“Right, shall we begin? Clerk - Simon is it? Will you read the charge?”

“Stephen, yes, My Lord. The allegation is that on the 11^th inst or thereabouts, the accused – one Phineas Aloitius Albert A-”

“Sorry Stephen, perhaps we should just read the charge?”

“The accused did, with deliberate and detrimental planning; with intended malice aforethought and contrary to the statutes and prior established -”

“We all know what this is about. You are accused of impersonating a Papal Envoy. You say you are not guilty yes?” The accused nodded. “For the hearing, will you speak?”

“Yes, I mean not guilty, My Lord Archbishop, sir.”

“Good, and you accept the finding of this court do you? I mean you understand the implications? Impersonating a Papal Envoy is a capital offence. If I think you are guilty, there is no appeal. The best you could hope for would be a quick death.”

“I’m not guilty My Lord Archbishop Cardinal.”

“Good, glad to hear it. Though everyone claims that of course.”

“But Lord Cardinal, I am not guilty.”

The clerk cleared his throat, determined to regain the authority he was meant to have as official recorder of the proceedings. “You will address the Cardinal by his official title as Lord Cardinal Archbishop of the Archdioceses of Angevin and Tours with Poitiers and -”

“Sorry to interrupt, but two things. One: my actual title since my brother died intestate is Lord Duke Cardinal Archbishop of the Archdioceses of Angevin and Tours with Poitiers, Count of Amboise and Nimes, Prince of Schleswig. And two: if we stick to that then we’ll all be dead before the hearing is finished, so ‘sir’ will do.”

“As you so order SIR. I have recorded your preference SIR.”

“Thank you Simon. Now, Mr Phineas etc etc. you know we have taken depositions, sworn on the Holy Book, from the witnesses. I want to hear your story. Leave nothing out, be accurate, be honest. Remember, your life depends on it, or your death does. If I think you are a liar, remember that there are worse deaths than hanging or beheading. I believe boiling is still on the statutes?” The speaker was an impressive man, dressed in most of the garments befitting his station (his personal dressers – two nuns – had tried to make him put all the garb on but he had rebelled a little). He was taller than average, carried the confidence of nobility and now the confidence of being a senior churchman. The local mayor had tried to suggest that the death of the Envoy was a civil matter and the defendant should be arraigned for murder; drawing himself to his full height, the Cardinal had ‘suggested’ that the pretence of being an envoy of the descendant of St Peter was more important than mere murder and the mayor had backed away from that confrontation. Actually the bishop didn’t really care either way, but thought it sounded more interesting than the usual trial of some old lady for being a witch or of a nun for getting herself pregnant by wilfully seducing a monk. It was always the woman who was at fault. The last monk on a charge was for damaging a nine year old girl by fucking and splitting her. He had nearly got off by claiming he thought she was twelve! Then three other girls came forward and he was gently lowered into the quicksand to steadily disappear directly down to Hell.

This case offered some amusement beyond explaining why Luther was so obviously wrong (when all right thinking Catholics could see that he had a point in some of his complaints). “So, off you go...”

“Where should I start, sir?”

“Well, if I was you, and I’m pleased to say I’m not, I would start when you found the papers.”

“I was travelling through the hills to look for work. I’m a thatcher by trade and -”

“These mountains don’t use thatch.” The clerk interrupted.

“No, precisely, which is why I was travelling through to the valley. I rounded a corner on the Pass d’Evelon when I saw the horse down in the ravine. It was on its back, not moving. I nearly went on. But then I saw the person there.”

“The person should be referred to as -” Stephen the Clerk was feeling superior.

“In fairness, Simon, he probably didn’t know who that person was at that time.”

“Stephen! My name is Stephen, sir.”

“Yes, it is.”

“As you say. I just saw a body. I clambered down and found the man had a leg caught under the horse. I think they had both been dead a few days because they smelled. I think perhaps the horse had panicked over something and shied and fallen, but I don’t know. I wasn’t there. All I know is the man and his horse was dead. I collected drift wood and piled it up and set fire to it. Oh! First I checked the saddle bags and found the two sealed folders.”

“Who gave you permission to cremate the body? That will mean he can’t get to heaven.” The clerk asked.

“I didn’t think of that, I was thinking that I didn’t want him to rot and feed wild animals. I did wait until the body was consumed. It took some time. I think my belief allows for a God who will look after a faithful servant.”

The bishop spoke up. “I’m the theologian, not you. Relax, you are charged with impersonation, not funeral offences. How do I know you didn’t kill him?”

“I suppose you don’t, but I’m not charged with murder. And why deliver the pouches if my motive was robbery?”

“To cover your tracks.” The clerk put in.”You admit you searched the dead man’s saddlebags, perhaps robbery was the motive?”

“Again, anyway, that is not the charge: neither murder nor robbery. Shall I continue?” the bishop nodded. “I felt that these pouches, with the seal of the Pope on them, should be carried to safety. I resolved to take them to the town they were destined for.”

“How could you know that?” the clerk asked.

“They had the name of the town on them, I can read you know! I speak French, Breton, German of course - Low German, Spanish, a little Latin, and some English – though I will never willingly go there again since England seems to consist of lying cheating bastards; begging your pardon sirs, and madam.”

In the corner the fourth occupant looked up and smiled. A nun was present to collate the various written evidences should they be needed. “Perhaps we could stick to the matter in hand – though I confess I am with you concerning the English. A damnable race of thieves that God sensibly put on an island so they could not contaminate honest people.”

“Yes sir. Well I travelled for three more days before reaching the town mentioned. It was out of my way. As I said, I was heading for the valley, not the mountain towns where thatching is not needed. There I found the house of the Papal Administrator. I understand His Holiness owns some considerable lands here.”

“I understood you to be a protestant? Why say His Holiness?”

“Out of respect, sir. I have no wish to offend any religion, just to ply my trade.” The bishop nodded; he was starting to like this young man. He could think for himself and was educated by life not religion. “Anyway, I found the house and the lady of the house opened the door, saw the seals and ushered me in like I was important. I never said who I was nor anything!

She begged to inform me that her husband was not in, but would be back soon and she would entertain me as well as she could in the meantime.” The bishop called to the nun, who brought over the statement of the wife of the administrator, which did indeed match what the accused had said. “So I never said I was the Envoy!” he stopped.

“Hmm, I think there is more, much more isn’t there now?” The accused looked at the nun. “Oh, don’t mind her, she is a member of the Sisters of Redemption. They are all reformed women of the world, what Sister Virginia doesn’t know about the sins of the flesh probably isn’t worth knowing – such a silly name to give a woman such as her; someone’s idea of a joke I suppose. Now, remember, I HAVE read the witness depositions, so when I say leave nothing out I mean LEAVE NOTHING OUT. Now get on with it!”The bishop barely passed a look at the nun, she wasn’t important. What he wanted to hear was what this man had been up to until he was caught.

CHASTITY’s STORY

“Yes sir. I was shown to the guest room by Michaela’s daughter, her youngest daughter Chastity. This girl is fifteen, or she was, she may have passed her birthday now. She told me that her mother had told her that I was to have all I asked for, whatever I requested. Michaela – the administrator’s wife – seemed to think I was very important.

We talked about food and drink and I may have suggested that I most wanted to wash the dust off myself.

Chastity suggested I could use the bathing pool. A warm spring fed a pool beside the house and screens had been erected to allow for bathing in it. Quite a luxury I could get used to. She said that she could wash my back if I liked.

The water comes up to the floor level, so anybody out of the pool has to lean far over. I mean there is no lip, no wall. I think – [The clerk and the bishop were looking annoyed, they didn’t want a lesson in architecture].

The thing about the pool is it is as deep as one’s waist, to wash me she had to lean far over and her shift was getting wet. The wide sleeves of her dress were dropping into the water too. She was trying to keep them out and also trying to do her duty by me. I even said she didn’t need to worry, I could wash myself, but she insisted that it was her duty and she wanted to do it. I only suggested dropping her shift to her waist thinking that her undershirt would keep her body hidden!

Where I come from, all women wear an undershirt under their shift. It did not occur to me it would be different here, a travelling thatcher does not get much time for analysing female fashion [he smiled, the bishop did too. The clerk did not]. She hesitated only a moment – her mother had said anything I requested. So she dropped her shift to her waist and revealed her two small breasts.” He looked at the nun, who simply smiled – Sister Virginia had been sold to a brothel at the age of ten when she had no breasts; some men liked girls like that and she was sold frequently and painfully for several years. In once sense it might have been a small blessing – she had been damaged so she could not get with child when she reached puberty. At fifteen she was an expert at all manner of sexual perversions, she did like to hear of the innocence of youth now. “Well, she had conical breasts with red nipples and I couldn’t help but stroke them. Then she washed my back but was still splashing her clothes. She could not fail to see that the sight of her breasts had excited me. You understand me? Since I am to be honest, I was excited already. The idea of the young girl seeing me and washing me had made me stand to attention” [’yes, that’s what the girl had said. Then seeing her naked from the waist had made him harder’] “The water was clear. I apologised, but she said it was her duty ... whatever that meant. She nearly toppled in. She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and she carried on. She toppled again and I caught her. Actually I tried to catch her shoulders, but my hands cupped both her breasts and held them briefly. I wanted to let go immediately, I did; but then she would have fallen in. So I lifted her back to safety, and then released her. By that time, her nipples were already hard and erect. A young girl’s nipples seem to grow to full size before the breasts do, if she is any example. I think she liked me holding them. No, she DID. I asked if anybody else had touched them and she shook her head; one boy had tried to and she had let him touch them over her clothes, but that was all. She said she was a good girl and a respectable girl, she said that she had to be as the daughter of the Administrator. But now she had an excuse to allow someone to touch her.

I had a feeling she did not always enjoy being quite so respectable. Surely everybody likes to escape sometimes?”

He looked at the three others in the room, they were all prisoners in their own way, and knew it. The nun was a prisoner of her vows, she could not break her espousal of the purity of the nun’s habit, but occasionally, just sometimes, she thought she’d like to have a night of carousal and drunkenness again, and wake up with a head being hammered by a blacksmith and a cooch with that enjoyable ‘over-used’ feeling that reminded her of the night before. She thought of all this now, and would ask for forgiveness for even thinking such things later. Clerk Stephen liked the respect he was accorded, he enjoyed the responsibility (and the privileges). He would soon be married to his betrothed, a match arranged at some trouble and expense; and yes, he was looking forward to it. After all Genine was not unattractive, but she was not a virgin. She had married a man who had gone for a soldier, had his legs blown off and had come home to die slowly and painfully. Still, Genine was a good match as she was the daughter of the Mayor of Listellville, and he was pleased to pass the daughter on rather than have her cluttering up the place. Stephen wasn’t thinking of that, he was thinking of that one glorious summer with Giselle when he was fourteen and she was fifteen and willing and the hay fields were inviting and her body was even more inviting. Then she had been married to the butcher and that was an end of that. Bishop Lothar was both more restricted and more able to avoid other restrictions if he chose. Like today, he had dispensed with much of the official regalia and actions so as to enjoy the case rather than relishing (as some of his colleagues did) the discomfort of the prisoner. He had heard of the case whilst a pretty young nun was seeing to his bodily comfort with her hands. Some could be persuaded to kiss and suck too, but never fuck – and anyway he was a bishop so should not indulge, though again some he knew did. But the restrictions were there nevertheless, the rules, the regulations, the laws, the traditions.

Yes, all three understood the desire to kick the traces sometimes.

“Well, whether I ordered her to, or she volunteered, I’m not sure. But I’m not blaming her. She was naked and in the pool with me and we washed each other. I washed down her firm young breasts with their hard nipples and then I washed her sparsely covered comfor – sorry, a politer word we use rather than the other. I washed her vagina, only outside. She was still properly protected there and I would not break that with my fingers. She asked if I wanted to break it with my rod – and I did, I did. But I suggested there was another possibility if she would allow it, so she might remain a virgin for her marriage, and she agreed. [’yes, the record does show that she said she offered and he turned her down, but ... oh yes, she said he DID finger her and yet she stayed whole’]”

“Excuse me.” the bishop said. “Could I stop you for a second, correct me if you will clerk, or nun, but did the girl not say she HAD been fingered inside?” Both confirmed this.

“No sir, I did not. And for two reasons: to break her open with my fingers would be a sad, pointless thing if I had the chance to use my prick, begging pardon for the language. But also I thought I should not invade her. I did not know why she offered (or agreed) so easily, but it would not be right. Oh, and she was only fifteen. In my country any invasion of a fifteen year old’s comfor is rape.”

The Clerk clarified: “As to that last, no. Only a member can be rape. Not a finger, a stick -” “Or a tongue” the nun added. “Yes, thank you sister. But to jump forwards, the invasion of the other orifice is illegal in a boy, but not mentioned for women of any age.”

“I see, thank you. So it would not have been illegal had I achieved that. As you say, jumping forward but only a little way. I did not finger her inside that slot, but I did finger her other hole. The water made it easier and I suggested she might let me in there.” ‘Ah’ the bishop thought ’the girl thought that too personal or rude to mention, so she moved it to her vulva instead. Silly girl, she’ll learn. I might have her naked body beaten by the nuns for lying to me, that would be fun to watch.’ “She made no protest and I inserted a second finger; intending to extend her hole until I might invade it without too much pain.

The nun thought ‘Stupid man. Fucking a fifteen year old up her bum is never going to be easy for her, though I suppose at least he was trying to be considerate. He seems honest, I hope the bishop is in a good mood and lets him off; or lets him die quickly.’

“Well, I was stroking her cunny with my other hand, she was standing in front of me and she definitely was urging me on – both front and back. I was just pushing in a third finger when her sister – Hope – came in. I understand that Michaela’s sister had been called Faith but she had died in infancy so Michaela opted for Hope and Charity to remember her by. Anyway she came in, she is seventeen or eighteen.”

“Which is it?” the Clerk asked “The records must be clear.”

“She had her eighteenth birthday four days ago sir. So she was seventeen. Her sister also turned sixteen on the same day, an odd coincidence of births.” Sister Virginia added.

“And one that does not concern us.” The bishop said, slightly sternly. He hated how people could get distracted so easily.

”Hope saw what I was doing, both front and back. She said outright ‘finish what you have started at the front, but if you want to invade her take me instead I implore you. I will give up my virgin state if you wish.’ I told her the same as I have told you. I kept my two fingers in her backside because I liked the feel, but I did as she suggested and concentrated on stroking this young girl’s cooch to perfection. She reached a climax – she said she thought she was dying. It was the first time ever in any way. No boy had been allowed near as she knew that they would not stop until they were inside; she had not done it herself either. Her sister later told me that she had intended to show Charity how to please herself when she was sixteen. She said the church forbade it, but that Charity should know. Oh! I hope that will not get Hope into trouble! I am sure Charity would have discovered it soon enough herself. She had a delightfully smooth, almost hairless comfor. The ridges -”

“Perhaps we do not need all this detail?” Clerk Stephen suggested.

“I did ask for all the detail. But as you wish.” Bishop Lothar said, he had been looking forward to hearing of the biological detail of the young female. There could be no sin in listening to another’s description in a legal case. Sister Virginia knew perfectly well that Lothar would have liked to listen. Silly Clerk Stephen had downgraded his chance of promotion.

“She looked surprised to be brought to such pleasure by a man – who she had been told would only cause pain, and with an audience of her sister too! Surprised, but pleased, sir. In short, she enjoyed the experience.

But in deference to Hope’s request, I forbore to push my member into that back passage. I did extend to three fingers, because it was delightfully tight...”

HOPE’s story

“Her sister watched the whole and then said we should leave the pool before I gave any spend in case it impregnated others. I had no idea who else might use it sirs ... and lady ... and I did not ask.

So we left the pool. I was still ... upstanding. Hope took up the drying cloth and bound it tightly to make my state less obvious. My clothes she said she would have cleaned. Her sister was wrapped in a blanket and we proceeded to my guest chamber when Hope asked me what my exact desires were. I replied ‘my desires are too debauched to repeat, but if you are offering yourself in replacement of your sister then let us begin as nature intended.

And so she did. I was surprised again at the alacrity – is that the right word? Both sisters seemed to feel honour bound to deliver whatever I wanted. You will understand the old saying ‘don’t look a gift horse in the mouth’.

She was willing to give me whatever I wished. I did not ask why. If it was because she thought me the Envoy, I did not know.

She undressed with little or no hesitation, considering she was about to lose her greatest jewel. I think if she had been more difficult, if she had cried and moaned at the intolerable injustice, I might have thought ‘fuck it’ and broken her. But she had the air of a martyr.

I found myself hesitating, sir, sirs and madam. I held back and told them to both lie on the bed in their naked state and open their legs that I might clearly see their virginity. For it transpired that Hope was indeed a virgin too. Such exposure! They both lay with knees up and legs open and, when I requested it, they each gently opened their entrance that I might see the virginal curtain. Virgins do not offer tours of their private bodies; I was fascinated.