Chapter 75: Sophia's Gamble

"You're on the right track, you know," Mary told Sophia.

"Too bad it doesn't feel that way. Being dismissed out of hand did not strike me as a step in the right direction."

"It was. Because he reacted to you as the embodiment of an emotional attraction, and not as his handmaiden, which is what you've been for three weeks. He's letting you take care of him, because that's easier, but he's not reacting to you as Sophia, his girlfriend. Last night, you forced him to. " She grinned. "No doubt about it; I've seen that exhibition."

Sophia allowed herself a grin back. "Too true. However, reacting to me as his girlfriend in a positive way was more what I was going for. The name of the damn program is 'Kiss Me, Baby.' Warren, this is a fucking hint!" she said, exasperatedly to the air.

Mary laughed. "Uh-huh." Then she got serious. "I have to warn you, Sophia, if you're waiting for the big kiss scene, you might be waiting for a while. Since you are the one trying to yank him back into reality, your relationship might get worse before it gets better."

"Oh, great. Then why am I doing this?"

"Because you love him. Because you know he needs to snap out of this."

Sophia sighed. "You're right. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a stake in this, too. My life is tied to his. And my need for him is almost overpowering at this point. I'd cut off my left arm if he'd just touch me."

"I know."

Sophia laughed. "Now I know what Warren used to talk about. Whenever he'd do something for my benefit, I'd call him Saint Warren. He used to shrug it off, and tell me that I was forgetting about his healthy dose of enlightened self-interest. Now I know what he meant. Yeah, I want him to get better for him, but I must admit that I want him to get better for me, too."

"That's OK, Sophia. It really is. You are correct when you say your lives are bound together. And if calling on that enlightened self-interest helps you to remain strong for his sake, then you just keep doing it."

"It would be easier if there was light at the end of the tunnel."

"There is," Mary insisted. "No doubt about it. All I'm saying is, expect some hefty bumps before you get out of the tunnel."

"Hmmmm."

"And push the issue. You hit a nerve last night. You need to keep hammering it."

"I hope you're right."

She marched into his room in midafternoon, after they both finished class.

"OK, Snugglebear, up and at 'em."

"Huh?"

"Get up. Get out of bed. Get your skates. We've got ice time."

"I'm not skating."

"Fuck you, you're not skating." She went to his bed and ripped the covers off. "UP!" She went over to his closet, and dug out his skates. "Where are your practice outfits?"

"Dammit, Sophia, I am not ready to go back on the ice!"

"The doctor said you could go back on the ice two weeks ago." He was still lying on the bed. "I thought I told you to get up. Come on, Warren, MOVE IT! Worlds are a month away, for Chrissakes. Time's a-wasting."

"I don't want to go to Worlds anyway."

"Fine. You don't want to go to Worlds. You'd rather sit here and lick your wounds. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! You keep forgetting this is my life, too. My life, my career, and my boyfriend, all being flushed down the drain. WE ARE SKATING. TODAY. The longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be."

"Dammit, Sophia, I can't handle this right now! Have a little sympathy. You have no idea what I'm going through."

This time her anger wasn't forced, it was genuine. "I don't???? YOU HAVE A VERY SHORT FUCKING MEMORY, WARREN!!!!"

"Oh, I know you've been beaten up, but you've never been raped."

"Yes, I have. I skirt around the issue, but I have. One of the guys in between Dirk and Scott. I was definitely unwilling, and he did it anyhow. And you know what the worst part of it was, Warren? After a while, my body started enjoying it. My mind was repulsed, but my body got into it. No, I didn't cum--you know you were the first--but I came awfully close. From a rape. And you have no clue how dirty that made me feel. I have no idea what you're going through, my ass."

"All right. I'm sorry. But I helped you by loving you, not by yelling at you."

"You didn't yell, but you told me a few truths I probably didn't want to hear. And I've tried being the patient, supporting girlfriend. It's not working. Warren, you need a kick in the ass."

"Can't I just heal this in my own way?"

"If there was the slightest indication you were healing, maybe. You're not, Warren, dammit, you're not. You're slipping away from me, bit by bit."

"Well, maybe I need to slip away from you, then."