Chapter 14

Marigold sat on her front porch, dozing a little as she waited for Thule's car to appear. She'd made the mistake of coming down late for breakfast the day after what Holly referred to as a "cooking day." When she came down to the breakfast table, she immediately recognized her mistake. Before she could reach for an apple or get her yoghurt out of the refrigerator, Holly put a plate piled high with scrambled eggs, biscuits, and a thick slice of ham.

"Mom," she protested. "I can't eat all this first thing in the morning."

Holly shrugged as she always did at such protests, "Well, eat what you want. There are so many leftovers, I had to do something with them."

Marigold opened her mouth to say something, but Jonas shot her a warning look that she recognized. It said, "If I have to eat it, you have to eat it."

Still, she couldn't resist a short sulk, "You're going to make me fat."

Holly laughed, "No chance of that. You're the same size you were at fourteen."

Marigold had eaten everything put in front of her. It wasn't in her not to. When her father had been alive, he'd instilled in her an unwillingness to waste food.

"See?" said Holly as her daughter rose from the table. "You must have been hungrier than you thought."

"I just didn't want to think about what condition it would be in when it god to the starving children in Africa," Marigold said, echoing a phrase she'd heard from her birth father more than once. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to purge and brush my teeth before Thule gets here."

Both of her parents looked up, alarmed. Marigold knew she hadn't been much for making jokes in the last few years, but the looks on their faces were priceless. She laughed out loud, "Guys, I'm joking. I'm just going to get my books and wait for Thule on the front porch."

Now, Jonas came out onto the porch where she was dozing. Marigold looked up at him through slitted eyes. He walked past her, looking up and down the street, a pensive look on his face. Marigold sat up, "You're not going to bother Thule about work before school. Are you, sir?"

Jonas shook his head in the negative without turning to face her. He fidgeted as if he didn't know what to do with his hands.

Marigold stretched, "Is there something on your mind, sir?"

Jonas paced to the end of the porch and back. Then, he asked, "Are you happy with Thule, Marigold?"

Marigold pulled her legs underneath herself on the swing so that she was sitting Indian style, "Yes, sir. I really am."

Jonas leaned against the railing, looking at her as if trying to read her face, "Are you really happy?" he asked. "Because, if you're not... if there's some... obstacle to your happiness, you can tell me. If there's anything you need to get off your... err, anything you want to talk about... I'm sure we can work it out. You can talk to me."

Marigold felt suddenly cold. Did Jonas know something? Choosing her words carefully, she said, "I'm really happy, sir. Things were... a little bit rocky at first. But now, I'm very happy--maybe happier than I have a right to be... certainly happier than I've ever been."

Jonas's smile was uneven, "Things seem to have progressed very quickly between you two. Are you sure you're not moving too fast?"

Marigold shook her head, "No. Of course I'm not sure. But, I think I'm doing the right thing. It feels right."

Jonas said, "I know I'm not your real father, Marigold. But, I've always tried to do what I thought was best for you. I didn't always..."

Marigold stood and hugged him. She and Jonas were almost never physically demonstrative, but it seemed important now, "You did a good job, sir."

Jonas looked down at her, "I notice the use of the past tense."

"Well," said Marigold. "I am going away to Harvard in a few months."

"I know," said Jonas. "I was going to point out the same thing, actually. I guess you're all grown up now."

Marigold laughed, "Not even close. But, I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel."

Just then, Thule's car turned the corner onto her street. Jonas said, "There's your ride. Take care of yourself, Marigold. I'll see you tonight for dinner?"

Marigold nodded, "Yes, sir. I suspect there will be ham involved somehow."

Jonas groaned theatrically then kissed Marigold on the head before letting her go.

Marigold noticed a certain restraint in the banter that morning, but presumed that it was because of Dawn's concern over Thule's attack on Elliot. When it seemed like no one was talking, Marigold slid a tape out of her Walkman and held it up. Thule took it out of her hand, raised an eyebrow at Marigold, then slid it into the car's tape deck.

After about a minute of music, Dawn leaned forward and asked Marigold, "This is cool. What is it?"

"John Coltrane's 'Giant Steps, '" said Marigold. "It's jazz."

Dawn smiled, "I didn't know you listened to jazz."

"I haven't in a long time," said Marigold. "I used to--before high school. I've had these old records boxed up in the back of my closet since we moved into the new house with Jonas. I've been transferring them to tape and listening to them. This was one of my father's favorites."

As they walked up from the parking lot, Dawn lagged behind Marigold and Thule. Thule seemed in a hurry to get to the front steps where everyone gathered before the homeroom bell rang. Marigold let her pace slow until it matched Dawn's.

Dawn didn't say anything. When they reached the place where a dirt path curved off from the road, Dawn started to turn. Marigold asked, "Where are you going?"

"To the pines," said Dawn. "I just want to say hello to some people."

Marigold shaded her eyes and saw her boyfriend ascending the front stairs, "I think Thule is holding court today. You should be there. You are his plucky sidekick after all."

Dawn looked around as if uncertain. Marigold said, "Listen, if you're worried about what happened with Thule and Elliot last night, I can honestly say that Elliot deserved it. I can still feel..."

Dawn shook her head, "It's not that."

"Well then," said Marigold. "Let's go join him."

Dawn turned her head, "I promised some people I would see them under the pines this morning. Listen. When do you have study hall?"

"I've got a couple today," said Marigold. "Third and seventh periods. Why?"

"I'm up at the autoshop third period," said Dawn. "Could you swing by? There's something we need to talk about."

"Sure," said Marigold, smiling warmly at her.

"All right," said Dawn. "Listen. I'll be up on the steps in a few minutes. I just don't want these people to think I blew them off."

Marigold joined Thule on the steps where there was already a cluster of people gathering around him. She slipped comfortably into his arms and was welcomed with a kiss.

Thule seemed relaxed and in his element. Marigold was dying to tell him that she thought Dawn had a crush on her, but didn't want to take him out of the moment. A few minutes later, Dawn emerged from the pines. Thule waved to her. Dawn said something to Thule that she didn't catch. Marigold reached over and tousled Dawn's hair in welcome.

It took Marigold a few minutes to arrange a library pass in order to get herself out of study hall. Strictly speaking, a library pass meant that she was supposed to go to the library and study, but there was no system for confirming that people who got them ever went to the library or not. It was a commonly used loophole for going off campus during the day.

The autoshop was a separate building, out past the one that held the newspaper office. By the time Marigold got out there, the period was nearly half over. Marigold had never been here before. A month ago, she would have been horrified by the idea that someone would see her here. For that matter, if she'd known a month ago that Dawn took a class here, she would already be trying to figure out how to use that knowledge to elevate her own star by taking down Dawn's.

The garage was primarily the domain of the gearheads, a subclique of the dregs who had almost zero presence on the Mannsborough social radar. For the most part, they were vo-tech students, didn't attend more than one or two regular classes a day, and tended to drive off campus for lunch.

When she spotted her friend, Dawn was bent over the open hood of a car tightening a bolt with her fingers and talking to another girl that Marigold didn't recognize. A boy sat in the front seat of the car listening. Both of Dawn's companions were younger--freshmen or sophomores.

When Marigold approached, she thought she heard Dawn say her name, but couldn't hear her over the low hubbub of the garage. She asked, "What?"

Dawn looked up. She was wearing goggles, "Oh. Hi, Marigold. I didn't see you there."

"Oh," said Marigold. "I thought I heard you say my name."

Dawn thought about it, then laughed, "No. I said 'manifold.'" She turned to the girl standing next to her, "Jess, I need to talk to Marigold for a few minutes. Can you two take over here?"

Jess nodded. Dawn took off her protective eyewear and said, "Let's go somewhere we can talk."

Marigold nodded and followed Dawn out of the building. Dawn had apparently changed into blue jeans and a t-shirt used exclusively for autoshop. Both were liberally smeared with grease old and new. Outside of the garage, Dawn led Marigold up a path that led away from the campus proper into the woods.

"So," Marigold asked. "What's on your mind?"

Dawn pointed to a glacial irregular, "There's a gentle path on the far side of that rock. It's a good place to talk."

Marigold followed, finding the top of the rock to be surprisingly smooth and clean. She settled down and asked again, "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Dawn looked out into the distance. Marigold followed her eyes. From up on the rock, they could see the whole campus laid out beneath them. Involuntarily, she said, "Wow. Neat."

Dawn grinned, "I like it up here. It's a good spot to get away from the school."

Marigold could tell that Dawn was happy not to have to tackle whatever she wanted to talk about right away. She debated doing something overt to convince Dawn that it was okay to express her feelings, but found the idea too intimidating. So, she just waited.

When Dawn spoke, it wasn't at all what Marigold expected. She asked, "You know this whole blackmail thing Thule pulled on you?"

Marigold nodded, "Yes. I seem to recall something about that."

"Do you think he would do it to anyone else?" Dawn asked.

Marigold sighed and nodded, "Yeah. I'm pretty sure he's going to. So, if you see him with..."

"Do you think he would do it to me?" Dawn asked.

"What?" asked Marigold. "No. I can't imagine... Why would he do it to you?"

"Well," said Dawn. "I haven't exactly been blameless. I am one of Brianne's handmaidens as he put it. And, I turned down dates from guys in the autoshop before... mostly because they're clueless, but also because I didn't want to deal with the backlash of being a cheerleader dating a gearhead. And..."

Marigold finally got over her shock enough to laugh. When she was able to stop laughing enough to speak, she said, "Oh, sweety. Is that what this is about? Listen, when we talked, I didn't tell you the whole story. Well, I told you as much of the story as I knew, but I didn't know the half of it." Her face got serious, "What I did, what Thule got revenge on me for... was really awful. I... I'm not ready to say that I deserve what I got, but I understand why he did it."

Dawn's eyes widened, "What did you do?"

Marigold lowered her head, "Dawn, I don't know if you would want to be my friend if I told you what I did. Let's just say that whatever venial sins you have on your soul, they're not going to incur Thule's wrath. You would need to do something really awful like me or Brianne?"

"Is that who he's going to blackmail next?" asked Dawn. "Brianne?"

Marigold grimaced and put her hand to her face, "I shouldn't have said that. Dawn, you can't tell anyone I said that."

"All right," agreed Dawn. "But, is it?"

Marigold nodded, "Thule told me that in the strictest confidence and I just let it slip out."

"I'll keep your secret," said Dawn. "No matter what."

Marigold nodded, "Thank you." Picking up a pebble off the boulder beneath her, she flung it out into the woods, "So, what made you think Thule might blackmail you?"

"A desperate desire not to take responsibility for my own actions," said Dawn. "I should have known better."

"Why?" asked Marigold. "What did you do?"

Dawn took a deep breath, "I kissed Thule this morning."

Before she could help herself, Marigold shot Dawn a look of pure outrage.

"I didn't mean to," said Dawn quickly. "And I'll never do it again. I was just so grateful that he was going to protect me that I..." She took a breath, "And, I was thinking that, if Thule can blackmail you and end up with you falling in love with him, maybe he could make a girl kiss him and think she'd done it of her own free will." She looked to Marigold for a reaction, "I guess not. Huh?"

Dawn's babbling had given Marigold a few seconds to get over her initial outrage and compose her thoughts. She'd already accepted that she and Thule weren't going to be exclusive any time soon. In truth, she didn't want them to be. The previous weekend had made Marigold realize a lot of things about herself, foremost among them that there was a whole world of things out there that she'd closed herself off from and might enjoy. She knew that, if she went from being Elliot's girlfriend to Thule's girlfriend to Thule's wife, she would be left wondering what she'd missed out on. Besides, she'd already braced herself to the idea of Thule with Brianne or Ioke or June Kane or one of the other half dozen or so socially important girls at Mannsborough High. Compared to that, the image of Dawn kissing him brought up only a twinge of jealousy.

With a mental effort, Marigold took that jealousy and compressed it down to a tiny point until she couldn't feel it anymore. She looked at Dawn, whose face was ashen, waiting for Marigold's verdict. The desire to comfort and reassure her friend flared up. So, she gave Dawn a broad smile and asked, "Was it any good?"

"What?" asked Dawn. "The kiss? No. Um... I mean no. It was really quick, more like a peck than a kiss really."

Marigold looked out over the school instead of at Dawn, "Next time, you should take your time. He's a really good kisser."

Dawn's eyes seemed ready to pop out of her head, "Next time? Marigold, there's not going to be a next time. Like I said, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I would never deliberately kiss your boyfriend. And, even if I did, he's totally in love with you. He would never..."

"A minute ago..." said Marigold, "you thought he might be willing to trick you into kissing him. I don't think either one of us knows what Thule will never do."

Dawn didn't seem to have an answer for that, so Marigold went on, "When I was with Elliot, I thought I was ready to settle down. Now, I know that I'm not. If I'm going to be with Thule, it can be exclusive or it can be forever, but it can't be both. I'm going to have to share him with someone. There are far worse choices than you."

Dawn shook her head, "I couldn't do that to you."

Marigold frowned, "Are you attracted to Thule?"

"No," said Dawn immediately, sounding shocked.

Marigold was about to reassure Dawn, but noticed that the other girl wanted to say more. She'd noticed that, when Thule wanted to draw her out, he just remained silent until she spoke to break the awkward silence. Letting her eyes fall to the rock they were sitting on, she pretended to be looking for pebbles to throw.

"I mean, he's attractive," said Dawn. "But, he's..."

Marigold could barely contain her desire to interject. Keeping her head down, she bit her lip.

"I would never move in on a friend's boyfriend," said Dawn emphatically.

"That's too bad," said Marigold. "I could use an ally in this."

Dawn's eyes widened, "You would consider me an ally?"

Marigold nodded, "If you promised me you wouldn't try to take him away from me. Yes."

"I would never," said Dawn. "But, this is ridiculous. Thule's completely dedicated to you. I can see how much he loves you."

Marigold found a pebble and flung it off into the woods, "And I love him. But, he's only my third boyfriend ever. And, he's made me realize that you miss a lot if you make your life too regimented too soon. I love Thule. I've been with him a month and I can already see myself married to him. But, I spent too many years clutching the idea of going off to college, marrying Elliot, going to medical school, and having children--all in a row. Now, I don't know what I want. But, I do know that, if I had gotten what I thought I wanted, I would have ended up miserable."

Dawn looked at Marigold, waiting for her to continue. Marigold wondered if it was deliberate, but was unable to resist continuing, "Right now, if I consider the idea of going straight to marrying Thule without experiencing life, I want to run away and do the first stupid thing I could find that would make him reject me. Next year, Thule and I are going to college. He'll probably meet a thousand women who have more in common with him than I do. If I give him the ultimatum that it's them or me while I'm figuring out what I want out of life, we're never going to last." Marigold stopped speaking, afraid she would become audibly emotional if she didn't.

Dawn didn't speak for a long while. Finally, she said, "This really isn't the conversation I expected to have this morning."

Marigold laughed, "Me neither. I thought you wanted to tell me you had a crush on me."

"I..." Dawn flushed bright red.

Marigold had said it without much forethought. Now, she giggled, "You do have a crush on me. Don't you?"