Chapter 8

I woke up this morning to the sight of my roommate sitting at his desk, grinning at me.

"I'm glad you're awake."

"Barely," I muttered.

"I understand I missed a floor show last night. You and Sheila making out right in the hall."

"Well, I don't know if I'd call it making out," I said.

"Don and Jimmy did," he grinned. They were a couple of the guys on the floor.

"Yeah, well..." I trailed off.

"How many times have you ever kissed a girl?" Jake asked. He didn't know about my suicide attempt-if he had noticed the scars, he'd never asked about them-but he knew my history.

"Well, Friday night was the first."

"Bren, how drunk were you last night?"

"I wasn't, really, Rooms. I was slightly tipsy. I was feeling good, just good enough to go with it. But I wasn't drunk."

"How drunk was she?"

"Less than I was," I grinned.

Just then the phone rang. "Hello?" I said.

"Hi! You decent?" It was Sheila.

"No, I just woke up," I laughed.

"Well, get decent. You have a half hour. I want my brunch partner again today."

"Yes, ma'am," I said.

After I had hung up the phone, I grinned at Jake. "Sheila. She wants to eat brunch again today. She'll be here in half an hour." I started hunting up some clothes.

Jake looked at me with a serious face. "Bren? We need to talk."

"Yeah?"

"Look, you've been mighty generous with your homework help. It's time to return the favor. I'm going to help you with my area of expertise."

"Football?" I grinned.

"No, the other one," he laughed. "Women."

"You mean the Jake Atkinson How To Go Through Women Like Water plan?" I laughed.

"No, not at all. You may not believe this, but I have had a couple actual relationships. And I'm open to another one. I liked having a steady girlfriend, though neither of them in the end worked out. However, I'm picky about steady relationships. I'm not as picky about having a good time. Because of this, once or twice, when I've missed the signals, I've hurt someone."

"Bren, what Sheila is doing right now is a full-court press, OK? I know she knows you're the way you are, but she is coming on strong. Friday night, all day and all night yesterday, and she's on her way over again today? This is serious."

"And what you have to do, roommate of mine, is decide-and in one hell of a fucking hurry-how you feel about this girl. Trust me. Forget your insecurity, forget your inexperience, forget all that bullshit. Trust what I am saying, because I see the signs. Sheila has got it bad, bad, bad for you. OK? And you need to decide how you feel. Because, if this goes on much longer, and you don't feel the way she does, she's going to get hurt badly. And I know you well enough to know that you don't want that."

"Sheila is popular. She's accomplished. She's pretty. And she wants you. And you need to decide if you can deal with that, before she gets in too deep, OK?"

"Wow," was all I said. "Well, Rooms, I've got a confession to make. I've been nuts about her for weeks now."

"Good," he grinned. "But can you handle it?"

"That's a good question."

"I think you guys need to talk."

"Yeah, I think you're right. Excuse me while I look in the closet under the dust bunnies."

"For what?" he asked.

"My nerve." He laughed at that one.

"You won't need it. SHE LIKES YOU! Remember that. You like her. The rest is just working out the details, got me?"

"Got you." Just then, there was a knock on the door.

We went to brunch, and Jake tagged along-at Sheila's insistence. "Don't you guys usually eat together if Jake's not with the team? Then git! Both of you!"

We ate, had a good time, then Sheila asked me what I was doing for the afternoon.

"I need to study some," I said, "but that won't take all afternoon."

"Do you mind if I join you? I'll go and get my books."

"OK," I said. She headed for her dorm, and Jake and I headed for mine. "Full court press. What did I tell you?"

"It's like she can't bear to leave my side," I said in complete amazement.

"Yup. Listen, I'm going to study with you guys for a while-but I need to go lift weights, watch film, do football things. I'm going to be gone for four or five hours. Talk to her, OK?"

"Aye aye, sir."

Sheila came up shortly after that, and the three of us studied for a while. After some time, Jake said, "Hey, Brains. You got a few minutes to check this for me?"

"Sure," I said. He handed over a paper.

"Writing assignment," Jake told Sheila. "He always checks them for me. He's an ace writer."

"You can write, too?" she said. "Jesus. I thought you were just a math whiz. You trying to make me feel inferior?"

"If it really bothers you, you can take me back in the pool and try to teach me the backstroke. That'll kill your inferiority complex in a damn hurry. And, by the way, I wasn't that good at biology, either," I grinned.

"Good!" she grinned.

I read Jake's paper, which was fine-I suggested a few minor changes, which he made. Then he was off to do his football thing.

I stretched. "I think I need a break, my eyes are blurry and my muscles are knotted."

"Me, too," Sheila said. She got up from my bed, where she had had her stuff spread out, and walked up behind me, and started massaging my shoulders.

"That should take care of the knotted muscles," she giggled.

I took a deep breath. "Sheila? What's going on?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just-well, look. We went out Friday night. You came here at 9 yesterday morning and we were together until midnight. And here you are at 9 this morning and it doesn't look like you're planning on leaving anytime soon."

"Would you prefer that I go?" she asked in a small voice.

"No! Not on your life!" I blurted. "Well, er, what I mean is..."

"I liked your first answer better," she giggled.

I smiled back at her. "No, I do not want you to leave. I just don't know what's going on."

She sighed, and sat back down on my bed. "OK. I had a plan. Two plans, actually. I figured if I just refused to go away, one of two things would happen. You'd either figure it out, or you'd get so used to me being around that it'd become habit." She smiled. "And I'm going to be away for close to a week. I'm leaving Wednesday and not coming back until late Monday. A swim meet, in Rio de Janeiro. So I wanted to put my plan into action now. You opened the door when you asked me out. That's when I decided to do it."

I was stunned.

She went on. "I know some of your history. You don't know mine. First of all, that wasn't my first kiss-but it wasn't far off. I'm not much more experienced than you are. And I've never gone much farther than kissing. Yes, I'm as much of a virgin as you are."

This time I said it. "I'm stunned."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because you're so, I don't know, aggressive. And sure of yourself."

"I'm not really sure of myself. Aggressive? Well, yeah. That goes along with my story." She took a deep breath. "Look, I was popular in high school. I'm outgoing. I like to think I'm friendly. I hung around with the quote-unquote cool kids. And being known as a nationally ranked swimmer didn't hurt. So, I got asked out a lot."

"Like I said, I'm friendly-so, unless you were really disgusting, I didn't turn you down if you asked me out. Now, that's for a first date-second and third dates are a different story. But very few people who asked me out for a first date got turned down, at least through my first three years of high school."

"However, something dawned on me gradually. If you're a popular outgoing girl, you know who asks you out on dates? Two types of guys. The first are guys like Jake. I like Jake. We could be good friends. But there's no 'click' there-and Jake, if I have him pegged correctly, would lose interest if he wasn't in my pants by the second date."

"Right on the money," I laughed.

"But he wouldn't hold it against me if I said no. He'd just move on to the next."

"Correct again."

"I dated a couple Jakes in high school. We tried it, I didn't feel anything more than friendship, they weren't getting any, and that was that-and I ended up being good friends with a couple of them. That wasn't the problem."

"The problem was the other guys who ask out girls like me. The same type of guys that, I have no doubt, lead the torment against you. The asshole jocks who think they're God's gift and can get away with anything. This came to a head early senior year." She took a breath. "I have strong swimmers' legs, and I know how to aim a kick, and that is the only thing that kept me from being date-raped about a year ago."

"Jesus," I said.

"I pretty much stopped dating then. And I took stock. And I realized something-I had never been aggressive towards guys. I didn't have to, right? I had guys falling in my lap, right? I didn't need to go after them, they went after me. But, when I had that bad experience, and I stepped back, I realized something. I was getting asked out, all right-but not by the right guys. I can tell you off the top of my head four guys from high school that, if we had gone out, we would've had a better than decent shot to get past a second date. But they weren't in the 'cool kids' clique and were afraid to ask. And I didn't really realize that until it was too late. Hey, guys ask me out, right? Why would anyone be shy to ask me out, I never say no-that's what I thought. But I was insulated by my crowd. It was hard for me to realize that I intimidated people. But I did."

"So, when I came here, I said to myself-college is a new chance. And I vowed that I was going to choose who I went out with. I wasn't going to hang around waiting. I was going to make it happen. And then I met you," she smiled at me. "You are the kind of guy I wish had asked me out back in high school-only you're even more so. And, to tell you the truth, if I were at all used to doing this, I would've been more aggressive. I wanted to ask you out the first day I met you. But I was only strong enough to give out not-so-subtle hints."

"But after we went out Friday night, and I had such a good time, I said to myself, don't let him get away. Do not. Do everything you can." She grinned at me. "So here I am."

I just looked at her, my mind in a complete haze.

"OK, will you say something?" she laughed.

"When my brain starts working again."

" Your brain is on the fritz? Now that is a serious problem. That could cause power outages all over Palo Alto."

"Very funny," I grinned. "All right, you want me to say something? Here it is. Why me?"

"You're sweet," she said. "You're funny. I like the fact that you're smart, I find that attractive. We compliment each other well. You're honest and solid and trustworthy. I like nice guys, Brendan. You might be the nicest I've ever met. And you're handsome. You have a good face. I love your eyes. And, OK, I'll admit-being 5'10", the fact that you're tall is a big plus! Oh, and one more thing-and I don't know if you'll like this one-but I find vulnerability as sexy as all get-out," she grinned.

"Oh," was all I said.

"What I don't know is, how you feel about me," she said quietly.

I took a deep breath. "I'm crazy about you," I managed to say. "If I'm honest with myself, I have been since that first day you came up here for help with calculus."

"OK, then, let me throw it back in your face. Why me?"

"You're sweet yourself. You're right about us complimenting each other. I like your vivaciousness, I always have been attracted to that. You're smart, honest, and trustworthy yourself. I'm not going for a second lie and pretend your looks don't play a part, either," I grinned. "Especially the first time I saw you swim."