Chapter 8

On Sunday, Becky and the others were back in town. I should have given them a chance to decompress, but I was too confused, and Becky was the only person I knew that might understand what I was going through, except maybe her master, who seemed to have me read completely, but I was definitely not going there.

I called Becky early Sunday afternoon and asked, "Did you have a nice honeymoon?"

"The best, Mom, the best!" she replied excitedly.

"That's good, honey," I said nervously. "Listen, are you up to meeting with me tonight?"

"Well, we just got back, and I'm a bit wiped out. Is it important?" she asked.

"Umm, I'm not sure," I said, even more nervously.

"I can tell something is wrong, Mom. Is it about me?" she asked.

"No, not at all," I said. "I just had some questions..."

"Do you want to come over for dinner?" she asked.

"Could we go out somewhere, just me and you?" I asked.

"OK, Mom," she said. "Let me just check with Master."

She put me on hold and came back shortly, advising me that her master had given her permission to have dinner with me. We set up a time, and I said good-bye.

I went to Jake and said, "Um, Jake, I just wanted to tell you that I am going out for the evening."

"Where?" he said, sounding disappointed.

"Becky is back, and I'm going to meet her for dinner to talk to her," I told him.

"The minute that she gets back," he observed. "You must be really torn up about this. Maybe we should just stop everything that we are doing."

He seemed quite concerned, but I told him, "That's just it, I don't think I want to stop, I just don't know what is going on. I need to talk to Becky. Maybe she can help."

"OK, dear," he said. "You talk to her, then come back and we'll talk about it."

I met Becky at the restaurant. She looked tan and happy. We greeted each other and ordered our food, then she said, "What's up, Mom?"

Now the ball was in my court, and I didn't know what to do with it. How do you tell your daughter that you are submissive just like she is? What do you say?

"Um, remember how I said that I couldn't understand why you were doing what you were doing?" I asked.

"Uh, huh," she replied.

"Well, I think that I understand you better now," I said.

"Why's that?" she asked.

"I think that I'm becoming like you!" I said, then I broke down crying. She moved her chair next to me and held me until I calmed down.

"Tell me about it," she said in a reasonable tone of voice.

"It's your fault," I started. "Remember how you called me after we all had dinner?"

"You and Dad did it?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes, and I liked it!" I cried. "I liked it a lot. And we did it again, and again. And now, I've agreed to be his sex slave!"

"Like me?" she asked.

"No, not quiet like you," I explained. "Just in bed or wherever we are doing it. Oh God, I can't believe that I am having this conversation with my daughter!"

"Your grown, married daughter, Mother," she said.

"I know, but it's still hard!" I said.

I took a couple of deep breaths and then said, "Let me tell you everything."

And I did. I explained how I enjoyed what Jake did to me. Then I explained about Amy, right up to what she had done last night.

"That manipulative bitch!" she said, but her tone was somewhat approving. "So what can I do for you, Mom?"

"I'm so confused!" I explained. "I feel bad about having these feelings that, on the one hand, I feel are wrong, and on the other hand, make me feel so good. I guess I would be OK with the feelings that I have with your father, but what should I do about Amy? I don't want to stop being friends with her, and I am worried about the thoughts that I am having, but at the same time, I feel good when she orders me around. I am going crazy!"

"First of all, Mom, you are not going crazy," she said soothingly. "I know what you are going through. I had much more incentive to be this way, and I still felt the way that you do. I'm not sure what you should do, but the way that I solved it is by embracing it completely."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Well, I figured that the best part of being submissive is that as long as I was doing what Master wants, I could not possibly be doing something wrong," she explained. "Becky might have thought that it was wrong to expose my body in public, to have two other women sexily slather my body in sunscreen while a beach full of men and women watched, but if Master told me to do it, then it must be right, so I didn't have to be conflicted at all. On the other hand, I was giving myself to him completely, and you are not really going that far with Dad, so I'm not sure what to say."

She was thoughtfully silent for a few moments, then observed, "It seems to me that what you are doing with Dad is not freaking you out as much as the things that you are doing with Amy, is that true?"

"I guess," I said.

"So in the worst case, you can tell Amy to back off, and continue what you are doing with Dad, right?" she asked.

"I guess," I said reluctantly.

"You don't want to give up what you feel with Amy, do you?" Becky asked with a smile.

"I don't know!" I said mournfully.

"Let's ignore your new relationship with Dad for a moment, then, and concentrate on how Amy makes you feel," she said. "How does she make you feel?"

"Submissive," I said quietly. "But it's weird, because most of our relationship is just the same, except these moments where she takes control!"

"Do you want to change the relationship completely?" she asked.

"I don't know!" I replied. "She's my best friend. I love the friendship we have. I guess I'm worried about changing it irrevocably. What happens if we continue down this route? If it works out, then will this new relationship supersede our old friendship? If it doesn't, will it ruin our friendship forever? How will Dad react? And what about Jim?" I was quiet for a moment, then I continued softly, "Also, I've never been with a woman before. What if I do it wrong? What if I don't like it?"