Chapter 25

“Mom, you really started something last spring,” Diane declared as she marched into the kitchen.

“Oh?” Mother replied blandly, “what did I do this time?”

“It’s Principal Grimes, and Monica, and Gwen...”

“What about them?”

“Well, when you left school that day, you had pierced and ringed Gwen Merritt in her nipples, navel and clit hood, and pierced and ringed Monica Cumberland in her clitoral hood, too.” She giggled and added, “Almost costing poor Donald Grimes his prick in the process.” With her eyes dancing she added, “Couldn’t you have found something else to muffle poor Monica’s screams besides his prick? I mean ... Really!”

“I really started something, you said?” Mom reminded her.

“You should see them now!” Diane continued. “I think you said that both Monica and Gwen could lose about 30 pounds... ?”

Mother nodded.

“Well, they did.” Then arching an eyebrow, Diane asked, “Did you give those two sets of magic machines?”

Mom looked a little sheepish but just nodded once.

“I thought so,” Diane continued. “Anyway, they’ve each lost at least 30 pounds ... And they look great!”

“But... ?” Mom prompted.

“I’ll take Gwen Merritt first,” Diane continued. “First of all, when you left her, she was pierced in four places. Now she has a tongue stud, too. But that’s not all. The Matthews twins — Tim and Dan — turned 18 a couple of months ago. And now they’re living with Gwen.” She paused and shook her head. “You know? I guess it’s pretty good, really. Those two — they’re identical twins, by the way — were the super losers in the school. They would have won a vote as most likely to be the first to go to prison in a walk.

“But you should see them now! From real sleazes, they’ve blossomed. They dress well now, and they’re real hunks. They’re both six feet two, about 200 pounds, and now they’re in shape, possibly for the first time ever. Your magic machines again, I think. And whenever you see them these days, they’re with Gwen

“I actually asked her about it. She says they take her every way it’s possible for a woman to have sex, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve invented a couple of new ones.”

Diane paused for a moment and then continued, “I suppose I should be shocked. After all, Tim and Dan are students in the school, even though they’re now legally adults...”

“But... ?” Mom prompted.

“But I’m not!” Diane announced defiantly, as if she expected someone to argue the point.

“You’re not? Why not?” Mom asked quietly.

“Because...” Then she just shook her head and said, “Oh, hell! Everyone knows the story except parents, I guess. Certainly the entire staff does.”

“Knows what?”

“That their father is a drunk and their mother is a slut,” Diane replied softly. “The father used to beat the shit out of the two boys for nothing at all ... or so I’ve heard from some of the teachers who’ve been around for a while. Of course, that stopped awhile ago when the boys got to be about twice his size.” She shook her head slowly and wondered aloud, “I wonder if he’s really their father? I kind of doubt it. And with a mother who’ll fuck anything...”

“What’s the story now?” I asked.

Again she shook her head, but with a smile this time. “The transformation in those two guys is little short of miraculous. Now it even looks like they’ll both be going to college ... while assisting Gwen in her teaching, of course.”

She grinned at Mother and said, “It’s all your fault, too. Gwen really took to heart your comment about having new things to learn in the upper grades. So she’s thinking of adding material — with a demonstration — on the best way to fuck a woman ... or a man, as the case may be.”

“Oh, shit! Wonderful!” Mom said sarcastically while shaking her head in dismay. “But what about Donald Grimes?”

“Oh! This is from the horse’s mouth,” Diane said gleefully. “Monica Cumberland has been telling me all about it. And she’s a remarkable beauty now, too.” To Mom she said, “In addition to the extra weight, do you remember her granny glasses? They were just like mine: real Coke bottles.”

Mom slowly nodded.

“Well, they’re gone, as are Chris Grimes’, Don’s wife. Those two women are real beauties now, too. It seems that Grimes has some money, so he paid for both operations. Those two women are now virtually twins. They have the loveliest soft brown hair and hazel eyes...” She grinned and continued, “Anyway, Monica is now living with the Grimes. And at least once a week she and Chris will shave Don all over! And I mean all over. They only leave the hair on his head.

“But that’s not all: Maybe some of those penis enlargers really work. At least Monica insists they do. After shaving him, he takes both women, and then they do each other while he watches. It must be one helluva show...”

“Enough of that,” Mom interjected. “Now tell us why you’re as nervous as a cat? What happened? Or what is going to happen?”

Suddenly Diane sagged like a punctured balloon. Furthermore, she began to cry. “It’s Steve Chamberlain!” she cried. “He’s going to fuck my brains out all weekend.”

Slowly she shook her head and added, “And that’s the language, too. That’s part of the deal. I have to say, ‘Steve, please fuck my brains out,’ or ‘Steve, please fuck my asshole raw.’ And it’s got to be here, in my room... with the door open! Anyone who wants to watch my humiliation is welcome! Can you believe it? The bastard!”

She was seething with rage when I felt Kris’s hand on my sleeve, tugging. Like a sheep, I followed her back to our place which was just a few yards away from my parents’.

Entering the house, Kris breathed, “Whew! That poor thing!”

“Steve?”

“Hah! Don’t be ridiculous!” Kris exclaimed. “I mean Diane, of course.”

“What’s poor about Diane?”

“She’s madly head-over-heels in love with Steve Chamberlain ... but won’t admit it, even to herself... Particularly to herself!”

“But...” I protested, “Look at what she said ... The way she acted...”

“Men!” she exclaimed scathingly. (This is something I’ve never understood, nor been able to emulate: The particular note of disgust women — all women — seem to be able to obtain with that single word.)

“But...” I repeated.

“Darling, you just don’t get it. She’s not upset about fucking Steve Chamberlain. She’s upset because she’s afraid she won’t be any good with him in bed.”

Suddenly Kris’s attitude changed. She sat me down on the leather sofa in the library and just held me tight. With her lips close to my ear she whispered, “Darling, there’s a lot about Diane you just don’t know. For example, before she was raped, she was a virgin; those three rapists are the only men she’s ever been with.”

I could feel her head slowly shaking as she continued, “Would you believe it? She’s never even had a date? It’s true.” She paused, gathering her thoughts. “Oh, dear...” she mused, “that’s something I hadn’t thought of. Beyond spending the weekend in bed with Steve — and what she’s really scared of is that he’ll walk out in disgust — there’s the fact that Friday night will be the very first date of her life!” She paused and then mused, “Boy! It looks like Liz, Tina and I will have to do some heavy-duty coaching on how to behave on a date...” Her speech had become slower and slower until she just stopped.

“Good grief!” she exclaimed softly. “That’s going to be the blind leading the blind...”

“Huh?”

“Cameron, darling, let me give you the hot scoop: The first dates Liz and Tina ever had were with their husbands!” Then she lightly punched me in the arm and added, “And for that matter, I’ve never ever had a date!”

“Huh?” I repeated. (My dialog was really scintillating that day!)

“William Cameron Harris, III, you were fucking my brains out within minutes of meeting me for the first time. When have we ever had a date? Did you ever, ever call to ask me out?”

She was correct, of course. I had never asked Kris Collins for a date ... and now she was my wife and the mother of our child.

Changing the subject, I asked, “What happened to cause this? Do you know?”

“I’m not certain, but I’m pretty sure,” she replied. “The dummy made some bad football bets with Steve. And then she had to stack female intuition against odds.” She grinned and added, “And guess what? The odds win every time!”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means that when she heard about the first bet, Tina offered to help. She was going to write a computer program to pick winners against the Las Vegas spread.”

“And... ?”

“And, my brilliant sister didn’t need that. She just knew who was going to beat the spread. Guess what? She didn’t.” Then she giggled and added, “But the funny thing is that Tina had become interested in the concept and wrote the software anyway. No one paid her for the software, but it paid for itself.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means that the NFL season is only a bit past the halfway mark, and she’s already won more than $100,000!”

“Wow! How does it work?” I asked.

“I don’t know the programming,” Kris replied, “but I do know the concept. Basically, what the computer does is look for mismatches between the power rankings of the respective teams and the point spread. People think that the spread reflects the rankings, but that’s only partially true. The reality is that the spread exists — and moves during the week — based on betting action.

“Law-enforcement agencies typically characterize bookies as gamblers. But they’re not. Their customers gamble; bookies don’t — or don’t want to. They work to balance their books: having as much money on one team as on its opponent. I’ll give you an illustration from college ball. A couple of years ago, Texas Christian University played University of Hawaii at Hawaii and was favored by something like 58 points. Hawaii won by 18! That was a gap of 76 points on the spread.

“How did it happen? I certainly don’t know for sure, but I could make a pretty good guess: First, it was scarcely a big game that weekend. Top-20 teams they’re not. So the betting action wouldn’t have been very heavy to start with. “But second, Texans are noted as big gamblers, particularly on football. Texas Christian attracted some big Texas money, I guess, and the bookies had to widen the spread to try to balance their book.

“Anyway,” Kris concluded, “that’s an extreme illustration of how Tina’s software works. It looks for anomalies on the spread.”

“But what about Diane?” I asked. “What happened to her?”

“Again, I’m not sure, sweetie, but I would be willing to bet that after losing a couple of times, she started to go double or nothing on her prior bets and kept on losing. And now it’s time to pay up.”

Then, surprisingly, Kris started to giggle.

“What’s so funny now?” I asked.

“It’s just possible we’re seeing a massive Freudian slip,” she managed to say between her giggles.

“And what’s that mean?”

“That means that she tries to tell herself that she hates Steve Chamberlain, but her subconscious knows better. What better way to get Steve into her bed than to be forced to do it as a result of lost wagers?”

“So she has a date with Steve for Friday night?” I confirmed.

Kris just nodded, then added, “And for the rest of the weekend in bed.”

Her earlier statement had given me an idea. “Miss Collins,” I asked with my eyes wide, “might you be free Friday night? I would love to take you out to dinner and dancing.”