hour."

Jack showered, dressed and went to get his children up. After he left the bedroom, Sarah went to get ready.

Sarah removed her long cotton nightgown, hung it on the door and stood in front of the mirror. She placed her hands under her small breasts, lifted them and gently squeezed. Sarah slid her hands down her sides to her panties, hooked her thumbs in the waistband and pushed them down.

After stepping into the shower and turning on the water, Sarah turned around and backed under the warm spray. She tilted her head back and ran her fingers through her thick raven hair, wetting it completely. Sarah thought about the things her husband told her the night before as she shampooed her hair. She'd been up all night, going over and over his words.

Sarah rinsed her hair, picked up a washcloth and poured some shower gel on it. She began rubbing it over her body, covering herself with rich suds. Moving out of habit, she washed, rinsed and turned off the water. She opened the shower door, pulled a towel off the towel-bar and began drying her body.

Once she finished blow drying and fixing her hair, she put on her robe and went to get dressed. Sarah looked through her lingerie drawer and took out a pair of white brief panties, the only kind of panties she owned. She dressed in a pair of shorts and a short-sleeved blouse, which she buttoned to the neck.

Kathy and Brad were in the living room chattering about the upcoming day. When she walked in, Sarah said, "Good morning, kids, are you two ready to go?"

The twins turned and looked at their mother. Their dad had told them that she probably wouldn't be going today, when he talked to them about going again. Jack came into the living room, smiled at his wife and said, "Let's get going, Ellen is fixing breakfast this morning."

Jen and Eddie were just getting started on their daily cleaning when the Waters family arrived at the boat. Brad and Kathy went to the bow to see their friends while Jack and Sarah went into the cabin.

"Want some help, Eddie?" Brad asked.

"Sure, there's another brush in the cockpit, under the starboard gunwale," Eddie said. "Kathy, there's another wash down hose in the cockpit. If you two want to clean up the cockpit, Jen and I will do the bow and bridge."

The four teens cleaned the boat while their parents sat in the galley and drank coffee.

"Sounds like we're getting ready to go," Harry said when one of the engines started.

"Don't the kids have to have some breakfast first?" Sarah asked.

"Don't worry about them eating," Ellen said. "They'll all be in here as soon as the engines are idling. I don't know about Brad, but my son would never miss a meal."

The four teens came into the cabin, sat at the table and began to eat the scrambled eggs and sausage Ellen placed on the table. Brad was hitting Eddie with a barrage of questions about the equipment they had used the day before, while Jen and Kathy talked about school.

Once they had finished eating, the teens went out to untie the boat and head out for a day of fishing. Jack was studying the craftsmanship of the joinery and commenting on the work to Harry while the women finished their coffee. When the boat began to move, the two men went out into the cockpit, leaving the women alone.

"Is everything okay, Sarah?" Ellen asked as she put away the last of the dishes. "You seem preoccupied this morning."

Sarah took a sip of her hot coffee, put the cup down and said, "Ellen, I know we've only known each other for a short time, but would you mind if I asked you a few questions?"

Ellen poured herself a fresh cup of coffee, offered Sarah some more and filled her cup when she nodded. Ellen sat down and said, "You can ask me anything you'd like, Sarah. If I can answer you, I will."

"I wanted to ask about Jenny; about how you let her dress."

"What do you mean, Ellen?"

"Well, you seem to let Jenny wear some very, um..."

"Sexy clothes?"

"Yes, she seems to wear clothes that are very sexy."

"She's a teenager, Sarah. How do you expect her to dress? All of the kids dress like that, you know, short skirts, tank tops and the like. Her clothes aren't really all that sexy, just stylish. What is this all about?"

"It's about the outfits the girls were wearing yesterday. It's about the way they looked when they got wet."

"What about it?" Ellen asked.

"Do you know you could see their breasts through the tops?"

"Yeah, I saw them."

"It doesn't bother you that Eddie could see his sister's breasts?"

"Ellen, I think you may be talking to the wrong person about this. I think you want me to be upset that the guys could see the girls and I'm not. My views on nudity would probably just upset you more than you already are."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, as long as you asked, I'll tell you, but I warn you that you may not like what I'm going to say."

Sarah sat in shock as Ellen launched her diatribe on the inequity of societies view on naked breasts. She told the woman that she not only accepted nudity, she encouraged it. By the time Ellen had finished, Sarah was wide-eyed and her mouth was hanging open.

"So you don't care that your daughter runs around half naked?"

"Sarah, I don't care if EITHER of my children run around completely naked. I don't have a different set of rules for Jen and Eddie. Harry and I treat them the same in all aspects of their lives."

"Aren't you afraid they'll end up having sex before they're old enough?" Sarah asked.

"No, I'm not. Kids will be kids, just like they were when we were their age. I don't know about you, but I was sexually active when I was younger than our children are. I don't think it has had any negative effects on my life."

Sarah shook her head and then Ellen said, "That's not what this is about, is it?"

"What do you mean, Ellen?"

"I mean you don't want to know about Jenny or Eddie. There's something else that's bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?"

Sarah began to cry and said, "I've been ruining my children's lives. I have been trying to protect them, but in the process, I'm making them hate me. My husband is threatening to leave and take Kathy and Brad with him."

"Why? What are you doing?"

Sarah explained her views on the way Kathy was allowed to dress. She told Ellen how she didn't let her daughter wear the latest styles, two-piece swimsuits or sexy underwear. She went on to say that her greatest fear was that Kathy would have sex.

"What's wrong with sex, Sarah? Don't you like sex?"

Kathy and Jenny came bounding into the cabin, both of them giggling. They said hi to their moms and told them it was beautiful outside.

"What are you two doing?" Ellen asked.

"We're going to put on the cute outfits you got us, Mom. It's getting too hot for these things," Jen said.

"Okay, Honey. We'll be out in a little while," Ellen said.

The girls went to the stateroom and returned wearing the one-piece outfits they wore the day before. Like the previous day, Kathy borrowed a thong from Jen. They scurried through the cabin and back outside.

"Ellen, I've never told anyone about this, but I just have to get it off my chest. Jack knows part of it, but not everything. I have no idea why I feel like talking about it after all these years, but after talking with Jack last night, I just know I have to."

Ellen reached across the table, put her hand on Sarah's and said, "I'm a pretty good listener, and I don't repeat the things I'm told."

Taking a sip of her hot coffee and a deep breath, Sarah began her story. She started by telling Ellen about her parents and how she was raised.

"My father was a stern taskmaster and demanded that I addressed him as sir. My mom was weak and did whatever she was told to do, including raising me. I never owned a pair of pants or shorts while I lived at home, only plain cotton dresses that came down to my calves.

"My parents preached against the sins of sex and any contact with boys or men, except to have children. I was told that my body was never to be seen by anyone and my parents even prevented me from taking physical education. I was twelve when I had my first period and when I told my mother, she handed me a box of pads and told me to figure out how to use them."

Sarah's eyes began to tear as she went on, stopping only to take a drink of her coffee.

"By the time I was fifteen, I was so confused that I could hardly stand it. I heard the girls at school talking about the things they did with their boyfriends. Almost everything they referred to was foreign to me, except for kissing. On top of it all, I was having feelings, feelings I couldn't explain. I tried to talk to my mom, but she just made me pray to have the impure thoughts erased from my mind.

"Between the talk at school, the feelings and my lack of knowledge, I thought I was going crazy. I wanted to be like the other girls and do some of the things they got to do, you know, football games, school dances, going to the movies and the like. Whenever I asked my parents to let me go, they locked me in my room."

"Would you like a refill?" Ellen asked.

Sarah nodded and waited until her cup was refilled and Ellen was sitting at the table to continue.

"One Friday night, my parents went to some prayer meeting, leaving me home alone. I snuck out and went to a football game that night. It was the very first time that I attended anything like it. The stands were filled with kids and they were all yelling and screaming as they watched our school play.

"I found a girl that I knew and sat next to her. She was always talking about the boys she went out with and the fun she had, so I thought that it would be fun to sit with her. After our team won the game, there was a big bonfire and most of the kids were there.

"I asked Sandi, the girl I sat with, about boys and if she could introduce me to some of the ones she knew. I didn't catch on when she giggled and whispered to her friends that I was being set up. Sandi told me that she would introduce me to some of the players if I wanted to meet them.

"The excitement of the night was overwhelming and I agreed to meet the boys she was telling me about. When the players started coming out of the locker room and joined the crowd, someone started passing around a bottle of booze. When the bottle was handed to me, I drank some.

"The liquor burnt as it went down, but the feeling was like nothing I had ever felt. My body felt all warm and tingly and my head felt light. I took a couple more drinks of the booze before Sandi took me aside and told me that she had talked to a few of the players. She told me that in order to be part of the group, there was something I had to do."

Sarah stopped and started into space for a couple of minutes, tears running down her cheeks. Ellen gave her a tissue and Sarah dried her eyes.

"I wasn't thinking straight when I told Sandi that I wanted to be part of the group. I was feeling no pain from the liquor, I wasn't really drunk, but I was feeling carefree. When Sandi started to explain what I was going to have to do, I got scared, but I didn't run or say that I wouldn't do it.

"You have to understand, Ellen, this was the first time I had ever been among the kids I went to school with. I always felt like a leper at school and on this night I didn't. One of the most popular girls in school was being friendly to me and I was in heaven. I think I would have jumped off a building if I were asked to, as long as I would fit in."

Harry stepped into the cabin and Ellen waved him off. He held up his coffee cup and she nodded and held her finger up. Ellen excused herself for a moment, picked up the coffee pot and went out to the cockpit. She filled Harry and Jack's cups, told them that she and Sarah were talking and asked about the fishing.

"Kathy caught a small Dolphin, but it was too small to keep," Harry said. "Eddie is heading out to the gulf stream to see if he can find some sails. Is everything okay?"

Ellen nodded and went back into the cabin.

"The kids are having a ball, Sarah. Kathy caught the only fish so far, but my son is moving to try and locate more."

Sarah smiled and continued with her story.

"Sandi led me to the grandstands and we went under them. She told me that I would have to get undressed and give the boys blowjobs to be able to join her group. I told her that I had no idea want she was talking about, but she told me not to worry, that she would help me. I couldn't move. I didn't think that removing my dress was a good idea, but when Sandi pulled her top off and started to remove her skirt, I guessed that it was what was need to be done.