Chapter 16

"Are you finally back with us, Colonel Leofa?" asked a sexy, husky voice. 'Who was that, ' I thought. I had to open my eyes just to see who it was. When I did the bright light made them water and pain stabbed my head. I winced and tried to reach up to rub my head but couldn't move, both arms were tied down and there were tubes leading to each one. When I tried to speak no words and few sounds would come out my mouth and throat were so dry.

"Here, let me help." Again the same husky voice. It made you tingle all over just to hear it. The head of my bed raised and a cool hand stroked my forehead. I heard another sound but couldn't identify it. A rustling whisper. "That should help, I've drawn the drapes and here's some water. You're probably thirsty."

The water tasted good. I didn't know that plain water could taste so good. It tasted nearly as good as she sounded. I tried again to open my eyes but the struggle was too much and somewhere in the middle of it I went back to sleep.

When I woke up this time I knew it was daylight because I could feel the sun on my face. It felt good, just warm enough to let you know that you're alive. At least I think I am. I turned my head away and slowly opened my eyes. By doing it that way the light didn't hurt and I looked around. I was in a bed, in an off white room that had the look and smell of a hospital. This time I could move my arm and I reached for the call button.

Moments later J.J. walked in the room. "I don't want you," I said. "I want the nurse, the sexy sounding one I heard before. Your bedside manner might be great Doc, but you don't look like she sounded."

J.J. smiled, "Good. If you can argue with your doctor about how he looks you might just live."

"Course I'll live. I was just tired. Needed a short rest, that's all. I take it that we won."

"Yeah, Mick we won. Four weeks ago we won. You're back on Providence. I've kept you on Alpha sleep until yesterday letting your body heal itself as much as it could with limited assistance from me and my staff. Mick, if you had been a Mech, Rachel and Tate would have had you in the bone yard using you strictly for the few useful spare parts you had left. Didn't anyone ever tell you that you don't slug it out with a Warhammer when you're in a P. Hawk?"

"We won, they had a total of six Battalions and another Company there but we won. We then moved over to the spaceport and captured their droppers. They had three Mules, a Union and two Leopard Cvs. The Mules were tricky. They had converted them to Mech transports. They couldn't drop them but they sure could off load them. They dropped from the Union, secured the spaceport and then unloaded the Mules. Each Mule held two Battalions. The CVs and the Union had released their Air Wings to help secure the spaceport and with that they had the planet."

"When Zeke attacked he tried to cut them off a Company at the time. He would dangle a Lance in front of them and get them to chase them. Usually in Company strength, when the Company attacked the other Lances would move up. Most times they surrendered. Ghost didn't have as much fighting as we did. The last day was the only real fight they had. When we raised up we were in front of a short Regiment with our eight Lances. By the time the Colonel and his troops arrived it was nearly over. Mick, we whipped a Regiment with a Battalion. They were so startled at the ferociousness of our attack that many of them broke and ran the other way."

"Yeah Doc, but what did we pay for it? What was the butcher's bill for our victory? How many letters do I have to write?"

"Mick, we lost six. The rest of you are going to pull through."

"Doc, that's nearly one quarter of my force killed. Eleven people that I knew and laughed with are now dead because of me. How many wounded? How many will never climb back into a Mech?"

"We were all wounded to one extent or another. Four will not be returning to Mechs. Not until Karuska can do some modifications he is talking about."

"Mick, don't blame yourself. You should have seen the troops. They were inspired. Little Chrissy Flynn's now an ace! When she saw you go toe to toe with that Warhammer she went apeshit. She took on anything and everything and kicked butt. With the Warhammer off his ass, Clark kept his missile Lance firing until they were out of missiles and then they charged. Mick, he and Lloyd Baker in the Dragon didn't even have hands to swing but they charged. It was insanity. Baker just battered they with his guns. He was out of cannon shells also. Those guys didn't know what hit them and were running the other way in panic when the Colonel came on the scene. Mostly they took the surrender offers."

"Our fighters then moved on the spaceport. They had already taken out the cap cover that was with the BattleMechs. It was no fight. The fighters that were left wouldn't even come up, the pilots just climbed out of the cockpit and ran away. Seeing that the CVs surrendered immediately and soon after that the Union. The Mules weren't very heavily armed so they had no choice. When I brought back all the badly wounded I used their Mules. We brought back everything we could scrape off the ground, including the vehicles we took that second day. Our techs here are going nuts. They have enough repairs to keep them busy for the next two months working full time. If they could repair everything we captured we'ld have over three Regiments. Three!"

"Don't blame yourself, Mick. The troops speak of that fight with a gleam in their eyes. They now believe they're as good as we said they were and you're the reason. You inspired them. You Led. You didn't direct. You didn't send other people. You stepped forward and they followed. Now get some rest and think about what you did right, not the few things that went wrong."

From the door I heard that sexy, husky voice again. "Don't listen to him. He only knows what we tell him. You need this medicine but I don't think you need to go back to sleep just now. You could stay awake and talk to me for a while." It was Jade!

I never realized just how beautiful she was. When we were on Tortuga Prime a couple of years ago, Doc had gone to a slave auction. He was looking to buy Mech pilots or techs. One of the bidders there was a real greasy, scumbag, sleaze bucket that wanted to turn a little twelve year old girl into a pleasure slave. Doc started to bid against him. Several more of Shadow's people started to do the same thing. It ended up J.J. purchased seven farmers, three concubines and the little girl.

Doc of course freed all eleven of them but Maria, the little girl and the three concubines wouldn't leave. Jasmine, Jade and Rena took over his office. One is his office nurse and supply clerk. One handles all the office paper work, updating the records etc and the last is both the appointment clerk and his Girl-Friday. Maria is another story entirely. She hangs out a lot with the Kiddy Company but she doesn't want to pilot Mechs. She is over at the Mech bays with Rachel or at the design shop with Karuska.

Jade had changed a lot from those days. She no longer had the thin, starved, haunted look about her. As I said I didn't realize just how beautiful she was. With that long shiny black hair, those almond shaped eyes and the dusky complexion she could be my Girl-Friday or any other day of the week she wanted, when ever she wanted. I took the medication that she offered me and of course went right back to sleep.

When I woke up this time it was evening and Dad was sitting across the room reading. He looked worried. "Buck up," I said, "you have to put up with me for a while longer."

Tears came into his eyes but he didn't allow them to fall. "Darn and I had a good offer to rent out your room. Oh well... Glad to see you better, son." He came over to the side of the bed and took my hand. He has quite a grip for an old coot.

We exchanged a few pleasantries and then there was something I had to know. "I'm glad to see you, sir. I need to talk to you. Dad, you've been there. Is it always like this? The empty, achy feeling inside from all the men you've lost? I lost nearly a quarter of my command killed and the rest were all wounded. Is it always like this?"

"No son, it's not. It's only that way for the Commanders who care about their people. When the people merely become pins on a map it doesn't mean a thing. You lost a pin, not a person, not a Lance or a Company. Just a pin. As long as you continue to have those empty, sick feelings you'll be a good commander. You'll look for ways to keep those pins on your map and when the time comes that it is necessary to sacrifice some of those pins, you'll spend as few as possible to achieve your goal."

"Yes son, I've been there and had the feeling and there's nothing I can do to help you except to say I'm proud that you hurt. I'd hate it if you didn't cry for your loses, if you didn't feel for them. Then you wouldn't be the person I've always thought you to be."

Dad pulled up a chair and sat down. We didn't say anything for quite a while. Just sat there him holding my hand and me gathering strength from him and his confidence in me. It brought us closer than mere words could have done.

After a quarter hour or more of just sitting there Dad started to tell me about the things that had been going on while I was away. The details about the mines, the sawmills, farms and the trading.