Chapter 24: The Grape Fetish

"Jessica Reidel? What are you doing here?"

"Claws in, Cheryl," Warren said. "She's a friend of mine, and Sophie's best friend."

"Come on in, Jess," Mo smiled. "Glad you finally came, Sophia told me she's been trying for a while."

"Yeah. I decided this one was a good one to come to."

"Oh, great," said Cheryl. "Sophie got any other burnout friends she can bring?"

Jessie looked Cheryl in the eye and said, "Hey, Wheeler, the sun's still up. How did you get out of your coffin?"

"Now what is that supposed to mean?"

"Jesus, if you need insults explained to you, you're beyond any kind of hope."

"Oh, I knew what you meant."

Jessie sighed dramatically. "So you asked what I meant just so you could hear the sound of your own voice wafting melodiously through the yard, is that it? "

"What are you talking about?"

Jessie just snorted, and turned to Warren. "Does she always need a fucking road map to keep up?" Warren just laughed.

Cheryl said, "Hey, Warren, why is it that all of these lowlife friends of yours feel compelled to insult me?"

"Maybe because you insult them first?"

"Or," added Jess, "maybe it's because Warren tends to have friends with half a brain, and, for anyone with half a brain, insulting you is like shooting fish in a barrel."

"Did you just call me stupid?"

"If I have to explain everything I say, you just answered your own question, didn't you?"

"I'd rather be stupid than a burnout!"

"That's because you're stupid. Listen, I could kill three million brain cells and still be about a gazillion up on you, sweetie."

Cheryl just sputtered indignantly.

"Y'know, I just can not stand all these witty comebacks, Wheeler."

"I don't need to give you any witty comebacks."

"Oh, yes you do. I know you; I know what you're like. You come here and take great satisfaction in being the Queen of All Insults, because you're used to dealing with folks like Warren and Mo who are too nice to get into it with you."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"How wrong am I?" Jessie asked. "Not even a little bit," Warren said, and Sophia and even Mo concurred.

"I still can't believe Mo let Sophia bring you," Cheryl said, changing the subject.

"Well, somebody has to supply the witty repartee. It sure as hell ain't gonna be you."

Cheryl sputtered, and Jessie added, "Oh, look! More witty repartee!"

"She's such a loser!" Cheryl said to the air.

"Wow. I'm a loser. What an original insult! How long did it take you to come up with that bon mot, Wheeler-three months?"

Cheryl just sputtered again.

"Yeah, that's what I figured."

Warren just laughed. "Cheryl, silence might be the best option. You are so out of your league, here, you have no idea."

"Fine," Cheryl said with forced haughtiness. "Christine and I are going to sit over on the grass, where it's more hospitable."

"Yeah, there are no actual other humans over there. When Wheeler looks for hospitable, she looks for a wide, empty space." Jessica sniggered. Cheryl just turned on her heel and stomped off, Christine in tow.

They settled down after that. Nobody noticed Crash slip in, grab some dip and a coke from the table, and slip in next to Jessie.

"Nice party... good dip," Crash Worfed.

"Crash!" Mo yelled. "You came!"

Jessie looked at Crash and smiled, and then turned to Warren, and, in her best Deanna Troi, said, "Captain... I sense a great turbulence of emotion from Lieutenant Worf. It's very powerful. He is either in the grips of an incredible, overpowering, animalistic lust... or, he really likes that dip."

"I see, Counselor," Warren-as-Picard said. "What do you suggest we do about it?"

"Well, Captain," Jessie said, "I should either jump Mr. Worf's bones right here on the bridge, or... I really need to try that dip!"

Crash scooped some dip on a chip, wiggled his finger at Jessie, and she smiled and opened her mouth. Crash popped the chip in. Jessie swallowed, and then went, "ooooooh... mmmmmm... ohhhhhh... wow... that is really good dip!"

Warren and Sophia cracked up. Mo just looked bemused and a little questioning. Crash put his arm around Jessie and said, "Madam, you can dip my chip any time."

"Is that a promise, you sexy hunk of a Klingon, you?"

"Only if you keep those claws out."

"I need a coke," Sophia interjected. "You want one, War?"

"Yeah."

"Me too, Soph?" Jessie asked.

"I'll grab yours, Jess," said Mo. "I'll go with you, Soph."

When they got out of earshot of the picnic table, Mo asked Sophia, "What is going on there?"

Sophia smiled. "We're not sure. This just started yesterday, when we all went to the beach together. It's the first time they ever met. By the time the day was over, something was sure happening."

"Wow. Good for Crash."

"Yeah. It would be great for both of them. Jessie's had one boyfriend, it lasted two years, and the ending was not pretty."

They made it back to the table. Suddenly, they heard loud yelling from another part of the yard.

"What is that?" asked Warren.

Mo didn't say anything, but Tina had no compunction. "Alison and Matt. They've been going at it for a couple weeks now. Money bet says they break up real soon." Tina hadn't quite caught what was going on between Crash and Jessie. "Hey, Crash, maybe it's a second chance opportunity for you. I do know that one of the things she screamed at him the other day was 'I never should have broken up with Jay!'"

Jessie froze, and caught her breath. She couldn't believe how hard that hit her. Shit, she had known this guy for a day! They obviously had a rapport, but still... she couldn't believe that the thought of Jay going back with Ally had made her practically paralyzed. Oh my, she thought to herself, my feelings are much stronger than I realized. I wanted to ease into this. No chance of that, if there's competition from an old flame. A competition that I'd most likely lose, anyway.

And then Crash spoke up. "Naah, Tina. Been there, done that, don't wanna do it again."

Tina, oblivious to all the looks she was getting, pushed the issue: "You mean, if she asked you to go out with her again, you'd turn her down?"

"In a shot," said Crash. "She made her bed, she can lie in it. I,"-and he shot a little look at Jessie-"am moving on in my life."

Jessie relaxed. Tina finally caught a clue, said, "Ohhhhh," and shut up.

Most everyone had drifted to the lawn or the basketball court, but Crash and Jessie were still over by the picnic table, settled in a lounge chair, joking and laughing and feeding each other chip dip, and grapes.

"Who brought the grapes?" Crash asked.

" I brought the grapes. I always bring grapes. Y'see, I have had this lifelong search to find a man who let me lie in his lap and feed me grapes. And, lookie here, you're feeding me grapes, and I didn't even have to ask!"

Crash was sitting in the lounge chair properly, with Jessie perched on the end. "Yeah, Jess, but you're not in my lap."

Jess rectified that quickly enough, settling in between his legs, and leaning back on him. One of his arms snaked around her waist. The other one dangled a bunch of grapes in front of her mouth. "I don't have to be told twice," Jess said, as she bit off a grape.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Jessie occasionally biting off a grape. Then she spoke, "This is very, very strange."

"What is?"

" This. I'm sitting a guy's lap, cuddling, being fed grapes-a guy I met yesterday! Crash, I don't do stuff like this. I'm notoriously wary around guys."

"Well, if it helps any, this isn't my normal MO, either."

Jessica sighed. "I'm surprising the fuck out of myself, I'll tell you. Jason, I like you. A lot. The second day I know you. And I don't quite believe it myself."

Crash just laughed. "Jessie, I like you a lot, too. We had an instant rapport, there's no denying it. And I don't believe it any more than you do."

"And, Jesus Christ, you're a Preppie! After the unmerciful ribbing I've given Sophia about Warren, I will never hear the end of this."

Crash put on his best dumb-tough-guy voice and said, "You want I should get a tattoo to hide my essential Preppiness?"

Jessie laughed, "Only if you tattoo something sentimental on your chest."

"Y'mean, like, 'Jessica'?"

"I was thinking more on the line of 'Phasers Set On Stun'." Crash laughed. "Or, maybe, 'Mother'"

"Oh, boy," said Crash. "You obviously haven't met my mother yet."

"Oh really? Does that imply that someday I will?"

"Well, when the time is right. Like five years after we're married, if I can't hold out longer than that."

Jessie laughed. "Don't want her to get Full Metal Jessica too soon?"

"Oh, no, the other way around. My mother is not for the faint of heart."

"I'm never faint of heart, and how bad can your mother be?"

"I can't do her justice, since I have to live with her. Ask Warren. Trust me."

"OK, I will. Hey, buster, you're neglecting the grapes!"

He fed her another, but said, "Hey, I think I've been pretty diligent with the grapes, O Mistress. So what does I get out of this?"

"A pretty girl in your lap? The leftover grapes? Phasers set on stun? The rewards are limitless."