Chapter 12

Samantha shut the door to her house and collapsed on it. The emergency board meeting was exhausting. A day trader had dumped nearly a third of their competitor's, GenenCorp, stock and the biotech market was in an upheaval. "Idiot," Samantha grumbled. GenenCorp itself took a major dive, much to Samantha's delight, but everyone else was affected as well because of the uncertainty it caused. Some investors thought it was the beginning of a trend so they pulled out. Others immediately changed teams and switched to Pharmtech because they believed it was isolated to GenenCorp. Regardless, the board saw fit to continue as planned since they only took a minor hit by dropping an eighth of a point from the ordeal.

Samantha took a moment as she removed her pumps to look around her house. The bottom floor was quiet and empty. She padded up the steps and looked in on Brianna. The sight that greeted her made her sigh. John was curled up and competing for space with her daughter and her stuffed animals. Brianna's mane of untamed red hair haloed about her beautiful face. A stuffed bear peeped its head out from under the sheets as she held it in her sleep. Samantha took a moment to take in the peaceful sight.

John really was something else.

Samantha walked quietly to John and caressed his cheek. He stirred and looked at her and smiled. He looked down at her daughter and smiled at her too. Samantha helped him out of bed and tucked her daughter back in.

Silently they walked down the stairs and Samantha headed for the kitchen. She hadn't had time for dinner and was famished. She found John's arms wrapped around her as she looked into the fridge.

"We brought you some linguini in clam sauce, figuring you wouldn't stop for food and come straight home."

She thanked him and fished out the tinfoil platters. "So how'd the evening go?"

"I first went home for a quick shower and a change of clothes then picked her up from the baby-sitter. Then she held me up to change into something more appropriate for the restaurant." Samantha's eyes twinkled merrily at that; her daughter was precocious. "We had a great time. I told her about myself and she laughed at me when I told her I was going to sweep her mother off her feet as if it were something funny." It was Samantha's turn to laugh. "Hey, I was being serious."

"I'm sure you were. What else?"

"We came home and I had tea with her and her animals, she made me wear the hat with flowers by the way or I wouldn't get any tea, and then I told her another amazing tale about Baramut the troll. She was out like a light in minutes." John flipped through the cupboards and found the makings of some tea and brewed them a pot. "You have a wonderful daughter."

"I know," Samantha replied as she dug into her dinner. "Oh, this is good."

"One of my personal favorites." John watched her eat. They didn't say anything else all throughout her meal. They just looked at one another.

"John, about earlier today," Samantha began as she cleaned up her meal. "I didn't expect that to happen. Things are spinning out of my control and I can't say that I like it."

"I know," John replied. "Me too. Don't look at me like that. I didn't use my abilities on you to influence your thinking."

"I didn't say that."

"No, but you were thinking them; understandably so, too. I'm usually more in charge of my feelings but when I'm with you, especially when you're aggressive, I can hardly keep a thought straight in my mind." He reached out and caressed her cheek. "You're a strong and powerful woman, Samantha, and that attracts me. You attract me. Like I said before, we're bound to run into some snags but I think you're worth it. I think 'we' are worth it. I enjoy your company. You have strong opinions, many of which I agree on, but there's more to it than that. I admire you for who you are, your likes, your dislikes and everything in between. There's a lot more of you left for me to explore but I'll enjoy unraveling those mysteries one layer at a time. It can be frustrating sometimes, how you won't open certain aspects of your life, but when you do it makes it all the more precious. I think I may be falling for you."

Samantha felt herself flush, her heart trembled at his words but she braced herself and didn't permit herself the need to leap into his arms and smother him with kisses. She was just talking about losing control and this was one of those moments. "You can be damnably frustrating sometimes. I don't want to like you. I don't want to fall for you or anyone for that matter. So why is it you always say the right things and make me want to forget that?"

"Because I'm so charming?" He grinned.

Samantha frowned. "Seriously, John. I like you and so does Brianna. But she doesn't know what it means to possibly lose someone."

"Yes, she does." The words gave Samantha pause. "She knows she's supposed to have a father. Of course, she doesn't say anything but I see it. When I picked her up from the babysitter another couple was dropping their daughter off. I saw the question in her eyes. She knows there's something missing in her home. She knows she lost something important before she even had a chance to know what it was. So tonight I tried being that for her and I can't say that I can stop doing it. I'm falling for your daughter as much as I am for you."

Samantha's heart groaned with sadness then frustration. "Damn you, John. Why do you always have to be so... so..."

"Perfect?" She gave him a flat stare. "Sorry."

Samantha sighed. "I was thinking 'right'. Why are you so right? I could have managed raising her on my own. I had everything worked out when we moved here. And I did not have anything with a Y chromosome in that equation."

"Not even a puppy? Sorry, bad joke." John poured them some tea and took a sip. "Would it make you feel better if I said that I didn't plan on letting a woman in my life again? That I don't want to wind up hurting you? Or worse yet, Brianna? I have a physical reason to not get close. One slip up in my control and I risk losing you both. The logical choice would be to deny myself you and your daughter's company. But it's out of my hands now. My mind doesn't dictate my actions around you. My heart does. And that is my curse. I can't love anyone. The last woman I fell in love with went insane. I told her about me after we got involved. I scared her. She went into shock. She denied me. I pleaded with her to return to me. Driven by my fear I used my ability on her and she went mad from the psychological whiplash. She's in a mental institute because her mind is gone, her will, her soul. And it's my fault. That's what I risk, the destruction of those I love."

Samantha was shaken by his sudden outpouring. This was the reason for his reluctance. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She spent a moment wrapping her brain around the concept. For a moment she was frightened for her daughter, the image of him laying bed with her that Samantha found so charming before was now something frightening. She took a deep breath. No, John wouldn't allow harm to come to her. She believed in him at least that much. She wouldn't have asked him to take care of her unless she trusted him. Still, the possibility was unnerving. What John had just revealed was too close to what had already happened to her. Samantha shuddered at the memories. But he wasn't Jeff, she told herself over and over again. Time and experience had enabled her to pick out the honest and the deceitful and John was definitely honest. And right now this honest man was feeling very lost.