Chapter 1

I don't think of myself as evil, but I might be.

Sometimes there is a line that you cross, an action that simply can't be forgiven. You may not know it while you are doing it but upon reflection, you know something has changed. There is a grit associated with you, a slight stench, and you know you can never really be clean again.

Ever since that day I have had trouble looking people in the eye. I think a part of me knew I wasn't as good as they were. It really is not fair. I have certainly done things in the heat of the moment, in the heat of passion, that I know are wrong... but I just could not help myself. To be honest, it's not always my fault.

Sometimes other people intentionally set me off, I don't know why, but they do. I guess that's really how this mess all got started. I don't think I am evil, yet, but I am no longer clean.

As I walked into the church, a strange feeling washed over me. God was here, this was HIS house and He knew what I had done. We both did, and I did not want to meet him. I did not belong here. But I had to talk to someone, anyone. I don't have a lot of money so I can't afford a shrink. Besides I'm not sure there is anything wrong with me mentally. I needed someone I could trust, someone who would never tell another soul about it. Someone who would rather die than betray me. And hey, if their services were free -- "Shit yeah, even better!"

I am not catholic but I knew enough to know one of their priests would be perfect. I needed someone to tell me everything would be ok, to listen, and care.

That was not what I got.

Father Ronald was a good priest. That was rare enough.

But he was also a good man. He understood that people were human, that we made mistakes and all fall short of the free gift of God's love. He saw himself as a teacher, one who would patiently, lovingly lead his flock back from despair. His job was to walk beside them to provide support, guidance and yes even discipline when necessary. He was a gentle man, but like Jesus he had a temper, a righteous zeal for God's word that he could not, no WOULD not ever hide. He saw the large man with the dark eyes enter his church. The young man was troubled. He also looked like he might smell when he got a little closer. Father Ronald chastised himself briefly for making negative judgments about a person.

But they were alone in the church and as the 6ft 3in man stalked towards him, he could not help but feel a trickle of fear. He tried to compensate.

"Good day my son, is there anything I can do to help?"

In a voice that was rusty from lack of use the Rapist said, "um, ahem yes sir, I need to talk to someone. I need help." Father Ronald led him to the confessional without a word.

They each entered the small wooden booth, and were separated by a thin, mesh screen.

"I am not catholic, I've never done this before... if we just talk will it still work? Can you forgive me? Will you still have to keep it private? Nobody else can know," he asked in rapid fire.

Father Ronald was slightly alarmed. There were some limits to the confessional seal. He wanted to be honest. "As long as nobody is in imminent danger I will not discuss any aspect of our conversation. If you had say, placed a bomb I would warn the police that it was about to go off. If you have engaged in criminal actions I may ask you to confess your crimes before granting absolution. But I will not turn you in. I swear in the name of my god, and by the holy oaths I took to do his will."

John was concerned. There were too many loopholes. He did not want the police involved at all. Then it came to him. "I will tell you what happened, but understand I am very confused by all of this. Some of my story is hypothetical, some is only fantasy. Portions are all true, but I need your help to sort it out."

Father Ronald agreed to listen. John began to speak. He told much of his story as if he was a detached observer only.

"I don't know where to begin... there is a woman I know, I think I hurt her. Technically I did something sexual to her, but she does not know it. The woman is my little sister, and she did sort of ask for it to happen. Wait a minute I'm not saying this very well. Let me try again.

Susan is 19 years old; she is 3 years younger than I am. She is so pretty, with light blonde hair, and the bluest eyes you have ever seen. She has this soft, breathy voice that could make a guy hard from across the room, and she naturally smells like lilac flowers and raw sex.

When I was 13 I used to fool around with her a little. Nothing really bad, just wrestling, and stuff. Sometimes I'd tickle her until she pissed herself. I'd run my hands all over her body making her squeal. I think I gave her the first orgasm when she was 10. We were wrestling and I pinned her. I held her arms over her head and felt myself get hard as I rubbed my cock into her pussy (through our clothes). She kept begging me to let her up but I wouldn't.

I thought she was going to pee on herself but suddenly she started shaking, and bucking her hips against me. She was breathing really fast. I came in my pants, while she squirmed underneath me. That was the first time for both of us. I knew she wanted more, but I was scared my parents would find out. Afterwards Susan would still sit in my lap and watch TV, we'd hug and kiss goodnight -- and I'd get hard, and I believe she got wet -- but we never went that far again.

I got a girlfriend when I was 14 and was soon having sex all the time... so it was easier to control myself. It was 10 years before I wanted to fuck my sister again. She was in college, and I have a small apartment nearby. She went to a frat party and got drunk (drugged?) so she called me to pick her up. When I got there she was really out of it. There were frat-boys all around her and I had the feeling they were working up the nerve to do something. She was lying on this couch, her legs were spread open and guys were talking about her like she was a cheap slut. I walked in, picked her up and left so fast they did not have time to figure out what was going on. By the time I got her inside my apartment she was completely unconscious.

I took her shoes off, and then for some reason decided to undress her to make her comfortable. I pulled her silk top off, and looked at her flimsy purple bra. I could see her nipples peeking through. I felt myself get hard.

Next I pulled her skirt off of her. I accidentally pulled her panties down too. Suddenly my sweet smelling, sexy little sister was laying in my bed, unconscious, with her legs spread and juicy, wearing only a flimsy lace bra. I was horny, she was out of it, and would never know so I figured, why not!

First I took that fucking bra off so I could suck on her perky, pear shaped little titties. I know you probably have no idea how good a sweet, salty young tit tastes, but take my word for it, it's fucking unbelievable. Knowing that it was my little sister's made it even more exciting. That she was mine, completely helpless.

I licked it, nibbled on her soft tit meat for a long time. I buried my face in her bosom and inhaled the scent of her, reveled in the special warmth that a woman gives only from her center. I don't think I have ever been so close to Susan as I was then. I was completely at peace. In the back of my mind I knew it was wrong... but this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, I had to go for it. Any man would have done the same thing.

I wanted to taste every crack, every delicious little crevice on my drunken sister. I wanted to lap at her wet cunt, to drink her essence in. I positioned her body into an "X". I couldn't help licking her underarms for several minutes. She smelled so musky and sweet. The unique fragrance of soap, and sweat, and sex and sweet, sister Susan was intoxicating. I got my Polaroid out and began taking pictures.

She looked so happy as I explored her fresh, young body, I was glad I could give her pleasure. I had taken 20 pictures when I realized there was something much better to record our first time together. I ran to the hall closet and got my video camera. It took a couple of minutes to set it up but it was worth it.

Susan's breasts, and armpits tasted so delicious I needed more of her. After all, this would have to last a lifetime. I began kissing her beer soaked mouth. Slowly I moved to her neck and sucked where her adam's apple would have been. For some reason I wanted to leave my mark on her, to brand her as my property-so all would know. I could not resist licking the underside of her breasts.

The sweat seemed to collect there, so it was a special treat. Reluctantly I moved down to her flat little tummy and began tonguing her belly button cave. Her stomach gave these involuntary shudders, and I couldn't help but to smile. Finally I reached her curly little blonde bush.

I wanted a close up of that so I spread her legs even wider and zoomed in with the camera to capture her pretty, puffy, pussy lips from every angle. I put the camera back down and just had to have a taste. I put us in a 69 with me on top. I liked the idea of my fat smelly cock poking her in the face while I ate my baby sister's snatch. I finally got her clit to come out and I sucked it lovingly for a long time.

Suddenly for the second time in 10 years I made Susan cum. She dripped and dribbled and oozed her fuck fluids all over my bed. She wasn't the least bit shy, or embarrassed about cumming in front of her own brother.

I'm not saying she was a slut, she just couldn't help herself. I'm not judging her, after all I love her.

I sucked and slurped and sipped her pussy as fast as I could. I did not want to miss a single drop. By now I was really hard. I was ready to fuck her. I had my first serious doubt. Sucking her tit, and licking her pussy was one thing. I could rationalize it away. It was inappropriate sure, but it was not really sex. It was more like innocent fun.

I know if I had done this first, gone straight for her pussy meat I would probably have stopped. But because I took my time, built up to it, anticipated it -- now there was no way I was going to stop. It was wrong, and I knew it, but I didn't fucking care.

This was... sin. I chose to fuck her anyway.

Her pussy smell was so sweet, so fucking good. Susan's taste was in my mouth, and I wanted to fuck her. It was as simple as that. I took my cock head and lined it up with my sister's vaginal slit. I rubbed her clit hard with my dick, pressing her button, making her cum over and over. It was like a game. She was my hot little sex toy and I enjoyed playing with her pussy.

She was so wet I slid right in. Her cunt was warm, it fit me so snug. It felt like she had a fever. I knew that we were made for each other. I rubbed her clit and manually stimulated her, while sucking on her fat little nipple stubs. I wanted to see how many times I could make Susan cum. At first I was barely fucking her. I just rammed myself as deep as I could and held it there enjoying her heat, and contractions. The power that I had over her was delicious. Every once in a while I'd grind myself into her deep and hold it. The tight contractions that her pussy gave as she spasmed were amazing. It was like a velvet glove that kept making a fist.

Her breathing came in these pants, she was soaked in sweat, and her body was shivering and squirming underneath me. Finally I knew I could not hold out any longer. I began fucking, rutting, ramming my little sister's cunt, as hard as I could. I think I lost control at some point, and wanted to wake her up. A sick part of me wanted to see her eyes open with her brother's balls deep inside her, sucking her tits, and a video camera recording it all. I began shaking her violently, calling her name as I pounded her cunt, trying desperately to wake her up before I came.

Just before I spewed my salty cream, I pulled out and sprayed it all over her face. Then I played with my spunk, positioning it evenly all over her eyelids, nose, and finger feeding it into her mouth, smoothing it all over her pretty lips. After resting for a couple of minutes I got the camera and took a close up of her cum covered, face. I wanted some special audio to go with those final moments, so I could always remember:

"Susan, I love you. I love your tits, and your sweet ass, and your warm cunt, and your salty belly button and your fuzzy armpits. I love how tight you are, and how sweet you smell. You look so precious laying here with my cum dripping, and drying, forming a flaky crust on your face. Do you like the taste of my cum in your mouth? Are you a cum-slut honey? Do you need my cock baby, your brother's nasty dick? Even though I pulled out, there is a chance you may be carrying your big brother's son. This night is ours. For this one night you are MINE! I OWN YOU!" I said as I cupped her sex, and played with her ass.

I raised her butt in both hands and lifted her sticky cunt to my face. I kissed and licked and sucked and ate my sister's cunt until she came again. I left my face buried in her thighs and slowly breathed her in. I belonged here, and I knew it. My hands reached up to wrap around her tits passively but I left my face in her cunt. I blew a raspberry on her pussy lips, just for fun. I was sticky with her cum and sweat as it dripped on to me. At some point I dozed off. Not quite asleep, but just content, and warm and safe, in my sister's pussy.

Finally I got a washcloth and some paper towels and cleaned her up. I put her panties back on and dressed her in an old nightshirt. I took the pictures and videotape and hid them in my closet. I sprayed Lysol in the room and then opened the windows to get the sex smell out. I tucked her in my bed, gave her tits one last playful tug, locked and then closed the door. I got a pillow and blanket and went to sleep on the couch. Like any loving brother would."

Father Ronald sat in stunned silence at what he had heard. The raw sexuality and coarse, vulgar descriptions offended his sensibilities. He said a brief prayer to the lord asking for the wisdom and patience to touch the heart of the sinner before him. There must be some good, some shred of conscience and morality for him to come to this church seeking guidance. He would nurture that tiny flicker, fan it, pour God's love onto it, until it was a raging fire that burned away the dross of filth and base debauchery and left a pure, clean, shining metal of true repentance and remorse.

"That's quite a story, son. We have a lot to talk about. It may be easier if we were on a first name basis. My name is Father Ronald, if you are more comfortable, since you are not catholic, you may call me Father, or even Ron. What is your name?"

No way I was telling him my real name, even if he was a priest. I decided to use the nickname most people called me since childhood. "My name is Jaz," I said in a quiet voice.

"Jaz, I am very concerned about you. You have done some truly horrific things. I won't pretend to understand your motivations yet. This was your sister, your own flesh and blood. To take advantage of her was not only wrong, it was perverted. She loves and trusts you and you betrayed her in the worst way. Your very soul is at stake. If you die in such a state of gross sin, you will burn in hell for all eternity. Whether you repent or not, for the rest of your life, for all eternity you will be known as a rapist, an abuser of the innocent, of your own Sister. But all is not lost. You see Christ shed his pure, precious blood, he died an agonizing, sacrificial death so that sinners might have hope. Jesus loves you, even you, and wants you to repent of your wicked deeds."

I was beginning to get a little angry, and was wondering if I had made a mistake in coming here. All I was looking for was a little comfort, a dollop of human kindness and understanding. I did not need a lecture or threats about going to hell. I felt guilty enough about what I had done. But come on I had not really hurt my sister! Her life had gone on unchanged. She had no idea what I had done. I was still her loving brother who she trusted. That is what was so frustrating. She woke up the next morning with a hangover and an all over body ache. She came out to the couch and asked me where I kept my aspirin. I got her 3 and a glass of juice. After a few minutes she came up behind me in the kitchen and gave me a tight hug.

"Thanks for coming to my rescue last night. I think somebody must have spiked the punch at the party. I was half expecting to wake up naked and surrounded by naked frat-boys. It was such a relief to find myself safe in my big brother's bed. I could smell you, your cologne on the sheets, your scent was all over me, all over your room. I knew where I was before I opened my eyes. I got lucky this time, I am never losing control like that again. Thanks Jaz. I love you", she said as she hugged me tight, pressing into me from behind.

I could feel her warm, soft tits on my back and enjoy her crotch rubbing against my ass. I wanted to turn around and hold her properly, but my cock was hard and I couldn't. In the days that followed, I was no longer satisfied with the role of big brother. When she hugged me or gave me a peck on the cheek I wanted to grab her and fuck her like she was my woman, my property. I wanted to strip her and spread her and lick her and sniff her, and drink her cum. I knew it was wrong but I just could not help myself.

The pictures and video sure didn't help. I saw her hot little naked body respond to my touch over and over again. Whenever I wanted, I had proof! Susan, belonged to me. There is no way a woman can cum that many times without loving you on some level. I knew that.

For some reason she wouldn't allow herself to admit how she really felt. The frustration, the closeness and the video evidence combined to make a dangerous situation.

I can see now that the priest had gotten the wrong idea. He thought I felt guilty about making love to my sister while she slept. I guess I did a little, but after all she did not even know I did it, I mean shit, and how guilty was I supposed to feel about that! I had to try explaining it better, I had to make him understand why I had really come to him. Why I needed his help.

He was still pissing, and bitching and moaning about my eternal soul and John 3:16, and some other shit, I think he switched to Latin for a while, and was talking to some chick named Mary. I don't know, it did not make a whole lot of sense. I had to get him back on track. "Uh Ron, hey Ronald excuse me, but I wasn't really finished yet. Don't you think you'd better hear the whole story before you send me to hell, or forgive me?"

Father Ronald got really quiet. What kind of man was sitting before him? How could there be more? My god he had videotaped the rape of his sister! He was obviously aroused by what he had done. This was not going to be easy. Reaching a man like Jaz would be impossible, if he did not have the help of the almighty. Father Ronald was strong in his faith. He would find a way to help this man. God would not have brought them together if there was no hope.