Chapter 1: In The Audience

One evening after having sex, my husband and I started chatting about different past experiences. While firing challenging queries back and forth, he asked 'What's the most people that have seen you naked at one time?' I must've made a face in remembering, as he leaned back and said 'Oh boy, I can't wait for this one.' As I thought about it the memories came flying back. It was during my second semester at NC state, I was taking a 'Basic Drawing' class. We had been working for several classes in charcoals, doing light studies on bottles and balls and whatever. Today this was all about to change. Today we were about to enter the world of figure drawing... with a live figure.

After I had settled in to my spot near the front of the class the, professor appeared and seemed poised to give us our assignment for the day. Just as he started speaking, a man dressed in a white terry cloth robe emerged from his office and was walking behind the professor to a small staging area. Since this had distracted me, I was only peripherally picking up what the professor was saying, '... pay particular attention to the curves of the body... the differences in shadow... not too much detail.' I was hearing the words but my attention was still on the man. He was large, a bit chubby even. He had taken his place in the staging area and I knew what was coming next. Despite the fact that I really didn't find much attractive about him, I was getting excited.

My friend Darren, who was seated behind his easel to my right was saying something, but I was still oddly infatuated by 'Mr. Chubby', as I came to refer to him, who was about to show me everything he should keep hidden. The words were still coming from Darren and were creeping into my scull '... should be enough to put me off of my lunch. HEY, are you in there?!'

'What? Oh. Ohh yeah. This should be real interesting.' Just then Mr Chubby turned his back and swung his robe open, letting it slide off of his back and drop to the floor. Darren piped up again 'Ohh man, I wish I wore glasses so I could take them off.' There was a murmur from many of the students as similar jokes were being passed around the room. I felt oddly sorry for Mr Chubby, but there was no sign that he was embarrassed. In fact he seemed very nonchalant about the entire episode as he started his pose.

'OK, OK. Quiet down and let's get to work.' the professor jumped in trying to get things back on track. 'This is a drawing class, not a social hour.' Darren was lowering his tone trying still to get my attention, 'I hope this guy keeps that little thing under control so I don't up-chuck!' Some how that comment triggered something in my brain. I was still trying to study this unlikely model that was standing naked no more than 10 feet away from me, and now I somehow felt the need to defend him. It was as if the fact that he was wholly imperfect - fat, balding, slightly hairy back and a not very exceptional penis - and he wore it like a badge of honor. I was finding the his demeanor somewhat noble. So almost out of spite I shot back to Darren, 'hmmmm, I don't know, he seems kind of cute to me. He has nice legs.' I knew this would stick in Darren's craw. He liked me. He wanted me. I'm sure he'd masturbated to my image in his mind a hundred times. That was like a drug to me. I could encourage him enough to keep him hanging around, keep him buying me lunch or giving me rides, but never enough to actually let him have me. It was fun. Mean, but still fun.

This probably doesn't say much about me that I liked having this power and using it. Frequently, at that. But I was a bit of a wild child myself in those days. I was a partier. That's why I was taking 'Basic Drawing' in the first place. Seemed like a class I could sleep through and still get a decent grade. Partying was what college was all about. Studying, learning, expanding my narrow horizons were nice thoughts, for someone else maybe. I just wanted to have a good time. I didn't even want a boyfriend in those days. If I wanted sex, I could get it easily enough. Better to have lots of guys who want you and stay just out of their reach than one guy who thinks he owns you.

'You've gotta be kiddin' me! He looks like the Big Fig Newton!' Darren's voice brought my attention back.

'No, really. I bet that thing is a grower, too.' I teased. That's when it happened. Mr. Chubby's head moved. (The big one that is.) Just slightly, but most assuredly it moved, and in my direction. He was LISTENING! Oh this was a let down. All this time, I was admiring his ability to block us out, to focus on his job, and now I discover that he was listening. He cared what we were saying about him after all! It was weird, but suddenly I was disappointed and impressed with him all at once. His virtue and nobleness had diminished, but the cunning-meter on him had taken a jump. The thought of having a little power over him was becoming enticing to me.