Chapter 28

Susie tried to protest, but was silenced by the others. As there was a pause in the conversation, two young men came up to the table. Elizabeth realized they had to be identical twins. One spoke and said, “Good evening. We didn’t mean to bother you, but you’re Anna and Maria, aren’t you? The creators of Mayday?” Susie had vaporized when she heard the first words.

“I’m afraid so,” Maria replied with a very warm smile. “But how did you know?”

Before answering, one of the men turned to the Queen and said, “Your Majesty, may we have your permission to join you for a few moments?”

“You certainly have mine,” Elizabeth replied, “but I’m just a visitor here myself. The question should be addressed to the beautiful duchesses sitting across from me.” Then with a warm grin she added, “Don’t you think the beauty of the British peerage has just taken a remarkable step upward?”

The men looked puzzled. One said, “But I thought ... I mean ... But you, Maria, are Duchess of Burgundy and Anna is Marquise de Flandres. Those titles are not included in the British peerage, are they?”

“Young men, perhaps you haven’t heard,” Liz interjected. “Yesterday I created Maria Duchess of Norfolk, and her sister, Anna, Duchess of Suffolk. Their sister, Karla, who is missing this evening, is now Duchess of Newcastle. Those titles, gentlemen, are most assuredly British!”

At that point, with a most winsome smile Anna said, “Please sit down. And Her Majesty notwithstanding, I’m Anna Schmidt; my sister is Maria Müller.”

The two young men took empty chairs and sat down. “I’m Mark Campbell, and this is my brother, Mike. And I can’t tell you how pleased we are to meet you two. We drove down from Edinburgh in hopes that we might get to see you, but we never expected to actually meet you.”

He looked at Maria carefully, then turned his attention to Anna. Then he shook his head and said, “But I guess you’re not as good as we thought you were.”

“What did we do, or fail to do, to cause that comment?” Anna asked in amusement.

“As lovely as your picture in Mayday is, it misses completely.” Then he paused for a moment and added, “But I guess it’s pretty hard to show Divine grace in a photo, isn’t it?” Then with a grin he concluded, “I withdraw the comment.”

Now it was Anna’s turn. “What, exactly, did you mean by that remark?” she asked.

“As beautiful as you two are physically, it’s nothing compared to the incredible beauty you have within. You just spill joy and goodness over everything in the area.”

Turning to his brother he asked, “Mike, should we notify the Environmental Protection Administration, or its British equivalent? I mean ... isn’t that polluting the air or something?”

“Whoops!” Anna exclaimed. “I think we need help.” Raising her voice very slightly she called out, “Sir Duke! We need assistance.”

In just an instant the two tigers appeared. “You called, Your Grace?” Duke asked politely.

“I certainly did!” the girl replied. “These two ... gentlemen(?) ... have as much as accused my sister and me of polluting the air. Now would you explain to them why a call to the British EPA would not be a wise idea?”

At that the two tigers’ eyes instantly took on an Arctic coldness and both emitted low-pitched growls. Then Duke’s growl turned into a snarl, baring his razor-sharp teeth.

An instant later, the two great cats were sitting in their house-cat positions. Duchess asked, “Was that a sufficient explanation, Your Grace? Or might they be slow learners?”

With her eyes wide but dancing with glee, Anna asked innocently, “Are you really sure you want to make that call?”

“Good grief!” Mike exclaimed. “I guess the answer has to be no.” Then with a grin he added, “No one has ever explained the advantages of keeping silent so succinctly before.”

“I’m so pleased you understand them,” Maria remarked. “There are people who aren’t very good with respect to non-verbal communication. However, we find that people generally understand Sir Duke and Dame Duchess surprisingly well.”

“Except it’s not non-verbal communication,” Mark replied. “They talk to you in grammatically perfect English. Since it’s mental, though, I guess it does qualify as non-verbal.” At his remark Anna and Maria exchanged glances and then winks hidden from the two men. In the meantime, it was all Elizabeth could do to keep from howling with laughter.

While the women had been talking, they had been sipping their beer. Now the three glasses were nearly empty so Mike said, “As a peace offering, could we buy you another round?” Then turning to the tigers he asked, “And what would you two like to drink?”

“Thank you, sir,” Duchess replied politely, “it’s very kind of you to ask. Duke and I are very fond of Snapple lemonade.” She paused and then added, “However, sir, you’ll have to tell the pub-keeper that it’s in the back of the far right-hand bar refrigerator. Until today, this pub had no refrigeration. And since the owner attended the wedding and then the reception at the castle, I’m quite sure he doesn’t even know he has it.”

“The Hand of God,” Mark murmured. “He does work His wonders in mysterious ways sometimes.” Then he very shrewdly observed, “The entire village and everything in it was completely rebuilt last night, wasn’t it?” The two tigers just nodded their heads.

Then to his brother he said, “No wonder there was no mention of this in any paper. As professional atheists, the reporters didn’t know what to say, so they just ignored the whole thing, pretending it never happened. In exactly the same way they totally ignored the presence of God Himself on the altar, joining the Duke and Duchess in Holy Matrimony.” Again to the tigers he said, “It was God Himself come down to Earth for the occasion, wasn’t it?” Again the two cats just nodded once.

With that the two men left the table for the bar. A few minutes later they returned juggling five chilled tankards of beer, four bottles of Snapple, and two soup dishes. “I didn’t think a single bottle would hold you, so we got two for each of you. And the owner thanked us for telling him what he had in stock, if you can believe it.”

After passing the tankards to the women, the two men again sat down.

“Why did you switch seats?” Anna asked innocently. “When you were here before, Mark was on the right, but now you’ve switched.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Mark replied. Indeed the two had switched seats.

“Duke, darling,” Anna said softly, “perhaps you should explain to Mark why it’s not a good idea to try to lie to us.”

The tiger let out a low-pitched growl then turned to Anna and said, “Mistress, perhaps if I take off his left hand and Mike’s right, that might put an end to this foolishness. What do you think?”

“I think it’s a fine idea, darling,” she replied, “but because they work with computers, I think it would be more ... humane ... if you took off a foot instead.” At that Duke put his great paw on the table top and slowly extended his claws. When he did, Elizabeth let out a small gasp. Finally, with his claws fully extended, he exerted the tiniest downward pressure, then instantly retracted them. Everyone could see where there were now five tiny pricks in the table’s surface.

Turning to Mark Anna said, “Are you sure you want to try to maintain the fiction with regard to who is who?”

Mark just shook his head in amazement. “What you did is flat-out impossible! Not even our mother can tell us apart. How in hell can you do it, when you’ve only just met us?”

“Maybe Maria and I are a little more observant,” she replied with no further explanation.

The Queen howled with laughter at the men’s discomfiture.

At that point, after the men admitted they had changed places — they often did, they admitted — the conversation moved on to computers and software. The Queen quickly became lost in the technical discussion. But she did hear a part that she recognized and caught her attention. The men asked if Mayday could run on large computers and were told it runs beautifully on Crays. At that, the two men looked at each other and shook hands.