Chapter 41

Once again they all went over to the practice field for football and cheering practice. But then things began to change quickly. First, Vangie Bradley appeared with a young man who appeared prematurely gray at the temples. Then a handsome young couple appeared who greeted the Bradleys warmly.

Both of my sisters locked in their hearing on the conversation. They learned that the man with Vangie was her husband, Ed. Furthermore, the young couple were Ken and Cathy Bradley. My sisters exchanged stunned looks when they learned that Ken and Cathy were the son and daughter of Ed and Vangie.

“My God!” Little Bit whispered to her sister, “they’re brother and sister! That’s incest!”

“Shut up, Little Bit,” Ann commanded. “Let’s listen.” With a grin she added, “Who knows? You might even learn something.”

The girls did.

They learned that the marriage of Ed and Vangie was the second for both of them. Ken was Ed’s son by his first wife, while Cathy was Vangie’s daughter by her first husband. Then, to complicate matters, each parent had legally adopted the other’s child.

“For God’s sake, Cathy,” Vangie protested, “would you kindly slow down? You always have a bun rising in your oven!”

“So do you, Mom,” Cathy retorted. “What’s the problem?”

“How can I ever catch up?” Vangie grumped. “Good grief, daughter, you don’t have to personally populate the whole world!”

“Catch up? You’re more than caught up. What’s your problem?” Cathy repeated.

“What do you mean?” Vangie persisted. “I count seven of yours and only four of mine. How does that make me more than caught up?”

“Mother dear, you’re forgetting something,” Cathy responded tartly. “Don’t I count? I came from your belly, too, you know. And then there’s Ken ... Isn’t he a bit ... large ... for you to overlook? There’s Barbara Conroy. And then there’s Kris...”

Vangie blushed at her comment. So she changed the subject. “Have you heard from your sister lately?”

“Not since Sunday,” Cathy replied. “Why? Has anything changed?”

“She’s doing a new film,” Vangie said. “Dad and I only learned about it last night. And guess what?”

“What?”

“Your gorgeous little niece, Susan, is starring in it, too!”

“You’re kidding!” Cathy nearly screamed. “What’s it about?”

“It’s really autobiographical,” Vangie replied. “It’s about a man and his daughter and what happens when the wife and mother dies of cancer. Believe it or not, Bill Warren is actually going to star in his own film! That’s a first. And, of course, your sister appears to pick up the pieces.” Then Vangie added, “The bitch!”

“What did sister Kris do this time?” Cathy asked innocently.

“Well ... She’s going to get me the beating of my life from your father—”

“And you’ll love it, too, won’t you?” Cathy interrupted.

“That’s beside the point,” Vangie sniffed. “Most women don’t like to be spanked. It’s ... it’s spousal abuse!”

“True,” Cathy conceded. “You’re right about ‘most women.’ But you’re not ‘most women’, Mom. You love it!” Then with a giggle she continued, “So what happened?”

“Well, you know we bought that studio that owned Bill Warren’s contract, then merged it into Alliance...”

“Yeah, so... ?”

“It’s that damned Bill Warren, is so!” Vangie bleated.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“My God! In spite of his name, he must be a Scot!”

“Oh... ? Why is that?”

“Because he’s incapable of spending any money, is why that is,” Vangie retorted. “And that’s not the worst of it, either. You know that the idiot producers in Hollywood would obviously rather receive awards than make money...”

“And... ?” Cathy prompted.

“Well, it’s pretty simple. There’s research past counting that shows that the films that make the most money are G-rated family films.”

“So... ?”

“So, just look at the marquee at any multiplex. If it’s got ten screens, at least eight of them will have R-rated films, or worse ... Or whatever the R-rating is called now.” It appeared that poor Vangie was close to tears as she continued, “So what does that evil son-in-law of mine do? He makes G-rated films ... for no money! And then they just mint it. And that’s not even the worst of it, either,” Vangie continued to wail.

“There’s more?” Cathy queried.

“You better believe there’s more! And it’s your damned sister, this time.”

“What did my favorite imp do this time?” Cathy asked. Then she grinned and added, “Mom, you must admit that Ken and I gave you and Dad a unique bridal shower gift. I mean ... How many couples are given an already-housebroken teenage daughter for a shower present?”

Vangie stuck out the tip of her tongue and then continued, “Wait till you hear what she did! Did you know that Bill Warren teaches a film course at USC?”

Cathy just shook her head.

“Well, he does. And then your lame-brained sister has a brainstorm! It seems that just because Bill has won a few Oscars, there might be quite a demand to enroll in his course. The first time it was offered, the class was filled within ten minutes of the start of registration. So anyway, Kris comes up with the idea of selective admission to the course.” In an aside she noted, “Very few people even know your sister is married, and in view of their desire for privacy they’re happy to leave it that way.”

Getting back to her story, Vangie continued, “Anyway, you should have seen the mob scene when the word got out that the course admission interviews would be conducted by Bill Warren and Kris Bradley. The fact that your baby sister has a couple of Oscars of her own along with a bunch of Grammies didn’t hurt too much, I guess. So they picked the next class that way.

“Then Kris had another of her oh-so-bright ideas. She decided that they should produce a film using the students in the class. She even went to USC and, for five percent of the net, they got the use of the university’s facilities and equipment.” Vangie shook her head in disgust. “Of course, to your sister, it was such a little thing, she didn’t even think to mention it to Ali or anyone else at the studio. It was just a little spare-time venture.

“But she was thinking of your father and me... she says! So what does she do? Normally, film distributors produce show prints and the related stuff involved in a film’s release. But not this one. Instead, Kris worked with the distributors — both here and overseas — on a fee basis. She and Bill paid out of pocket for all the distribution expenses, but, in return, 100 cents on the distribution dollar is theirs. She says that she expected distribution costs would put a real dent in her walking-around money. Hah!

“Do you know what happened?”

Again Cathy just shook her head.

“First, let’s review the bidding: The only money they laid out was for the distribution I told you about, plus USC’s five percent. With almost no advertising, just word of mouth, the damned thing booked $50 million the first weekend and kept climbing from there! The first order for DVDs was for 10 million of them, and it was sold out before the first one was even shipped! Then, of course, the film gets an Oscar, Bill Warren gets another for directing, and the male lead gets an Oscar for Best Actor! And he’s not even in the Guild, yet! He’s still a college student!

“All the cast members are hotter than two-dollar pistols in Hollywood right now. And Bill and your sister own the whole damned thing, lock, stock and barrel! Can you believe it?”

“From Imp?” Cathy asked. Then answering her own rhetorical question, with her head nodding rapidly she exclaimed, “I sure can!”

Then she added, “But what are she and Bill doing now?”

Shaking her head in feigned sadness, Vangie replied, “The same as always: They’re always at their home in Malibu. As you know, it was a house Bill planned with his late wife, Mary, but she never lived to see it finished. Your sister has almost made it Mary’s monument. They must be the only people in their whole area who don’t use gardeners. And Kris does most of the work around the house herself with help from Susan.

“Incidentally, that girl is so cute! She’s going to the Clifford & Jamison school, of course, and her two best friends are Kris Clifford and Bobbie Johnson. Those three are so damned cute!

“About all they do, aside from caring for their gorgeous house, is to eat occasionally at Maxim’s. André and Molly Malraux treat them — particularly Susan — as their most honored guests. And it’s funny, really, I guess. Susan is such a beautiful little girl, she captures all the attention. Kris and Bill just fade into the background, and they just love it that way!