Chapter 3

The remainder of the work week passed with little incident. After the first few slightly awkward days, things returned mostly to normal, though Jim still had the feeling people were walking on egg shells around him. Business was up though, and with all the associated commotion and chaos, Jim had enough to keep him busy that he hardly took the time to worry about how delicate a flower most people seemed to think he was.

"Jimbo, you coming out with us tonight?" the voice called from his door way.

"You know, it is customary to knock on someone's door before inviting yourself in Diane, or don't they teach you that down in sales? How are things down there anyhow?"

"You know us Jim, selling ice to Eskimos and convincing them they're getting the better half of the deal."

"You're a cruel heartless shark, Diane."

"Why thank you Jim, sweet talk like that will get you everywhere."

"And just what would Wayne have to say about that?"

"There you go spoiling all my fun again," she paused, "So, drinks tonight?"

"I don't think so, I've got too much to get caught up on. Maybe next time."

Diane's smile dropped a moment before she quickly hoisted it back up and responded, "Yea, of course. I'll let you get back to your work then. Try not to push it too hard."

Jim smiled goodbye as she left, only to push himself away from his desk and slump down into his chair as soon as the door had closed behind her. Ron had told him to take it easy this week too. He'd even gone so far as to leave standing orders with everyone concerned that Jim was to be marched out of the building come seven o'clock, like it or not. Jim appreciated the concern but felt that it was more then a little unnecessary, he was a grown man after all, he could take care of himself well enough to figure out when he should go home. Still, he had made it a point to leave before seven this week, if only to avoid the added attention of being at work past his 'curfew'.

The rest of the morning was filled with personnel evaluation reports and system maintenance tasks. Jim was glad to have put them behind him. Stepping out of his office on the way to lunch, Jim saw Sara pulling closed her own door.

"My, what an impeccable sense of timing you have Miss Wayland," Jim said with a grin.

"I could say the same about you. Care to join me?"

"It would be my pleasure," he responded.

"Indeed it will," she managed to reply, with an almost straight face.

Buckling his seat belt as Sara prepared to back out of her space, Jim asked, "So, what culinary delight awaits us today?"

"I was thinking Kershaw's if that's all right with you."

"Mmm, a roast beef sandwich sounds great right about now."

The conversation flowed easily between them in the booth at the tiny restaurant. Three years his junior, Jim had known Sara since she graduated from engineering school and come to work for Tindell. They had always gotten along well, constantly teasing and mocking each other, often times bickering like siblings. Still, Jim knew that there were very few people he could count on more then Sara, and in the end he really did consider her family.

"So, how have things been for you?" Jim asked as he wiped up a line of juice which had escaped his sandwich and run down his arm.

"Pretty good. Tony's history, though I doubt you're terribly surprised to hear that. I'm honestly not sure what I ever saw in that man. Work's been good, the McCallister account is coming along pretty well, looking at a nice bonus at the end of that if it all comes off smoothly."

"I'm sure it'll end up fine. I took a look at your work, and while strictly speaking it may not exactly be my field, it looks really good."

"Thanks, I've put a lot into that account."

"Now as for Tony," Jim continued, "I don't know what to tell you about him. You must have been drunk."

"For six months?" Sara asked with a laugh.

"Hey, I've learned to never underestimate you. I wouldn't put it past you."

"Yea, yea, okay Mr. Smart ass, laugh it up."

"Sorry," he said between chuckles, "so how's the family doing?"

"Mom and Larry are doing fine, they're getting ready to spend a few weeks out in Yellowstone. Lucy's doing great, just started her residency out in LA, that should be a trip. Wes is about grown up, gonna be graduating high school really soon."

"That's great. What about your other brother, Al was it?"

"Step brother, yea. Al is busy being Al, talked to my mom a few weeks ago and she mentioned something about him getting arrested again for drunk driving."

"What's that make, four times now?"

"Something like that, yea. To tell you the truth I stopped caring and keeping track a long time ago."

"Yea, from everything you told me Al's, well... "

"You can go ahead and say it, everyone else in my family has. Al is a grade A fuck up. He always has been and he doesn't show any signs of changing."

Jim just shook his head before responding, "It's amazing how easily so many people can just throw away their lives and not even care. I mean, they don't realize..."

Sara could see the cloud come over Jim and the wetness start to form around his eyes and decided to quickly change the subject. "So," she said, "Diane tells me you're too good to come out drinking with us tonight."

"It's not that and you know it Sara, I'm just too busy. I've got too much stuff to catch up on."

"Don't give me that Jim. You may have passed that off on Diane but I know better. Every Friday night since I've been with Tindell you'd go out with the group. Huge crunch, piles of work, it didn't matter. You always said it was important to socialize with your coworkers so everyone could develop true friendships and avoid all that petty back stabbing crap that goes on in so many offices. And you can't tell me you'll be working late tonight to catch up, I happen to have it on good authority that you've been ordered shot on sight if you're in that building after seven."

"Shot on sight?" Jim asked. "That one's news to me."

"Yup, didn't you get that memo?" Sara asked with a smirk.

"Afraid not, but I'll keep it in mind. Still, I really don't feel like going out tonight."

"Dammit Jim," Sara caught herself just short of screaming. In a lowered voice she continued, "If Jeanette were here to see what you're doing to yourself she'd kick your ass and we both know it. Hell, I might just have to take her place and kick your ass myself if you don't start getting some sense in you."

"Look," Jim started.

"No, shut up Jim," Sara interrupted, "It's my turn to talk now. You just sit right there and listen to every word I have to say, then you can comment however you'd like." A chastised Jim sat back in his seat and motioned for her to continue.

"I'm sorry to snap at you Jim, but you're really starting to piss me off. You've cut yourself off from everything and everyone you love. Frankly, it's starting to bring all of us down. You know how our Friday nights normally are, we go out and hit Fairely's and we live it up. We drink and we dance and then we start all over again. Let me tell you about the last two weeks Jim. It was a wake. It was sad really, it wasn't ten friends out having a good time, it was a dozen people sitting around getting drunk without a spark of life between them. I swear to God the only time someone got up was to take a piss. You wanna know why Jim? It's not because we were sad for you or we pitied you, it's because we all, every single one of us, felt for you. You were hurt Jim, and you still are, you're hurt in a way I can't even begin to imagine..."

"You're right about," Jim started before the look in Sara's eyes warned him to take a safer course.

"And when you hurt Jim, we all do. Those weekly bonding exercises you so love worked Jim, we're not coworkers anymore, we're family. When one of us is in pain, we all are. Frankly Jim, it's tearing everyone up to see you so miserable. Some asshole took away the most precious thing in your world, I can understand that. I can understand how that rips you up inside. Thing of it is though, you can't allow him to destroy you to. This thing is killing you Jim, and I care too much to sit by and let it. "

Jim sat silently for a moment before responding, "You're right Sara, we both know you are. There's a big difference though between knowing that you're right and being able to do anything about it. You think I want to feel this way? You know me better then that. I wish I could just shake it all off and be happy again, but like you said, I lost the most precious thing in the world to me. I don't know how you get better after something like that, I don't even know that you can."

"Jim," She said with a pleading look in her eyes, "I'm not asking you to be back to your old self overnight. I'm not asking you to ignore the pain and pretend it doesn't hurt. It would be dishonoring Jeanette if you did. All I'm asking is that you take the first step. You've got people who really love you here Jim, we want to help you through this. We can't do that though if you don't put forth some effort of your own. I don't want a miracle Jim, I just want you to show us that your not lost."

"Yea, okay," he said, fighting the tears, "I guess I can do that."

"That's all anyone can ask of you Jim. Now we'd better get back to work before they send out the search party."

The rest of Jim's afternoon was consumed by numerous meetings and a server crash. While the meetings where not strictly speaking a part of his responsibilities, Ron and Dave insisted it would be good experience for when Jim was effectively running the office during their vacation. While Jim could certainly see the logic in such a presumption, he still despised meetings and the habit they had of drawing out one's day in immeasurable boredom. Still, Jim found the clock counting forward, despite appearances to the opposite. It was therefore only a matter of time before he found himself headed out the door to prepare for his social reemergence.

"Hey Jim," he heard Ron call out as he neared the front door, "See you back here at eight, right buddy?"

"Sure thing man, wouldn't miss it," Jim replied with an only slightly forced smile.

"Good man," Ron called after him with a large grin, Jim couldn't help but laugh.

After a shower, a shave, and a change into more comfortable attire, Jim couldn't help but feel nearly human. As he had actually relaxed in anticipation of going out with everyone he was surprised to discover that even with a relaxed schedule, all the stress and work had caught up with him. He wasn't just miserable anymore, he was running half ragged.

'Well, ' he thought as he splashed after shave on his face, 'there's nothing wrong that a few beers and some good company won't cure.' For a moment he even believed it. Still, it was the first time since the accident that he was actually looking forward to being in the company of anyone other then Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. Giving one last check to make sure he was as presentable has he might become, Jim headed out the door and into his car.

As most of his recent days had been, the drive back to the office was filled with thoughts of Jeanette. Sara had made a good point, and it was one he had tried to convince himself of before but could never get to stick, wherever Jeanette was now, if she could see him, he knew she would be less then pleased. She had always been a vivacious woman, always alive and vibrant and moving. Hell, she even had a sticker on her dashboard that said Carpe Diem, it was right where she was sure to see it everyday. He knew she'd be very disappointed in him to see the way her death had sucked the life out of him. She had always been the more adventurous of them, and he could clearly remember the first moment she spoke the words that had become her personal slogan for him. It was right after her birthday and when he had offered to get her anything in the world her heart had desired she spoke without a moment's pause, she wanted to bungee-jump. Not only that, she wanted to do it together. So there he stood, rubber band strapped to his ankles, high above open air with his toes over the edge. He could hear Jeanette behind him urging him on and he turned to face her, the doubt evident in his face. Their eyes found each other and she spoke those words which so embodied her spirit.