Chapter 66: Kiss Me Baby

Author's Note: The song "Kiss Me Baby" is written by Brian Wilson and Mike Love and is copyright 1965 Sea of Tunes.

All the music I allude to in this novel is stuff I like. If I make you go find it, good. For this particular tune, I emphasize it. If you have never heard "Kiss Me Baby," either by the Beach Boys on the Today album or in the live version talked about in this chapter, STOP READING AND GO BUY IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!! <G>

"Forgive myself. I hadn't thought of it in those terms before," Sophia was saying to Mary.

"What do you mean?"

"I think I was trying to purge it, get rid of it, get to a point where I could pretend it never happened." Sophia sighed. "Which is, of course, impossible. After we watched the tape, I was really beating myself up. I guess I was waiting for a miracle, that, if we got back together, everything would just be... I don't know. Back to normal. Bad stuff gone, stupid mistakes gone, poof. And I almost believed it, until I watched that tape, and thought, 'look what I almost destroyed'. And it all came back."

"And, so what happened then?"

"Actually, it slipped away for a while, there with all those people. I had fun. Back in the car, with Warren, driving back, it all resurfaced. And, that's when he said what he said. That he forgave me, and I should forgive myself."

"Does that make sense to you?"

"Yeah, it does." She paused. "I haven't told you yet what else happened."

"Well?"

"Wednesday. Before this. We made love."

"I thought you guys were going to wait?"

Sophia giggled. "You know what they say about the best laid plans... well, the only thing that got laid, was me." Mary burst out in laughter. Sophia described what had happened.

"You guys made love in anger?" Mary asked, a bit worried.

"No. I wasn't really angry, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't either. We were needy and desperate, both of us. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one in this relationship that can get needy. Trying to wait for a while was as much of a strain on Warren as it was on me, even though he proposed it. The dam just broke, is all. Look, sex was an important part of our relationship from the beginning. And it had been three months, almost."

"Do you think the prominence of sex in your relationship, starting at such a young age, has been a problem?"

"To a point. I see where you're coming from. But it's also a good thing. I mean, after that first desperate one the other night, we went back at it, but took our time. He touched me all over. Gave me a full body massage, and I gave him one. And we fondled, and made love, and it was just delicious. There are times when getting in bed and doing whatever is the best way to show someone you love them. I felt so completely loved the other night, and it wasn't because of any hangups, it was because of what he was doing."

"Well, how do you feel about everything?"

"Confused," Sophia laughed. "I feel like we're back together, considering we had sex and that he put my pendant and ring back on." She explained to Mary the significance of them. "But I also feel... I don't know, apprehensive."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Because I'm still unsure of myself."

"After the first few days this week, you shouldn't be. When I had you in this office Wednesday, you were so mad at Warren, and so frustrated, that I thought you would be in here today crying that you panicked again. But you didn't. You stayed, you had it out with him, and then you guys made love to make up."

"Hmmm."

"The only reason you're apprehensive is because of what happened yesterday--seeing your skating, and having a flashback. You are getting better, Sophia. It is time you realized that. And, Warren's right, it's time you forgave yourself."

They had picked up extra ice time, since most of the campus was empty for Thanksgiving weekend, and the Wisconsin hockey team was on a road trip.

"I was thinking about what you said for an exhibition." Warren said.

"Actually, I had an idea. 'Crucify', by Tori Amos."

"I know the tune. I like the tune." He thought for a minute. "I don't know. Too bleak, not danceable enough, and too much Sophia taking all the blame again."

She grinned despite herself. "You have a better idea?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." He skated over to the boombox on the boards. "This is a Beach Boys song, but this version is actually from Brian Wilson's Live At The Roxy solo album." He pressed play.

Please don't let me argue anymore

I won't make you worry like before

Can't remember what we fought about

Late late last night we said it was over

But I remember when we thought it out

We both had a broken heart

Kiss me baby

Love to hold you

Kiss me baby

Love to hold you

As I drove away I felt a tear

It hit me I was losing someone dear

Told my folks I would be all right

Tossed and I turned my head was so heavy

Then I wondered as it got light

Were you still awake like me?