Chapter 1

Finishing our final year in college when we already had potential careers promised was very much akin to waltzing through your senior year of high school when you had already been accepted to a college. A certain amount of pressure had been lifted for both Bill and myself knowing exactly where we were going to be for at least 2 years following graduation. My employer, Arens and Ponds, had been gracious in offering to find an affordable place for us to live until we decided where we wanted to settle. My mentor, Miranda Ponds had found a potential home for us in the Baltimore suburbs that was near Baltimore mass transit, the MTA. She described it as a "Leave it to Beaver" type of neighborhood, with a MTA commuter line less than a ten-minute walk away. The ride to the Amtrak station on the commuter was 10 minutes. Miranda talked to neighbors and found that typically you could be on an Amtrak train in 25 minutes from the front door, depending on schedule. It would make a 3 hour train ride for Bill, each way. While that sounded atrocious to me, Bill, with his laptop, considered it office time. Last summer, while interning, he often commuted the 6 hours in a day and used his train time for writing, and reading, and studying. Bill was never bored. If I chose to drive to the office I need only get on the interstate less than a mile from the house and go 9 exits. The house was owned by a principle in a company we had bought out to get some Ocean City accounts. Arens and Ponds wanted more local dealings to better their relationship with some of the Maryland Chambers. We have received a lot of Maryland Education business and had little Maryland flavor to our business besides that. Arens and Ponds held the paper on the property and had it leased until June. We could then sign a 24-month lease at $600 per month, plus utilities, and then exercise an option to buy or move. It seemed too good to pass up. We planned to visit and check out the house during the Christmas break. This could end up the house we owned when we got married.

Bill had fallen into a nice niche at Time. Environmentalists had come to lay a lot of pressure on Canada about acid rain and its effects on New York forests, as well as New York Nukes and the West Valley clean up. Upstate New York had become a hotbed of Environmental news, so, Bill was the environmental reporter for upstate New York. He covered press conferences and enviro stories around Western and Northern New York. It gave him lots more free time for himself and me. It kept him in the loop at Time and got his name on by-lines and "also contributing to" credits.

Arens and Ponds kept me on top of things using me as a copy writer. They would give me account profiles, and goals. I would submit creative ideas and submit copy to be critiqued. Miranda kept me totally on top of the entire goings on with accounts old and new so I could step right in as her assistant when I finished school. Both Bill and I had pretty cool situations. I, personally, could not have written a better ticket for myself. I really stepped in it.

Henny, Maria and I had become even closer in our fourth year of rooming together. We really wished we had taken a place off campus for our last year, but I was impossible to get hold of for the summer and they could no longer hold the place they wanted. A four bedroom 3 bathroom place could have meant boyfriends sleeping over and lots more privacy.

We confided as sisters on intimate details of our lives, especially sex, and that put our lives in better perspective. To share and trust, and compare notes, I could not have found better friends. We were sisters.

Maria had detailed her summer with John to Henny and I. She had moved in with him for 6 weeks while he house-sat in Port Jefferson on Long Island. He had an aunt who had to go to Boston for a heart procedure and she wanted someone to stay in her house while she was away. Maria's parents didn't like it, but she convinced them it was the right thing to do. Maria was relieved to find-out how compatible they were and were going to set a wedding date for a year after her graduation.

As she finished filling us in on her summer, she looked at Henny and told her there was something she had to get into the open that I already knew about. She explained to Hen about her seeking out "faceless fucks", when she would be separated from John for semesters at a time while he went to school out west. She felt that since I knew it and Henny didn't, there was dishonesty between us.

"They were just faceless fucks, they don't mean anything. I go out and pick up a kid, someone young, and show him a few things." She confessed to Henny.

"I go to the hang-outs where the freshmen are. Not so much here, but over near the other area schools. I show them a good time, they, in turn, make me happy. I have to feel like a woman sometimes, you know. I became dreadfully horny and lonely and felt little like a woman. I slipped one day and mentioned it to Carree, that's how she found out. I felt sexually empowered. I would be the aggressor, show these boys some real tits, how to eat pussy, and what it feels like to get a real blowjob. I don't fuck them. I may act like a slut, but I'm no whore."

"Wow, Maria, that sounds like me before I really hooked up with Nicky. I would fuck anyone. Hell, I won't lie; I loved it. Fucking is great, but making love is better."

"Well, I know I'm going to hear an "I told you so" from Carree, but I had a bad experience the last time I did it before we went home for the summer. I'm telling you both this, because the guy knows where we live, and although I don't even know if he is around anymore, I think I should warn you." Maria explained.

"Why didn't you report it to the Police, if you had a bad experience. I assume the guy tried to make you do something you didn't want to?" I asked.

Maria got real flustered at my question and began to lose her composure.

"Oh yeah, just what was I supposed to do? Tell the Police that I wanted to just blow him, and not anything else, and if they caught the guy and charged him I have to testify that I wanted sex, just not that much? Plus it gets out in the papers and my parents and John find out. I WAS STUPID, OK? TELL ME THAT YOU TOLD ME SO. I KNOW IT, NOW." Maria said as she became undone.

I went to her to hug her.

"Maria, I can't judge you, but it sounds like you want us to. Yes, you were stupid to do it that time, but you were just as stupid all the other times, but nothing ever happened, so you felt the power of the situation and the safety that you were never caught. I don't think any less you. C'mon Maria, we all love each other too much for that."

"That's all I could think of all summer, was how you were going to beat me up for being so stupid, especially after you warned me. I should have known you wouldn't judge me and would sympathize with my predicament. I guess I really WANTED you to beat me up, as my own punishment. Well, I won't do it again. It made sex hard to enjoy for the first few weeks with John on Long Island, the guilt ate at me so."

"So, what did this creep make you do, if you don't mind saying," Henny asked. "I remember you were saving it for your wedding night, he didn't ruin that did he?"

"No, the last time John and I were together before then, we finally did it. We finally gave in. But the bastard... he,, he made me do other things." And then Maria went into a full bawl, calling herself names and banging her fist on the sofa.

We had a group hug to comfort Maria and told her to give us a description of the guy, in case he might come around. But, Maria wasn't through yet.

"I have to tell you what happened. No one has ever heard the story and I have to tell it to someone so I can get it off my chest. I know it's my fault, but I want to tell it so maybe someone can tell me that it wasn't, OK?" She explained. "It's actually pretty gruesome."

"I went to a college sports bar nearby and sat at the bar, sipping a soda. I knew a couple guys were checking me out, but they seemed older and one of them goes to school here. But, there was a table with 3 guys, and I assumed they were freshmen, they all had soda's too. They had eaten, and it was almost 10 o'clock. That's when they proof the place and all the underage students have to leave and the band starts. I asked the waitress if she knew any of the 3, but she only knew they were freshmen at the Ag school. I asked her if she could get this one kid, a cute blonde haired guy to come to the bar. She said she would try, but figured I didn't want to be too forward. When two of them got up to play pool, she told him that I wanted to speak to him. He hesitated, and then came over wondering what I wanted, and asked if I was one of his sisters friends. I explained I was looking for a date to go dancing with, and I hated to walk into a place alone. He told me he was underage, but had proof that said otherwise. We talked for about 10 minutes and I suggested we leave to go to FudPuckers, or some place. He acted real shy and I figured I had a good one on the line."

"Usually I take them some public place, like FudPuckers, and we park the car, but before we get out to go in, we neck a bit and get "friendly" with each other. It usually doesn't take long to talk them out of going in, and going someplace more private. I know a few good places to park. Young guys go for my tits right away and that usually keeps them happy for a while. Once they try to put a hand down my pants, or up my dress, I stop them."

"I tell them they can't screw me, but that I love to have my pussy eaten, and if they do it right, I'll repay the favor. By this time they are drooling and tripping over their tongues. This guy, he said his name was Dean, was just like the rest. I bailed over the seat and took off my panties and invited him to dive in. Like the others I had to show him how I liked it, and I kept him going by telling him how I was going to suck his cock so good when he got done."

"Maria!! I can't believe you talk like that," Henny said. I thought you called it a pee pee!!"

"Please don't joke Hen, this is pretty awful," Maria warned.

"Once Dean got going it was apparent that he had done this before. He was trying to stick a wet finger up my butt and I kept pushing it away. He sat up and grabbed me by the throat and told me under no uncertain terms that he WAS going to stick his finger in my butt and that he was using it to get ready for his cock. Well, this scared the shit out of me and I said, "forget it" and went to get back in the front seat. He slapped me full force, full hand across the face and showed me my keys in his hand. He slapped me again on the other side of my face and I knew he meant business. I also knew I had lost control of the situation. This guy was a sicko. He turned me on my stomach and pushed my face in the seat. He walloped the hell out of my ass with his hand and then spit on my ass and stuck his finger back in. He kept it there and kept spitting on my ass. I was delirious with fear and pain. Then he stuck his dick up my ass and fucked me like a goddamn animal."

Maria had kept her composure for the most part of her story, but she was beginning to cry now.

"I was in so much pain, I thought I would die or pass out. I felt if I just cooperated he might finish faster and I could be through with him. But, he had other ideas. He pulled his dick out of my ass and made me suck it. He told me that if I bit him, he would kill me. As he said that, he had his hand around my throat and I no doubt he was able to squeeze life from me. Humiliated by being sodomized and forced to taste my own ass, I wasn't doing quite well at the blowjob he was getting, so he set about to slap my face again, full handed, each side, real hard. I was dizzy and in total panic. He grabbed my head and stuck his cock down my throat and fucked my mouth hard and deep, making me gag and throw up all over my self, while it was still in my mouth. Let me tell you both, that I thought I was going to die. I was THAT scared. He finally came while fucking my mouth and told me if he saw one drop outside my mouth, he was going to pull out all my hair. I didn't doubt him. I swallowed and swallowed and gagged and gagged, but made sure I didn't lose a drop of the disgusting stuff. I thought I had never been more humiliated until he finished and let me lay there about 10 minutes and the told me he had to piss, and he was going to do it all over me. I lost it and told him he had done enough to degrade me. He grabbed me and slapped me again, this time slapping my bare breasts, I was sure he broke the skin had ripped them off. I rolled into a ball in the back seat and figured he would beat me to death. I was planning on playing dead as he struck me. He slapped my ass real hard a couple times and I stifled screams. He grabbed me again and spit on my ass again. He wanted to fuck me there. I didn't see how I could take it. I wanted to die. After working his dick in there, he let his piss fly."

How Maria kept her composure during her description was beyond me. I was crying for her, but she was brave in wanting to confess how stupid she had been.

"Once he was done, he pushed me out of the car and drove away. He hollered out that I would find the car at the bar where I picked him up. He tossed my clothes out and he was gone.

After crying, shitting and puking for about an hour I finally was able to get my clothes together, and I found a stream where I could wash a little before walking to my car. I must have walked 5 miles, and I avoided staying on the road where anyone would see me. When I got to the bar, it was closed and my car was the only one there. When I went to it, the keys and my purse were on the front seat. All my money was still there, and all my credit cards and ID's were there, but everything was taken out and neatly laid in rows on the seat. I sat and cried for a while and finally drove to a motel. There, I showered and washed my clothes in the tub, and slept until the sun came up. Once I knew you guys were in exams, I came back here, in my damp clothes, and put my self back together."

By the time Maria finished the story, Henny and I were both in tears.

"Why didn't you go to the Police," I asked.

"What do I tell them?" Maria answered. "I wanted to pick up a virgin, and I gambled and got a pervert? I didn't see any way around the fact that I PICKED HIM UP! How do I explain that to John, or my parents?"

"The fuckin' bastard raped you, sodomized you, Maria. He should be locked up!" Henny said, boiling mad.

"LOOK, I was a stupid whore for doing what I was doing. Carree warned me that I could run into a loser one night, and I didn't listen. This guy may have scared the shit out of me, violated me in ways I didn't think possible, but he also cured me of being stupid. Forty-eight hours after it happened I was no worse off. He could have killed me, for Gods sake."

"Why don't you send him a thank you card, for Christ's sake Maria? If you ever see him, point him out. I'll pick him up and bite his balls off, the bastard!" Henny stewed.

"Let's just drop it!" Maria shouted. I only told you because I have been living with it all summer. I thought I was going to end up in therapy over it, but I'm not. My sex life with John was great and I am no worse the wear for it all. We even tried it, you know,... back there and I was OK with it. No bodily or emotional scars. I take all the blame, I just had to get it out!"

"OK Maria, but if you ever need to talk about it or have issues, don't hide them. We can all talk and try to fix things, OK? Listen, I love the both of you and hate to think that this happened to one of us. We have to look out for each other. Maria, please don't hesitate to come to us, OK?" I implored.

"OK, but I think I'm fine, OK?" Maria said.

"I don't see how, but I'll take your word for it," Henny said. "You're sure that everything was OK with you and John? I mean the sex part. You don't think of the rape every time you have sex do you?"

"No, because that wasn't sex, that was violence. I'm pretty strong willed and know that neither John nor sex had anything to do with it. I'm OK really." Maria insisted.

Never one to mince words or be genteel, Henny asked, "Even when John did you in the butt, you didn't flash back?"

"God Henny, leave a few things in her life sacred," I implored her.

But, Maria, knowing that Henny was Henny, said, "That's OK, and I guess it's a good question. Yes, I did think of it, but John did it lovingly as a lover would. I would have been doing it reluctantly anyway, but I really kind of liked it, at least with John."

"Yeah, butt sex is great, I really love it," Henny said as if she just said the sky was blue. We were truly open with each other, especially Henny, who knew no bounds of taste or decorum. But, if you knew her, you had to love her.

Henny and I looked out for Maria a lot for a while, to make sure she was over the ordeal. If she had any side effects of her attack, she never let them out. It's almost that she felt she deserved what happened to her and she got punished to learn her lesson. I couldn't ever feel that way, but Maria must be a much stronger individual.

Once classes got underway it all seemed like a bad memory as the three of us got back into our routine. What was different was that I saw Bill at least once a week now, and we planned to keep it that way until the snow flew and travel might be dangerous. Maria coaxed John to fly home from school whenever there was a break of any kind. Flying in from the mid- west sounded expensive to me, but I gathered that John's family had money. I also think that Maria let him know how lonely she was getting, being away from him. I think he suspected she was seeing someone else, which really wasn't true, but the rape must have left some seeds of doubt for Maria to sow. She must have changed a little.

For the long Veterans days Holiday weekend I had thought the three of us had went home. But, on my return on Monday afternoon with Bill, figuring on a little afternoon delight before he drove to his campus, we found Nick and Henny in the dorm.

"I thought you went home for the weekend? I asked.

Henny just smiled at me and said, "No, I decided to stay back and do a little local sight seeing."

The look on her face bewildered me and she was about to explode with news she wanted to tell me.

"Just for the last month or so, I've been going to the sports bar where Maria picked that asshole up. I was just hanging around for short times, grabbing something to eat and a soda or something. I became friendly with the barmaid and was somewhat of a regular. When we got talking about boyfriends I said my guys name was Dean (the name the guy who raped Maria used).

"Oh, really," she said. "You mean the Dean who hangs around here?"

Henny said, "No I doubt it, I don't think he comes in here."

"Well," the barmaid said, "I hope not, the Dean who comes in here is a pick-up artist. He thinks he's God's gift to women. If I see him come in, I'll point him out, because if he's your boyfriend, you ought to lose him."

So, anyway," Henny continued, "I went there a few more times and once the barmaid saw me and motioned me to a corner of the bar, out of sight line of the tables."

"Deans here," she said, and she pointed him out.

There sat a blonde haired blue-eyed guy who looked about 16. He caught the two of us looking at him and he smiled.

"No, that's not my Dean," Henny said. "That guy is a kid."

"That's good," the barmaid said, "I hear he's into rough stuff, but I guess some girls like that."

So, armed with this information, Nick and Henny were prepared to go to the sports bar all weekend waiting for Dean to show up. He showed up Friday night. They noted what kind of car he drove, and then followed him back to his dorm.

They kept an eye on him all day Saturday. About 9:30 p.m. he left and went right to the sports bar. Most of the students from the area were out of town so it was slow. Nick told Henny that he didn't think Dean would hang there long, there were few cars in the lot, so they waited for him to come out. When Dean finally left, there was no one else around. They were able to jump him and get like a canvas bag over his head and arms.

Then Henny paused.

"Well, what happened" I asked impatiently.

Hen reached to the sofa and picked up the local Monday paper and pointed to the front page, below the fold.

"Local Student Beaten in Fraternity Hazing" the story read... "A local student was found beaten and tied in a canvas bag to his waist Sunday morning. His feet were tied with plastic restraints, typically used by Police in holding cells. When the manager of the Third Base Sports bar came to open at noon on Sunday she saw the lone car in the lot. She didn't find it that strange, except there was thick red yarn tied to the cars door handle that led into the wooded area behind the bar. The other end of the yarn rope was tied to the feet of victim, Dean Doe a sophomore at Agricultural Tech. While Doe insisted he was not part of any Frat hazing, Police said the fact he had been urinated on made that hard to believe. "It's typical frat house stuff", said Officer Petersen. "With all the frats on local campus' that are on probation for hazing, it's no surprise he is denying it." Petersen did not make it clear if there would be any further investigation."

I dropped the paper and was dumbfounded.

"Henny, you and Nick did this? Are you crazy?" I asked.

"Carree, we never said one word. He never had a clue if there 2 or 3 of us, if we were all guys or what. He kept on shouting names of girls who he thought we were getting revenge for. He knew why he was getting his ass kicked, he just didn't know who it was from. He finally got quiet when he got punched every time he hollered." Henny said so proud.

"Carree," Nick said, "Henny would have killed him if I let her. She kicked him in the balls about 4 times. The little fuck was crying when we left him. Henny went back and pissed on him, so I did too. After Hen told me what he did to Maria, I had to get the bastard."

I didn't know what to think. I was afraid they would be found out and be caught, but I had a little glow of revenge inside.

"Listen, we cannot be caught. We covered every possible track. No one saw us. No one can place us anywhere. He has no clue who did it. He shouted out different girls names, saying like, "It's for Sherry, right? Well, she wanted it rough."

Man, he was so confused. Then we really let him have it. He got a good beating and probably thought we were going to kill him. I wanted to scare the shit out of him." Henny said.

"But," Henny added, "We CANNOT tell Maria we had anything to do with it. I want her to see the article, but I do NOT want her to think Nick and I did it. OK?"

I agreed, but was still in a daze, not believing she and Nick could be so larcenous.

"Carree, don't go and get Goody Two Shoes on me here," Henny said. "You have that look on your face. Do you think I could stand to think of that little bastard running loose after what he did to her?"

"But, Henny, you can't take the law into your own..." I started, before Henny interrupted.

"HE STUCK HIS DICK UP HER ASS AND PISSED IN HER, CARREE," she said as she held a defensive pose to me.

I thought about that for a second, and said, "OK, I guess it was something you had to do. Maria was wrong not to have him put away. I won't say a word to her."

"Don't even point out the article to her. Let her find it," Nick said. "If she doesn't see it by Wednesday, point it out to her as you are tossing it out, you know by accident."

Henny and I agreed and never said a word to Maria. Later that week we saw her read the article, and by the look on her face, she knew whom it was that got beat. I asked her what it was, trying to draw her out, and she just said "Oh, Nothing." But she was humming and smiling the rest of the night.

I guess I always had a horror in the back of my mind of being raped. I was always aware of catcalls and whistles when I was in certain situations and always chose to not pay attention. When Maria told us of her rape and brutal violation, I almost felt it happened to me. That was funny in it self, because Maria seemed to have forgotten about it, or took it in stride. She truly thought that going out and picking up a lover for the night was OK, because it was strictly sexual for her own satisfaction. To her it was enhanced masturbation. Yet, she portrayed a Polly Pure front almost all of the time, even when talking among us girls. I was flummoxed to her thought processes.