A 'Charmed' Experience
by MarkStory
Copyright© 2004 by MarkStory
Erotica Sex Story: A story based on one of my favorite TV shows. Ethan is shocked to find his fantasies coming to life, as he meets the three "Charmed Ones" -- in the flesh!!
Caution: This Erotica Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa Mult Consensual Magic BiSexual Fan Fiction Oral Sex Anal Sex Size .
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The story below is based on the television show "Charmed," which airs on the WB Network on Sunday nights, 9:00 PM Eastern. All characters are of course the intellectual property of Spelling Entertainment, and are used fairly here as part of a parody of that television program.
"Charmed" is one of my favorite shows, featuring three of my favorite actresses, so this was a lot of fun to write. Use the feedback form at the bottom and let me know what you think!!
DISCLAIMER: Don't read if you're under eighteen, or if the laws in your very repressive jurisdiction would suggest that you not read smutty stories such as this one.
"I am human and I need to be loved...
Just like everybody else does."
My latest story was really starting to uh, well, "come" together. I had weaved a masterful (IMHO, anyway) tale for my next posting to ASSM. Using characters from a well-known American TV show, I'd written a hot, sexy adventure story.
Like all my stories, this one starred me. Well, an alter ego of mine, anyway.
The stale pizza on my desk long forgotten, I continued to pound away on the keyboard, adding more to the tale. Currently, the "Charmed Ones" were realizing what kind of adversary they were dealing with this week.
"So he's a... a... sex demon?!?!" Piper Halliwell asked, incredulously.
"Apparently so," her sister Phoebe confirmed. She and Paige, the third sister of this coven, were reading from the Book of Shadows.
"And look at this picture," Paige said. "Not only is he a sex demon, but he's hung with a capital H!"
Piper peered over the top of the Book. The engraving depicted a snarling, naked, muscular, half-human/half-demon, with a monstrous erect penis that was over a foot long and impressively thick.
"Good Lord," Piper exclaimed, a hand clasped over her mouth. "That's disgusting!"
"I don't know, Piper. Don't knock it 'til you try it," Phoebe said, licking her lips.
"According to this," Paige said, continuing to read from the Book, "His power derives from his sexual desires. He's most powerful when he's — well, when he's horny, for lack of a better word."
"So, what? We just have to make him not so horny, right?" Piper asked. "So how do we do that?"
Phoebe walked around the other side of the podium and threw her arm around Piper's shoulders. "Oh, sweetie. I know it's been a while since you and Leo split up. But do you really need us to answer that question?"
"Well, that's just — I mean, we can't really, I mean, can we?" Piper said, frowning.
"I don't see how we have a choice," Paige said. "Let's get ready to lay — then slay — a demon!"
I smiled and shifted in my seat, my hard-on growing by the minute. True, this story was derivative of most of my works, weaved around my own fantasy life, me as the well-hung hero. But, I know what I like — why not write my own stroke stories, right?
I worked on the story late into the night, ignoring the pile of textbooks sitting on the floor in my tiny dorm room. British Lit was going to come awfully early tomorrow morning, but so be it.
The story proceeded from there, my "sex demon" alter ego managing to avoid destruction through solo encounters with Piper and Paige.
Finally, the story headed towards its sex-filled conclusion, the three Charmed Ones confronting the sex demon together.
Paige and Phoebe knelt on the floor before the demon, working over his massive cock with their lips, tongues, and hands. The demon threw his head back and roared, as the two naked witches sucked and pumped his thick, throbbing rod.
Meanwhile, a naked Piper was pressed against the demon from behind, her hands snaking around to play with his nipples, her bare pussy grinding against his impossibly tight ass, her full breasts flattened against his back.
The demon looked down and watched as Paige's head bobbed up and down over his cock, her red hair splayed out over his crotch. From behind, Piper reached between his thighs and fondled his massive balls.
Roaring with pleasure, the demon pulled Phoebe to her feet and kissed her deeply, his strong hands roughly manipulating her breasts, her nipples coming to full erection beneath his fingertips. She thrust her tongue into his mouth. He returned the kiss, pinching her nipples roughly between his fingers, causing her to squeal.
Paige's suction on his cock increased, her head slamming up and down on his member, the head of his cock touching the back of her throat on every stroke, her tight fist pumping his shaft.
The demon moaned, his orgasm building through his massive loins. When he felt one of Piper's fingertips snake into his anus, he roared louder as his release neared.
His cock lengthened and thickened in Paige's hand and mouth, and his roar rattled the door frames as jet after jet of thick semen blasted out of his cock, shooting down Paige's throat.
"Aaaarrrggggggh," he roared again, pulling his still rock hard cock out of Paige's mouth, as she coughed and swallowed the last of his massive load. Spinning Phoebe around roughly, he bent her over the adjacent table, her glorious ass pointing upwards. Grabbing his engorged dick, he thrust it between Phoebe's thighs, the swollen purple head instinctively finding her warm center and pushing its way into her folds.
"Aaayyyiieeeeee," Phoebe squeaked as his massive cock slid home. He bottomed out inside her, half of his shaft still outside her body, and he started stroking in and out of her tight cunt. The head of his cock slammed against her cervix with each thrust. His bronze skin and Phoebe's alabaster complexion glistened with sweat, and the smell of sex was pungent in the room.
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod," Phoebe moaned, her pendulous breasts swinging against the marble tabletop. The demon rammed in and out of her harder and faster, his huge balls slamming against her well-proportioned ass. His hands clenched and pulled at her flesh, his thumb playing across the heart tattooed on her left ass cheek.
When he heard moaning from behind him, the demon turned around, and his cock flexed harder inside Phoebe. Overcome by the sexual aura in the room, Piper was squatting above Paige, her long brown hair splayed across Paige's lap as she busily ate her sister's pussy.
From the bottom, Paige was, from the sounds of it, quite eagerly returning the favor. The demon could just see the top of her head poking out between Piper's thighs.
"Aaaarrrggggggh," the demon bellowed, his roar shaking the windows in the Halliwell's attic. He clenched his ass and pumped his cock harder and harder into Phoebe, who was shaking in continuous orgasm, as he...
By this point, I had my pants down and was firmly pumping my erect cock, imagining the scene that I was writing. Since it was getting harder (pun intended!) to type and whack off at the same time, I gave up on the keyboard and moved to the bed.
I figured I would relieve some of this "tension," then finish the story. Flinging my clothes off, I flopped down on the bed and continued to stroke my throbbing member, imagining it plunging in and out of Alyssa Milano (aka Phoebe Halliwell)'s hot pussy, her beautiful ass displayed in front of me.
"Yeeeahhhhh," I groaned as I came, spewing sticky semen all over my abdomen and chest.
Pumping the last few spurts out of my cock, my head collapsed back on the pillow. Suddenly, I was exhausted, and couldn't even seem to lift my head back off the pillow. Still idly pumping my cock, I drifted off to sleep almost immediately...
Gradually, my senses started to come back online.
Cold. I was lying on something cold, and hard. I seemed to still be naked, and there was a strange prickle of electricity in the air.
Stale. The air smelled stale, like there wasn't much circulation.
Voices. Slowly, I became aware of voices talking quietly in the background.
"... don't think you should have orb-ed him here," one voice was saying. "What are we going to do with him now?"
"I don't know," a second voice responded. "But what other choice did I have?"
"Uh, guys... I think our 'guest' is waking up," came a third female voice.
Using an extraordinary amount of effort, I willed my eyelids open. My face was pressed flat into a hard, wooden floor, and I was curled up in a ball, naked and cold. There was a strange shimmering in the air in front of me, but past the shimmer I could see what appeared to be three pairs of legs.
I hauled myself to my feet, somewhat unsteadily, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"What's going o-" I started to croak, then stopped mid sentence. Beyond the mysterious shimmering in the air stood the three actresses who played the Charmed Ones!!
Holly Marie Combs, who played the oldest sister Piper, looked decidedly unhappy and was frowning at me. She was wearing tight denim jeans and a short-sleeve blouse, arms crossed just beneath her breasts.
Rose McGowan stood to Holly's left. A striking redhead (at the moment, anyway), she played the youngest Halliwell sister, Paige. She was wearing a deliciously short white linen skirt and a tight orange tanktop that nearly matched her hair.
And next to Rose stood my favorite of the three Charmed Ones, Alyssa Milano, aka Phoebe Halliwell. I had lusted after Alyssa since her tomboy days on "Who's the Boss?" and had spent many nights masturbating to the 'mature' movies she made in her early 20s.
Alyssa was dressed in short grey athletic shorts and a black sports bra. A fine sheen of sweat covered her muscular physique. I felt my cock stiffen as I admired her sleek legs, tight stomach, and ample breasts, which were trying to climb out from their elastic prison.
She noticed the movement of my cock, and glanced downwards, one eyebrow rising. "Not bad, she said. Not 'sex demon' size, but certainly respectable."
Suddenly aware of my total nakedness, I moved my hands in front of my crotch, and glanced around at my surroundings. It appeared that I was on a replica of the attic set from "Charmed." The three sisters stood in front of the podium which I knew held the Book of Shadows, on the show anyway.
I swiveled around to look behind me, expecting to see a missing "fourth wall" where the camera and crew would be on a TV show. I thought I heard one of the sisters whisper "Nice ass," but I was too stunned to really take that in — because the attic had a complete four walls, no cameras or crew evident.
As I turned back around, my ass came a little too close to the mysterious shimmer in the air and I heard a "zap" and felt an electrical jolt to my rear end.
"Owww!" I exclaimed. "What the hell is going on here?"
"Calm down, big boy," Paige said, grinning. "We just put you in a crystal forcefield to make sure you were OK."
I glanced downward at the floor. In a circle, surrounding me, were eight white crystals. On the show, this was a common tactic used by the sisters to keep a demon or other evildoer in one place.
I started laughing. "Well, this is the strangest dream ever. Usually when I dream about you three, I'm not trapped in a forcefield. And normally you're the ones naked, not me."
"Well, pervert, pay attention," Piper snapped. "Because this isn't a dream, and you're the only one that's going to be naked."
My stiffening cock wilted a bit at Piper's harsh tone. "This has to be a dream," I said. "You three are actresses who play characters — characters! — on a TV show. Forcefields, witchcraft, this attic — none of this is real."
Phoebe stepped forward and glanced at her sisters. "I think we can take down the forcefield, right? He's not going to hurt us."
Piper nodded, and Paige extended her hand. "Crystal," she said, and one of the crystals disappeared from the circle and rematerialized in her hand. The ring broken, the forcefield shimmered out of existence.
I stared, not believing what I had just seen. Did Paige really just "orb" that crystal into her hand from across the room?? Was this real?
"Good," Phoebe said, reaching out for my hand. Standing so close to Alyssa Milano (or at least her doppelganger), the object of my lustful attentions for so many years, her skin touching mine had the obvious effect on me, and my cock started to stiffen again.
Again, Phoebe glanced down at my dick, only making the situation worse. Her face reddened a little bit. "Ethan, I'm flattered — truly, but we have some things to discuss. Maybe we can get you a robe or something?"
Five minutes later we were downstairs at Halliwell Manor, me clad in a dark blue robe, seated on one of the room's easy chairs. Glancing around, I still couldn't believe it. Their house looked exactly like it did on the TV show.
The three of them were seated on the sofa across from me, glancing back and forth at one another. Finally, Alyssa/Phoebe started up again.
"Okay, Ethan. Here's the deal. You're not dreaming."
"I'm not?" I said, skeptically.
"No. This," Phoebe said, gesturing around her, "is real. All of it."
"So you're telling me that what I watch on TV every Sunday night, your adventures with demons and whitelighters and mermaids and genies and whatever, is real?"
"Well, sort of," Phoebe said. "It's not exactly real for you, but it's real for us. You see—"
"It's real in our universe, but in yours, it's just a television show," Paige blurted out, interrupting her sister.
The other two glared at her. "Paige! He wasn't supposed to know that part," Piper said. "You know what the Elders said about knowledge of multiple universes!"
While Piper glared at her youngest sister, I shook my head, trying to come to grips with what they had just said. After picking my jaw up off the floor, I held up my hand.
"Wait a minute. You're telling me that there are parallel universes. And while you exist as TV characters in my world, in this world you're actually real????"
Phoebe looked at Piper, who shrugged, before answering. "Yep. That's the size of it. Basically, all universes have intersection points with each other. These intersection points manifest themselves in weird ways. Sometimes, actual events intersect other universes as fiction, or religious beliefs, or art, or whatever. And vice versa."
"Actually, in this universe, Sherlock Holmes was an actual British detective and a member of the House of Lords," Paige added.
I laughed. "Wow, this is the best dream ever. I didn't know I was this creative. Maybe I can work it into my next story."
"Ah-ha!" Phoebe said, raising her palm. "Your story. This is why you're here."
"Because of my story?" I asked, incredulously.
"Yes." Paige continued where her sister left off. "Your latest story about — well, about us — it's... well, first of all, it's very good. We liked it."
"One of us thought it was perverted and disgusting," Piper exclaimed.
"Okay, okay. Well, two of us liked it," Paige said, earning a dirty look from Piper. "What? Phoebe and I thought it was effing HOTTTT," she said, and I blushed while Piper shot her a dirty look.
"But Ethan, here's the thing," Phoebe said, leaning forward to take my hands. "You can't finish that story."
Distracted again by the feel of her soft palms, I didn't focus on what she said for a moment. "Wait, what? Why not? Even if this is all true, in my universe, you three are fiction — so what does it matter?"
"It matters because some aspects of your story are fiction for you, but dangerously close to reality for us," Phoebe said.
"There's a chance that a demon could exploit some detail from your story and use them against us in this universe," Paige said.
"A danger?! A danger?! According to the Elders, that happens two weeks from now," Piper said. "So that's why we've brought you here, and that's why you have to erase that story. Now, as soon as you agree to that, we'll send you back home."
I held up my hand. "Wait, wait, wait a minute. I'm not even close to convinced that this isn't all just a dream. If what you're saying is true, why didn't you just zap my computer or something? Clearly, you have powers."
"Because, you might have just rewritten the story again," Phoebe explained.
"Why not zap my memory then, make me forget it? Oh, wait... I know the answer to that — you're not allowed to bring harm to an innocent, right?"
Paige nodded. "That's why all we could do was bring you here, explain the situation, and ask you to erase that story. We know you don't mean us any harm, but the Elders claim there's a great risk."
I stood from the chair and paced across the Halliwells' living room. "So you're telling me that my ridiculous, 'perverted' story about you three and a sex demon is too close to your reality and might put you in danger?"
Phoebe nodded. "We can't tell you which parts, because we don't know. But the Elders have warned us of grave danger if that story is completed."
"But that was my best story ever," I said. "Who knows, it might have even won me a Silver Clit," I continued, exaggerating a little.
"What's a Silver Clit?" Paige asked, Piper glaring at her with a horrified look on her face.
"It's an award for erotica writers," I said, continuing to pace back and forth across the room. "I've never won one, but this story might have had a chance."
"I'm sorry, Ethan," Phoebe said, regret genuine on her face. "We wouldn't ask you to do this if it weren't important. I wish we could offer you something in exchange."
And then the light bulb went on over my head — well, really, it was more located in my pants.
"OK, I'll make you a deal," I said, turning back to face them. "I'll erase the story, and never write it again, and never write anything else about you three again — if I get to spend one night with the three of you, together."
Phoebe and Paige got my drift immediately, and glanced nervously at each other. A blush spread up Paige's porcelain neck and face.
Piper was a few seconds behind. "What do you mean, together — oh no way, mister. Even if I would agree to sleep with you, which I wouldn't, I'm not having sex with my sisters," she hissed. "That's repugnant."
Again, Phoebe and Paige glanced at each other.
"Well, that's the only way," I said, sitting back down in the chair and crossing my legs. "If I'm to give up all these fantasies, I need something better than anything I could write. Also, I'm not entirely convinced this isn't a dream — and if it is, I want it to be the hottest dream ever!"
"No way, no way, no way!" Piper said.
"Um, Piper, could we talk to you in the other room for a second?" Phoebe said, taking Piper's arm.
Paige took the other arm and they bodily dragged Piper off the couch and towards the kitchen. "We'll just be a second, Ethan," Phoebe called out over her shoulder.
Sitting on the couch, I pondered my situation. Was this real, or just a dream?
I overheard snippets of the girls' conversation. "... the only way... " and "no chance in hell" and "it'll be good for you" and "I'm ready for it" drifted out from the kitchen.
After five minutes or so, Paige and Phoebe came out from the kitchen. "OK, Ethan. Here's the thing. Your orgy fantasy is a no go," Phoebe said.
"Well, that's just—" I started, but Paige held up her hand to interrupt me. "Let Phoebe finish."
"We would have gone for it," Phoebe said, looking over at her sister. "But Piper insists she won't have any part of it."
"She's still trying to patch things up with Leo," Paige said, "and she's never been as... adventurous as us."
I felt my heart -- and other organs -- sink as I heard my fantasy being denied.
"But," Phoebe continued, "what if you could have an... encounter, with Paige and I, individually."
My cock lurched inside the robe at the thought. "That's an acceptable alternative," I said, my voice quivering slightly. "But there's a couple more things."
"First," I said, "I'd want to be sure I'd properly enjoy my time with each of you... that I'd have the, er, 'stamina' to enjoy it, if you know what I mean."
Paige grinned. "I know just the spell."
"And secondly, I get to pick the outfit that each of you wears."
"What are you, a fashion maven or something?" Phoebe said, smiling.
"No, but I know what I like. And remember, I've fantasized about you three a lot."
"Okay, okay," Paige said, blushing again. She was so adorable when she did that. "You can dress us up before you undress us."
"Great. Then I'd like to see you, Paige, in your goddess of war robe — just beautiful."
"And you," I said, turning to Phoebe. "I'd say the mermaid outfit, except I'm not sure how the mechanics would work in that. So how about a replica of your "genie" costume?"
"Your wish is my command, Master," Phoebe said smiling. "Now, do we have a deal?"
I nodded, and we shook hands to seal the agreement.
"C'mon stud, let's get started." Paige took my hand, and I felt a peculiar tingling sensation all over my body. The Halliwell's living room disappeared, and suddenly we were in the attic again, standing in front of the Book of Shadows.
"Wowwwwwww," I breathed. "So that's what it's like to orb."
Paige nodded. "Quite a rush, isn't it? Sometimes it makes me horny."
"I can see how."
Paige flipped through the Book of Shadows. "Now, there's a spell in here that will do exactly what you're asking."
"Ah, here it is," she said. "Ready?"
I nodded, and she read from the yellowed, wrinkled page of the Book.
"He wishes to experience a new sensation
Grant him amazing powers of fornication
Powers to seduce, satisfy, and sustain
Enough to drive his partners insane!"
I chuckled at the silliness of the spell. But as soon as Paige read the final syllable, I felt a tremor pass through my body, and I wasn't laughing anymore.
I felt my cock lengthening and hardening. Peering down into the folds of my robe, I was amazed to see that it was a good nine inches, at least two inches longer than it had been previously, and substantially thicker as well.
Paige grinned at me. "So, maybe not sex demon size, but pretty good, huh? Just don't get used to it, 'cause it will wear off when the spell does."
"Now, let's go take that beast for a test drive." She held out her hand to me and once again I felt the peculiar electrical sensations as we orbed downstairs to Paige's bedroom. It felt almost like a mini-orgasm.
Paige eased me back down onto the bed. "Close your eyes," she said, and I did so. Even through my eyelids I could see the flash of light as she orbed. "Okay, open them."
I gasped as I saw Paige standing before me. She had orbed herself a change of clothes, and was now dressed just as she had been in the Charmed episode "Oh my Goddess!"
Her body was encased in a long, white, flowing robe that molded to every curve. The top was halter style, a single piece of fabric fastened behind her neck and sweeping down over both breasts. A gold band fastened around her torso, below her breasts, pressing the fabric even tighter against her obviously erect nipples.
She pirouetted slowly for me to see the rear of the dress, which was completely backless. Her lovely alabaster skin was exposed all the way down to her ass, and I could just see the top of her cleft peeking out.
Her red curls were piled on top of her head, a few tendrils cascading down around her face. She was breathtaking, and I told her so.
"Thanks," she said, grinning, as she held out her hand. "Robe," she said.
Again, I felt an electrical tingling as my robe disappeared from my body and reappeared in Paige's hand. She tossed it to the side and looked at me, sitting naked on the edge of her bed. My newly-enlarged cock was as hard as steel and standing at attention, the head purple and swollen.
Paige sunk to her knees in front of me, her white robe cascading around her on the floor. Lovingly, almost reverently, she started running her fingertips lightly up and down my velvety hard shaft, and I moaned.
She slid her fingers up and down my cock, with barely any pressure at first, tickling the sensitive nerves along the underside of my shaft. Her fingers wandered lower to caress the base of my cock and my tightening balls, which looked a lot bigger too.
As she moved her hand back up my shaft, her grip slowly tightened, and she started stroking me in earnest. I watched, fascinated, as she moved her lips towards my cock, her mouth planting teasing kisses across the head and down the sides of my dick.
She lightly brushed her lips over the entirety of my dick, which seemed to be getting harder by the minute. She extended her tongue to lick up, then down the length of my hard shaft.
"Ohhhh," I groaned, her silky smooth tongue sending waves of electricity through my body. Unconsciously, I began thrusting my hips off the bed a little, trying to get my cock between her lips.
Paige pulled her mouth off my dick and waggled a finger at me. "Slow down, big boy. Maybe you need to be distracted a bit," she said.
Standing up, she reached behind her neck and undid some hidden clasp on the Roman gown. The top of the garment fell to her waist, exposing her milky white breasts. They were perfect, high and proud, topped with hard pink nipples.
She reached behind her waist and undid the gold band holding the gown closed. It immediately slid down her hips and legs, pooling around her feet.
My cock pulsed. She was gorgeous, even more beautiful than in my wildest fantasies. Her legs were long and slim, and her alabaster skin was accentuated by the thatch of dark red pubic hair between her thighs.
"My goddess," I breathed, causing Paige to smile and blush. "You are absolutely spectacular."
She pushed me back onto the bed, and motioned that I should swing my legs up off the floor as well. She climbed up to straddling my midsection, facing away from me.
She lowered her head back down to my crotch and scooted her hips backwards, easing her pussy back towards my face. "If I'm a goddess, then start worshipping that pussy," she said, moving her mouth back to my cock.
"Gladly." I extended my tongue to get my first taste of a Charmed One. Her pussy lips were pink and damp, and I could smell her arousal before I tasted it.
I licked her slit in a long stroke, top to bottom. Paige shuddered and moaned around my cock, which was now grasped between her lips. Continuing to eat her, I licked up and down her wet pussy in long strokes, alternating directions, hitting her clit with every other pass.
Meanwhile, she had half of my cock in her mouth, and was pumping up and down, working a little more into her mouth with each attempt. I felt my cock slip past the entrance to her throat and realized she was deep-throating me.
I moaned loudly into her pussy, which in turn caused her to moan around my cock, and the vibrations were intense. Paige's hands were fondling my balls as I used my thumbs to spread her labia apart, thrusting my tongue deeper into her folds.
Paige pumped her mouth up and down on my cock faster. I could feel a tremendous orgasm building in my balls, but I didn't feel as though I was in danger of cumming too soon. It almost felt as though I could keep myself on the edge of orgasm indefinitely. I wondered if this was a by-product of Paige's spell and decided to just close my eyes and enjoy.
I was tonguing Paige's clit almost constantly now, and she was thrashing and moaning on top of me. Spreading her lips wider with my thumbs, I slid the tip of my middle finger into her tight hole and eased it in to the first knuckle. Paige shuddered on top of me, and I thrust my finger in further -- all the way to the second knuckle.
She was tight, but very wet. My finger slid easily in and out of her as I settled into a finger-fucking rhythm. My lips twiddled her clit and I felt her moaning louder around my dick as it slid in and out of her mouth.
When I slipped another finger to her asshole and pressed gently at her tiny rosebud, Paige shrieked. Pulling her mouth off my cock, she rested her face next to my pulsing shaft, pumping it firmly in her fist.
"Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Ethan I'm gonna cummmmm. Ohhh cum with me," Paige wailed, and I felt her lips open just wide enough to rest the head of my cock inside. Her fist was still pumping me rapidly, her other hand cradling my balls. When I pressed harder on her anus, pushing the tip of my finger inside, Paige exploded.
"Aaaahhhhhh," she screamed, and I swear she started to orb for a millisecond. I felt electrical charges shimmer across my body where we were touching.
"Yes yes yes yes yes," Paige shrieked as her pussy spasmed, her tight channel getting noticeably wetter around my finger. I wondered how I could "let myself" cum.
As soon as I had that thought I felt my orgasm racing up from my balls, a fiery burst streaking up my shaft. "Oh god oh god oh god Paige Paige!" was all I had time to say.
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