Chapter 13: Loose Cannons and Loose Ends

By 4:00, the Lyons and Hartcliffe building had already put in a reconciliatory call to their rebellious daughter company across the street.

"Hello? Is this Moreno's son?"

"This is David."

"David, this is Charles Gillespy. We'd like to discuss, uhm... terms."

"Mmmm... nah."

"C'mon! How can these men go home to their wives dressed like... THIS?!"

"Well, maybe it will teach them a lesson."

"How can they go home to their daughters?! To their sons? That look up to them?! As role models, David?! How CAN they?!"

"Well, you shoulda thought of that before you shot your mouth off to my mother."

"How can I play golf in a garter and heels, man?!"

David smiled, practically able to see Gillespy, holding the phone in both hands, shouting that last into it, his face purple with impotent rage.

"He's up to something, David," Kelsey said again, nodding her head with squinted eyes.

"Tell you what, Chuck -- you don't mind if I call you Chuck -- have your surrender party over here by 4:30 and I'll see how generous I can be."

"Awright," Gillespy grunted, then hung up.

At 4:30, Gillespy, Bryant, Ashford, Elaine and Min Li were assembled at a conference room in their competitors' building. The men were dressed in just women's lingerie.

David entered with his mother, Kelsey, Mulholland, Katie and Paul Before much breathing could be done, he held the penis up and wished, "Let the women in this room be immune to the scent of my cum." Otherwise, it would be hard to get anything done with the writhing female flesh in the room.

"Cunt-fuck!" Min Li squealed at her five-minute mark and covered her mouth with her hand.

David kept the penis raised for another wish: "Also, let truth be spoken here."

"Shit!" Gillespy cursed.

David lowered the penis.

"I oughtta have you whacked," Gillespy muttered. He realized that he had said it out loud, but he stood there by his words like a soldier. In a garter, hose and bra...

David shrugged. "And I oughtta make your butt crave cock. But... we'll see how the meeting goes."

"I have such a GOOD boy," Lydia muttered her thoughts.

"Bitch," Min Li snarled. "I've already sucked twelve guys because of your son!"

"Muff... muff... muff... muff... muff... muff... , " Paul quietly chanted his thoughts.

"Hey, Steve, nice butt," Bryant told Ashford.

"Freak!" Ashford said as he stepped away from the freak.

"I wish David would be my boyfriend," Kelsey said softly.

"This just isn't right," Mulholland shook her head. "Not any of it."

"Ohgod, I'm creaming myself again," Elaine complained.

And so on.

"Before we discuss terms," David tried to focus the meeting. "What were you, Bryant and Ashford meeting about his morning?"

"Yeah," Kelsey chimed in, crossing her arms, "What are you UP to?"

"Well, we're draining the retirement fund dry," Gillespy said. Dammit, he hadn't meant to reveal that!

"And we're going to overthrow Mr Lyons and Mr Hartcliffe and take over the company," Ashford said, then smacked his fist in his palm that he let the secret out.

"And I've been humping Gillespy's daughter," Bryant said, "Though I plan on dumping her this week."

"What?!"

Bryant swallowed hard, then found himself saying, "She has the lips and the suction for great blowjobs, but she's a cold fish at fucking and she's a pushy broad when she's not stripped naked." He clamped his hands over his mouth.

"Why, you--?!" Gillespy raised his fist.

"Do it! Do it!" Ashford urged him on. "If you're in prison, it won't cost me $20,000 to have you hit!"

"You're... you're going to have me hit?!"

"Buttbitch!" Min Li shouted at the five-minute mark.

"You were going to have me hit?" Gillespy looked hurt.

"Three heads of the company is one head too many."

Gillespy frowned. "Not two heads too many?"

"I need a scapegoat to take any potential falls. And Bryant's the perfect idiot for that."

"Or maybe Gillespy and I will get rid of you, Ashford!" Bryant stepped beside Gillespy. "Won't we, Charles?"

"Get your hand off my ass, Bryant!" Gillespy muttered dangerously.

"Grouch," Bryant said as he stepped away.

"So you were gonna have me hit?!" Gillespy narrowed his eyes to Ashford.

"You're like a pit bull, Gillespy. You serve a useful purpose in taking out the enemy, but you're too damn dangerous to keep around permanently. I have no choice but to put you down."

Gillespy stepped forward and crouched. "Think you're man enough to take me, Ashford?"

"Don't do this, Charles."

Gillespy began slowly circling to the right. "You want me to just lay still while you slit my throat, then?"

"Would you?"

Gillespy leaped for Ashford, and David raised the penis. "Catfight," he declared.

The two men found themselves slapping each other and -- egads! -- slowly tearing off each other's lingerie.

"David, this is getting ugly," Kelsey observed.

"I know. I'm trying to think of an appropriate fate."

"You'd better hurry before we have two naked fat guys slapping each other."

David grimaced and urged the gears in his brain to turn quicker.

He couldn't turn them into real pit bulls -- they'd just tear out each other's throats.

He couldn't turn them into girls -- that would just make them more dangerous than ever. At least you can usually see a man coming when he tries to kill you.

Maybe some sort of chinese hell...

Gillespy, Ashford and Bryant found themselves waist-high in water at the bottom of a deep well.

"What the fuck?!" Gillespie growled.

"I know this one!" Bryant grinned. "I saw it in a move once. We have to all three link arms and put our feet on the wall. Then we slowly walk up the walls, holding ourselves in place by pressing against each other and outwards against the wall."

"Chickenshit!" Gillespy growled.

"No, he's right, Charles. I saw the same movie."