Though he was supposed to be off duty, Chief Walters thought he could kill two birds with one stone by checking out a complaint aimed at a local antique store while at the same time winning valuable credits by accompanying his wife, Maggie, for some of the shopping she enjoyed but he not so much.

“So Jack, what’s the beef with Calvin?” Maggie asked as they approached the shop. “I’ve always found him to be reasonable and upstanding. He’s given me some good deals.”

“Nothing necessarily with Calvin per se,” Jack replied. “It’s about an ad in this week’s paper. Probably just an innocent typo.” He showed Maggie a photocopy of the newspaper ad.

“Antique Clock Sale,” Maggie read. “Wait, I see. Someone left out the L in clock. Probably a prank.”

“Could be,” Jack said. “Nevertheless. Keep reading.”

Maggie scanned the rest of the ad. “Ah, here it is. ‘Largest and Widest Erection in Woodside.’ Probably meant ‘selection’, but it looks pretty deliberate, right?”

“Like I said, we’ll get to the bottom of it. Find out who’s responsible.”

They entered the shop. It seemed to be empty.

“You’d think with an ad like that, the place would be mobbed,” Maggie commented.

“Have ye no faith in the moral turpitude of the good citizens of Woodside?” Jack said.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use the word turpitude before,” Maggie said.

“I’ve been saving it,” said Jack. “Some day soon I may break out rectitude. I always get rectitude and turpitude confused. I wonder where Calvin is.”

“Probably winding the antique clocks,” Maggie speculated. “Wherever they are.”

The pair circled the front room of the store. Jack examined a tray of pocketknives. Maggie scowled at a stuffed owl.

Eventually they entered the back room.

“Aha!” Jack exclaimed. Before them was a wall of clocks.

“It’s very quiet in here. Listen,” said Maggie.

“You’re right,” Jack agreed. “Wait. I think I hear something.”

Maggie recognized the sound. She stepped around an old, overstuffed chair.

“Shadow. What are you doing here?”

“It looks like she likes that chair,” Jack said.