Chapter 1

It was shortly after the semester began that we had the conversation.

We were all sophomores at Syracuse University. There were 11 of us that day, hanging in my room together, 5 girls and 6 guys. Fitting 11 people in a dorm room is an accomplishment in and of itself. We were on beds, chairs, the floor. I was on my bed with my best friend, Callie Durban. Believe me, there wasn't anything going on on that bed other than sitting. Like I said, Callie was my best friend-and only my best friend. And that wasn't my choice.

Evidently, a few other people saw what I had seen, because that's how the conversation started. Melanie, who was one of Callie's best friend, saw us talking and said, "So, tell me-why on earth aren't you two going out?"

"Sore subject," I muttered.

"He'd like that, wouldn't he?" Callie grinned. "We're too good friends to risk it."

"Why do girls always say that?" Jack, my roommate, muttered.

"Because it's code," Tim offered. Every head turned to him. "Look, I have a lot of female friends," Tim said.

"Of course you do," I grinned. "All gay guys have lots of female friends."

"Right," he agreed. "And, since I'm gay and nonthreatening and all, they tell me stuff. Here's one thing hetero guys don't get-who a girl goes out with is all based on sex."

"Oh no it's not," Ronnie, another one of the girls there, protested. "I think you have girls confused with guys."

"No, I don't," Tim maintained. "We're talking about two different things. Guys go out with girls to get sex, but guys don't decide who to go out with based on sex, because it's not usually a big deal."

"What do you mean?" Callie asked.

"Keeping me out of this, because I'm gay, we have five girls and five guys in this room. If I asked every guy, based purely on physical attraction, how many of the girls in this room they'd be attracted to, I guarantee they'd all say four or five. If I asked the girls in the room how many guys they'd be physically attracted to, it'd be zero or one." Surprisingly, nobody argued with this.

"So," Tim added, "guys use other things other than sex to decide who to ask out. In the case of Mitch and Callie, it's easy, and I've seen it, having known those two for a year. Mitch wants to go out with Callie because he's in love with her. Sex has nothing to do with it, he'd have sex with any of you, but Callie's the one he's emotionally drawn to. And Callie won't go out with him because he doesn't make her panties wet."

"You're crazy. That's not it at all!" Callie protested.

"Sure it isn't," Tim went on. "And what's really sad is that girls make that judgment based on almost nothing. I had two friends in high school that had been friends with each other since fifth grade. Same thing, he was gaga over her, and she was saying 'let's just be friends' which means he didn't make her panties wet. Good thing for her he hung in there, because, at the beginning of senior year, she finally deigned to go out on a date with him. And she let him kiss her goodnight. And it was all over-sparks flew, rockets went off, yadda yadda yadda. She didn't think he made her panties wet-but the minute their lips touched, he did. They go to NYU together now and are blissfully happy."

"You're wrong," Callie said again.

"So, Mitch does turn you on?" Tim asked. Callie didn't say anything. "I rest my case."

"Look, some guys are just destined for friendship," Ronnie added.

"This is why I'm glad I'm gay," Tim laughed, "I don't have to deal with that bullshit. Ronnie, that's a rationalization. Isn't a lover supposed to be a friend first and foremost?" Nobody knew what to say to that.

I wondered if Callie thought at all about that conversation. I know I did. I think she did, too-because she seemed, I don't know, weird around me. It was hard to pinpoint, but she'd look at me funny every so often.

Anyhow, the friendship was solid, even when we argued. And, on the evening of October 6th, there was a hell of an argument brewing.