Chapter 61: Baby Steps

Warren and Elise were in Elise's car, on the way to the hospital.

"Why she does these things to herself..." Warren said.

"I know." Elise sighed. "I should have seen this coming. She's been a mess all week." Elise told him about the previous drunken episode, and about Sophia seeing him at the rink.

"She was there? She heard me? And she still didn't come in?" Warren took a deep breath. "She had the opening of all time. She knew how I was going to react. And she still didn't come in. Why am I even bothering?"

"Warren, you have to understand. When she came back to the room, she was as shook up as I've ever seen a person. She wanted to go into that rink, but couldn't. She was scared out of her mind."

"Of what?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure she knows. Anyhow, we were in our room after supper last night, and she was reading the internet, and she read something that disturbed her."

"I know what it was. That's why I was at your door this morning. Well, one of the reasons. I was going to come up anyway--I tried to come up last night, but you guys weren't there. But I came up so early because I read the thing on the internet. The skating world found out about our breakup, and the person who posted the information only got part of it right, and the message was very unkind to Sophia."

"Aaah. Well, after she read that, she said 'I'm going out'. I had to go to the library. When I came back in a few hours and she still wasn't there, I went looking for her, because I had an idea of where she went--a frat party a friend of ours told us about. Sure enough, she was there, and drunk off her ass. Shortly after I got there, she passed out, I called 911."

"Good fucking thing you went looking for her, Elise."

They pulled up in front of the hospital, and went to the intensive care unit. "They are only going to let one of us in at a time. They usually only let family in, but Sophia named both of us as stand-ins for family, since her family is so far away."

"I know. I named her and Papa Bear."

"Let me go in, and then I'll come get you."

"OK."

Elise walked into the room. Sophia was still tied to all the machines--but she was awake. Her eyes fluttered open, and she gave Elise a weak smile. "Hiya, roomie."

"You're awake!"

"Yeah. I'm going to be fine, they tell me. I managed not to pickle any of my brain. God, I'm so glad you came and found me last night."

"You're right--the guys at that frat house didn't even want me to call 911, they were so worried about being found out."

"They should be thanking you, now, it would have been worse if I had been dead. Which they tell me was a possibility. Oh God, Elise, what am I going to do with myself?"

"Not do this again, for one thing. Please. I don't think my heart can take it."

"Deal."

"I got someone that wants to see you."

"Who?"

"Wait right here, I'll send them in."

Sophia waited expectantly, looking at the door. It was a couple of minutes.

"Warren?"

He walked over to the bed. "Hiya, Pookie. I'm glad you're awake."

"Warren? What are you doing here?"

"I went looking for you this morning. After I read that stuff on the newsgroup."

"Oh." She looked up at him. "You went looking for me because of that?"

"Well, actually, I went looking for you last night, too. Just to talk. And I was going to try again this morning. I went to your room earlier than I had planned, though, because of the newsgroup."

"You went looking for me last night?"

"Yeah."

"Shit. And I was out trying to slowly kill myself."

"Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. What are we going to do with you?"

She sighed. "I read the newsgroup, and I just lost it. What horrible things to read about yourself in a public forum. Especially when every word of it is true."

"Bullshit, Sophia, you're not a slut. Have you been sleeping your way through Wisconsin?"

"No." She managed to smile at him. "From what Jessie tells me, you have been, though."

"Oops. She told you that?"

"Yeah. She was trying to whip my behind into trying to get you back, by warning me that you had other options."

"Only for sex, not for anything else."

"Warren, you don't need to explain yourself. I set you free, not the other way around."

"I turned one down last night." He told her about Caitlin and Papa Bear.

"Ah, so me dumping you didn't completely obliterate your conscience. Good for Papa Bear. I hope true love works out."

"I always tend to hope that myself." She looked up, startled, right into his eyes. He looked back. "Sophie? Why did you run away from the ice rink on Wednesday, when you heard what I was saying?"

"Elise told you about that?" Warren nodded. Sophia thought for a minute. "I don't know. I just don't know. It was like blind, irrational terror, or something."

"Why did you break up with me in the first place?"

"I don't know that, either. Warren, I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course, Pookie, all you had to do was ask." Sophia smiled. Warren took a deep breath. "Sophia, I love you. I never stopped. I want to see if we can fix this, and get back together."

Sophia smiled wider. "I want that, too."

"But I don't think we can just pick up where we left off. Too much has happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that I just asked you two questions. You answered both of them with 'I don't know'. I think you need to figure out the answers to those two questions. "

"You're right." She thought for a minute. Her voice got softer. "I just don't know if I can do this alone."

"You have to."

"Where does this leave us, then? Are you going to walk back out that door and leave me to sort through my addled mind by myself?"

"No," he smiled at her. "I'll be here. I just don't want to rush back into anything." He took a deep breath. "Look, Sophia, if we get back together, I don't want to be looking over my shoulder."

"You won't, I can promise you that. The past six weeks will be a painful reminder of what happens when I do stupid things."

"I believe you. You still need to figure out why you did it in the first place."