Chapter 1

Prologue

There, I think that sounds portentous enough to please even the stultifying assholes running this memory group. The more I reach back to Emma Adkins, the more I realize that a major component of New Man that differentiated it from the Old Man that came before us was our capacity for fun. Emma was the first of us to love life to its fullest. It's that capacity that I, Lena, wish to capture; thus re-energizing our race with laughter. We are becoming a stodgy bunch.

This I shall hold in my private memory cells. Shared knowledge of my plan may well cause the shutdown of the entire project. I do know that Emma Adkins will be a serious shock to our system. It's a system that needs serious shocking.

Part 1

Eamon Turner turned south off of the interstate heading towards New Man University. He wasn't sure how much farther he had to travel but felt certain he was close. In the back of his mind he heard himself saying, 'map quest it, you shit'. But his grandmother had insisted that he map quest the trip onto his onboard computer and that was reason enough for him not to do so. He is a man and he don't need no stinkin' maps.

The eighteen year-old gunned his car down the highway. He rapidly approached a small energy-efficient vehicle that was poking along at only a few miles per hour above the speed limit. Eamon slipped past the pathetic little car, gaining speed as he went. Suddenly he saw a virtual sign that seemed to appear from nowhere; "New Man University - Next Right". He swerved his car back into the right hand lane, slamming on his brakes as he watched for the quickly approaching turnoff.

Eamon noted that his heads-up display showed his speed dropping from 75 to 30 in just a few seconds. His mph continued to drop as he spotted the road and turned on to it. Eamon was shocked to see the words "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!" march across his windshield.

Fifteen minutes later Eamon was parked and riding the walkway underground to the University proper. He had noted with interest that New Man U. didn't seem to leave any footprint at all on the land, other than the access road. That road gently sank into the ground beneath what appears to be miles of meadows, farmland, and trees.

The walkway carried him farther underground before emerging onto a large quadrangle. He had expected a claustrophobic experience, but instead of a metal roof he looked up to see the sky. Some lazy clouds were floating by. The sun was peaking out from one of them, slowly sinking into the westward horizon.

Many people, most of whom appeared younger than him, were slowly walking towards their intended destinations. They were dressed like students everywhere: sweatshirts, jeans, sneakers.

Eamon's eye was captured by the quick passing of something completely different. It was a girl. She was wearing tan slacks that lovingly hugged her curved behind. On top she wore some sort of suede vest over a button-down white shirt. She was very small but her curves certainly indicated that she was not necessarily very young. Topping this apparition was a floppy felt hat from which golden curls were barely peaking.

Eamon knew he should continue with his business, but being a Turner knew that one shouldn't hesitate to combine business with pleasure. He hurried to catch up to this person, hoping that the front half was as alluring as the rear.

When he was close enough he reached out and touched the figure's shoulder. "Excuse me, Miss. Can you direct me to the Admissions Office?"

She stopped. She turned on a dime. Eamon found himself looking down at an angel; blue-green eyes, blonde hair framing a perfect face. Eamon thought, "Oh, yeah! Life will be good at New Man U."

The girl said to him, "Honey if you can't find the Admissions Office by yourself you're at the wrong school."

Eamon was a bit taken aback. Her melodious voice and sparkling eyes belied her insult. He tried firing back. "But I'm a man! My Grandmother Muffy thinks that a man needs to be lead around by his nose. If you grab my nose I'll follow you anywhere, maybe even to the Admissions Office."

The girl looked at him critically. "You have a grandmother named Muffy? What's your grandfather's name, Muff Diver? Him I'd like to meet."

Eamon shook his head. "This is one weird place. I sure have gotten the royal reception. First your sign appeared from nowhere. Then, just as I turned on to your access road my car called me a fucking idiot. And now you are giving me a hard time."

The girl's eyes half closed and her smile widened. Eamon felt his heart skip a beat as he saw a light come on in her eyes. 'What a fox!' he thought.

She said, "I did that."

He was confused. "You called me a fucking idiot?"

She shook her head. "No, my Daddy called you a fucking idiot."

"But I don't even know your Daddy. Why would he call me a fucking idiot?"

She said, "Oh, I'm sure when he gets to know you he'll call you a fucking idiot with very little prodding. Did you pass anybody on the road as you pulled into the school?"

He nodded. 'Yeah, I passed some old geezer in one of those shitty little no-gas cars. Okay, maybe I made him hit his brakes a little. What's the big deal?"

She looked smug. "That was my Daddy. Not a very auspicious start, young man."

Eamon was thoroughly confused. "How do you know I saw someone on the highway? Where did the sign come from? Why did my car call me a fucking idiot? Why did you say that you did it? Then why did you say your father did it? And who is your father, anyway?"

The girl put a hand on her hip and twisted slightly, pushing her very shapely ass off to one side. She used her other hand to count.

"One: if you hadn't seen someone on the highway then; Two: your car wouldn't have called you a fucking idiot. Three: I didn't mean that I called you a fucking idiot. I just facilitated it. Four: my father called you a fucking idiot because he is the old geezer who was in the other car when you drove past him like a fool. Daddy believes there isn't such a thing as road rage. It's just that the person in front of him is driving like A MANIAC! And Five: my father is Andrew Adkins. Oh, and six: some of the kids have been playing with fiber optics applications. The sign can only be seen from a particular range of angles from the road. From every other angle it is invisible. Of course, if you are speeding, you might miss it."

Eamon shook his head. "Oh great; I've been here ten minutes and I've already pissed off the Progenitor. Hey, wait a minute. How did YOU facilitate it? That doesn't make any sense."

The girl smiled again. "It was my Christmas present to Daddy about eight years ago."

Again Eamon was lost. "My being a fucking idiot was your present to your daddy? Talk to me."

The girl talked like she was educating some backward little boy. "Have you actually been admitted to New Man U.? It's the heads-up display, of course. The car companies had been working on them for a while, but my sisters perfected the model currently used by every car on the road built since 2014. They were eleven at the time. Of course whenever they develop anything, I tell them what they can do to make it better."

Eamon found himself sputtering like a schoolboy. "What's that got to do with your father calling me an idiot?"

The girl said, "I gave him a black box that fits onto his armrest. When he presses the button, any car within five car-lengths has 'You Fucking Idiot!!' displayed on their windshield. Or he can point the switch in a single direction to isolate one car."

Eamon could hardly believe his ears. "You mean every car in the world has this feature built into it?"

The girl shrugged. "Sure, why not? Daddy might be in Hawaii or Florida or Switzerland or somewhere. There are fucking idiots everywhere, after all. Especially Florida."

Eamon felt he had fallen through a rabbit hole. He decided to let the 'fucking idiot' event die. He offered his hand instead. "Eamon Turner, from Florida.", he said.

The girl delicately fitted her soft, tiny hand into his large paw. "And I'm Emmy Adkins. I'm very pleased to meet another fucking idiot." The more she kidded him, the more Eamon was attracted to her. He was used to girls falling all over him. She wasn't playing hard to get. She wasn't playing at all.

The girl turned away. Looking over her shoulder she called to him. "If you want to find the Admissions Department, follow me E-man."

"That's Eamon!" he replied angrily.

Eamon stood still, just watching her walk. Finally he hurried after her, his eyes never leaving that small, round, lovely ass. Under his breath he muttered, "Follow the bouncing butt."

Part 2

Eamon found himself walking into a corridor off of the main quad. The girl palmed the lock of a door and it opened. To his chagrin, Eamon saw the name seemingly engraved on the door's plasma panel: "Emma Adkins, Dean of Students and Director of Admissions". Suddenly the panel changed to add the phrase: "Fucking Idiots Welcome".

The girl walked behind a rather plain desk and settled herself into the figure-molding chair. She looked him in the eyes. "So, E-man, what can I do for you?"

Eamon couldn't decide whether to be angry, embarrassed, or amused. "I suppose you are the person I'm to report to this morning. Sorry, I thought you were a student."

"That's the first thing you got right today! Apology accepted." Her fingers flicked across the touch screen embedded in her desk. "Let's see; Eamon Turner, Palmdale, Florida. Eighteen years old, undocumented alleged New Man. Desires admission into New Man U. based upon acceptance of said documentation. Also passes H. sapien muster with IQ exceeding 200. Well, gee, E-man, you could have fooled me."

Eamon felt himself growing angry. This girl's flippant attitude was starting to piss him off. He said, "What about you? How many other undocumented guys were you expecting today? You should have known who I was from the beginning."

She fixed her blue-green gaze upon him, a half-smile on her perfect lips, and Eamon's anger seemed to dissipate into nothingness. "Just kidding, E-man. Don't get your panties in a wad. Of course I knew who you were. I also knew that you could find the admissions office by yourself. I just assumed you were hitting on me. You are a Turner, aren't you? I am a girl, aren't I? I can add two plus two."

Eamon decided it would be best to just get down to business. This Emma didn't fit any of his known patterns of female behavior. She was intriguing. She was disturbing.

"Uh, you understand that I'm not officially a New Man? How are we supposed to handle this whole thing? Will I need to take a test? Do I pay tuition?"

The girl held up her hand. "Hold on, E-man. You are a special case. Let me call my father and bring him in on it. I make the decisions," - he noted the sly smile on her lips - "but I'd like his input on something like this."

Just then the door opened and there stood the Progenitor. He walked behind the desk and stood beside his daughter.

Emma said, "Oh, hi Daddy. Funny coincidence, you being here."

Andrew Adkins said, "What do you mean coincidence? You asked me to come."

Eamon looked at Emma in confusion. She grinned as shy a grin as she was capable of. "Well, I guess I did let him know you were here as soon as you accosted me in the quad."

Andrew said, "Oh, I suppose you were the, uh, person who cut me off coming into the parking area."

Eamon nodded glumly. "Yes, I'm that fucking idiot."