Where do I begin? Does it begin the day I was introduced to Beth? No it would have to be before that because it is important for the reader to understand, as best I can present it, what I brought to the table in that first meeting and into our relationship. It will also be important for me to convey to you the baggage that Beth brought to the marriage.

I will begin with me. At the age of 17, very unsophisticated and uneducated, I dropped out of school and joined the Navy. I was very undisciplined and without direction the day I entered the recruiter's office. I was subconsciously hungry for those things to be in my life. I realize these things now. I needed the military life in order for me to survive. My tour of service, which lasted nine years, is remembered as part of the best times of my life.

I know the reader will say, "yea, sure," at the end of the following statement but it is true. Toward the end of my first four-year hitch I volunteered, requested, begged and threw myself on the military altar of sacrifice to be accepted into Navy Seal training. My first task, I was informed, was to get a GED, which I did. I eventually got into the training and joined the elite group as an active member of a team. In the years that ensued I ran the usual gambit of a young sailors life.

With some restrictions due to my Seal status I indulged in wine, women and song in several countries under many and varied circumstances. When I entered the service I was a virgin. Short of my first awakening to the joys of sex, which consisted of a buddy and I jerking each other off at age twelve, I knew nothing. I, for some reason, probably my Mother's training, held all women on a pedestal. I was always the gentleman. Regardless of the female's status in life, bar girl or girl scout I found that my first concern was with their well being and happiness. I didn't want a girl to think for a minute that I wanted her body. That was indecent. I wanted to be their Knight in shinning armor, their protector, and their confidant. If a little sex was thrown in I surely didn't pass it up but I can say without reservation that I missed out on a lot. I had no idea how to deal with females. Body language, verbal innuendo, anything that would pass as a signal that they might want to play went right over my head. The end result was that more often than not the female would decide that I was either a bore or that perhaps she didn't measure up to my standards and next thing I would know is that some other guy, much to her delight, would be plugging her.

There was something else. I had girlfriends later in life with whom I had sex where there was some degree of feeling between the two of us. I also paid for the charade of love from prostitutes. In retrospect I realize that I never really got much out of it in either case. I always felt a little disappointed. Aside from my fascination with the female body I never really felt physically or emotionally satisfied.

The military had filled a very large void in my life but there still was emptiness.

I desperately wanted, what I have come to realize was almost totally absent in my childhood, a loving family. I was slow to mature. Even with my extensive experience in the military, living on the edge and exploring the world, I was still walking around with my mouth hanging open, so to speak. By the time I was in my middle twenties I think I was still emotionally and socially a teen in my ability to handle my own life.

Looking back it was really amazing. I had no qualms about dropping the hammer on a human target and had done so. I not only survived; I functioned at a high level of efficiency in an often very dangerous environment. With all of that, I still could not made a clear decision about myself. I still had no direction other than that handed to me by military order. If I were asked where I wanted to be in five years or what my goals were I could not answer, I could only guess. My plans were restricted to the military regulations regarding time in grade etc needed for promotion. You put your time in, you do your job and you retire.

At age 26 a major decision was made for me. I had a serious diving accident that put me out of the service. For the first time as an adult, I was faced with planning and controlling my own life. I was suddenly faced with the question as to what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life. Oh I reacted with the usual bravado and recited to those interested in listening how I was going to conquer the world and make my first million. Fortunately, I don't recall anyone pressing me for details as to how I intended to accomplish this.

There is a saying, "know thy own self and to thy own self be true." I had missed the boat completely. I had no idea who I was. Sexually speaking I was a babe in the woods. I never realized that I suffered a lot of frustration. The frustration was directly related to the fact that I had a tremendous sex drive that was not getting satisfied. My Bible belt training forced me to keep my natural instincts under wraps.

When the day came for me to take my worldly belongings, which all fit into one duffel bag, and depart the military I had no idea where I was supposed to go. It seemed most logical to return to the place of my birth and to the area of my family. This was a family that I hardly knew as a child growing up and certainly did not know after all these years of absence.

On reentering civilian life the first thing I discovered was that I had no job skills that were marketable. I was limited in my ability to carry on a conversation because my knowledge was in an area totally foreign to the people around me. No one wanted to talk about the comparisons of an M-79 grenade launcher to the newer over and under model mounted on an M-16. Guys would talk about cars and golf and I would keep quite to avoid being found out that I was a misfit.

I had limited training in the military in logistics and supply. With that I was able to get my foot in the door of a supply house that serviced Major drug chains with soup to nuts. The door I got my foot into was the warehouse. My job was shift super handling the paperwork loading and unloading trucks. I pretended that I was doing great but at the end of the day, alone in my little apartment, the depression would set in. I would pace the floor and search the walls and furniture with my eyes for answers. I simply had no idea what I was supposed to be doing with my life and therefore no idea what and how to plan.

After about six months a little light started to seep into my foggy brain and I realized that I essentially needed to go back ten years and start over again. It became clear to me that there were two things I wanted in my life. I wanted an education and therefore the ability to live a better lifestyle and I desperately wanted a loving family. I knew the old one wasn't going to work so the obvious next step was to create my own.

Things started happening very fast. I enrolled in the community college where I met a young woman who in turn introduced me to the girl that was to become my wife. I knew the moment I met her that she fit my pedestal perfectly.

Beth was sort of in the same boat as I. She had a college degree and a great job in middle management of a marketing firm. She was missing the family. She lived with her Mom who had divorced her Father. She was incommunicado with any member of her family other than her Mom. There were two other siblings who lived and worked in other states, and a Father that she hadn't heard from in years. I was sure that our lunch would be the last date when she found out about my meager holdings but lo and behold I had an ace in the hole. I owned a small run-a-bout and she loved boats. It was good for a full social schedule for that first summer.

I was eight years older than Beth, which put us closer to being a match emotionally. I was the worldly one with my military service. She, on the other hand was the product of a strict home with strong religious ties that dictated her lifestyle. Considering the absence of any family unity I believe she clung to the church as her support. Beth was smart dresser. She was meticulous to a fault with her housekeeping and her own appearance. These attributes fit very nicely with my military "everything in it's place" training.

Beth was a perfect Lady. Her manners were irreproachable. She had all the attributes of that female that I had been putting on a pedestal all of my life. There was a glaring factor there that I certainly would never admit to and she probably was unaware of. We were both very sexually inhibited. It was easy to deny that inhibition by chalking it up to "what was proper."

We dated that summer with not much than a French kiss between us. I would be too embarrassed to display my passion and my animal lust. I was afraid I would lose her if I did. I would go home and jerk off. I assumed that she wasn't having a problem. Proper girls didn't have such feelings did they?

I was in love. I began to dream of the happy home and the children.

Then it ended. Without so much as an explanation she suddenly stopped taking my calls after turning me down on a series of invitations to go out on a date. I was devastated. Then I was angry. It was my defense against the rejection. I decided not to call her anymore.

At my next college class I informed our mutual friend, Teresa, that Beth could go to hell in a hand basket if she thought I was going to call her any more. Teresa immediately relayed this message. That was exactly what I wanted. I waited for the phone call and the apology. It never came.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and in that case it did. I was in pain with loneliness and heartbreak. My anger turned to fear and my fear turned to despair. I was absolutely sure beyond a reasonable doubt that I was in love. I cared more for her than anything in my life.

The Holidays were coming and I didn't care. I just knew it was cold and that I was miserable. I would sit and methodically review every moment of time we had spent together. I would search for the words or gesture that I must have offended her with. Covert inquiries to Teresa about Beth's attitude went unanswered.

Then it happened. As I found out later, Beth was filling out her invitations to a New Year's party and commented to her Mom that she was done and had one card left over if her Mom needed one for one of Her friends. Her Mom, in a scolding fashion, prompted Beth to send the last card to "that nice young man" she had been seeing over the summer.

The card arrived with a note attached, " if you are in the neighborhood drop by." I didn't wait till New Years. I called Her immediately and to my wonderful surprise she accepted a date. The date was a night of revelations from both of us about our feelings toward one another. She said she was falling for me and was afraid of the relationship. What she really meant, as I discovered later, was that she was afraid of getting married to a guy who basically didn't have the proverbial pot or window to throw it out of. She was in love with me but there was a battle going on in her head between her emotions and practical aspects.

I went to the New Year's Party. I stayed all night, on the sofa of course, and the next morning we went out to breakfast. We were married in January and began our life in a little rented apartment.

On our wedding night we rented a motel room a couple of towns away. She changed in the bathroom while I got under the covers before she came into the room. Neither of us had ever seen the other in anything less than a bathing suit. Our level of intimacy had been about that of a bashful 16-year-old.

At 28 years of age I had no idea what to do with Her. She was certainly not any help. She lay there on her back staring at the ceiling and scared to death while I climbed between her legs and proceeded to put my cock, after much searching, where it was supposed to go. Nature took over from there and I exhausted myself plunging in and out of her with an occasional kiss and a hug and my assurances that I loved Her. It, in retrospect, was a miserable performance and I am sure a most unsatisfactory experience for her. We never spoke of it. That night set the stage for the rest of our marriage. Our sex continued to be marginally satisfying and our ability to communicate was nil.

There was one revelation that wedding night. I worshiped her body and soul. I touched her with reverence. I was eternally grateful for her gift to me. I first entered her with concern and preparedness to accommodate her in whatever way necessary to help her virgin body through this first experience. She was so beautiful, so fresh and so innocent. She was not a virgin! It was a bit of a shock but not enough to stop me in mid-stroke, so to speak. It was a shock because I couldn't believe it. It should have been a revelation to me of my sorely lacking knowledge of women in general and this one in particular. Then, as it certainly is now, a female not being a virgin on her wedding night was not an issue. Where Beth was concerned I simply assumed that she would be because of her attitude toward sex.

Beth did have a beautiful body. Her skin was the dream of any woman. It was very smooth and very soft. There were not the first blemishes anywhere on her body. Her breasts were perfect with a slim waist and beautifully shaped hips and legs. Her face was angelic and her teeth were perfect with a beautiful smile. Her only short fall was her hair. It was straight as a board. It had a beautiful blonde color and was shiny and healthy but perfectly straight. She was constantly doing something with it and it quickly became "no man's land" for me when we were making love. I could be in the middle of climaxing and I would hear, "don't touch my hair!" Her perfection included a great deal of vanity.

I waited a long time. I am not sure how long, maybe a few weeks, before I broached the subject. She at first tried to ignore the subject but finally decided to tell me what had happened. It all had happened in the period of time that she was refusing to see me. She had met a guy at a friend's birthday party who worked as a high voltage lineman. By her description He was a big guy. He was over six feet tall and sported a goatee and lots of hair. I think about it and I realize He was very different from me. I keep short hair. Beth and I were almost the same height. I am always clean-. He was, I decided by her description, a cavalier sort of guy who concentrated on playing hard when he wasn't working. He dressed like an urban cowboy and threw the money around like there was no tomorrow. I, by comparison, was restricted as to how much money I spent and was very cautious in a social setting. Somehow his job as a high voltage lineman trumped my years as a Seal in my mind. As she talked I was immediately jealous of the guy before I even heard the whole story.

He didn't really sweep her off her feet with his debonair, cavalier ways. As I learned, it was much more a physical thing bordering on rape in my book. It was certainly no way to treat a lady and especially my sweet innocent Beth. The cheapskate, my definition, took her home one night from a date and started making moves on her in the front seat of his car in her driveway. As she explained it, red faced and embarrassed, she was curious and wanted to experiment just a little, but just a little. I distinctly remember thinking, "that's what they call a prick tease!"

By Beth's admission, they had both been drinking and dancing and a couple of times earlier in the evening he had fondled her breasts and butt when they were dancing. She said she moved his hands each time until he quit trying. She said she was very uncomfortable with him dancing because he kept pressing her to him and she could feel his penis against her, she paused and placed her hand against her lower stomach to demonstrate where she felt his dick. I felt my own stir for the first time during the conversation. She decided that she wasn't having a good time and asked to be taken home. He teased her about being a prude. Beth said that really irritated her but I secretly wondered if it was really a challenge to her. At that point they did leave the club.

On the way home he took a detour to a friend's house on the pretense of picking up something he had left there. There was no one home and he proceeded to make drinks for them. She said she was uneasy and curious at the same time. She felt that if he tried anything she could stop him because she had been able to do so at the club. She said he sort of maneuvered her over to the sofa with the drinks and as soon as she sat down he started in again. He was a big guy and he just leaned into her and pressed her down on the sofa. The next thing she knew he had his hand between her legs and was trying to pull her skirt up. She said she was struggling with him, trying to keep her legs together and her skirt down at the same time. She decided that she was losing the battle and was really getting scared when the front door lock rattled. His friend came walking in with his date. Beth said she was totally embarrassed sitting there on the sofa trying to get her clothes straightened in front of the girl. The girl and the other guy made some teasing remarks. The girl was staring at Beth's legs and commented, "call me if you need a little help." They all laughed and the two of them disappeared into another room. As soon as his buddy and his date disappeared into the other room, Beth tried to get up from the sofa. He took her hand and told her he was sorry and just to sit back down for a few minutes while they finished their drinks. He continued that everything would be all right and that she should relax. Beth said she allowed him to pull her back down on the sofa and told him that she didn't want anymore to drink and that she wanted him to take her home. He put his arm around her shoulder again and pulled her to him. He kissed her on the cheek and whispered in her ear the question, "you never been with a guy before?' Beth said she wasn't sure how to answer so she said, "no, not like this." "What is "like this", he asked her. He told her again that she needed to relax. They were just going to have a little fun and he wouldn't do anything she didn't want him to do. As I listened to her it made me think of a dirty old man trying to seduce a twelve year old.

He started kissing her and trying to get his hand inside her blouse. She said when she would get his hands away from her blouse he would go for her skirt and try to get his hand between her legs. Beth said she finally managed to get out from under him and stood up demanding to go home. He threw up his hands and shook his head he said, "ok fine, I'll take you home." She said the drive to her house was non-eventful with him apologizing for his actions. Beth said she almost felt sorry for him and accepted his apology. She decided that he probably got a little more carried away that he would normally behave and that he was really a nice guy. Perhaps there was still a chance that they could be friends. When she started to get out of the car he asked for a good night kiss. She said she intended to give him a peck on the cheek but when she leaned over he started all over again.

He grabbed her and pulled her across his lap so that her shoulders were bumping the steering wheel. I interrupted her. "Beth!" For God's sake! Why didn't you quit when you had a chance?" She blurted, " I can't tell you why; it's too embarrassing." Beth looked at me and in a defensive tone and added, " I'm not made of stone you know." "You wanted him?" "No, of course not." " It was just that I kept thinking that if I let him have his way a little bit I could make him stop and still be friends." " Oh I know it was stupid of me." "He just kept at me." "He wore me down I guess." "He had my arms trapped and he kept sliding his hand up under my skirt." "I couldn't stop him quick enough" "Do you know what I mean?" I just shook my head. "He kept saying he just wanted to touch me and to let him do that and he would stop." She looked away from me before she continued. "I let him do It." "you mean you let him fuck you!"

I had never used that word before around Beth. I was shocked at myself for using it then. She jerked her head around as if she had been slapped when she heard it. Her faced blushed three time's darker red and she struggled to get the words out. " I don't want to talk about it anymore. ' A bead of sweat had formed on her upper lip. I realized that I was having the same reaction. I also realized that I was getting an erection!" "Beth I am not angry with you but I need to know how it all happened. It was so close to our getting back together, you can understand why I am curious." I know it wasn't your fault and really it's no big deal I don't care really, I just need to know how it all happened." It was the first time that I could remember that I lied to Beth. It was the first time of many more to come. She said, "ok." I was elated but was careful to mask my excitement. She moved to a seat and sat there looking at me for a few minutes. I was getting nervous with her steady gaze. "Ok." She said again, "here's how it went..."

"He kept talking to me promising me that he just wanted to make me feel good and nothing would happen. He said he wasn't even going to take his pants off if that was what I was afraid of." "He told me that I was being silly and getting upset for nothing." "He told me that if I would just relax he would show me what he was talking about." At that point Beth straightened up in her chair, looked up at the ceiling and folded her hands into fists in front of her. "He just kept talking and moving his hands around on me and, she dropped her head and looked at the floor. "I opened my legs and let him touch me." "You let him touch your pussy?" I interjected. I detected a look of almost anger cast in my direction. Beth took a deep breath and closed her eyes as if remembering the moment. "Just my panties." I had my panties on."

My cock was pressing at the seam of my pants. I was thinking that it had never been so hard. I was wishing I could take it out and get some relief. I eased my hand over so as not to be so obvious and squeezed it. Beth looked up just s I did it and I pretended to be adjusting my trousers. She looked from my crotch up into my eyes with a quizzical expression on her face. I got up and crossed to where she was sitting. I reached down and took her hands in mine and pulled her to her feet. I pulled her back across the space to the sofa and pulled her down beside me. I put my arm around her and whispered in her ear, 'finish telling me baby. You need to get it out and I need to hear it." Another deep sigh. She folded her hands together like in prayer and pressed them into her lap. I wondered if she was also getting a little tingle telling me the story. I placed my hand on her thigh and patted her. "It's ok, go ahead."

Beth continued, "He started rubbing me there." I said, "ok I hope you are satisfied." He just grinned and started telling me how soft I was and did what he was doing feel good to me?"

" I told him it felt good but that wasn't the right thing. It was wrong and we needed to stop. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I liked him but I didn't want anything to happen." "He just kept smiling and touching me there." "Did it feel good?" I interjected. She thought for a moment and answered. "Yes, of curse it did, how do you think it would feel." I could hear the anger in her voice again. "So go on." " Well then he really blew my mind. He asked me if I would touch him. I said no that I didn't think so but he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't listen." He got my legs under him and got up over me. I didn't know what to do. He unzipped his pants and, at that point Beth covered her face with her hands and gasped, "Oh my God." "What?" I asked. "He was huge." I mean it was right there!" "What did you do?" "I touched him." " I said, "ok" I will touch you but then it's over, we have to stop." "He said ok. Then he took my hand. I was just going to touch him with my finger but he took my hand and made me hold him." "I let go the minute he took his hand away but he kept saying<"keep going, keep going." "Just do this for me and we will stop." I could tell that Beth was, at that moment, mentally back in the car. She was visualizing the whole thing again.

She wouldn't look at me. She just closed her eyes and leaned back and kept talking. I moved my hand on her thigh and gave her an encouraging squeeze. I allowed my fingertips to drift under the hem of her skirt and began to brush my fingertips over the soft fuzz on the top of her thigh. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was horny and hard as a rock and I wanted her to feel the same way. Somewhere in the back of my mind I imagined her climaxing right there in front of me with the effects of the story and my hand on her thigh.

Beth continued, "He just kept saying, "Oh baby that feels good keep going, keep going." I guess I was sort of fascinated by the effect I was having on him and I kept going." "How did his cock feel?" " Oh God it was big!" "I could hardly get my hand around it, not like yours, Oh! I didn't mean that." "It's ok," I replied, " I know I don't have a big cock." " Beth leaned into me and hid her face in my shoulder.

I took this opportunity with the shift of her body to slide my hand further under her skirt until I could feet the smooth softness of her inner thigh. I knew that I was just inches away from the softest spot in the world. "I am so embarrassed', she continued. "I thought that I could --you know--jerk him off and he would be satisfied." "There wasn't much more I could do. He was sort of pinning me down with his hand on my shoulder and he put his other hand back between my legs. I just kept going and I guess I didn't fully realize what was going on before I realized that he had pulled my panties off to the side. I didn't realize it until I felt him putting his finger in to me." "I let go of him and started trying to push him off again. I thought he was getting up but he just slid back down in the seat and, Beth grabbed my shoulder as the thoughts of what happened next ran thru her mind. ' Oh God!" He went right into me!" " I could feel his cock pressing at my opening. I felt it sliding in! I couldn't stop him!" "It was like I was pinned to him." I couldn't move away from him." " I could feel him going right up in me;" "I never felt anything like that before." I kept backing up along the seat but he just followed me. My head was against the door and he had his hand on my shoulder holding me. It just kept sliding into me, I thought it would never stop." "Oh God it hurt at first and I cried for him to stop."

Beth buried her face further into my shoulder and I moved my hand smoothly up her thigh until I felt the softness of her pussy lips. I began to softly massage them working my fingers under the leg of her panties and searching for her moist center. "It's ok baby, it's ok," I kept whispering in her ear. "He fucked me -- he fucked me." She breathed the words into my shoulder. I had never heard her use that word before. I found her wet opening. She was very wet. She had excited herself remembering the moment the first cock had ever entered her body. I slid my forefinger as deep into her as I could and managed to place my thumb over her now swollen clit. "Are you sore down there? ' "Did he hurt you?" Her voice was impatient with my lack of understanding. "Nooo, it only hurt for a minute or two. Then it just felt like he was stretching me open." " I began to work my fingers around in the soft folds of her vulva. I kept massaging her clit with my thumb at the same time.

She moaned and thrust her hip toward me. She lifted her hips a bit to allow me to go deeper. I felt her teeth close gently on my shoulder as she begin to make little mewing sounds. Her whole body was moving with my hand now in an age-old rhythm. Being careful to maintain full pressure on her cit with my thumb I slowly eased her back until she was lying on her back.

Her head stayed on my shoulder as I raised up on one knee and then down again until I was on top of her. I braced myself with my left arm under her and my right hand pressed into the sofa cushions. I felt her hands at the waist of my pants. She fumbled around with her fingers until I felt the snap let go and heard the zipper traveling down. I felt my cock straining against material and then her fingertips brushing across it as she nudged it from its confines. She dropped one leg to the floor, opening herself to me. I extracted my fingers from her pussy to grasp my swollen member and guide it into her warm wet center. "Like this baby?" " Did he do it like this?" " Oh God yesss! She exploded. A mixture of a moan and a scream came from her mouth and she bucked up against me trying to get all of me into her. I drove my cock home. She was again biting into my shoulder, pressing her open mouth against my flesh. I felt the warmth of her thighs swallowing me. I buried myself in her wet silk and allowed myself to relax to enjoy the heat of her sucking pussy wrapped tightly around my cock. Her inner muscles were milking me. I felt the walls of her pussy contracting drawing my juices from my balls. I pumped hard driving her body into the sofa cushions. I froze, my body deep in hers, my hips quivering. I felt the wave of cum racing from my spine thru my cock and gushing deep into her enclosure. We both collapsed.