Chapter 115: The End Of The Beginning

It was a few days before Christmas. Sophia and Ellen had taken Betsy with them to go do some shopping. Warren was downstairs at Sophie's, in their apartment, reading a book. Suddenly, he heard the doorbell-the one from the door that led directly into the basement. He went outside the apartment and to the door, and opened it.

"Jess! Hey!"

"Hi Warren. What's up?"

"Not much. Come on in." He led her through the basement into the apartment. "If you're looking for Sophie, she's not here."

"That's fine, you'll do," she giggled. Warren took her coat and they sat down on the couch. "I'm just looking for a shoulder to cry on."

"You know mine's always available. What's wrong?"

"Have you talked to Crash?"

"Not in the last two weeks or so. He's due home tomorrow. Why, what's up?"

"Well, it's over. Crash and I, I mean. We broke up last weekend."

" Excuse me? He hasn't said a word!"

"He wouldn't. You know Jason. To be truthful about it, I haven't said a word to Sophie either. I guess we were just hoping it'd work out and didn't want to alarm anyone, especially you two since you have your hands full with that baby," she grinned. "But this has been coming for some time."

"What happened?" Warren asked.

"Well, it started a year and a half ago. You know, the year we spent apart."

"Yeah, and I thought being apart for that year pretty much killed both of you."

"It did. At the time," she said. "What happened was, we got back together that summer and things seemed OK. But when I went out to Wisconsin-Milwaukee last year, that's when it started to dawn on me. Look, we were closer, but we weren't together all the time. We were still at separate schools, so there were gaps in between our seeing each other. Maybe that's the way I was able to see what was happening."

"The thing is," she continued, "is that I grew up and he didn't. Actually, forget that, that's too harsh. I changed and he didn't. I wanted different things out of the relationship than he did."

"What do you mean?" Warren asked.

"It started with sex. We haven't had sex for months, you know. That was deliberate, because I thought our problems were with sex. I was wrong, sex was just part of it. But that's where I first noticed it. Jason's great at fucking-actually, that's too harsh again, because I think it was both of us together that were great at fucking, but we're not great at making love. And I've come to the point in my life where I need someone who is willing to make love to me."

"We tried changing it, we've been trying for some time. The problem is, we only went a certain distance. That was enough for him. It was probably even enough for me-for a while. Then it ceased to be enough." She looked at Warren. "We haven't spent much time together the past couple of years. I mean, first I was here and you were there, then when we were closer you had the pregnancy and the Olympics, and then you're here and I'm there. But I have changed a lot in the past few years."

"I need love, Warren. I need to be cherished. Jason and I are too much alike. I need someone sweet and gentle to smooth away my rough spots."

"When Jason and I first hooked up, we set each other on fire. That was great, for a while. But I don't want that anymore. I want someone to make me melt."

Warren thought about that, and then something popped into his head. And he looked at Jessie in amazement. "Oh my God, this goes back to the cabin, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does," Jessie admitted with a sad smile.

"This all started... I mean..." Warren couldn't say it.

"That first night you and I made love. Yes," Jessie admitted. "That's what started it."

"Jess, how many years ago was that?"

"It was the start, I said. It's been building since then."

"I thought you and Crash fixed all that, right then!" Warren exclaimed.

"We did. To a point. But we didn't go past that point, and I needed to go past that point. I thought we were on the right track-then it stopped." She took a deep breath. "That night with you, well... as I said, Jason and I haven't had sex in months. As you might have guessed," she said with a smirk, "I play with myself a lot. And I haven't been thinking of Jason when I was doing it. I've been thinking of a night in a certain cabin up in Maine. I think that's when I realized that Jason and I were doomed."

"This is a hell of a thing to drop on my head!" Warren said.

"I know. I'm sorry," she said. "You're my best friend's fiancé. You're the father of her child." Jessie's voice dropped to a near-whisper. "And I'm in love with you-and I have been for some time."

"Oh God," Warren said.

"I can't help it," Jessie said in a voice of despair. "Do you know how long I've been fighting this?"

"Jess, you have to keep fighting it," Warren asserted.

"I know. But I can't."

"Jesus, Jess, where's that Jessica Reidel fighting spirit? Where's the She-Devil?"

"The She-Devil is gone," Jessica said with finality. "She's been gone for some time. That's the point. That's the whole point."

"You know," Warren said, "when Sophie and I, last year, decided to call a halt to our experimentation, it was because we were afraid that one of our dalliances was going to come back and bite us on the ass. This is the last one I expected to do that."

"Why?" Jessie said. "You should've expected this. You're every bit in love with me as I am with you."

Warren looked at her like she was insane. "Jessie. I'm in love with Sophia. Remember her?"

"It's possible to love two people at the same time," Jessie said.

"No it's not. Not the same way," Warren asserted.