Chapter 2

Not again! Her parents wanted to go out for pie and coffee with their friends again after choir practice. Lindsey Hall really did have homework to finish that night, but that wasn't the only reason she was upset. It was just so typically inconsiderate!

When she turned sixteen, the stated minimum age for the church choir, it was just assumed that she would join. Her parents never asked her. Lindsey had a very nice voice and liked to sing, but with only a few young people among the thirty in the choir, it was more duty than anything. Having to spend one more session at church with her parents was not an enticing prospect, either.

The previous Wednesday night she had sat at Perkins, bored out of her skull, until well after her mandated bed time. Her parents laughingly thought she should consider that a favor.

The family had two nice cars, and it would have been perfect had they driven separately. But Lindsey did not have a driver's license, and it did not look like she would get one soon. The straight 'A' student who got perfect scores in Driver's Ed and had had zero disciplinary problems could not be trusted to drive a car. The painful part of that was the time she overheard them discussing a car for her brother when he reached sixteen - he was a little more than a year younger and a grade behind her.

Lindsey's determination to remain respectful to her parents, as the Bible taught, had been stretched to the breaking point since she entered High School. Besides being totally inconsiderate of her, they seemed to spend their lives expecting her to sin, though she had given them absolutely no reason for mistrust. Of course, to them, sin meant sex, or anything potentially leading to sex.

While Lindsey was kept in a virtual straight jacket, her brother, Brett, seemed to have free rein. He could go to school games with his friends, she could not. He lied to and deceived them regularly, but they would not believe it if she told them. She was still forbidden to go on dates, while he used the games as excuses to meet up with girls. He was bragging around school about having sex with two different girls, although she knew his claims to be false because she knew the girls.

Lindsey was a top student, and Brett just got by. She was forbidden to go out for sports, although she was naturally athletic. Brett was considered a future star on the football team, which seemed to earn him any privilege he wanted. The whole issue of clothes was too painful for her to even think about.

Early on, Lindsey had tried pointing out the unfairness to her parents, but they made her out to be a liar and a whiner. Like a lot of other things, she decided to just tough it out. She felt her High School years were being stolen from her, but there was little she could do about it. It was not in her makeup to rebel and do the things they feared she would. Despite the overbearing application of the Bible's teachings by her parents, she believed the things she had been taught and was committed to living by them.

All creatures have instincts that allow them to carry out the essentials of parenting and thus preserve the species. Homo sapiens also has reasoning capability. It provides for both constructing an infinitely more complex environment than the lower creatures and coping with that complex environment.

Human parenting requires infinitely more than the genetic imprinting that suffices for a deer, a hawk, or a salmon. Most of it is not instinctive and has to be learned. The predominant method of learning is by living through the parenting process as the subject - the child. That is refined by experience with raising successive offspring.

The fact of the eldest child having to 'break ground' for younger siblings is obvious. Because of their religious beliefs, the Halls' approach to parenting was much stricter than average, bordering on paranoia. That was the first hurdle Lindsey faced while growing up. It was not unusual that her younger brother would be granted privileges earlier than she was. Her own impeccable behavior paved the way for him.

The other problem Lindsey faced was much more common than is generally acknowledged - a very strong male bias on the part of both her mother and her father. Very often, a father lives vicariously through the exploits of a son. He may make a show of discipline, but is secretly thrilled when the son does things he himself never accomplished or never dared to try. Things that fall into the 'macho' category give the father a particular thrill.

Floyd Hall had made the football team, but played little and got zero ink. To see his son's name mentioned in the press was heady stuff for him. Floyd had been a virgin on his wedding night and monogamous since. Though against everything he espoused, his son's sexual exploits gave him a secret thrill. Floyd was rather ashamed of his lack of manliness, a major reason he had let his body go so miserably. Siring a son with very macho characteristics had helped to reaffirm his virility.

At the same time he is thrilling to his son's exploits, the father is terrified of his daughter. He has no idea how to deal with her emotions, her sensitivity, and most of all her sexuality. He knows incest is wrong and the inevitable sexual attraction generates guilt in him. As a defense mechanism, he clamps down harder on the daughter.

For Floyd, the strict teachings of his church about sex exacerbated his highly defensive approach to Lindsey's sexuality. He wholeheartedly supported his wife Mary's restrictions on their daughter.

The mother in such a family is influenced by at least a couple of different forces. The feeling among women that sex is somehow shameful is far more pervasive than pop psychology would ever admit. In the Halls' religious household, it was very strong. The mother remembers with shame her own urges and 'transgressions' and sees it as her motherly duty to protect her daughter from the same shame. Thus, unreasonable restrictions are enforced, primarily by the mother.

Mary Hall fit the pattern exactly. Growing up in an almost puritanical home, the memories of her teenaged masturbation sessions remained a huge blot on her conscience. The few times she did not resist the petting advances of a boy, and in fact enjoyed it, haunted her still. She just had to keep her daughter from falling into the same sin.

The other force the mother is dealing with is her commitment to male dominance. Regardless of the rhetoric of the feminists, a large percentage of women acknowledge and even cherish the dominance of men. What a man wants and a man can take, he should have. A mother's glory is to see her son become a real man. Thus, on the way, she supports and encourages the taking.

To Mary, her son Brett's macho capers were a confusing blend of disgusting and exhilarating. Down deep was the sense that they were necessary for him to be the man to make her proud.

Being highly intelligent and perceptive, Lindsey had an instinctive understanding of the psychology of her family, though she had never analyzed and codified it. She knew there was gross inequity in the treatment of her brother and herself. She also knew that it was purposeful, even if only subconsciously.

All of these things went through Lindsey's mind as her mother off-handedly informed her of the change in plans, despite the earlier promises to get her home right away. As if her parents needed the pie! They were both disgustingly overweight and totally out of shape. She had often mused that it was a good thing they were so against sex. She could not imagine either wanting to do it with the other.

"No, Mother. You promised to get me home on time tonight. I expect you to keep your promise." That was about the most forceful thing she had said in years.

"Young Lady, you do not talk to me that way. It's disrespectful!"

"How about some respect for me - my homework. And your promise." Her mother, Mary, just stood there fuming, restrained from any physical action only because there were other people around.

Kevin Holt was one of the other teens in the choir. His father was a long-time Elder and a power in the church. Kevin was a Junior, a year ahead of Lindsey. Her parents had pictured him as a likely suitor to Lindsey, although that, of course, was way into the future. He was on the football team, a pretty good student, and quite good looking.

Because of the relatively few teens in the medium-sized church, Lindsey and Kevin saw a lot of each other, even doing some team-teaching in the elementary Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. His parents were nearly as strict as Lindsey's, and it would have been ideal for the two to date. She, of course, was far too young to date at sixteen, and would not have dated him, anyway.

Kevin, you see, had become adept at the dual life, one of the coping techniques of teens from overly restrictive homes. Lindsey had chosen complete compliance, while Todd Vrohmann, another football player from a strict church family, had chosen open rebellion. Kevin walked the line, and Lindsey knew of his two disparate sides and wanted nothing to do with him. It was the alternative she could least respect, the one her brother was setting out on.

Mary, of course, had zero concern about how her daughter felt about Kevin. The Holts lived reasonably close to them, so she asked Kevin to give Lindsey a ride home. That move was significant because she had previously been forbidden to ride in cars with boys. The rule would never have been dropped purely on Lindsey's behalf, but since it helped her parents...

Such small dramas as were played out that night after choir might seem insignificant, but to the teens themselves, every little nuance can amplify into a cruel insult or a major victory. Lindsey read that one as an insult, a further verification of how hopelessly self-centered and unfair her parents were. But at least she would get home to finish her studies. She also vowed that for once she would stand up to them. She absolutely would never again attend choir unless she could drive herself home.

Kevin was quite happy to have Lindsey in his car. She was by far the most attractive girl in the church, and he had tried to date her several times. He was not aware that she would have turned him down even if she was allowed to date, nor would he have understood her reason.

The two chatted amiably as they left the church, since they knew each other quite well. Kevin was low on gas, and they stopped at a convenience store just a few miles from church, still a good ten miles from Lindsey's home. A mile or two later, a sporty car pulled up alongside them, honking furiously. Lindsey recognized the occupants as Regan Manthei, the quarterback, Todd Vrohmann, the tight end whose parents were big givers at her church, and Keith Porter, a defensive player.

Responding to the honks and waves from the other car, Kevin pulled into a parking lot and got out to talk to his teammates, leaving Lindsey angry and quite nervous in the car. After a few minutes, Kevin got back in the car and started it up. "They're having a little party out at the park, and I said we'd join them for a while."

"KEVIN! I've got to get home and study. Besides, you know my parents would kill me if I went with them - so would yours."

"Aw, come on! Just for a while. I'll get you home before your parents. They're out with mine, anyway. We're going." He put the car in gear, but Lindsey instantly popped her door open and jumped out, almost falling because he had started to move. Her purse still sat on the car seat.

The three guys in the other car had seen what happened and were whooping and yelling through the windows. "Lindsey, come on!" Todd yelled. "Come with us and have a little fun."

"Yeah, Baby," Regan joined in. "Why are you protecting that Holy Roller cunt so hard. Come with us and loosen up."

Regan's comment terrified Lindsey and jarred Kevin to a realization of how he had messed up. He certainly didn't want to expose her to Regan's idea of fun. He jumped out and called to her "Lindsey, please get back in the car." And that's as much as she heard because all three of the others began shouting, taunting her and Kevin. He added "I'll take you right home, I promise," but she did not hear him.

Never in her life had Lindsey faced anything like this. Her only thought was that she had to get away, so she ran. By some instinct, she did not run down the road, but back between the office buildings where they were parked. She was a good runner, she had on decent shoes, and it was a moonlit night. Her biggest fear was that the boys would try to pursue her in the car. She had heard plenty of stories about Regan and his exploits with girls, and she knew what a slimeball Todd was from his infrequent appearances at church. She wanted nothing to do with them.

As she ran, she heard the derisive shouts from behind her, and forced herself to think only about where she was going. They were in a mostly residential area, laid out in orderly rectangular fashion, paralleling the main road they had been on. The strategy she decided on was to stay back from the main road, dodging around the houses if the boys came after her. She would head back to the convenience store and hope they would help her, even without her purse.

It did not take long for Kevin to realize he had screwed up big time. Desperate as he was to curry favor with his teammates, he realized how frightened Lindsey must be. He could not understand why she had not come back when he promised to take her right home. To his credit, he endured the catcalls from the other car as he drove off, hoping to intercept her and minimize the damage. For forty-five minutes, he drove around the nearby neighborhood, all the way back to where he had gotten gas, but with no sign of her. Finally, in panic and despair, he drove to her house and stuck her purse inside the storm door.

While Kevin was searching for her, Lindsey assumed he wanted to take her with the guys, and worked hard to avoid him. She saw his car three times, but hid beside houses until he went on. It took a long time to reach the little store, but she finally staggered in, sweaty and exhausted. Taking more of a risk than she realized, she told the lone attendant "Please! I need some help!"

For all her earlier troubles, Lindsey lucked out when she finally reached the store. Evening attendants at those places tended toward hard-bitten types, appropriate because of the risks of the job. That night, however, Andy Berg was still on his four to ten shift. Andy was working his way through the State U extension, taking as many credits as he could handle while working at the store. It was not a very good job, but usually gave him plenty of time to study, at least later in the shift.

Andy's divorced mother had succeeded in raising two good kids alone, without the benefit of a college education. Money was always scarce, but they got by. He was barely a Junior after three years, studying Accounting. His sister, Beth, was a Senior at Memorial, Lindsey's school. Beth had her heart set on pre-med, and had the brains for it, but needed a scholarship for any hope.

As a matter of both policy and self-protection, convenience store clerks refused to get involved with requests for assistance, referring them to the police, with whom they usually had very good relationships. The free food almost universally given to the police by the stores was actually well earned. Most of those businesses could not have survived without much closer police attention than normal coverage would indicate.

Whatever the policy, Andy was a genuine good guy, and he saw a girl who needed help. Noticing right away her disheveled appearance and lack of a purse, he handed her a soft drink before saying a word. At her hesitation, he told her "It's on the house."

Over the next several minutes, Andy got Lindsey to tell the whole story. She kept a watchful eye on the road, and panicked when she saw Kevin's car pull in. Sensing the problem, he told her to duck behind the counter which she did.

Kevin was frantic by the time he asked Andy if he had seen Lindsey. He described her, and told him what had happened. It was apparent that Kevin wanted to find her to get her home, but Andy decided to leave that decision up to her.

"I think he really would have taken you home," Andy said after Kevin had left in dejection.

"I... I couldn't take that chance," she responded.

"Lindsey, I'm a complete stranger. You're taking an awful chance trusting me." When she started to cry at that comment, he asked her, "you don't get to go out very much, do you?" Not really knowing why, she spent the next half hour telling him about her life.

Andy asked several times about anyone who could pick her up. He was willing to drive her home, but understood the risk he would be taking. Being helpful could cost a guy a lot in this day and age. When his shift was over, he made her try her house once more, with no luck. Then, he called the police dispatcher and had her patch him through to Jerry, the officer who covered that area most often.

"Hey, Jer, it's Andy. Just covering my ass a little," and he described Lindsey's situation. Jerry, facing an unusually slow night, volunteered to take Lindsey home, got approval from his Sergeant, and showed up at the store within minutes. Lindsey was very nervous at first, but her natural curiosity took over and she was soon chatting freely with Jerry.

Her parents were not home yet when Lindsey arrived, and her keys were in her purse. It was Jerry who noticed the storm door slightly ajar, and sure enough, her purse was there. Thanking Jerry profusely, she went in the house, flopped onto her bed, and lost it as the stress of the whole evening overcame her.

She knew now that Kevin was really trying to get her home. She felt a little bad for him, but she could not trust him at the time. There had been no choice, she had to get away. Her brief sympathy for Kevin was quickly replaced by anger.

When her parents got home, she told them the whole story in detail. Expecting some sympathy and maybe even remorse, instead she got "Now you see why we don't let you go in cars with boys." Stunned and angry, she uncharacteristically laid down an ultimatum.

"Unless I can drive by myself, I am not going to choir any more. I will not go through again what I did the last two weeks."

"You do not tell us what you will or will not do, Young Lady!" Mary screeched.

"Then be prepared to carry me into the car in handcuffs next Wednesday!" and she stomped off to her room. It was the most forceful display they had ever seen from her, and it managed to shake them up a little.

In the hall on the way to second period on Thursday, Lindsey noticed a few strange stares and some snickers aimed at her. She ate lunch after third period, and when she got to the cafeteria through more stares and snickers, only Trish McNamara among her usual friends was at their table.