Chapter 1

"Love", John Marshall muttered to himself bitterly, as he tried to clear his head, as he flew on his business trip. John was sitting in the window seat of a 757 headed to San Francisco, where he once lived, and where his parents still lived. He had gotten a job in Phoenix two years before, right out of college, installing software for a large corporation. It sent him everywhere in the country, sometimes for weeks at a time. Eighty plus hour work weeks were the norm, but he felt the experience he was gaining was worth it. It wasn't the formula for love or a lasting relationship, as his last breakup so clearly demonstrated, but he also knew that if he did this work for a couple of years, he could basically write his own ticket, maybe even settle down. Settle down. He thought about that bitterly. He had someone at one point to do that with, but he foolishly threw that away, and he was coming to realize that he wouldn't feel the same way about anyone else. Now he was just running, working, towards some obscure goal out there somewhere. He felt lost.

John was 24, two years out of college. He was 6'2" with dark hair and hazel eyes. He was clean shaven, and had traces of an athletic physique, which he once was. He had played baseball in High School and even his first two years of college, until his left shoulder blew out. While surgery fixed the damage, it effectively ended his baseball pursuits, leaving him to concentrate on his major in Computer Science. He had worked his way through school, doing some programming and internships, and was working for the company, Dyson Software, where he had interned his last two years of college.

John had no lack of female companionship if he wanted it. He never went about relationships casually, however, which sometimes had confused his teammates when he had played baseball. Some women would throw themselves at an athlete, especially on the road, but it wasn't something John ever pursued. That's not to say he lived like a monk. He dated girls in college, and even had one very serious one in High School. His last girlfriend, Julia, was quite a stunner. She was 5'8" and had blonde hair. They had started dating his junior year at Arizona State, and they had a lot in common, at least outwardly. They both majored in Computer Science, were both introspective, but open and funny around close friends, and the sex they enjoyed was hot, almost frantic at times. Their similarities also created problems. They were both very driven, and it affected the time they spent together. While it looked like a good match to their friends, they found over time that, while they enjoyed each others company, and professed their love to each other, John had that feeling, deep down, that Julia wasn't "The One", but attributed that feeling to their lack of time together.

Still, when Julia dropped the bomb on him that she breaking up to concentrate on her career, it left him devastated. His buddies, Joe and Don, took him out and got him plastered, while he cried on their shoulders. He went on a week long bender, in fact, until one morning he woke up and felt... Nothing. He didn't hate Julia, he didn't love Julia, he just felt nothing.

As the days passed, and turned to weeks, then four months, where he found himself this day, that nothingness turned to emptiness in his heart. He felt like something was missing in his life. Sure he was as driven as ever, but he started wondering what for. Surely, there had to be a goal in this drive? He thought about it on his flight, finding himself going over in his mind just what was his goal. He didn't have the "I wanna be the next Bill Gates rich" kind of drive. His drive, he was discovering, was one where he wanted to be the best at what he did, to be comfortable, and, he found himself coming back to over and over, someone to share it with. His thoughts then turned back to the serious relationship he had in high school. It was, he reflected, the last time where everything was clear. He thought of Amanda.

He met Amanda Wilcox in his sophomore year in High School. She was 5'5" with auburn hair and deep brown eyes that allowed you to see into her soul if she wanted you to. Unlike John, Amanda was outgoing and gregarious. John was smitten with her, as she was with him, and they started to date. They were the veritable odd couple on the outside: Bubbly Amanda and Thoughtful John their friends liked to joke.

Those opposite qualities, however, drove them together. Amanda had an uncanny ability to get John to loosen up and be more outward towards folks, while John could get Amanda to open up to him and talk about her dreams, as well as being a calming influence for her. They found, together, that they could sit and talk for hours, read books, and listen to music. Despite their differences, they found that their musical and literary tastes were identical. Yes, they could sit and talk, but Amanda could also drag John to parties, and get him to open up to others. He found, once at ease, he had a rapid fire sense of humor, which left everyone on the ground in laughter. He also found at times, however, that his insecurities would pounce on him, and he would sometimes go off on long walks, then long drives, once he got his license, to think, to wonder where things were going.

Amanda found this last habit to be a little irritating sometimes, but also knew he'd come back. Her love for him hit her like a freight train, and knew that he loved her, but was a little frightened by the intensity of it.

Amanda had transferred to Woodside High School her sophomore year from Oregon, when her family moved over the summer. She was always outgoing, to the point of severely irritating her older sister, Rachel. Rachel took to calling Amanda 'Katie Couric', making fake puking sounds whenever Amanda really got in one of her perky moods, which was quite often.

When John and Amanda started going out, she really liked the calming influence John had on her. It made her look inwards at times, and she knew from those introspective times that John was the one for her. She found it funny that John could be such a jock and a nerd at the same time, and knew he needed to be brought out of his shell. So, she dragged him to parties, especially with his teammates, and he seemed to open up. When they would dance together, she could sometimes feel his bulge against her stomach and giggle inside. She knew he wanted more, as did she, but she knew he would take things slowly. They were young, still a little unsure, and if things were meant to be, it would happen in its own time.

They went everywhere together, and spent the school year happily entranced with one another. When they kissed for the first time, during Christmas vacation, they literally felt electricity running between them. As John thought back on that first kiss, he remembered the intensity, the weak feeling in his legs, but most of all the look in her eyes when they parted lips and looked at one another. Even after six years, he still remembers seeing her soul. The fire, the shiny light, the pure heat in them. He felt complete.

He remembered a year later, when they made love for the first time. Amanda's parents were gone for the weekend and John was over at her house. They made out very passionately, their kisses of molten steel, and their hands roaming over each other, the feeling of heat as their bodies felt hot hands touching them. He remembered her taking off her shirt, seeing her beautiful perfect breasts, milky white and so soft.

He remembered her moans as he lowered his mouth to her nipples, the feeling that his cock would rip his jeans to shreds, especially when she put her hand on it, feeling him through the material. He would never forget the first time he unbuttoned her pants, and placed his hand under her panties for the first time. The softness of her skin, the coarseness of her pubic hair, the wetness of her pussy. She had reached for him as well, and he remembered trying as hard as he could not to shoot off when she put her warm small hand on his cock.

Their petting, which they had done some of before, but never to this degree, made them both dreamy eyed, which Amanda momentarily broke by taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom. Once inside, they had undressed each other, slowly, revealing one to the other fully for the first time. John could not get over the softness of her skin, seeing her chest flush with arousal, seeing her matching auburn pubic hair in the light, the puffiness of her pussy lips with the moisture dripping from the edges.

Amanda could not get over seeing John's lanky but muscular build, the hairs on his chest which she found she loved to rub her face against, and his cock... Oh my! It was larger than she figured, although, in fact it was average. She noticed that it bobbed up and down seemingly with his heart beat. She laid down and motioned him to her.

He got onto the bed, bringing a condom with him. She watched in fascination, as he opened the package and rolled the condom onto his cock. She told him she was ready, and he got in between her legs. She positioned him and he started inside her, feeling, even through the condom, the tightness encircling his entire being. Even though they were inexperienced, and didn't know a lot about sex at all, he pushed slowly, knowing the first time might be uncomfortable. He encountered her barrier and looked down at her.

Those eyes. Her eyes were like they were when they kissed the first time, but now had a deeper love than ever, but a little pain. She told him to go ahead, and he pushed through her maidenhead, coming to a dead stop when she yelped in pain, a tear forming in her eyes. She told him to continue, and he continued small in and out motions, going a little deeper each time, until he was buried fully inside her. He would have liked to remember that this was a fireworks setting lovemaking session, but in reality, she felt like it was pinching a little, and he went off like a rocket after a couple of minutes. They had laid beside each other afterwards, and giggled, but both of them knew it would get better with time. It did.

As time went on they explored each other fully in their now deeper relationship. They discovered the joys of oral pleasure (John's friend Eric told him with a laugh that they did everything backwards; they were supposed to enjoy oral sex, then intercourse), and a closeness John hadn't truly shared since he knew as he reflected on it.

He remembered with a frown how it had ended. It was after graduation and John was headed off to college. He got in to Arizona State on a full academic scholarship, with the promise of being able to pitch on the team. It was a combination he could not pass up. Amanda ended up getting in to San Jose State. They told each other, they tried to keep things going while they both went to school. The letters and phone calls were like clockwork for a while, but by the end of their freshman year, when John stayed in Phoenix to take an internship for the summer, things came to a halt. They didn't want the other to be tied up and tempted to be unfaithful when they were still in a relationship, as both put a high premium on monogamy, but knew it might be unfair to the other when they were going to schools so far apart. They both cried, and were devastated by it, but they felt it would not be fair to the other to continue if they could not be together. They both decided it would be best if they opened themselves up to see other people, and to enjoy college life. Looking back on it, John felt it wasn't the best in the long run, after all.

John came out of his daydream as the voice over the intercom indicated that they were descending into San Francisco. He gathered his thoughts and he turned his thoughts towards the purpose of the trip. He was to go to Santa Rosa to install sales and marketing software for a winery there, Kyle Johnson Winery. While it wasn't overly close to where he had lived before, and where his parents still lived, (Santa Rosa was 50 miles north of San Francisco and his folks lived 25 miles south of San Francisco in Redwood City), he flew in on a Saturday to spend a day or so with them.

He grabbed his suitcases, and together with his laptop, he went towards the curb, for the shuttle buses to take him to his rental car. He had told his parents, Jim and Barbara, that he would meet them at their home. He called them when he arrived to let them know he'd be there in about an hour, traffic permitting. Traffic was always a dicey thing in the Bay Area, and dicey it indeed was. It took him over an hour to get the 20 miles from the airport to the exit on the freeway that would take him to his parent's house.

He pulled into the driveway, and his mother came out to greet him. She had a big smile and tears in her eyes.

"Oh John, it's so great to see you", Barbara gushed.

"Aww mom, it's great to see you too", John replied.

"Come in, come in. Dad is still at work, but he should be home soon. There was a problem at the plant, so he had to go in today."

"Great! It's been a while since I've been home."

"I know", Barbara replied with a pout. She was an expert at guilt, and John knew it.

"I'm sorry, but I really have to do this for a while, so I can put myself in a position where I can live where I want and do the work I really love", John replied. That work was systems design, helping companies figure out what software and hardware they needed. He knew most of it already, but knew he needed to move up the totem pole to be credible, especially on his own.

"I know, and I understand", his mother replied. "Still, it wouldn't kill you to take some vacation time and come home a little more often."

'Man, she's good', John thought with a chuckle to himself. He tried to keep in touch once a week, but sometimes his travels made it difficult. He loved his folks, but was glad for the freedom.

"Oh, Eric called. He said you had told him you were coming to town."

"Yes, I did", John replied. "I might spend a couple of hours with him, but I came down here first to see you and Dad."

Barbara smiled, "I know that John, but it's alright if you spend a little time with Eric. I know you haven't seen each other in a while."

They chatted for a while and caught up on things until Jim came home. When his father came in they hugged and Jim joined in the chatting.

Barbara got up and went to the kitchen to start dinner. John and Jim followed. Jim went to the wine cabinet and took out a bottle of white wine. He opened it and took out two glasses. He then looked over at John and blushed a little as he took a third glass out.

"Sorry about that John. Even though you're 24, it's weird sometimes to offer a drink to your son."

"That's alright, Dad", John replied with a chuckle.

A couple of hours later, John was headed over to Eric's house. John's stomach was comfortably full from his mother's knockout Sweet and Sour Pork, which she knew John loved. John drove up to Eric's apartment and knocked on the door. Eric swung the door open.

"Einstein!", Eric exclaimed.

"Motor Head!", John replied, as they embraced in a bear hug.

"Damn, it's great to see you, John."

"Same here, man."

"Hey, so how have things been", Eric asked.

Eric and John had been friends since they were 10. They knew each other extremely well, their ups and downs, their dreams, and their outlook on life. Eric was into cars in high school, although he had since gone into Finance, and was working his way up the ladder at a large company in San Francisco.

"Oh, it's been going alright, I guess", John replied.

"Uh, huh, right! You still broken up over Julia?"

"Actually that's what's funny. I mean, yeah, I was for a while, you know that, but now I just feel, I don't know, empty."

"Empty? In what way? Empty without Julia?"

"No, not that. You know, even though her and I had dated for quite a while, and we seemed to have everything in common, there was something that didn't feel, complete, I guess the word would be."

"You know, John, that really doesn't surprise me", Eric said softly.

"It doesn't?", John exclaimed.

"Not at all. I didn't want to tell you this, my friend, while you were going with Julia, or any of the others for that matter, but sometimes your phone calls, and when you were together seemed, I don't know, forced. Maybe that's not the right word, but I didn't see that connection. I mean sure, you were both in the same field, but I could tell that Julia was all career. As for you, while you're still the brainiac I've always known, you just haven't seemed quite the same, quite as happy since, well, you know who."

John knew and it showed in his face and eyes. Eric saw this and inwardly winced. He didn't want to see his friend feel that hurt, that pain again.

John cleared his throat audibly, "Well, uh, how are things going with you?"

"They're going well", Eric replied, "I mean I'm pretty much over Sue, and I'm back in the saddle again." He said this last part in his best Gene Autry, which made them both laugh.

"Yeah, I know what you mean", John replied. "How's your folks and your work?"

"Both are great! My folks are, you're not going to believe this, getting a motor home. Dad's taking early retirement, and they're going to see the country. My job is doing well, and I may have a prospect with a pretty young thing in Accounts Payable by the name of Becky."

"That's great news, Eric! I think it's funny though about your parents getting a motor home. I thought you were the motor head. Now the motor head's parents have a Motor Home!" They both laughed.

"Speaking of which, do you still do that old drive off in your car thing?"