Chapter 63: Warren Explodes

Sophia had just gotten to Mary's office on Monday, and had settled in a chair. "I wonder where Warren is?" she asked, just as her cell phone rang.

"Hiya, Sophie, it's Warren..."

"Where are you?"

"That's why I'm calling. I'm going to be a few minutes late."

"WHAT? Why? Warren, we're sitting here waiting for you! I only have an hour per session, and I expected you to be here! This is important! What is so damn important that you would be late? I can't believe..."

"Sophia!" Mary interjected.

Sophia caught herself. "Warren?" she said into her cel phone. "Oh shit, he hung up."

"I would have, too! Why were you yelling at him?" Mary said.

"He's late."

"Did he say why he's late?"

Sophia looked down at her hands. "I never gave him a chance to say." She looked at the cell phone, and dialed Warren's number. To her surprise, he answered.

"What?" he barked.

"I'm sorry. I had no right to do that."

"Fine."

"Are you still coming?"

"Yes. I'll be there in a few minutes." He hung up.

"Sophia, what just happened?" Mary asked her.

"I don't know. He said he was going to be late, and I just... I don't know. I panicked. I got an image of him in bed with Alexa or some other girl, or with his nose in a textbook, ignoring me, and I just... lost it."

Just then the door opened, and Warren stumbled in. On a crutch, with one of his ankles taped up.

"Oh Jesus, Warren! What happened?" Sophia asked.

Mary had set up two chairs in front of her, for the two of them, and Sophia was sitting in one, but Warren did not take the other, instead plopping on the couch against the wall.

"I sprained my ankle, walking across the quad. Slipped on some ice. And the campus police brought me up here, so I didn't have a car, so I had to hobble a block from the emergency room to this building. And, on top of that, I get yelled at."

"Warren, I really am sorry. I just expected..."

"That's right. You expected. You and every other fucking person in my life. Do you know the first thing my mother says to me when she calls? 'Are you keeping your grades up?' Then, it's 'Have you fixed things with Sophia yet?' Everybody asks me that! Like it's my fucking responsibility to fix what you broke! And, when I do--and end up taking care of you after another drunken binge in the bargain--I get yelled at because I'm a few minutes late. And I don't say a Goddamned thing because you are such a china doll that if I say anything, you'll break. Between you, and my schoolwork, and everybody's expectations of me--even to the point of all my friends asking me for advice--I am holding up the weight of the fucking world. And I can not do it anymore."

Sophia looked stunned. Warren took a breath, and turned to her. "I am here for you. This is your problem, not mine. I do not deserve to be yelled at. I came very close to turning around and going back to the dorm. I've had it."

"I really am sorry," Sophia said in a very small voice.

"Warren, how long have you been holding that in?" Mary asked him.

"Quite a while. My mother got it over the phone last night," he managed to smile a little at that.

"Do you think I expect too much of you?" Sophia asked.

"Sometimes."

"You're probably right," Sophia agreed.

"Do you ask anything from her?" Mary asked.

Sophia interjected. "No, he doesn't. Very little. Maybe that's the problem, maybe you should ask more from me."

Warren let out an exasperated sigh. "The last time I... forget that, I've said enough."

"No, Warren. Say it," Sophia implored.

"Warren, this is the time and place to get it all out," Mary agreed.

"OK. The last time I asked something of you was at the beginning of the semester, when I asked you to cut me some slack while I got used to the workload. And we all know where that got me. And, I know you well enough, Sophia, to know that that had something to do with your expectations of me, because you didn't expect me to have problems with schoolwork. The Prep Genius, having problems with schoolwork? Never. He must be hiding something."

"You're right," Sophia agreed. "That's exactly what I was thinking."

"Warren," Mary asked, "are you bitter or resentful about Sophia breaking up with you?"

"Oh, you betcha."

Sophia looked at him, stunned.

"Still?" Mary asked.

"It was getting better. Screaming at me over the phone did not help."

"Then, why are you here?" Mary asked. "Why are you still willing to work things out?"

"Because I still love her. That never changed, not for a second. And because I still think it's worth it."

Sophia relaxed. "Thanks, Warren. I needed to hear that."

Warren smiled at her, and got up and hobbled to the chair next to her.

"All right," Mary said. "Warren, you still think you can work things out?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, we need to talk about the breakup. Sophia, over our past three sessions, has told me a lot about her history, both with you, and before you, Warren. There's a pattern here., and what Warren just went off about has a lot to do with it. Sophia, why did you go out with Scott?"

"Because he asked me, and I had been without for a while."

"Did you ever think he was any good for you?"

"Deep down inside, probably not."

"So, you panicked, and did something self-destructive."

"That makes sense."

"And who pulled your ass out of the fire?"

Sophia smiled at Warren. "Mister Wonderful over here."

"Right. Now, you told me about your first fight. This time, Warren didn't perform to your expectations. You panicked, and did something self-destructive--you got sloppy drunk. And who pulled your ass out of the fire again?"

"Now, this breakup. Again, Warren was not meeting your expectations. And you panicked. And did something self-destructive--Eduardo--and waited for Warren to bail you out again. Even when he gave you a golden opportunity to help yourself, at the ice rink, you panicked even worse--and then went and did something more self-destructive, which finally got Warren's attention. Your relationship hums merrily along as long as things are OK. When you hit a rough spot, Sophia, you panic. When you panic you do something self-destructive. Now, this behavior predates Warren. You are still trying to get the attention you never got from your Dad, that you didn't get enough of from your Mom, and that you didn't get from your first boyfriends."

Sophia looked stunned. "Oh my God." She took a deep breath. Warren grabbed her hand, and she looked at him with a grateful smile.

"You did it today. Warren didn't meet your expectations, and you lashed out, because you panicked."

"Why do I do it to Warren, though? That's what I don't understand."

"Because you know, deep down in your heart, that I'll keep coming back for more," Warren said softly.

"Huh?" Sophia asked.

"Did you ever have any doubt that I'd try to fix things?"

"Yeah, of course I did. I thought I wrecked things forever."

"Maybe consciously, and maybe afterwards. But not while you were doing it, I don't think, especially subconsciously," Warren said.

"I don't know," Sophia said. "Did you always know you'd try to fix things?"

"I don't know, because I believed up until fairly recently that you had truly left me for another guy, and were probably still with him. I always hoped, I know that. And, yeah, I was playing the 'She's got to fix it' game for a while but, after I realized that you weren't with anyone else and regretted the breakup--yeah, after that I knew it was just a matter of time."

"After I hurt you that much? You just said you were bitter and resentful."

"Yeah, I was." Warren took a deep breath. "I can't think of much that you could do to me to truly make me give up, or to ever make me leave. That's probably what hurt the most."