Guys, unless you are as kinky as I am you may not want to read this. But on the other hand if you share my kink maybe you should read it. Ladies, have you ever thought about what that guy pressing your doorbell wants? Could it be he is selling something you want but don't want your husband to know about? Be very careful, ladies, the next person at your door might be me.

I'm one of those people you love to hate. No, I'm not some Mormon or Seventh Day Adventist knocking on your door interrupting your favorite program. There is no way I could possibly be mistaken for any of the Holy Rollers that piss folks off. Nope, I'm a door to door salesman.

OK, you say, what the hell is a door to door salesman? After all this is the twenty first century and most people do their shopping by computer. Well, for the great unwashed masses a door to door salesman does exactly that; goes from door to door selling his wares. Don't ask what wares are, just think of them as something you don't want and some obnoxious person had his foot keeping you from closing the door is trying his best to convince you that you can't live without it.

Now that I have my bonifides established and the only way you can get rid of me, since my foot isn't in your door but on your computer screen, it's time to explain myself. You see I really do go door to door. I have products I sell but you guys really don't have much use for them. Having said that I'll politely ask you gents to leave but don't take your wives with you. Let me be more specific. If the woman of the house is taking care of a new baby then she should stay and hear what I have to say. OK, even if she isn't a new mother she still might like to stay.

I started out my career in vacuum cleaners. Yup, best little gadget on the market guaranteed to pick up pet hair and shampoo your carpets. Actually it wasn't a bad product but my presentation did get me in trouble from the complaints my boss got. You see I would begin my demonstration with the woman of the house and always wanted to make sure she could see how powerful the suction was. Tell the woman it was strong enough to suck the cum right out of their husbands cock if they didn't like doing it themselves was a bit much.

Then there was the vibrating body massager. I actually managed to sell quite a few of them until I came upon one lady. She was being a real hard sell and I knew extreme measures were needed. Well she was wearing and full skirted dress and I thought she might like a demonstration of how she could keep herself happy while hubby wasn't home. I flipped up her dress to her waist, spread her legs and pressed the massager to her pussy. Damn that woman anyway. She sat there, got off big time and then called my boss. There went another job down the tubes. What really pissed me off was she kept the massager.

I knocked around awhile and then came upon the body shower tool. Now here was something I just knew would be a hot selling item. This thing attached to your shower, had a long flexible hose and would adapt to any showerhead. All ready I could see the dollars coming in as every household I visited would demand to have one.

Well it lasted only one day. You see I was explaining how it was used to this early thirties woman and she wasn't understanding much. I suggested a demonstration. Now it didn't hurt that she was cute and nicely built. She showed me to the bathroom and I quickly had the attachment in place. Now here's where it got tricky. In order for her to really get the full effect she would have to be naked in the shower.

Talk about dumb, yeah she was blond, she removed her clothes and stood naked in front of me. She turned on the water and got in the shower. I showed her how to twist the head of the attachment so it would spray or pulse. Now to this point I hadn't said anything sexual but she seemed to discover that function without my help. Seconds later she was roughly working one hand on her boobs while she aimed the pulsing water between her legs. Talk about a hair trigger, she was climaxing almost instantly and she wasn't being quite about it. About that time her husband walked in a I was lucky to get out with my balls still in place.

I had just about given up on being a door to door salesman when another product came to my attention. At first I was really leery of it because it was directed at new mothers. It was a good concept and having seen it I saw it was extremely well built. Being small it was easily portable and the new mother could take anywhere she wanted to go.

The first proto-type I was shown worked but had major draw backs. First it wasn't very well constructed. It didn't take much jarring before it became worthless. Then there was the power supply. It was electric and needed a long ungainly cord that always tangled. Besides there was always the chance of a short resulting in a possible shock to the woman. The final product was powered with an extremely long life rechargeable battery including an extra just in case.

Now this, I knew, would be a hot seller. It was doubtful any new mother could feel comfortable not having one especially when she traveled. Besides it didn't hurt that it fit right in with something I dearly loved, but more about that later. I signed on to take the product door to door.

By now, ladies, you have to be asking yourselves what is this product and why wouldn't be easier to just by it online? Have you ever looked at books for sale and just had to read some of it before plunking down your money? When was the last time you bought perfume with first smelling it? And would any of you lovely ladies even think of buying a dress without first making sure it fit in all the right places? I rest my case.

Years ago I found using a van in my line of work is best. After all I felt it best to keep a stock of the product I was selling readily on hand. Pick-ups with covers over the bed are nice but I hate having to climb inside on my knees. A van, on the other hand, allowed me to simply slide open a side door and reach inside for what I needed. I don't know about the rest of you but I prefer the Dodge Grand Caravan. It has sliding doors on both sides and comes with all the bells and whistles like power windows, cruise control and automatic locks. Hmmmmm, I wonder if Chrysler will pay me a little something for the plug?

Stocked with twenty items of my new product, they might be small but I expected huge sales, I headed for a town I hadn't been to before. I thought it best to explore new territory not to mention I didn't want to run into a husband that might recognize me. Two days on the road found me in a small town and I quickly found a inexpensive motel. OK, cheap but when you're starting out all over you have to be cheap. I spent the night checking over my stock, reading material and making sure I had my demonstration down pat.

New town, new product and my spirits were high. I parked in what looked to be a very upscale part of town, grabbed my case and set out. (It didn't hurt that I'd checked the local paper for listings of new births.) The first address was half way down the block and I stepped up to the door. Ringing the bell I waited patiently. Presently the door opened. Inside was a pretty young woman holding a baby about two months old.

"May I help you?" Her voice was soft and smooth.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am. My what a nice looking daughter you have." (Smooth ain't I?)

"Why thank you. Is there something you wanted?" She might have been pretty but she wasn't much in the mood for small talk.

"I'm just trying to make a living selling door to door but if I've caught you at a bad time I would be very pleased to come back later."

"I'm sorry. Please don't take offense, it's just my daughter is giving me a bit of trouble. Uh, what are you selling?"

"I'm not at all put off. Everybody had bad days. Perhaps it would be better if I come back some other time. I can see you're not having a very good day." This was a technique I had perfected years ago; express sympathy when it was not a good day.

"No, please come in. It's not your fault and besides it hot out there."

She was right about it being hot. Besides I really didn't want to not have more time to look at the lovely cleavage she was showing. As she stepped aside to allow me room to enter I cast my eyes down and took in the sight of her lovely legs. In case you haven't yet figured it out she was wearing a dress and, I might add, I found it pleasing in this day of tight jeans and tank tops.

"Would you like something cool to drink? I'm afraid all I can offer is ice water or maybe a soda. You see we don't use alcohol."

"Actually a glass of ice water would be just right."

"I'll just put my baby down and be right back."

I marveled at her long well shaped legs as she turned and walked away. She must have been around 5' 5" with wide motherly hips. Even from the back I could see she still hadn't lost all of her weight gain during her pregnancy but it only helped to make her look more inviting. When she returned she brought out a tray with iced water and a few snacks. When she bent to place the tray on the coffee table in front of me I got another and much better look at her cleavage. Her breasts were impressive enough and I saw the lace of her bra cups. She sat at the other end of the sofa I was sitting on and we sipped the cold water.

"I don't where my manners have gone," I suddenly exclaimed. "My name is Ed, Ed Lewis."

"Very pleased to met you Mr. Lewis," she said holding out her hand. "I'm Susan Johnson but everybody calls me Sue."

I took her proffered hand in mine and it felt soft just like her voice. There was a moment that we held ourselves that way before I felt her pulling. I released her hand and smiled.

"Then if you don't mind I'll call you Sue. Now to be honest with you I've been checking the local papers and have found you to be a fairly new mother."

"Yes, my daughter is two months old."

"Well, my company had done a lot of extensive research and they have found that new mothers, such as you, at times find themselves in awkward positions from time to time."

"Oh? And what those be?"

"I don't mean to pry, Susan, but do you nurse your baby?"

"Most of the time. Isn't that a rather personal question to be asking?"

"You are absolutely right and I apologize if I've over stepped my bounds but I have a very good reason for asking. You see, Susan, the product I'm offering is something no new mother should be without."

"Well while I'm sure you may think in those terms, Mr. Lewis, I don't for the life of me know what it is that you have that I shouldn't be without."

"Please, Susan, I would be honored if you'd call me Ed. I really hate all the formalities that most people seem to want. Actually the product I'm offering is really very simple and could be very helpful."

"Very well, uh, Ed. You have my interest."

"There will probably be times when you and your husband are out visiting friends or having a nice supper and naturally you will have your baby with you. Even if she is left with a trusted sitter you could experience an embarrassing problem. To be quite blunt, Susan, there could easily come a time when you need to nurse and it's just not appropriate."

"We haven't been anywhere since the baby was born but I think I can see what you mean. I take it you have a solution?"

"I most certainly do, Susan. Now I know you could easily go to the mall or go online and buy much the same product. If you were to shop at the mall I'm sure the salesgirl would explain to the best of her ability how it was used. On the other hand shopping online wouldn't afford you even that little tiny bit."

At this point I paused for effect. I was now about to embark on the most sensitive portion and unless I was very careful I could easily blow the whole thing.

"The company I represent has, through its exhaustive research, determined that in home demonstrations and sales to be more productive. We like to think of it as giving the personal touch you can't get from online shopping or even at the mall. After all satisfaction is our most important form of advertising."

"I understand what you are saying about online shopping. There have been a few times I've purchased items online and haven't been happy. Trying to get my money back has been all but impossible. As for the malls, well I haven't been disappointed yet and I've never had a problem with taking back something I didn't like. From our conversation I don't think you are trying to sell me something of a sexual nature. You asked if I was nursing my daughter so it might be best if you till me just what your product is."

"Susan, you are absolutely right that I'm not selling anything of a sexual nature. No, what I have here is a breast pump. Now before you say anything more let me explain. Like I said before you and your husband could be out somewhere either without your baby. Should that be the case you could find yourself, well, needing to relief. Think about it, Susan, you're at a posh restaurant having supper. You begin to fill and the pressure becomes more than uncomfortable and your baby is home. What would you do?"

"I would, well, I guess I would... I really don't know what I would do."

"That's where my product comes into play. You see it's small enough to fit into most purses and uses batteries. You simply excuse yourself and go to the ladies room. Inside you attach the pump, flick on the switch and get instant relief."

"But what if some one walked in and saw me? I'd be so embarrassed."

"Nonsense, Susan. Who would be walking into a ladies room besides another woman? I can assure you she wouldn't think anything of what you were doing. In fact I'll just bet you she would wish she had something like this when she was with milk."