Chapter 76: Getting Better All The Time

Warren went to see Mary the next day. Sophia was waiting for him in his room when he got done.

"How'd it go?" she asked.

Warren sighed. "Difficult. You know I've always been pretty well in touch with my emotions--well, for a guy, anyway." They both grinned at that. "And I've shut down since... it happened. And when I try, all I feel is pain, and humiliation, and anger. I feel weak, and abused, and all kinds of horrific things I'm not used to feeling. I never thought of myself as weak, Soph. I can't help it, now."

"I used to think of myself as weak. Then I met this fabulous guy who convinced me otherwise." That got a hint of a smile. "Nobody can be strong all the time, Warren. There were four of them. You had no chance."

"I know. Mary asked me if I thought this would have happened if there was only one of them, and I told her, no fucking way. I'm an athlete. I might not look like a football player, but I can lift you off the ground while gliding around on skates. Four of them were just too much. I know that, intellectually, but..."

"Been there, done that, could write a book."

"True." He grinned at her. "How's it feel, being the strong stable one for a change?"

"HORRIBLE!" she mock-yelled. They both cracked up laughing. "Warren, if there's anything I've learned, it's this--I love you. Whatever you need, if I can give it, I will."

"Thanks, Pookie. It means a lot."

"And, you can't just resign yourself to feeling bad things. Change your attitude. I know what happened is hard to deal with, but you can't make it your life. Deal with it, sure--that's what Mary is for--but try to get your life back, too."

"That's what Mary said. She says I'm avoiding the things that make me feel good, and that I can't if I want to be able to deal with the bad things."

"Right." She reached under his desk and withdrew a bag. "I got us some ice time, starting in twenty minutes."

He looked at his skate bag, and at Sophia. "OK," he said, smiling, taking the bag.

They had an hour. The limbered up some, then ran through the Golden Waltz and the Sinatra. He handled it fairly well, all things considered, Sophia thought. When they were done, she turned to him and said, "How do you feel?"

"Tired and sore all over," he smiled. "I'm still healing physically. My ribs ache, and my wrist is screaming at me. Outside of that? I feel OK."

"Good."

"And I was very glad to see that you didn't fuck up the Golden Waltz again, Pookie," he grinned at her.

"Oh, thanks," she stuck out her tongue at him. "You hungry?"

"Famished."

"Dorm slop?"

"Actually, I'm in the mood for some shrimp with cashews, a little fried rice, maybe an egg roll..."

She beamed at him. "You got yourself a date."

They went to the Chinese restaurant, and grabbed a table. They ordered.

"By the way," Warren said, "I don't think I've said 'thank you.'"

"What for?"

He took a deep breath. "You threatening to leave is the main thing that snapped me out of it. It's probably the only thing that could have. Now, I know why you did it this time, but it made me flash back to what happened last semester. And I realized that that was, in some ways, worse than what I'm going through now." He smiled at her. "Even thought I thought you might be bluffing this time."

"I probably was," she smiled back. "I was at my wits' end, though."

"I know you were. I tell you all the time that I love you. I probably don't make it clear enough how much I need you."

"I know," she smiled. "So, you've seen Mary, you've skated. How do you feel?"

"Shaky. I still feel like I could either burst into tears or go on a murderous rampage in an instant. I also feel very grateful to you, and very much in love with you. So I suppose that's a fair trade."

"Don't be too grateful. Enlightened self-interest, don't you know."

Warren burst into laughter. "Oh, so that's your line now? Should I start calling you Saint Sophia?"

"Well... if you must... , " she teased.

"Hey!" a voice approaching called out. It was Papa Bear and Caitlin.

"Hi guys!" Sophia said.

"Yo, you two. Just walk in?" Warren asked.

"Yup," Caitlin answered.

"Join us, we just ordered," Warren said. Sophia looked at him in happy surprise.

"Don't mind if we do, Lobster-Breath," Papa Bear smiled.

The four friends enjoyed their meal together.

Back in Warren's room, they had studied a bit, and were now getting ready for bed.

"That was nice, seeing Paul and Cait in the Chinese place," Sophia said.

"Yeah, it was. It was blessedly normal." Warren laughed. Then he turned somber. "Now, if I can only get through tonight without a nightmare," he said very softly.

"I know," Sophia said. Warren looked up at her, startled. "Yes, I heard you, and, yes, I know you've been having them. You wake me up more nights than not."

"I'm sorry."