"I can't believe that you don't like women," my dear June said to me. I had just kissed her passionately and slid my hands to cup her firm buttocks, my lips now moving across her throat. I murmured against the sweetness of her neck,

"I didn't say that I don't like women, I think what I said is, 'I don't always like being a man around women.' I feel somehow cut off from a woman... no matter how much I like her... I make love to you, you know... I think I want to be a woman, so I can be really intimate with other women and feel what they feel."

"Would you really go through what we women have to, then?"

"You mean... like... menses, birth trauma, things like that?"

"Yes, and the cramps, the... frustration... sometimes... when even you, lover, don't make me feel good during or after... you know?"

"No... I don't know, and I want to... I'm pretty sure."

"We-ell, if you can make up your mind to it..."

"Why? Do you know how I could... become a woman?"

"Like you... I think it's possible. Must be. But... if there were a way to change your sex... you'd have to be definitely committed... and willing to spend a good deal of money... beforehand... to guarantee the doctor's fees and costs... and sign a paper that you would never sue the doctor or anyone connected with the... change."

"Then you do know someone who can change me?"

"Whoa! I said 'if.' That little word means a lot Until someone is more definite about the change being what he... truly wants... then who would commit themselves? If a man were to want such a change, if there were a doctor who'd perform the series of operations... if the man had plenty of money and could do those other things... pure speculation, you know."

"Y'know," said I, my fingers slowly working deep inside her sopping quim, "I might even be able to stop at being a... a 'chick with a dick,' I think they're called."

"Ooh, what you're doing is ni-ice, love. Keep that up, and touch my clit, too."

She was squirming a bit and my hand was getting cramped. I found her clitoris and began softly rubbing that. It took about two minutes before she moved her mound hard against my hand and moaned in a slow orgasm. She had always been slow to cum, but she took so long about it and she enjoyed it so much I did not mind.

"A-ah, love, that's nice. Y'know, if it were possible, I think I'd like you as a... whaddya call it... a 'chick with a dick? Might be ve-ry interesting."

About a week later my lover called me at work. That in itself was most unusual.

"Mick, can you talk? It's important."

"June, I can't, right now. Can we meet for lunch?"

"Sure. O'Donnell's, at 23d and Olive? Good, see you there about 1:00, okay?"

"Good by me, So long 'til then. Bye."

Maybe quarter after one, I managed to get away for a long lunch. I saw June waiting for me as soon as I walked into O'Donnell's and I hurried over to her table. She was seated with a lovely brunette, a girl I did not recognize.

"Hi, Mick. Mick, I want you to meet Robin, a friend of mine. Robin, this is Mick, the one I mentioned."

The brunette, Robin, put out her hand for me to shake and said, in a nicely modulated voice,

"Mick, I am glad to meet you. June has been telling me something about what you and she talked about last week? I hope you don't mind, but I think June believes I can make you better acquainted with some people who can help you."

"Why... no, I guess I don't mind, Robin.

"June, you've told Robin what I was thinking about last week?" June nodded, smiling.

"Robin, can you put me in touch with the specialist I need?" I said that before I could change my mind... if it was really made up.

"I want to do better than that, Mick. June and I agree that you should meet some people who have made changes in their way of life... mostly to see if you really want to go through with your idea. Would that be all right with you?"

"Yes."

"You are certain that you want to change your way of living... everything?"

"Up to a point, Robin. Hey, let's order before I starve, okay?"

We ordered and I sneaked close looks at Robin as we chatted about less important things for a few moments. She was as female looking as she could be, yet I wondered... I think she caught that, somehow.

Robin cleared that matter up for me after the waiter had put down two salads and departed for the entrées. I was more interested in what Robin had to say than I was in the number of plates.

"I don't wish to fool you, Mick. I'm one kind of transsexual. I haven't gone all the way, but I have contemplated it."

"You certainly carry off the deception very well, Robin."

"I'm not deceiving anyone, Mick. Another one of us, alert to the nuances knows when he... or she... sees one, and can tell that's what I am. If I'd been standing when we met, you might have guessed, too."

"Oh? You're quite tall, then?"

"I'm five eight, Mick... but I've a short torso, so I am very female when I'm sitting down. Now, if I were still male I'd be gay, you don't have to worry, but I... and I suppose others like me... with our female hormones, breast enhancements and nice wide hips... we're females in all but baby making. You'll meet some... if you still want to take me out tonight... who are simply into breast enhancement, maybe hip enhancement, seldom castration or penis excision, things like that. They're still admittedly gay, they don t want to be entirely female. They believe it would lose them their sexual drive, you see. Now, we females-don't smile at my self-description, it's a true one... that's how we see ourselves... and so will you if you decide to go this route-have mostly had ourselves castrated after taking a lot of female hormones, so we don't have two minds about what... or who... we are. I have all the drive I need. Some of us even contemplate... lesbian relationships. Understand?"

"I think I do," I said slowly.

Just then I realised the waiter had arrived with our orders, there were only two plates in front of Robin and me, and that June was no longer with us...

"Where'd June go?"

"She had to get back and told me to lunch with you in her place, if that's not too shocking to you."

"Robin, it isn't, and I'm already liking you a lot."

"And... if I don't miss my guess, you want to know what's it like to make love to a person like me?"

"Oh... hell! Yes, damn it. And what you mentioned about lesbian... attraction?"

"Well, I kind of like your looks... but..." she grinned in a way that completely won me over, "... we don't really know each other well enough... yet... do we?" Her face looked very elfin at that moment. My thoughts were not on Jane at all. "I'll tell you all... later."

"Uh, Robin, would you care to go out with me this evening? Dinner... then however you would like the evening to go after that?"

"Yes. Let's not be too formal... we may find some 'interesting' places." The way she said interesting... and I could think of Robin as nothing else but a girl... indicated to me that this might be a rough evening.

"Uhm... come armed, you mean?"

"No, I would not advise that. Just be careful with your cash and your cards. Don't flash anything too widely."

"Gotcha. I try never to do that, I assure you. It... does sound... interesting."

I met Robin at her apartment house door... she had come down rather than my going up to her place... and we took a taxi to a place I knew for dinner. At her advice I did not order a large meal, jest a very good one with one bottle of a good wine.

"I was a bit surprised that you asked me not to come to your door, Robin," I remarked as I settled the bill.

"If at all, that would be later, Mick. It was better just now for me to come down to you than for you..."

"Oh? You were... busy?"

"No. I was just... not ready for you to come to my place... yet. Don't take it badly, Mick. There may well be a... later. Now, do you still want to 'cruise?'"

"Yep." I lowered my voice and spoke into her ear as we walked toward the restaurant door. "Got cash in a money belt, the cards secreted elsewhere, and all set for a night on the tiles."

"Okay, Mick. Here we go. Get us a taxi, will you?"

I did, Robin gave an address and we were soon getting out of the cab at the top of a set of steps.

"Bistro?" I asked, grinning.

"D'you know the word's origin? What it means in Russian, Mick? No, this is a... dive... but an 'interesting' one. They know me here as Robin, a friendly girl, nothing else. I have several gay friends, Mick. Don't worry, they will not come on to you. Oh... I occasionally date gays, you know. I'm considered a big, fun girl."

We stepped carefully down the stairs, down farther than I'd expected, turned right in a little alley and Robin knocked in a certain rythym on the green door. Just like the old speakeasy days, I thought.

Sure enough, a slot opened, an eye peered forth and the door was opened with gusto as the man within exclaimed,

"Robin, It's been a while. How are you, dear?" He pecked her on the cheek as she embraced him.

"Phil... this is Mick, my date for the evening. He's straight, no competition for the boys."

"Go right on in. The boys are at the bar swapping lies with Harry, as usual. Go on in. Please t'meet ya, Mick." He shook my shoulder as I passed him, but it was a gentle, friendly shake and I could not resent it, although I hated being touched by people I didn't know.

Three men in the bar greeted Robin with essentially the same phrases as the doorman... Phil... I'd better remember names... had used, and Robin kissed each of them perfunctorily. Just one of the three was my idea of a gay man. He was rugged looking, brawny, a half smile on his face, and he looked at me with what I thought was lust in his expression.

His name was Gerry, the other two were Harry and Gustave... full name, no less, pronounced "Goos-taf." What I thought at first was affectation was actually a good French name... and the guy was French or Québecois. He shook my hand perfectly straightforwardly, as did Harry and Gerry. Gerry no longer regarded me with those searching, hungry... had they really been lustful glances?

"What'll you have, Mick?"

"Bourbon and branch?"

"Yeah. Under the counter. Don't get many bourbon drinkers in here, Mick," he said apologetically.

"Hey! If bourbon isn't de rigeur, I'll drink what y'all are drinking."

"Well! Robin, your friend's from 'de sout', ah do b'leeve,' an' he's sho' able to talk dat 'Looziana' talk, ain't he?"

"Lay off, Gus! How about an aperitif, Mick?"

"Okay. Harry, don't tell me you have... hell, I can't remember the name... the stuff with the worm in it? Like Pernod?"

"Oh, you mean absinthe? That's from wormwood or something. I have Pernod right here. I thought you meant tequila,

some of that has a worm in the bottle. Pure bull, y'know."

"Nah, it's not bull, Harry," said Gerry, "Some's for real."

"Whatever... Gerry. You want real absinthe, then, Mick? You know what it does?"

"Maybe. I feel like I want something out of the usual, tonight. How 'bout you, Robin?"

"Old Fashioned, and use the bourbon, I saw the label, Harry. No garbage, just the Angostura, sugar and a spritz with some of that Jack D there, okay?"

The absinthe tasted lousy, but I swallowed a little bit and set down the tiny glass. My mouth must have showed what I didn't really want the guys to see, how I disliked the stuff.

"Yeah, man. Takes some people that way. Here, have a taste of this," offered Gustave, who was drinking a tall, dark drink. That smelled like rum, and tasted wonderful.

"Geez, that is good. Can I have a tall one of those, Harry?"

"Sure."

I had no idea what was in the bottle that he poured from, it was dull black, had no label, but it was alcoholic. I didn't care too much, I was beginning to feel really randy. I guess I was drunk already, for Robin, despite my knowing (although I'd forgotten) that she was a "chick with... ," was looking real good to me. I wanted to cup those breasts and lick on the nipples.

Robin must have seen that I was in ready shape, for after I'd had two drinks from that dark bottle, she took my hand and pulled me with her toward the door.

"C'mon, Mick, you've had enough."

The guys laughed as though at a good joke and I waved to them... I think. I was starting not to know where I was or who I was... let alone what I was.

"Shay, Rob-hick-in, le's go somewhere... my place... and go-hick-beddies."

"No, Mick, it's time for you to come to my place, now. You'll love it, the bed is so nice to sleep on."

"Do' wanna sleep, Rob-in."

"You will after a while, Mickie. C'mon, here's a cab. Get in... not that way, Mick, foot first, grab the door with your hand, duck your head, slide your whole body... oh, shit! Driver, give me a hand with this lout, will you?"

I felt them handle me into the cab, then we started off to whatever address I didn't hear Robin give the driver.

By the time we got to wherever, I was in a little better shape, and could get myself, with a lot of prompting from Robin and help as far as the apartment house front door from the driver and someone else who I didn't know, into the elevator, leaning on Robin.

"M'I gonna be sick, Robbie?"

"No. Now shut up 'til we get into my place, okay?"

We must have gotten in her door, for the next thing I really knew I was sitting on a chair... hell, I had wide bands around my chest holding me into a chair with a badly padded seat, my arms loosely fastened to the arms and Robin and someone else I didn't recognize were standing beside me.

"What's... er hrum... what's... dammit, what's the matter with my voice?"

"Mickie, dear, you've been here for quite a while. Your voice and a few other things have changed, dear. You're only restrained until we can explain matters to you."

"What things? Oh, well, go ahead, explain." I just could not get used to my voice sounding so light and high. So far I had not a clue to what was the matter with me, although I might have had a vague thought that I had a cold or something.

"First of all... do you remember when and how you met me?"

"Yes, in a restaurant with June. Your name's Robin. June introduced us."

"Do you remember what you told June you wanted to... be?"

"Oh! Migod, yes. I wanted to be a girl, a woman."

The guy cut in. He talked kind of funny. I figured him for another of Robin's gay friends.

"I'm a doctor. My name doesn't matter at this point. With your permission and Robin's directions, I've been taking care

of you. By the way, Robin is a registered nurse, you know."

"No. I didn't know." I was angry, mostly because the nickel still hadn't dropped.

"Well, she is. I'm... the person... who helped her to be what she is. She's been a big help to me since. So, I don't mind doing favors for her, nor for s few of her friends. She told me you were a very special friend, so I helped her help you."