Chapter 1

"You know, it's funny the curve balls life can throw you sometimes. When I first met Jeanette the last thing I wanted was to get wrapped up in all the entanglements of a relationship. Then she flashed me that smile, you all know the one, and from that moment on I was hers. Now granted, I didn't realize it until much later, but it was true none the less. I'll remember Jeanette for that smile more then anything, the way it lit up her face and danced through her eyes. The way it would dig past any pain or trouble you might have and let a little piece of her ever so bright soul shine on you. It didn't matter how dark your day had been or how hopeless things seemed, you couldn't help but smile when she did, just like I can't help but cry knowing I'll never see it again. I know that's the last thing she would want, but with the passing of her light I can find little other comfort in these dark days. I could stand before you all for hours upon end reminding you of how gracious and selfless a person Jeanette was, but I know she wouldn't want that either. I beg you instead then to think of her, to remember now and forever the kindness of her heart and the nobility of her spirit. Thank you."

As Jim stepped down from the pulpit he allowed the control he had been so tightly clinging to to slip. He felt himself shudder as he slowly made his way back to his pew. 'The hardest part is over now, ' he reassured himself, but even he did not believe it. Taking his seat, Jim's mind was once again claimed by the thought which had haunted his every waking hour since the accident; why? 'Why did this have to happen? Why did the traffic have to force her to take a detour and get caught by that train? Why did that three time drunk driver still have his license? Why did he have to rear end her and push her car onto the tracks? Why didn't I go to pick up the invitations instead of her? Why couldn't I have taken her place?' All these questions and more ran through Jim's head as he half listened to the Minister speak words of comfort, though Jim could find little in them to give him strength. She was gone, that was all that concerned Jim. His fiancé was gone, and his life was irreparably changed.

The funeral had been hard, but sitting in his living room the following week, nursing his third glass of whiskey, Jim knew the worst was yet to come. Even though it was at least a month distant, he dreaded the trial. He knew it might bring him a peace that burying Jeanette had failed to yield, but he could still hardly stomach the thought of it. 'Just to be in the room with that, that, that thing that stole her from me, ' Jim thought, 'it may well be more then I can bear.' Jim never bothered to learn the name of the man who'd taken away from him the most precious thing in his life, and truth be told he had no desire to ever know it. So far as Jim was concerned, to know the man's name was to give him more dignity then he deserved. In Jim's mind the man might just as well burn in hell for what he had done, for stealing Jeanette's life and for stealing the hope of all those who loved her. Still, he owed it to Jeanette to be there, and no matter how hard it might be, he needed to see justice done. Well, as much justice as could be done in such a case by any means. He also knew there was a chance he would be called to testify, 'appealing to the emotions of the jury' the prosecutor had called it. He didn't want anyone's pity, even if it would see that swine put behind bars. At the moment though Jim knew he had more immediate concerns, namely his imminent return to work in the morning. Vacation time can only go so far, and between all the preparations for Jeanette's funeral and all the time he spent apathetic afterward, his had run out.