Chapter 159: The Talk

Warren and Sophia went to the two shows they were doing, the Elvis one and the Beatles one, in the weeks after the pro-am in Denver. They skated well and had a blast.

Then it was time for the other pro-am, the Canadian one, in Hamilton, Ontario. There was a bigger field of dancers for this one. Besides Warren and Sophie and Bradochkina and Zhargov, the Canadian pair, Damphier and Gaudler, would be competing. The former French champions, Borisina and Dravouche, would be there. A young Canadian couple were also competing. And, lastly, the two new American pairs-Courtney and Evan, and Ryan and Amy-would be making their debuts at this competition.

Ryan and Amy flew from Boston to Ontario with Warren and Sophia. Jessie and Eric also came for the ride, as did all kinds of parents--and Betsy.

Warren was sitting behind Ryan in the plane, and leaned over to him. "Hey, you know that you're going to run into Courtney, right?"

"No doubt," Ryan said.

"How are you going to handle that?"

Ryan sighed. "That's a good question. I would've said I was just going to ignore her. But that phone call threw me." He had told Warren and Sophie about that brief phone call he'd gotten from Courtney. "I mean, that didn't sound like her at all."

"I know. I haven't talked to her, but I've talked to Evan," Warren told him. "He says she's like a different person."

"Yeah. Well, we'll have to see what happens," Ryan said.

They got into Hamilton and practiced, but nobody saw Courtney--because they trained so close, in Detroit, they were just driving in for the competition. So, it wasn't until the night of the technical program that Courtney and Ryan ran into each other.

"Hi," Courtney called out, happily but a bit shyly, when she saw Ryan.

"Hi, Court. How are you doing?"

"Fine. I hear congratulations are in order."

"Yeah."

"Now, are the rumors true?" Courtney said with a little giggle.

"That this was a shotgun wedding, you mean? Yeah," Ryan laughed. "But that's OK, we were going to anyway, at least in my mind. We would've just taken more time about it."

"That's good. You'll make an excellent Daddy." She stopped and bit her lower lip. "Ryan, could you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Watch our interpretive program? Please? I choreographed it. I needed to do it, and Evan went along with me. Thanks." Before Ryan could reply, Courtney took off down the hall.

They all skated their technical program that night. Ryan and Amy's program to Living La Vida Loca went over very well. Evan and Courtney skated to Sunrise, by Simply Red. It was funky and sultry, and was well-received. Warren and Sophie brought the house down with their Beach Boys medley.

Warren and Sophie were in the lead, with only the Canadians, Damphier and Gaudler, anywhere close. But the new American teams were third and fourth, with Ryan and Amy in third, beating some of the more seasoned pro teams.

The night of the interpretive free program, Ryan and Amy skated first, doing a very unusual and difficult program to an interesting music choice, Oasis's Wonderwall. A few other couples went, then Evan and Courtney.

Ryan decided to watch--and then understood why Courtney wanted him to. The music they skated to was Sarah McLachlan's Fallen, a gorgeous piece of music with lyrics that were laced with bitter self-recrimination. The dance that Courtney had choreographed was restrained and understated, and quite beautiful. And Ryan acknowledged this performance to be exactly what Courtney intended it to be--an act of contrition.

After all was said and done--Sophia and Warren won, with their Lisa Lynne/Enya program, and Courtney and Evan beat Ryan and Amy for third--Courtney stopped Ryan back stage. "Can we talk?"

"If you want," Ryan said.

They went to the coffee shop in the hotel. They settled at a corner table with some coffee. "Thanks for agreeing to talk," Courtney said.

"I have to say, the phone call threw me," Ryan told her. "Without that, I might not have agreed to this. But I confess to a degree of curiosity."

Courtney sighed. "Think of it this way. Think of being stuck in a maze. And you try, and you try, and you try, but you can't get out. Then, somehow, by some miracle, you get out--and you don't even quite know how you did it. But, once you're out, when you look back on the maze, it's so ridiculously simple that you kick yourself for not finding the exit earlier."

"Was I your maze, our partnership?"

"No," Courtney said, and took a deep breath. "Why do you think I seduced you the first time, and kept seducing you?"

"To control me," Ryan said with a wry grin.

"Well, yes. But, think about it. Christ, Ryan, I was thirteen--do you think I came up with that one all by myself?"

Light dawned. "Your mother told you to go to bed with me?" Ryan gasped.

"Yes. 'You don't keep a man around unless you spread your legs.' And that's a quote. We can start there and go on--but I really didn't see how badly my mother warped me until I got away from her." She took a breath. "This isn't an excuse, mind you, it's a reason. There's no excuse for the way I treated you. And for that I'm truly sorry."

Ryan took a breath. "I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that your mother told you to sleep with me when you were thirteen."

"That's Mom for you. But it didn't help things between us, either. You know, it might have been easier if you were brutal."

"Excuse me?" Ryan said.

"I went to bed with you thinking it was a duty. I was a sperm receptacle. And you were so damn gentle. It fucked me up. Not your fault, of course. But I think that's why I was the way I was with you. You wanted me to enjoy it, and I was incapable of that at that time." She took a breath. "Jesus, the first time, I actually came. That made my brain explode. I was waiting to be used, and you didn't use me."

"Jesus, Courtney, I was in love with you!" Ryan blurted.

"WHAT?"

"At first. When it first started. When we first started skating together, and when we first started sleeping together. I thought you were a goddess. My disgust with you--and I'm sorry, but that's what it turned into--didn't come until much later. And don't forget, I was only sixteen myself. I barely knew what was going on. And then you offered yourself to me. I thought it was a dream come true. I thought you felt the same way about me that I did about you. It took me a while to figure out what was going on."