Chapter 51

When we returned home, it was time to enroll my new little sisters in school. The fact is that since it was already late May, we were really pre-enrolling them all for the following fall. Debbie and Enid were to be in the 9^th grade while Maureen and Seana were to be in the 10^th. And — surprise, surprise — I went over to the school along with Mom, Kris, and my four new sisters.

Our reception from Donald Grimes, the principal, and Monica Cumberland, the dean, came as a wonderful surprise. First, we learned that sister Diane had been free with her gifts, principally the hair and pregnancy attributes. Chris Grimes and Monica were two of the recipients, as was Gwen Merritt. All three were pregnant, although we learned Gwen wasn’t showing at all, while Monica and Chris were enjoying slightly bulging abdomens.

“Don loves us this way,” Monica reported, “and frankly, we like it, too. We’re allowing our tits to get bigger as well. What do you all think?”

We all agreed that she looked simply lovely. Then Mother asked who the father of Gwen’s baby was.

“It will be a Matthews baby,” Monica replied with a giggle. “After all, Dan and Tim are identical twins, so it doesn’t make a damned bit of difference. The DNA would match perfectly either way.”

Then Don changed the subject. With a smile he asked, “But what brings you folks here today? I doubt if it was to talk about pregnancies, but who knows with women?”

That evoked grins and laughter all around.

Mother introduced the girls, gave their ages and the grades in which they would be enrolled. What followed amazed us all: Don Grimes and Monica Cumberland exchanged looks, grinned and shook hands.

“Thank you all!” Don exclaimed. “You’ve just solved a problem that I doubt you even knew existed.” He went on to say that there had been a number of resignations among the faculty teaching the 10^th and 12^th grades, and even a few from the 11^th. But the 9^th-grade teachers, who, by and large, only teach 9^th-grade students, thought they were clear of Harris girls.

“But what’s that mean?” Kris asked. “I don’t understand.”

Monica smiled warmly and replied, “The fact is that there’s been a rumor circulating around the school — that Don and I have done absolutely nothing to dispel — that your girls are here, not to learn, but to assess the quality of the teaching. The fact is that, without a single exception, they know more about the subject matter than the teacher does.”

Then she snapped her fingers and corrected herself. “I misspoke. They do learn from Diane and Steve Chamberlain, but...” She giggled while shaking her head, “But that’s not fair, either. It’s sort of a four-cornered debate with the rest of the class looking on in amazement. But that’s a very special circumstance.

“But anyway, I’ll bet more than a couple of 9^th-grade teachers will try to wriggle out of their contracts, even though they’ve already been signed for next year. And you know something else? If they’re the ones I’m thinking of, we’re not going to try very hard to hold them, either.”

Don then took over. “But there’s more: And it’s Diane and Steve again. Those two are always professionally attired ... and I think it’s great! While a year ago many of the faculty wore Levi’s and T-shirts in class — and a few still do — more and more of our faculty are dressing for their rôles.”

He paused, cocked his head and then continued, “And you know what? Their students are better-behaved and actually seem to be paying more attention in class. Interesting, isn’t it?”

He then chatted with each of the four girls and even I could tell he was impressed. Then he chuckled and said, “But it’s not going to be all roses. I can hear it now: We’re going to be getting screams from a bunch of girls — and not a few mothers — that Harris girls are monopolizing all the cheerleading positions.”

Then he grinned and added, “And you know something else? I really can’t give a damn! You girls — without exception — are the most beautiful, most talented, and most exemplary students this school or any other could possibly have.” Then he rose, went around his desk and extended his hand beginning with Maureen. He repeated it with each of the others.

With the enrollment out of the way, Kris changed the subject. She told Grimes and Cumberland about the upcoming wedding which would be in New York at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. And since Diane and Steve would be married in the same ceremony, and since they were quite popular, arrangements had been made with Amtrak to send down a special train from Croton-Harmon to Grand Central. The entire train would consist of parlor cars and club cars. Furthermore, there would be limousines to pick up people and bring them to the train and return them to their homes that night. Don and Monica, along with Chris Grimes, were invited to come along to chaperone. And any other faculty members who cared to come would be welcome, also.

Well what do you know? My child bride was really starting to get into the swing of spending money. There might be hope for us yet.

When we left, Seana asked, “Was Mr. Grimes serious? He couldn’t be that happy to have us in his school, could he?”

Mother proudly related what Little Bit and Ann had achieved and assured her that, indeed, Grimes was very serious. “You have quite a standard to live up to,” she added.

“Good grief!” Maureen interjected. “Why did they have to be such stars? We’re not going to have a chance.”

“Sure you are! And besides, you all have the advantage of having Kim and Judy ahead of you. Frankly, I think it’s going to be neat to have six of you in three grades.”

And that was the end of that.

The next problem surfaced as soon as we returned home. It had turned into a very warm day, so we all gathered by the big pool with the great cats watching our little ones. As usual, we were all naked and Mom was flat on her back soaking up the sun. With her eyes closed she muttered, “Damn!”

Kris was lying beside her, more than half asleep already. “What was that ‘damn’ for, Mother?”

It was really funny, I guess. There were the two of them, lying side by side, trying to hold a conversation while still sort of sleeping.

“It’s the wedding,” Mom murmured. “There are just too damned many of our daughters being married. And it would be terminally tacky for Diane, Little Bit and Ann to be grouped around your father. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be fair to them, either. A bride going up the aisle should have all the attention on her.”

She paused and then wailed, “What are we going to do?”

Kris and I had the same idea, but she beat me to it. “I think the answer is pretty simple. Dad escorts Diane, while the other two fathers escort Little Bit and Ann.”

“Other two?” Mom asked. “What other two?”

“Look, Mom, you know damn well that Little Bit and Ann have been taken in as daughters by the Kramers and the Christians. How about asking if Brad Kramer and Bill Christian would like to escort their newest daughters?”

Before Mother could even say a word, I grabbed my cell phone and called the Kramers. I had it in mind to set up a conference call with the two men, but I had to ensure they were both available first. As it happened, Brad Kramer was home and Bill Christian was there with him. So there was no conference call; Bill just picked up an extension.

Quickly I explained the wedding situation to them, and they were both ecstatic at the prospect. Moreover, Brad lost no time in telling me that first, Kimberly and Carol, then Jenny Clark, and finally all the little urchins around were jumping up and down.